My Immortal (Evanescence)
November
Lily watched as Adam walked into the kitchen of her mother’s house. Another funeral over. She stood with her back against the work surface. The whole situation was painfully reminiscent of the previous year when Adam had buried his wife.
She lifted her gaze to meet his with a sad smile. “Hey,” she whispered.
“Hey.” He stood beside her. “How are you doing?”
She nudged his shoulder. “Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing.”
Adam scrunched his brow. “Why?”
“Well because here we are at another bloody wake together. We really shouldn’t make a habit of this, Adders.”
He smiled and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “You’re right. Let’s make a pact, eh? The next function we attend together should be a wedding or a christening or something. Whaddya say?” He squeezed her and kissed her hair.
She snapped her gaze up to him and narrowed her eyes. “Why? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
He huffed. “Absolutely not. I don’t think I’ll get married again if I’m honest, Lil. If and when I meet someone, I reckon I’ll live in sin. I’ve had my happy marriage.”
Her lip began to quiver and he pulled her into a hug. “Hey…hey I’m sorry. Did I say the wrong thing?”
She sniffed. “No…I’m just so sad, Adders. My poor lovely mum. She’s heartbroken. Dad was her world. Apart from you and Eve, I’ve never seen two people more in love than they were.”
Adam kissed the top of her head. “I know. I’m so sorry, Lily. Nothing I say can make things better. But just know that I’m here, okay?”
She nodded into his chest. “I know…thank you.”
“I honestly wouldn’t have got through losing Eve if you hadn’t been there. You were my rock, do you know that?”
“I don’t feel very rock-like right now. I feel more like a big pile of mush.”
“I know you do right now. But we’ll get through this…you and me…we can get through anything.”
♥♥♥
The mourners, apart from Adam, had all gone. He kissed Lily’s cheek and hugged her again, hard, reminding her he was there if and when she needed him.
“I can stay at your house, Lil. You might need me. I’m happy to stay and look after you.”
She clung on to him. “No, honestly it’s fine. You really need your sleep. And Mum needs me here. I’m going to help her clean up, and then I’ll sleep in my old room. You should go.”
“I’m just worried about you, Lil. You’re my best friend. I’m bound to worry,” he said as he gazed into her eyes, her sadness reflected back at her.
“I know and it means so much to know that you’re there for me…really it does. I just think maybe I need to be here tonight.”
“Okay, well I’ll keep my phone on…you know…in case you need me in the night.”
She smiled at the sweet gesture being made by this wonderful man. She wanted to thank him again but instead could only manage a nod of her head as emotion erupted from her body once again.
“Oh, Lil, I’m so sorry. I’m just so, so sorry.” He squeezed her to him as she sobbed into his black suit jacket. The same suit jacket he had worn at Eve’s funeral. Lily clung to him and poured out her grief for her father and for her unspoken heartache at loving the man before her so very, very much. She was filled with so many if-onlys that her heart felt like it would never mend. Ever.
Lenora looked on with a sad smile.
♥♥♥
Lily dried the last of the dishes and placed them back in the cupboard. Lenora poured them both a glass of wine and sat down at the dining table. Sighing, Lily placed the dishtowel on the drainer and joined her mother.
Lenora reached across and squeezed Lily’s hand. “So when are you going to tell him, mi querida?” Her little touch of Spanish made Lily smile. No matter how much her accent had changed, her terms of endearment remained in her mother tongue.
Lily took a gulp of her wine and scrunched her brow. “Tell who what, Mama?”
Lenora gave Lily the look that expressed she was on to her. “Oh, Lily…come on, Mija, I think you know what I mean.”
Lily shook her head. “Mama, I really haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”
Lenora sighed and patted her hand. “You are my only daughter, Lily, and I want you to be happy.”
“I know that, Mama…of course I do, but what are you trying to say exactly?”
Lenora pulled her lips into a line and frowned. “Mija, you have loved that boy since you were tiny. Am I wrong?”
Lily feigned ignorance but her eyes dropped to the floor, a telltale giveaway. “Who are you talking about, Mama?”
Lenora laughed as she rolled her eyes. “Oh goodness me. I really can’t believe you are being so stubborn, Mija!” She shook her head. “Adam of course. You have loved him for so very long. Do you think it may be time to tell him so?”
Lily’s eyes snapped up. “I certainly do not, Mama!” She swallowed hard. “And…and how long have you known?” she whispered.
“Lily, I have known since you were five years old. You and he were inseparable. Me and Gwen always said you would one day marry, but then he met Eve and I sat by and watched your heart break. I cannot tell you how hard this was for me and your papa.”
Lily’s lip quivered. “Oh, Mama, I can’t tell him. There would be no point. He thinks of me as family…like a sister. It makes no difference how I feel.”
Lenora squeezed Lily’s hand again. “But, darling, how do you know this? You have never given him a chance to think about how he feels. All you have tried to do is match him to another. This has not been a good thing.”
Lily fiddled with the stem of her glass. “I really can’t tell him. What would I do if I told him and then he confirmed that he really doesn’t feel the same? I’d lose my best friend in the world, Mama. I can’t risk that.”
“But what if he has felt the same all this time? What then?” Lenora looked at Lily with pleading eyes. “Surely he deserves to know.”
“Mama, please… We’re just not meant to be.”
Lenora smiled. “You know, when I met your father I thought the same. There I was, a Spanish waitress working hard to get money for my family and in walked the most handsome man I had ever seen. He looked older, but I was so taken by him.” Her eyes became glassy. “I was the only one who could speak English and my English was not so good, but I went over to the group of young men and could hardly speak when he looked at me. I was with another boy at the time. I thought I loved him. But the way I felt the first time I saw your father, Lily, words cannot describe it. I just…knew. The way you know about Adam. My parents were so angry. They forbid me to come to Scotland, but I love him so much I do it anyway. And I never look back, Mija. I never regret a day.” Her voice wavered and a tear escaped. She quickly wiped it away. “I fear that you will never fall in love with another until you know how Adam feels about you. This is why I say you should tell him. You should never have regrets, Lily…never.”
Tears cascaded down Lily’s face as she listened to her mother talk about her father. She understood fully what her mother was saying but still she felt trapped by her own feelings.
“Mama, I can’t risk losing him from my life. If I told him, he could wind up feeling awkward around me. I couldn’t bear that. He is the most important man in my life with papa gone. I…I love him so much that I’m prepared to watch him fall in love again just so that I keep him in my life. If he’s happy then I’ll be happy. If I lost him, Mama…” A sob escaped her throat and her mother leapt to her feet.
Coming around the table, Lenora wrapped her arms around Lily. “Please don’t cry, darling, I do understand. Really I do. I just wish things could be different. Maybe if I speak—”
Lily gasped and widened her eyes. “No! No, please don’t say anything…please. I need you to promise me that you’ll keep this secret safe for me…please.” She gripped her mother’s arms as she pleaded.
Lenora cupped her cheek and nodded. “Okay…okay. I will say nothing, but please promise me if you get the slightest feeling that he feels something, you will tell him, si?”
“Mama, if ever things change, and I get the slightest inclination that he is in love with me…believe me…I will tell him. Just don’t go getting your hopes up, okay? It won’t happen.” She kissed her mother’s cheek.
Her mother kissed Lily’s forehead. “I’m not so certain, Mija.”