Owner of a Lonely Heart (Yes)
July
Lily had been gone almost a week and was due back in a couple of days. The anniversary of Eve’s death was looming, and Adam was relieved to know that his best friend would be back with him to help him get through it. She was only home for a few days, however, and was getting straight on another flight to cover yet another story in yet another foreign country. That was the nature of their friendship. One needed the other and there they were. No questions asked. Except it seemed to be Adam doing all the needing these days.
Thankfully the anniversary fell in the school holidays, meaning he could take his time to wallow in his misery and reminisce about the happier times in his life when everything actually worked and he smiled frequently. The times when his world revolved around Eve and things were all about the future. Not the past. These days everything was about the past.
Lily arrived on his doorstep at eleven o’clock on the dreaded day. He hadn’t been sleeping and it was evident, he knew from looking in the mirror, thanks to the dark circles around his eyes and the five o’clock shadow covering his square jaw.
“Come on, Adders, I’ve got junk food, beer, and Monty Python. We’ll get through this,” she said as she stepped over the threshold.
Just seeing her had his lip quivering. “A year, Lil…a fucking year. How does time go so fucking fast?” His voice broke.
Dropping the bags, she wrapped her arms around him as he sobbed.
Eventually she pulled away. “Come on, you big cry-baby.” She smiled sadly. “You’re getting snot all over my best coat.” She reached up and wiped tears from his cheeks with her thumbs.
He sobbed out a laugh. “Whoops…sorry ‘bout that.” He attempted to wipe the wet patches away.
Giggling, Lily slapped his hand away. “Oy, just because you’re grieving doesn’t mean you can cop a feel.”
With a smile tugging at his lips, he shook his head and rolled his eyes. She always managed to cheer him up. Even if she did make light of the most serious of situations. He knew that this was how she handled him. She was the only one who could get away with it, that’s for sure.
♥♥♥
After more tears and quite a few beers, they were both comfortably tipsy and stuffed full of cheese loaded food.
Lily nudged him. “So what did you decide about that Sapphire woman? Did you go out with her?”
Adam shook his head slowly. “Not been back in touch yet.”
“Oh? Why’s that? If you like the sound of her, you should meet her.” Lily suggested, not really knowing why she was encouraging him.
“D’you think so? I mean…she can’t be any worse than pig lady, can she?”
Lily smirked as she remembered that whole situation. “Exactly. She might be just what you need. Maybe you just need sex, Adders.” She shrugged. “You’re a man after all. Men need sex.” She wagged a finger in his face. He started laughing but she had no clue why. “Oy, why’re you fucking laughing at me, pee pants?” She poked his arm with her bottle.
He leaned close to her with a wide smile. “You just make me laugh. Men need sex. You make it sound like we can’t function without it. Well, I can tell you that I have for a year and I’m still alive.”
She swallowed hard. He was so close to her that his warm breath tickled her nose and it made her nervous. Not because she was afraid of him. But because she was afraid of herself. The urge to grab him and kiss him was coiled deep within her. She couldn’t throw a jibe back. Nothing sprang to mind. She was rendered speechless just by his close proximity.
His face became serious. “And what about women?” he whispered.
“W-what about women?” she croaked, her eyelids fluttering.
“Don’t they need sex?” His voice was low and gruff and he emphasised the word need making her core clench.
She swallowed again. “I…I s-suppose some do.”
He reached and tucked a curl behind her ear. His voice still a whisper, he asked, “Do you need sex, Lil?”
She pulled her brow into a frown. “I’m sorry?”
He leaned closer still so that his nose was almost touching hers. “Are you one of those women who need sex?” What the fuck? Lily had no clue what was making him behave like this. She blamed the alcohol. She desperately wanted this to be the real Adam, but deep down she knew that just wasn’t the case.
Suddenly feeling very sober, Lily smiled. Trying to alleviate the tension that had descended between them, she pushed his chest and chuckled. “Why? Are you offering your services?”
He didn’t move for a long moment. He cleared his throat. “What would you say if I was?”
A needful heat pooled between her thighs as she struggled for what to say in answer to him.
Her eyelids fluttered. “Erm…erm…I—”
He sat bolt upright and rubbed his hand over his face. “Ha ha! Your face! Your face was so serious! You looked terrified!” He pulled himself to his feet. “I need to go pee.” He left the room quickly and she sat there reeling from what had just happened. What had just happened? Was he kidding around? Or was he seriously asking her for sex? Shittyshittyfuck! What. The. Hell?
When Adam returned to the room, he sat in the chair opposite where she remained in stunned silence on the floor. “Lil, sorry about that. I…I was messing… I’ve had too much beer. You must have been scared to death that I meant it. Well I was jesting, okay?”
Tears stabbed her eyes. “You shit,” was all she could say.
He ran his hands through his hair. “Oh hey, come on. I didn’t mean to offend you. It was stupid. I’m sorry.”
She clambered to her feet. Her legs wobbled. “I’m off to bed…alone.”
She made her way up to the spare room and after collapsing on the bed, she cried herself to sleep.
♥♥♥
Adam awoke to a banging headache. He thought back to the events of the previous night. What a prick. He was very much aware he had almost lost his best friend after nearly making a drunken pass at her. Fucking, knobbing idiot. That’s what talking about sex when you haven’t had any for so long does to you. Stupid, stupid tit. Alcohol, Lily, grief, and talking about sex were clearly not a good combination for him. Huh, go figure. Good job she knows me and knows I can be a complete arsehole.
He made his way downstairs and set a pot of fresh coffee brewing. Ten minutes later whilst he sat at the tiny table at one end of the kitchen, Lily walked in.
He nervously stood. “Hey…Lil…look I’m sorry about my behaviour last night. I’m so ashamed. I know I was a complete wanker. You need to know that I respect you, and you really didn’t deserve that.”
Her cheeks coloured. “What?”
“You know…what happened…what I…erm…said to you…you know about…sex.”
She shrugged her shoulders and snorted. “Oh that? You tit, it was just a bit of messing about.”
He huffed a huge sigh of relief. “Thank fuck. I was terrified I’d crossed a line. I’m so, so sorry. I was drunk and being a tosser.”
She smirked. “Clearly not enough of one if you were still coming on to me!”
He felt heat rising in his cheeks. “Shit, Lil. What you must think of me. You’re my best friend in the world, for fuck’s sake.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Oh give up, you nutter. Just forget it. I have.”
And just like that the matter was brushed under the carpet, leaving Adam with a tiny twinge of hurt that confused the hell out of him.
Lily left for Spain again the next day.
♥♥♥
Arriving back in Spain was a relief for Lily. At least she would have that temporary distance she needed to get her head on straight again. She met with Rafael and had a couple of nights of mind-blowing sex.
Saying goodbye to Rafael was not the easiest thing she had ever done. He had asked for her number saying he wanted to keep in touch. But Lily convinced him what they had shared was something they shouldn’t taint by dragging things out. She knew the inevitable would happen, and Adam would crawl into her brain to stop her from falling in love. It was pointless allowing herself to get close. Rafael had been reluctant. He insisted they could see how things progressed and that the distance wasn’t so great. But her final answer had been no.
Her final answer was always no.
♥♥♥
After what had happened when Lily was last at his house, Adam had taken the plunge and arranged a date with Sapphire. He regretted it immediately. Lily wasn’t there to help him figure out what to wear or where to take her. He hadn’t dated in so long he felt like a complete novice. At least with Lily here it felt more do-able.
He was meeting Sapphire in Melrose where she lived. They had arranged their rendezvous at seven thirty outside a little bistro that served Mediterranean food. Sapphire was slightly younger than him at twenty-six. She sounded very sweet when he talked to her on the phone but nerves were getting the better of him. He dressed in black jeans and a white shirt, hoping it wasn’t too formal or too dull.
When he addressed himself in the mirror, he shook his head. “You look like a fucking waiter.” It was too late to change completely, and so he swapped his black jacket for the slate grey one. He still felt too dressed up and wished he had washed the ketchup mark off his blue jeans in time. He huffed and made his way out to the car.
As he climbed into the driver’s seat, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and opened the text from Lily.
L: Good luck, Adders. Hope she is the one
Yeah right. He didn’t even really want to look for the one. He’d had her and lost her thanks to some drunken dickhead. He was shaking and struggled to get his key into the ignition. If he didn’t have a conscience, he would have texted Sapphire and cancelled. But unlucky for him he did have a conscience, and it wouldn’t let him leave her stranded.
He arrived and hung around outside the restaurant for a while. There was no sign of a woman fitting Sapphire’s description. He paced up and down a little and checked his watch a few times. Still no sign. He reached for his phone and realised he had left it in the dashboard tray in his car. After waiting for twenty minutes past the time they were due to meet, he jogged back to the car. His phone was reading three missed calls. There was no voice mail but there was a text message.
He clicked to open the message.
S: Adam, you seemed very sweet on the phone and I hate to do this but I can’t go through with it. My ex has been in touch and wants to meet to talk things through. We were together for five years and I think I owe it to both of us to hear him out. I’m so sorry. Please don’t think too poorly of me. All the best, Sapphire.
He ran his hands through his hair as a mixture of relief and disappointment washed over him. Dumped by a fucking text. Great. It gets better, eh?
He sent a simple message back that told her not to worry and that he wished her well. He drove home, stopping at the off license to pick up some crisps and a bottle of beer. Oh what a pitiful life I lead.
As he flicked through the channels on the TV, he decided he needed to hear Lily’s voice, and so he located her speed dial and clicked call.
She answered within a couple of rings. “Why are you ringing me?” she snapped.
“Hello to you too, best friend. Lovely to speak to you,” he grumbled at her response.
“Sorry, Adders…but again…why are you ringing me? Shouldn’t you be out with Sapphire? Oh God, don’t tell me she was a snorter too?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Lily sighed. “Oh Adders, don’t tell me you chickened out.”
“No…I didn’t. She did. She texted…bloody late too…to say that she’d had a change of heart about meeting me. I waited for her for twenty minutes, Lil. I feel like a total prick.”
“Oh heck. I’m sorry to hear that, and you’re not a prick.” She was silent for a few minutes. “There will be someone out there, Adam. I know there will.”
“I’m not even sure I want someone. I feel like I’ve had my shot at true love. Maybe you only get one chance to have it so good.”
She huffed. “Now you don’t really believe that do you, Adders? I think there’s more than one someone out there for everyone. I don’t think we’re just destined for one individual. How unfair would it be if that were true?”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “When are you home?”
“Middle of next week. We got the footage we needed. Oh and…I met someone.”
He sat up. “Did you?” He tried to sound enthusiastic but ended up sounding surprised instead. He cringed.
She laughed, thankfully. “Yes, thanks for making that sound like an impossible feat. I’m not completely repulsive to the opposite sex, you know.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that. So…who is he? I take it he was a he?” He sniggered.
“Very funny, shit-head. Yes, he was a very sexy Spanish he. Rafael Gaspar. He was amazing in bed.”
He gasped. “Lily! You have to learn to say no.”
“Why? He was hot and I fancied him.”
“So, are you seeing him again?”
A sighed travelled over the airwaves. “No, it was pointless. It wouldn’t have gone anywhere.”
“I suppose not with him in Spain and you…well, wherever work takes you I guess, eh?”
“Exactly. Anyway, sod off, will you? I’m exhausted and I want to sleep.”
It was his turn to laugh now. “Charming. Well, I’ll see you when you get back. Bye.”
“Bye, pee pants.” She hung up before he could respond.