OUR HOUSE WAS a big house. For four people it was a big house.
A lot of rooms.
A lot of empty space.
And yet somehow Eloise and her father’s grief seemed to fill every inch, every corner, until it felt like you couldn’t move without wading through thick cloying mud while the rain soaked you through.
Eloise and I spent most of the day with Finn in the pool house. The three of us lay on the sofa bed together and in a strange way the distraction of looking after Elle was a good thing for Finn and me. It reminded us of who we were, and a big part of who we were was being friends to Elle. Our concern for her seemed so much stronger than the fear of what our future together held.
“Theo is a good guy.” Finn finally brought up the subject as the light outside began to wither. “He’ll come around.”
“This is my worst fear realized, Finn,” she said. “What do I do if I’ve lost him?”
“You haven’t lost him,” he promised.
“I’m going to kill Bryce,” Elle seethed. “I mean, I am going to annihilate her.”
“You’re not going to war with Bryce,” he said. “She’s not worth it.”
“The scandal she created...” She shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t go into school tomorrow. Not alone.”
I was going with Theo and Finn to the airport in the morning and had decided that I’d probably be too much of a mess to go to school at all. “Then don’t.”
“I can’t come to the airport, either.” She shot Finn an apologetic look. “Not with Daddy there.”
“It’s okay.” He slid his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him. “We’ll say our see-you-laters here tomorrow.”
“See-you-laters?”
I smirked. “Finn is refusing to call it goodbye.”
“Because it isn’t,” he insisted. “I’ll visit when I can, and you guys can come to Florida whenever you want. Plus... Harvard is Theo’s alma mater. There is a ninety-nine percent chance both of you will apply and get in there. Am I right?”
I nodded because it would be a dream for me to be prelaw at Harvard and I’d seen Elle’s Harvard sweater and T-shirts. Theo had pretty much brainwashed her into going there.
She nodded, the pain in her eyes making me believe she was thinking about that, too.
“I love Boston. I won’t lose this city or you guys because of my father. I’m going to apply to the Massachusetts College of Art and Design. They have a great fine arts program where I can study photography.” He grinned at us. “I’ll be back, ladies.”
Elle hugged him hard. “You’ll call all the time and email and text and communicate in any way you possibly can,” she ordered.
Finn laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
The forced levity between us soon became too hard to maintain and the weight of our reality settled over us as we lay together. Somehow over the last few months we’d become this family unit, and it almost felt like we were going through some weird divorce.
Finn leaving would change everything.
Despite that, I knew I would have to get up every morning and let each day take me on whatever journey life had in store for me next. But that didn’t mean that I couldn’t let myself be sad. Being sad didn’t mean I was giving up on the idea of Finn and me having a future; it just meant that I was sad our present had to turn out the way that it did.
* * *
Theo hugged Finn hard, clapping him on the back before stepping out of the embrace.
With his hand cupped behind Finn’s head, Theo ducked his own so he had Finn’s full attention. Staring deep into his eyes, Theo said, “You call me if you need anything.”
“Yes, sir.” Finn nodded. “Thank you for everything.”
Theo squeezed his nape and reluctantly let him go. He gave me a bolstering smile. “I’ll let you two say goodbye. I’ll wait out in the car for you.”
I watched as Theo strode away, my stomach churning for many reasons. Theo still hadn’t spoken to Eloise. I didn’t know when he’d gotten home yesterday but Elle was in bed. This morning she’d said goodbye to Finn and then hid in her room, refusing to go to school. Theo wouldn’t talk to her, despite Hayley’s increasing frustration. I think he was glad for the excuse of taking Finn to the airport.
At least he had to take me back to the house, and hopefully he’d talk to Elle when we returned.
It was difficult for Finn and me not to be openly angry with Theo. We both were so mad at him for his reaction to Elle. But Finn was also grateful to Theo for all his help, and so was I. The situation was so messed up. It felt impossible to know how we should act.
Finn had decided to be respectful. His leaving was already hard enough without causing a scene with Theo.
“Hey.” Finn took hold of my wrist, pulling me out of my musings and toward him.
And this was the other reason my stomach was churning.
I was dreading this moment.
“They’ll work it out. Theo is conservative, but I can’t believe that he’d disown Elle. He loves her.” He rested his forehead against mine. “I can’t believe I’m leaving when she needs me the most.”
“I’m here for her.” I slid my hands up his back, curling my fingers tight into his shirt. “I promise to look out for her for you.”
“That’s the only reason I’m getting on this flight. I know she’s in good hands.”
I smiled and tipped my head back so I could touch my lips to his. As soon as our mouths met, the emotion just exploded out of me, and I sobbed against him.
He slid one arm around my waist, and his other hand cupped my head to press my face gently against his neck. Embarrassed but unable to control myself, I let it all out, my tears soaking his skin, and my body shuddering against his.
“India,” he breathed into my ear. “I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”
“I—I...” I pulled back, and he let me go but only to cup my face. He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “I don’t—I—I don’t want you to ever think that I wanted this. If we could have had it all I would have found a way.”
“I know.” He kissed me, fiercely, so hard it was almost painful. “I would have, too.”
“We just have to remember this is a good thing.”
“Right. It is. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss the hell out of you.”
I reached up for another kiss and when I pulled back I whispered against his lips, “You’re my safe place. Florida, Boston, Timbuktu...it doesn’t matter where you are.”
He squeezed his eyes closed, his tears falling silently. I studied his face, every piece of it, memorizing it even though I knew I’d see it soon when he called.
Finally he got himself together and he opened his eyes to study me, too. “I’ll call you when I get there,” he said.
I nodded, speechless against the sobs that were trying to escape out of my throat.
He kissed me hard, quick, like one more taste was exquisite torture and then he turned and strode away into Security without looking back.
For a brief moment I wanted to scream. I wanted to give in to the idea that life was cruel and unfair to me, that I’d had too much taken away too young.
Instead I began to concentrate on just breathing, the simple act calming me down until I could see sense again.
The truth was I didn’t know whether or not Finn and I would make it. Would we end up together? Have a happily-ever-after?
Did it even matter?
We’d changed the course of our futures.
We’d saved each other.
I could live with whatever came next because now I had something I hadn’t had a year ago. I now knew there were people like Finn in the world. That was something he gave me, and with that gift he gave me more.
He gave me faith.
Hope.
He gave me the things that would last long after everything else faded to an end.