“SO YOU AND Finn finally did it?”
Bryce skipped to a stop in front of Eloise. We were standing at Elle’s locker Monday morning and Bryce had one perfectly waxed eyebrow raised in question.
Charlotte was behind her giving Elle an embarrassed, almost apologetic smile.
Eloise seemed to take a minute to register the question and then she looked back at me as if asking for guidance.
The truth was if she and Finn were to keep up their lie, then people had to think they did the things that high school couples in love did.
I gave her an imperceptible nod.
Still confused, she turned back to Bryce. “How did...?”
“India told us she accidentally walked in on you guys in the pool house Saturday night and then Finn returned alone with this lame excuse that you were so drunk he’d put you to bed. More like exhausted.” Bryce nudged her and gave her a devious smirk. “Needed a little Dutch courage, did you? Well, who cares! The deed is finally done. Joshua and Gabe will finally get off Finn’s back about it. I have to admit I was starting to feel sorry for the guy.”
Elle glowered at her. “When have I ever discussed my love life with you?”
“Never. That’s why I was so excited to hear you’re actually human.”
Ignoring that comment, Elle took a step toward Bryce and lowered her voice. “I am not a piece of juicy information on one of those low-grade gossip vlogs you watch. I keep my love life with Finn private because that’s what it is. Private.”
“Well, excuse me for showing interest in my best friend’s life.”
Not wanting Eloise’s defensiveness to cause a fight that would only make her anxious, I hurried to intervene, verbal diarrhea launching out of me. “Well, I’m still a virgin.”
Bryce’s and Charlotte’s mouths dropped open and they were successfully diverted. “You?” Bryce said in disbelief.
I decided to ignore the insult, already freaking out about the consequences of my confession.
“Really?” Charlotte pushed forward. “Because so am I. I have to admit, I was a little upset about being the last in the group but now I know you’re one, too, I feel better.”
“You’re a virgin because you’re a prude.” Bryce waved her off and turned to me. “But why are you a virgin? I thought you had lots of boyfriends back in, ugh, California.”
Charlotte flinched. I scowled at Bryce. “I never said I had lots. I said I’d dated quite a bit. Dated. Not hooked up.”
“You don’t present yourself as the shy, retiring wallflower type, so why haven’t you done the deed? Is there something wrong with you?”
I shrugged. “I’ll have sex when I want to have sex.”
“I am not a prude,” Charlotte muttered, her cheeks bright red with anger.
Bryce nudged her with her shoulder. “Oh, come on. You need to lighten up a little.”
Eloise looked mad but she kept quiet, possibly afraid entering the conversation would lead Bryce back to questioning her about her and Finn’s sex life.
I opened my mouth to suggest we walk to class but just then Finn appeared in the hall. He stopped between Bryce and Elle. “Hey. Why are you guys all huddled up? Something going on?”
“We’re having an interesting conversation here, Rochester. Before I could get the juicy details on your deflowering of our queen, India announced that she’s a virgin.” Bryce grinned up at him.
My blood turned hot with mortification as Finn turned to me in surprise.
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
“What is wrong with you?” Eloise stared at her friend in disbelief. “You know you’ve always been a bit of a bitch but lately you’re taking it to new levels of mean.”
Bryce flinched. “I’m just kidding around.”
“Well, get a clue, Bryce, because no one is laughing.” Eloise grabbed Finn’s hand and gestured to me. “Let’s get to class.”
As we walked away, Bryce said, “So what? India is your new best friend and suddenly I’m roadkill? You ignored me on WhatsApp yesterday.”
“Yes, I ignored the new, meaner you. Learn to apologize and maybe we can all return to normal. Are you coming, Charlotte?”
Relief flooded Charlotte’s features that she wasn’t in the doghouse with Elle, too, and she scurried over to us.
We walked into Microeconomics class, and I grabbed ahold of Eloise’s arm and pulled her toward me before she hit her seat. “Do you think it’s wise putting Bryce out in the cold?” I whispered.
I saw the worry on her face. “I’ll talk to her,” she whispered back. “Something’s going on with her. She’s not usually this cruel. I just couldn’t take it this morning. And you said what you said to help me out. I didn’t want her to be mean to you because of it. But I’ll talk to her,” she repeated.
Bryce appeared in the doorway with Joshua just as I was sitting down behind Finn.
As for Finn, he seemed to be avoiding my gaze.
Great.
Had the virgin thing flipped him out?
Bryce glowered at us but stubbornly refused to sit anywhere but her usual seat. Joshua seemed confused by the tense atmosphere as he sat down. “Does someone want to let me know what’s happening here?”
“What’s happening where?” Gabe appeared.
“Everyone is acting weird,” Joshua said.
“Probably because everyone knows Finn and Elle had sex at her father’s engagement party on Saturday.” Gabe grinned.
I closed my eyes, feeling all eyes on us.
Because Gabe had said it loud.
Very loud.
Now everyone definitely knew the lie I’d spun.
I opened my eyes and peeked at Elle. She was blushing but didn’t look too miserable about the whole thing.
I glanced back at Finn, who felt my stare and looked up at me. His expression was embarrassed and apologetic, and I tried to communicate silently that he had nothing to apologize for.
“Thank you, Gabe, for that social news announcement,” our teacher said. “Now if you’re done embarrassing Miss Fairweather and Mr. Rochester, perhaps we can get on with class.”
“Sadly that is all the juicy information I have to share today, so go ahead, sir.” Gabe laughed, in no way apologetic.
* * *
Word spread quickly about Finn and Eloise, and while she was clearly embarrassed, her earlier defensiveness with Bryce was gone. Although Charlotte kept trying to reassure her friend, thinking Elle was miserable about the gossip, I knew Elle was now good with it. It was only authenticating her and Finn’s relationship lie. She’d even mouthed, “Thank you,” to me when we were leaving Microeconomics.
When I walked into Modern European History, however, Finn did not look happy. I sat down beside him and he immediately leaned over to whisper to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I’ve got guys slapping me on the back and giving me their ‘way to gos.’ I don’t want you to see that.”
“Finn,” I whispered back, “you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one that started the rumor. And I encouraged Elle to go with it.”
“So you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. I promise.”
Franklin strolled into the class as Finn leaned back in his chair.
I tried to listen to Franklin, I really did. But it turned out that as much as I was aware of Finn before we confessed our feelings for one another, I was even more so now.
Last night I’d gotten home and after letting Elle know Finn and I were going to try the whole secret relationship thing, I’d curled up on my bed with my ereader. The romance I was reading was suddenly more poignant, more engrossing, and the sex scenes woke up my body in a way they hadn’t before.
I bit my lip, trying not to smile right there in class.
For a long while I’d thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t feel how my friends seemed to feel when a boy kissed them.
Now I knew it was because I hadn’t met the right boy until now.
I snuck a look at Finn from the corner of my eye and felt my breath catch.
He was staring at me.
He caught me looking and quickly looked away.
I almost laughed.
Crap.
We weren’t doing a very good job so far of keeping our feelings off the grid.
It looked like he and I needed to talk about what “covert” meant.
* * *
I was early, heading toward the media room for the Chronicle meeting. Eloise and I had just parted ways, as she headed toward the theater for rehearsals.
It had been a weird day.
The vibe I got from Finn and Eloise in the cafeteria was that they were happy. Everyone seemed to notice it and put it down to the fact that their relationship was now on the next level. Elle had obviously talked to Bryce because she sat at the table and seemed to be on good behavior. Well, good behavior for Bryce.
It all seemed hunky-dory in their world.
Our world, I should say.
Yet, as excited as I was about Finn and as relieved as I was for Elle, I felt uncomfortable with the lies. I’d spent a long time keeping my past a secret but I didn’t think of that as lying so much as evading. Some might say there wasn’t much of a difference but it felt like a difference to me. I never actually said anything that wasn’t true. I just didn’t say everything that could be said. In this case we were outright lying to everyone, and I suddenly realized what life for Finn and Elle was like all the time.
If I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, then surely they must feel a hundred times worse.
Today it wasn’t showing on them, though.
My doubts about sneaking around with Finn were rearing their ugly heads again and, as if he knew that, Finn suddenly appeared by my side in the empty hallway.
He grabbed my hand, startling me, and I’d just said, “Finn?” when I found myself being jerked unceremoniously into the art room where Finn’s darkroom was.
Butterflies raged to life in my belly as he marched me through the room, threw open the darkroom door, hauled me inside, slammed the door shut and pushed me up against it.
“Fi—” My question was cut off by his lips on mine. I sighed into his kiss, and as he pressed his body into me, his grip on my waist tightened.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I held on for dear life as my doubts were obliterated by the excitement I felt in simply being with him.
When we finally came up for air, I gave a breathless little laugh and stared up into his shadowed face. “Well, that was some hello.”
He kissed the tip of my nose, his hands sliding around my back to pull me into him. “I’ve been dying to do that all day. I swear I thought I was just going to launch myself across the table at you at lunch today.”
I chuckled. “As fun as that would have been it’s probably good you didn’t.”
“Yeah. Things are a little crazy. But Eloise’s happy. We talked today.”
“You’re good?”
“Yeah, she says she’s still hurt, which kills, and I’m going to make sure I never hurt her again. Especially since she says she forgives me. Mostly because you’re being so cool.” He grinned now. “I think she really likes you.”
“You sound surprised.”
“I thought she’d see you as a threat. But you’ve won her over. You have a habit of doing that,” he murmured, and brushed his mouth over mine.
My lips tingled. “I love how you kiss.”
Finn looked pleased and a little smug. “Yeah?”
“Mmm.” I decided to ignore his smugness. “I never liked kissing until now.”
In answer he kissed me softly. “Never.” Kiss. “Before.” Kiss. “Now?”
“Nope.”
“Is that why...?” He trailed off, suddenly looking unsure.
“Is that why, what?”
“I shouldn’t ask.”
“Well, you’ve started so you might as well finish,” I teased.
His hold on me tightened, his expression sober. “Is that why you’re a virgin? You didn’t like this...stuff...?”
I answered thoughtlessly, so busy enjoying exploring him, feeling him close, I didn’t think beyond my words. “I liked when the guys I dated touched me, just not the mouth-to-mouth part.”
Finn tensed. “Touched you?”
“That—”
“Touched you how?”
It was my turn to tense. “You thought I wasn’t a virgin, right?” I said softly, cajoling. “So why does this matter?”
“Touched you how?” he repeated.
“Finn.” I hoped he heard the warning in my voice.
He did. “I just don’t like the idea of you with anyone else.”
I remembered how jealous I felt yesterday when he told me about the girls in Florida. “I get it. But it’s the past, right? None of those guys made me feel the way you make me feel.”
“Ditto on the girls.” His voice was rough as he leaned his forehead against mine. “God, sometimes it feels like too much.”
“Good,” I breathed. “I’d rather you feel too much than too little.”
In answer he kissed me again, this time harder, more desperate, until I felt his body pressing against me. Flushed, tingling all over, needy in a way I’d never felt before, I pulled away to catch my breath. “We need to stop. I need to get to the meeting, and I can’t look like I’ve been making out with a hot guy in a darkroom.”
He laughed, the sound low and delicious. “Yeah, I guess. When can I see you alone again, though?”
“Tomorrow? After school? We could pretend we need to study together.”
“Eloise might cover for us—pretend I’m there to see her instead.”
“Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t want to use her like that.”
“Hey.” He kissed my jaw, near my ear. “She’s using me, remember?” He bit my earlobe gently, making me shiver. He pulled back. “She’s fine with this.”
“But we should hang out with her, too. We’re the only ‘real’ people she has in her life at the moment. We should be there for her.”
Finn stared at me, his expression soft. “You’re a good person, you know that?”
“No, I’m not,” I said automatically. I was a selfish person. I’d had to be in order to survive the aftermath of my father.
“If you weren’t a good person you’d be worrying more about where to find a place to be alone with your stepsister’s boyfriend than whether or not your stepsister was lonely.”
I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of his sentence. “I just... I feel like I get her in some ways. And I respect her.”
“Okay. We’ll hang out with her, too. I love Elle. I have no problem with spending time with her. But I do want to find time for just us.”
“We will,” I promised, sliding my hands down his back. “We need to.”
He groaned and reluctantly stepped back. “You need to leave.”
I gave him a quick kiss on his cheek, grinning mischievously as I did so. “Okay. See you tomorrow.”
I left him, feeling light and happy. I’d forgotten about the lies and the discomfort and the doubt, and felt nothing but anticipation for the next time I could get Finn Rochester alone.