ALL MY HAPPY disappeared as soon as I stepped inside the house.
Theo was passing through the hall with a newspaper in his hand. He looked up from it to stare at me.
I was frozen by the weariness I found in his eyes.
He sighed, dropped his gaze and walked away from me.
Even though I understood he was hurting because he believed his daughter was hurting, I was wounded by his refusal to believe in me.
With that feeling digging deep in my chest, the last person I wanted to see waiting for me in my room was Eloise.
My afterglow sex buzz died completely. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been avoiding you.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
She ignored my sarcasm. “I’ve been avoiding you because I knew this would happen. I knew they’d murder you for this, and it’s not exactly easy for me to watch. You are the last person in the world I want to hurt,” she said, her eyes wet. “Please, India. Please. If I could tell them the truth to save you from all of this I would. I’m just so scared. I don’t want to be. I want to be stronger, but wanting it doesn’t make it true. I’m sorry.” She gave me a sad, lonely smile. “I miss my friends.”
I took in the way her hand shook as she raised it to her forehead. She pressed it there as if somehow it would stem the flow of tears but it didn’t.
The last time I’d watched Elle cry was when she told me the truth about her sexuality.
With the memories of that night and the night Finn had told me, when she threw up from too much champagne and too much fear, the hurt I’d felt at her anger began to drain out of me.
“Eloise...argh.” I threw my hands up in exhaustion and aggravation. “I know. Okay. I can deal with the kids at school and with Theo’s dirty looks. I can deal with it. Bigger picture, right?” I gave her a reassuring smile. “But I miss my friend, too.”
“You were angry at me. I saw it today in the hall.”
“I needed you,” I said. “Now you’re here.”
Three seconds later I was rocked back on my heels by the impact of her body hitting mine. Surprised, it took me a moment to return her hug.
I put my arms around her, feeling her tremble against me and wishing I could do something, anything, to make everything okay for her, for us all.
Just as quickly as she’d embraced me, she jerked away from me, straightened her clothes with her usual primness, nodded at me like we’d just finished discussing a bake sale and strolled out of my room.
I shook my head, laughing to myself. I wouldn’t change her for the world.
India: You should call Elle. She misses us.
Finn: I will. But we have bigger problems than Elle right now.
India: What’s going on?
Finn: My father knows about us.
“Well, if it isn’t the traitorous whore.”
I rolled my eyes at Bryce’s greeting as she sidled up to me in the hall the next day at school.
“How can you even show your face around here?”
“Simple, really—it is attached to my head and my head is attached to my body and my body makes these actions called movements and these movements take me places like school.”
Unamused by my sarcasm, Bryce got in my face. “Just because Eloise has stupidly proclaimed you off-limits does not mean you are safe. I will find a way to destroy you, with or without her permission.”
“And why do you care?”
“She’s my best friend. Loyalty actually means something to me.”
I grunted. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“Back off, Bryce,” Finn said as he approached. My eyes immediately narrowed on his cut lip.
“If it isn’t the man-whore.” Bryce zeroed in on his lip. “I see someone finally taught you a well-deserved lesson.”
I didn’t even notice her walk away. My blood was too busy boiling as I stared at Finn’s mouth.
He grabbed my hand. “You okay?”
“Am I okay?” I snapped, leaning into him. “He hit you?”
Finn glanced around us quickly. “Not here.”
“Fine. Let’s get out of here.”
“We can’t cut class.”
“Right now, I couldn’t care less about class.”
He grinned and then winced, touching his thumb to the cut.
I seethed. “I’m going to kill him.”
“He’s not worth it.”
“What the hell happened?”
“I’ll tell you at lunch. We’ll go somewhere. Meet me out front.”
* * *
“I got a text from Elle,” Finn said as soon as we got into his car. “She wants to know who hit me.”
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing yet.”
“Finn, what is going on?”
“Once we park.”
We drove in a thick silence, a silence that only allowed my growing anger to build. I’d been agitated all morning, thinking about Finn’s lip and the son of a bitch that had punched him.
Thirty minutes later we were parked in an isolated spot near a wooded park where people took their dogs for walks. It was dead at night—I knew because Finn had taken me there over the last few months to have some alone time. Now, during lunch hour, there were a few cars parked but we still had privacy.
“Start from the beginning,” I said as soon as he switched the engine off.
He exhaled heavily. “When I got home from dropping you off last night, my dad was home and he was waiting for me. His company attorney knows Theo and somehow he found out about everything and mentioned it to my father yesterday at work. Obviously my dad was surprised to hear I’m now dating you.”
“I can see he didn’t take the news too well.”
Finn smirked bitterly. “It seems he didn’t like me walking away from him while he was talking.”
“Did you...” I was almost afraid to ask. “Hit him back?”
“And become like him?” he said gruffly. “No. Like I said, he isn’t worth it.”
“What did he say to you?”
His grip on my hand tightened until it was almost painful. “He’s going to ruin my future if I don’t break up with you.”
I wrenched my hand away from him. “What does that mean? And why does he still care? Technically I’m a Fairweather now.”
“Because he’s messed up in the head, India. It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s about him and me, and him controlling my life, it having to be the perfect image he has in his head. He respects Theo and he wants me to be with his daughter. Not his stepdaughter. He basically wants to live my life for me. You aren’t his choice. That’s all that matters to him. This is about him proving he has control over me.
“So if I don’t break up with you, he’s going to make sure I don’t get into college. Not even Harvard. Without his money I couldn’t afford to go, anyway.”
“He’ll cut you off?” I cried. “That piece of—that son of—that hateful piece of shit!”
“India.” He reached for me. “It doesn’t matter. None of that matters. I have you. That matters.”
“No.” I shook my head adamantly. “Your future matters, Finn. He’s not taking that away from you and you’re not going to let him because of me. He can’t stop you from getting into college!”
“He might not be able to pull the strings he says he can...but, India, I can’t afford to go if he cuts me off.”
“Scholarships,” I reminded him.
He shook his head. “I will never get financial aid. My father makes too much money. And art schools tend not to have crew teams.”
“Your grandparents, then.”
“They’re retired. They live comfortably, but they would stop living comfortably if they had to pay college tuition. But I could move out, get a job...”
“No.” I scowled at him. “That is not how this ends. You will go home and tell your dad you broke up with me.”
Hurt flared in his eyes. “Are you kidding me?”
“We’re not breaking up,” I promised. “But right now he needs to think we are until we can figure something else out.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Let me think.”
“And while you’re thinking you’ll start to feel terrible again about being my—what was it you called it? My dirty little secret.”
I saw his deep-seated worry about that. “No. This is temporary, very temporary.”
Finn contemplated me a second, seemed to believe I meant what I said and then reached for me. He gently hauled me over the center console until I was sitting in his lap. I touched his lower lip, my thumb just a breath from the cut. Gently, so gently, I pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I love you,” I murmured.
“I love you, too,” he breathed. “India, I swear...that’s all that matters to me.”
And as much as I believed him, as much as it lit me up inside, I knew better. Love, our love, was great and all, but there was something else just as important, and I wouldn’t stop until I found a way to get it for this boy.
* * *
Theo sat in his office chair staring out of the window with this unfocused look in his eyes. I wondered what he was thinking about. It certainly didn’t look like work.
Okay, here goes nothing.
“May I come in?”
He startled out of his daze, his lids lowering over his eyes when he saw it was me that had interrupted his daydreaming. “I’m a little busy.”
“Make time.” I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.
Theo sighed and gestured to the seat in front of his desk.
Once I was sitting I searched his face, seeing more than an angry, hurt father figure. I saw confusion in his eyes, too, and wondered if Hayley’s avowals of my innocence were starting to get to him. “I realized something last night.”
“And what was that?” His tone wasn’t warm with tell-me-mores but he wasn’t throwing me out, either.
“When Hayley told me she’d met you and that we were moving here, I started having nightmares.”
He frowned. “About what?”
“They were memories, really. Of the things my dad did to me.”
Concern flashed in his eyes and right then I knew I was doing the right thing.
“I’m sure Hayley has told you that he would punish me by starving me...among other things.”
“Yes,” he whispered, clearly horrified by the thought.
“I started dreaming about those days again and I hadn’t in years. All because Hayley was dragging me across the country to live with a man I didn’t know. I didn’t know what kind of man you were, or if she was dragging me into another nightmare.”
“India.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I didn’t know that.”
“I know. But that’s why I wasn’t very warm with you, because...I don’t trust easily. For God’s sake, I’m just learning to trust Hayley. For the first few months here I had those nightmares, those memories, every now and then. And last night I realized that they’d stopped a while ago. They stopped, and I didn’t even notice.”
He looked torn for some reason, but I understood when he said, “Are you going to tell me they stopped because you met Finn?”
“No,” I said, nervous now. “They stopped because I started to believe in you.”
Surprised, Theo slowly sat back in his chair.
I smiled shyly. “I didn’t know that, though. But I was thinking about a problem and the only solution that felt okay was to come to you with it, and I was surprised by that. And that’s when I thought about the dreams and how they had disappeared.” I looked at my hands. “I know I’ve disappointed you.” I gave him an apologetic smile. “But you have to believe me that I’m not the person you think I am right now.”
“India, I’d like to understand what’s going on. Eloise says she doesn’t hate you and she doesn’t want me to be upset with you. She’s being awfully understanding for a girl who just got her heart broken.”
“There’s a bigger problem than me and Elle right now.”
He scowled. “How so?”
“I found out something about Finn that no one else knew and that’s where our friendship sprang from. I’m going to tell you what that thing is because he needs your help.”
“Okay.” He leaned forward. “I’m listening.”
* * *
Cheeks pale, Theo stared at me for what felt like forever once I’d finished telling him about Finn’s father—his abuse over the years and his subsequent threats. I also explained that Eloise had been pretending to be his girlfriend to keep his father off his back.
“Does Eloise know? Has she known this whole time?” Theo bristled.
“No,” I rushed to assure him. “Finn kept the abuse to himself. She just knows that his dad is hard on him emotionally.”
“I will deal with Eloise pretending to be his girlfriend later. Right now what’s important is finding evidence to back up your claims.”
Anger rushed through me. “They’re not claims. His lip is split right now from his father’s right hook.”
“India, I believe you, but legally I can’t do anything without evidence.”
“Theo...think about who we’re talking about here. You’ve known this guy longer than I have. I’m not asking you to do anything legally. That’s not what Finn would want. I’d hate for him to be dragged through a court trial. I’m asking you to think of some way to convince him to let Finn go.”
He was quiet so long I was afraid I’d made a huge mistake.
“I need to talk to Finn,” Theo said. “Get him here.”
“He’s a little reluctant to do anything that might mean leaving me behind, so involving him might not be a good idea.”
“India, I’m not going to do something that will change Finn’s home situation without talking to him first. Get him here.”
I swallowed, my heart pounding at the idea of convincing Finn to get on board with my plans. “Yes, sir.”
* * *
Finn stared at Theo in shock before turning his accusing eyes to me. “How could you tell him?”
“We can’t fight your dad alone.”
“And you think he can?” Finn gestured angrily to Theo.
“Finn,” Theo said firmly, drawing my boyfriend’s attention back to him. His eyes narrowed on Finn’s lip. “How long has Gregory been beating you?”
It was the first time I’d ever heard Finn’s father’s first name. It made me flinch because it made him more human somehow, which in turn made the fact that there was a monster in him more horrifying.
“This is the first in a while.” Finn touched his lip.
“But before then?”
“A few months after my mother died. He used to hit her before she got cancer. But in places people wouldn’t see.”
Any color Theo had left in his face just drained right out of him, and he sank back in his chair looking suddenly much older and more tired. “Jesus Christ,” he breathed. “Why didn’t she come to me?”
“My father can be a pretty scary guy.”
My stepfather’s face hardened. “The Rochester and Fairweather friendship goes back a few generations, but your father and I were never that close. He has always been a controlling, ruthless bastard. Still...if I had known...” He shook his head and stood up. I watched him pace behind his desk, suddenly restless, it seemed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Finn ducked his head. “I was ashamed.”
“All this time,” Theo muttered. “God, I sent my daughter over to that house.”
“He never touched her,” Finn assured him. “She doesn’t know a thing.”
“Just enough to pretend to be your girlfriend to get him off your back.”
My boyfriend shot me a quizzical look. I shot him a “just go with it, and no, I didn’t tell him his daughter is gay” look.
“I’m going to call your grandparents,” Theo said, turning to him resolutely.
“What? Why?” Finn looked suddenly afraid.
“Because...you’re going to go live with them.”
His head immediately whipped to me. “This is you, isn’t it? This is your plan.”
“Actually, that wasn’t India’s original plan.” Theo drew our gazes back to him. “She wanted you to stay in our pool house. Considering the situation, however, I think it would be highly inappropriate for my stepdaughter’s boyfriend to live with us.” He gave Finn a look of apology. “I’m sorry, Finn. If things were different, perhaps...but even then... I considered your friends’ parents. Joshua or Gabe—”
“Yeah, Josh’s parents would let me stay with them. It wouldn’t be a problem.”
“I imagine not,” Theo said, his expression grave. “But maybe what you need is to be with your grandparents. Maybe what you need is to be reminded that you have family that wants the best for you—”
“But—”
“More than that, I think what you need is distance from your father. If you stay, there will be questions that neither of you want to answer. Situations that may throw you together at school. You know him better than anyone. Can you honestly tell me he won’t try to interfere with your life as long as you’re here?”
Finn was silent.
Because he knew—we both knew—Theo was right.
“You don’t need that worry, Finn. You need a chance to be a kid. For once. Go to Florida. Be with your family. And be a kid.”
I was heartbroken when Theo turned down my suggestion that Finn stay with us. It was agony to know that my decision to bring Theo into the situation meant sending Finn far away from me. The pain in my chest was unbearable, and a huge part of me wanted to scream and shout and say I’d changed my mind about this whole thing. But I couldn’t be selfish. I had to put Finn first. That’s what you were supposed to do when you loved someone, right? Even if it was tearing you up inside. And the truth was that Theo was right. “Finn, it’s the best thing for you.”
He pushed up out of his chair. “Forget the fact that my dad will never allow it... I told you I don’t want to leave you!”
“I will persuade your father to let you go and to give you the money you need for college tuition,” Theo said.
I gave Theo a sad, tremulous smile, relief shuddering through me that I actually had made the right call in coming to him.
“How?” Finn demanded. “How can you do that?”
Suddenly a hard, determined anger filled my stepfather’s expression. “Leave it to me.”
“But—”
“You don’t need to know how. You just need to know that I can fix this.”
“No.” He crossed his arms belligerently over his chest. “I’m not leaving.” He glared at me. “I’m not leaving you. I love you.”
“Finn, just because you’ll be in Florida doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving me. I get that.”
“No, you don’t.” He sat back down, pulling his chair toward me so our knees touched. “If I leave we don’t know what will happen. There’s a chance that this—” Finn gestured between us “—won’t work out. And that scares me more than the future my father has planned for me.”
“I’m scared about that, too. But I know something you don’t... There was this moment back when I woke up in the hospital all those years ago. A moment that I totally forgot about until recently. I was so busy being mad at everyone that the memory just...disappeared. But I remember it now.
“Hayley came to my hospital room and it was the first time in five years that I’d seen her. She was a mess, she couldn’t stop crying.” I heaved a shaky sigh, the image of her so clear it could have happened yesterday. “She came to tell me what the authorities hadn’t yet. That my dad was so drunk the night he attacked me that he ran his car off a bridge. He died. He was gone. She told me she was taking me home with her to California. That it was over.
“I can’t describe the relief I felt. This sheer relief that he was out of my life for good. In that moment I didn’t care about Hayley’s betrayal or how shitty life had been so far. All I cared about was that I was free.
“I love you, Finn—you have changed my life for the better—but that freedom I felt... I am telling you that freedom is bigger than us, and the best thing I can give you right now is the promise that being free of your dad is worth risking us.”
He drank in my words like they were sweet wine laced with razor blades, the pain so clearly etched in his face. After what felt like forever he grabbed my hand in both of his, bowed his head and pressed his lips to it.
With my free hand I reached up to stroke his hair in comfort, fighting back tears when I felt the wetness of his on my skin.