“Are you okay?” Silas asked me the next morning.
“I’m great!” I lied. “Excited to see what this fencing jazz is all about.”
He chuckled. “That’s the most enthusiasm I’ve ever heard someone express toward fencing.” He tossed me a sweatshirt from his closet. “Here, pull this on. We’ve got one thing to do before we get to work.”
I pulled it on and took a long breath. Silas’s scent filled my nose and went a long way toward easing the worry caused by Elliot’s harsh words last night. I’d been mentally replaying them on repeat, and I still couldn’t figure out what I’d done to anger him so much. I hadn’t even been the one to park in the bad spot! Jerk.
I didn’t care if fencing was a miserable job. At least it would be something else to occupy my thoughts.
“Am I going to get that sweatshirt back?” Silas asked.
“It’s doubtful.” This would make the third sweatshirt now happily hanging in my closet instead of his.
He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “If I let you keep it, will you tell me what’s bothering you?”
I dropped my forehead to his chest and let him pull me closer. Part of me wanted to brush off his question just to keep the tension between them from rising, but honesty was so important to me that I had to fess up. “Your dad wasn’t overly pleasant last night. He was actually kind of a jerk.”
“Fuck,” he hissed and let me go. “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll talk to him.”
“No, don’t do that.” I had a feeling it would just grow Elliot’s anger toward me. And really, I could take some rude comments. I’d dished out enough in my lifetime to know that maybe Elliot had just been in a bad mood and the next time we met, he’d be more pleasant.
“No way. He doesn’t get away with it.”
“I’ll be fine. He just rubbed me the wrong way. Please, don’t talk to him.”
He shook his head. “No.” At his sides, his fists were clenched. If he lost his temper at his dad, Elliot and I wouldn’t have a chance at starting over.
“Please, Silas.” I walked into his space and reached up to frame his face, forcing his eyes to mine. “Please. I know it goes against your alpha-male ways, but please, just let this one slide. For me?”
He let out a deep breath and relaxed his fists. “Fine. Just this time.”
“Thank you.” I dropped my hands from his face and wound them around his waist.
He hugged me back. “Come on, sweatshirt thief. I’m taking you on a ranch tour before we get to work.” He let me go to grab my hand and lead me down the stairs. When we got outside, we bypassed his truck and headed inside the barn.
“I thought you wanted to do a ranch tour.” I was looking forward to it and hoped that he hadn’t changed his mind in the last two minutes.
He started fiddling with a saddle. “We are.” He lifted the saddle off its post and slung it over a bench. “Come sit on this and see how it feels.”
“Oh, uh, me on a horse doesn’t seem like the safest activity to do first thing in the morning.”
“Just go with it.”
I hesitated. He give me a look that said, “I’m waiting.”
“Ugh. You have to drive me to the hospital when I fall off and break my ass.”
“I’ll break every speed limit on the way,” he deadpanned.
Swinging a leg over the saddle, I sank onto the hard seat. Silas poked around for a minute, and when he determined that it would fit—whatever that meant—I swung off to greet the dog that had just come into the barn.
“What’s your name?” I asked, rubbing behind its ears.
“That’s Dolly. She’s Mom’s dog.”
“Hey, Dolly. Your name fits you perfectly. You are a doll.” She had a face that would melt your heart. Half of it was solid black and the other was a marbled gray, like the rest of her coat. Her dark brown eyes were friendly and complemented her gentle nature.
“Okay, babe. Come on over and meet Lulu.”
Hesitantly, I approached the stall where Silas was standing. Inside was a beautiful red horse with a thin white stripe on her nose. She was, thankfully, much smaller and less intimidating than Courage, who was glaring at me from the next stall over.
“Hi, Lulu.” I touched her cheek like Silas had showed me.
“She’s a sweet old mare,” he said, running a weird circular comb over Lulu’s back. “You’ll like riding her.”
“You should know, Mr. Grant, that I’m not the kind of girl that would get bucked off a horse and get right back on. If she ditches me, my horse-riding days are over. Forever. You hear me, Lulu?”
Silas’s hand froze as he stared at me blankly. Then he bent forward and burst out laughing.
“He thinks I’m kidding?” I asked the horse.
Still laughing, Silas stood and leaned forward to plant a hard and fast kiss on my lips. “Babe, if Lulu bucked you off, which she won’t, but if she did, you’d be so pissed off that the first thing you’d do is tell her to ‘fuck off, bitch’ and then climb right back on just to show her who’s boss. My Lis is not a quitter.”
That praise gave me goose bumps. I blushed and smiled, like I usually did at his compliments, but this time I didn’t try to hide it. And because I didn’t, I got a gift. Silas’s gorgeous smile shined back, his eyes sparkling with tiny stars.
I’d never shy away from him again.
He gave me another quick kiss before handing me the metal ringed comb. “This is a curry comb. Just brush her back and sides so that the hair lays flat.”
“Like this?” I mimicked what I’d seen him do.
“Yep.”
After the combing was done, he showed me how to get Lulu saddled up, narrating his instruction as he demonstrated. The lesson was unnecessary. I promptly forgot everything he’d showed me because I was too nervous about the ride itself to absorb the saddling process. Maybe once I had some hours in the actual saddle, I would care more about putting one on.
I hung with Dolly while Silas got Courage ready to go, and when he pulled his horse out of his own stall, the butterflies in my stomach turned to angry hornets.
“Grab her reins and follow me,” Silas said.
I could do this. I could ride a horse. And if it doesn’t work out? I’d just tell Silas that I was taking Big & Rich’s advice to “save a horse, ride a cowboy.” Since he was the cowboy, I doubted he’d object too strongly.
Silas walked out of the barn first and I followed with Dolly right at my side. Lulu’s nose nudged my arm a couple of times when my steps became too slow for her liking.
“All set?” Silas asked after making some final adjustments to my saddle. I nodded and smiled even though I felt like puking. He positioned me in the right place and helped me get my foot in the stirrup, and then with one fast hoist and spin, I was sitting on top of a horse.
“Oh, lordy,” I muttered while Silas swung up on Courage. “Lulu, please be nice to me.”
She answered by swishing her tail over her butt. Was that a good sign or bad? Good. Stay positive. She started following Courage automatically and my hands tightened on the saddle’s horn like a vise.
“Relax,” Silas said. “Just enjoy the nice morning. We’ll take it very slow.”
It took a while but I was eventually able to relax. Lulu’s calm and steady nature rubbed off on me, and when I stopped staring at the ground, I saw that Silas was taking me up a gentle ridge that overlooked the ranch.
“Wow. I didn’t realize how big those meadows were,” I said when we reached the top.
The valley below us was green and lush. Small pools left over from the flooded creek were glistening in the morning sun. There wasn’t a breath of wind in the air, and the cloudless sky was a clear blue. “This is amazing, Silas.”
“It sure is.” But he was smiling at me and not the view.
I smiled back, then returned to the beauty down below. “Thanks for bringing me up here.”
“Anytime. We can go for rides more often so you start to feel more comfortable on a horse. I’ve gotta turn you into a ranch girl.”
“City girl, be gone,” I teased but Elliot’s words echoed in my ears.
I didn’t belong here, Elliot had that right. I didn’t know what it took to run a ranch but I was willing to learn. I’d bend over backward to know all about the Lucky Heart as long as that meant I could stay by Silas’s side.
“I need to apologize for my dad. I should have warned you that something like that might happen.”
“What?” I gaped at him. He knew Elliot didn’t like me? And he hadn’t thought to mention that in the last month when I’d been practically living on the man’s property? My shock turned to anger and my mouth snapped closed with a loud bite.
“Like I said, I should have warned you.”
I huffed. “You think?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have to tell me things, Silas. I’m not some little woman that you need to shelter and protect.”
He nodded. “You’re right and I should have told you. I was just hoping that he’d get over his issues and be more respectful.”
“Well, he wasn’t. He was a jerk and I was totally unprepared. You’re just lucky that, by some miracle, I managed not to let go of my attitude and piss him off even more.”
“Babe, if Dad’s a dick, I couldn’t give two shits if you told him off. I’ve told you this a million times: don’t stifle your spirit. I love that you call me on my shit when I fuck up. Call him on his.”
My anger fizzled out. “I want your parents to like me.”
He chuckled and nudged Courage to step closer to me and Lulu. “Mom does. Dad will too. This is just a change. He’ll get over his issues.”
“What did I even do?” I asked even though I was pretty sure the answer was hurt his son all those years ago.
“Dad needed a place to point his finger. He picked you. He’s blaming you for me going into the army because he thinks that if you had stayed, I would have too. But I was gone and they had a rough couple of years. They nearly lost the ranch when the cattle market took a nosedive. It’s part of the reason why Dad’s so resistant to try new things. He finally got things back in the black and doesn’t want to take any risks.”
I deflated in the saddle as guilt settled on my shoulders like a hundred-pound weight. Elliot had a right to point fingers. Silas’s ten-year absence was my fault. I had no doubt that if I hadn’t run away, Silas would have stayed in Prescott. When were my mistakes going to stop haunting me? Would we ever be able to move past this?
I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Hey.” He grabbed my hand. “Look at me. It’s not your fault. You know, just like Dad does, that I was considering the military even before all that shit happened with us. Dad is just being stubborn but he’ll get over it.”
“And if he doesn’t?” If Elliot had been holding a grudge against me for sixteen years, it wasn’t going to be easy for him to forget.
“He will.”
“He might not.”
“If he doesn’t, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Okay?”
I nodded and turned back to the view. It was hard to appreciate the beauty with a whirling mind and heavy heart. “Should we go back?”
“Lis,” Silas tugged on my hand, “it’s going to be okay. Promise.”
I really wanted to believe him. “Okay.”
All I thought about on the slow ride back was how I could approach Elliot. As always, I decided the first step would be an apology. It felt like all I’d been doing since moving back to Prescott was saying, “I’m sorry.” How many apologies would I have to make? A thousand? A million? I knew I had a lot to apologize for, but with each “I’m sorry,” the need to say three more sprouted in its place.
By the time we made it back to the barn, it was nearly noon and I was completely dejected. “Do you want some lunch?” I asked Silas as he got the horses back into their stalls. “I could put together some BLTs.”
“Sounds good. I’ll take care of these two. You can head on in.”
I forced a smile and walked to the barn door, pausing at its frame. “Silas?”
“Yeah.” He leaned out of Courage’s stall.
“If I could go back and talk to the younger me, I would. I’d tell her not to be scared and not to run away. That she was giving up something great. I hope you know that.”
His eyes softened. “I know.”
Nodding, I went inside to make lunch. I worked automatically, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me, but as I was slicing the tomato, a tear dropped down my cheek and landed on the cutting board.
I set down my knife and braced against the counter as I started crying. Every time I thought I was making progress, that I’d finally unburied myself from years of guilt, something happened and it came right back. When would it stop hurting? I hated that I’d broken Silas’s heart. Just thinking about it made me sick, but I couldn’t change the past. When was it going to stop being thrown in my face? I had been trying so hard. When would it be enough?
I didn’t even try to stop crying. I was so exhausted, so emotionally spent from the highs and lows of these last few months, I just let the tears fall onto my tomato until two strong arms wrapped around my chest.
“Don’t cry,” Silas whispered into my hair.
I dragged in a few stuttered breaths. “I’m sorry, Silas. I’m just so sorry.”
He turned me around to frame my face with his calloused hands. “Stop apologizing, Lis. There’s nothing to be sorry for. You were a kid. So was I.”
“I’m so . . . tired.” I fell into his chest. “I’m tired of feeling guilty for leaving. For not coming home sooner. I don’t know what else to do other than to keep apologizing, but I’m just so tired. Just when I think we’re moving forward, someone throws the past right back in my face. I hate myself for causing you pain. I hate it.”
His arms tightened around me, and he leaned his cheek down on the top of my head. “Having you back, holding you in my arms, makes all the pain worth it.”
“We could have had so much more time together. I threw that all away.”
“You don’t know that for certain. We both needed to leave Prescott. I don’t regret my time in the army, and if you had stayed, I think you would have resented it here. Things turned out the way they were meant to.”
He lifted his cheek, and I tipped my chin up.
“No more tears, okay? I don’t want you to feel guilty about the past or regret the time we spent apart. It’s done. Over. I want you to be happy. For us to be happy together. People like Dad will come around when they see that the past doesn’t matter to us. All right?”
I buried my face back in his chest and nodded. We were happy, and given time, things were bound to get easier. I just had to keep telling myself that.
We held each other for a while. Silas’s strong embrace made me feel sturdier. He’d never let me fall, no matter how bad things got.
“Change of plans, babe. We’re going to postpone fencing.”
“Okay. What would you like to do instead?” I asked, but the way his fingers started trailing up my back gave me a pretty good idea.
“Well, when my Lis is sad, I do what needs to be done to cheer her up.”
“Cheer away.” I barely got the words out before his hands came to my face, and he slanted it back. When his lips crashed down, I kept my mouth closed so he would have to use his tongue to coax them open.
A low and deep rumble came from his chest and I smiled before letting him in. His tongue fluttered up and down against mine, sending a wave of tingles right to my belly. That flicker was one of Silas’s signature moves. It felt great in my mouth but even better between my legs.
When his hand grabbed my ass, hard, I moaned. He did it again before banding his other arm behind my back and pulling me with him through the living room. His mouth never lost hold of mine as he laid me down on the couch.
We kissed like teenagers who hadn’t made it past second base. There was no hasty petting or rushed stripping of clothes. We just lay there, exploring. I savored the feel of Silas’s big body pressed down on mine and the way his tongue plundered my mouth, memorizing every curve and ridge.
He finally broke away and leaned back to gaze into my eyes. “The most beautiful pair of eyes in the world. I’d do just about anything to make them shine like that.”
“Anything?” I asked and he nodded. “ ‘Take me to bed or lose me forever.’ ”
His chest shook as he grinned. Yes! I’d been waiting to use that Top Gun line for a month.
Silas’s laughter stopped and he attacked. This kiss was different. Things got heated quickly, and after another one of his tongue flutters, I broke away, panting for air.
He hauled us both off the couch and laced his fingers with mine. As he led me to the loft, I used my free hand to grip the railing. Silas was the only man that had ever been able to kiss me dizzy.
He crossed the room to the bed, stripping off his shirt and socks. He turned to me and unbuttoned his jeans, leaving them hanging from his hips. No elastic waistband for boxers. Commando again.
Hot.
I walked to him and reached for his zipper. Slowly, carefully, I pulled it down, setting his hard cock free from the denim. Silas’s eyes were hooded as his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths.
Whipping the sweatshirt off my top, I tossed it on the floor and then did the same with my fitted tee. I hurried to slide my jeans down and step out, kicking them to the side. Wearing only my black lace bra and matching panties, I sank to my knees.
I hadn’t done this to Silas yet, and I was nervous, yet excited to please him and drive him wild.
When my hand wrapped around Silas’s cock, he sucked in a sharp breath. I flicked my tongue over the tip twice before finally putting the head in my mouth. When a deep groan filled the loft, I sucked his cock in deeper until it hit the back of my throat.
With my hand and my mouth, I alternated pumping and sucking until Silas’s hips started sawing back and forth, setting the rhythm of my strokes. My sex ached as he gripped the back of my head, urging me to go faster and deeper.
He was coming completely undone, and it made me want him that much more. “Lis,” he hissed. I ignored his warning and kept going. He groaned a second before his salty come hit my tongue. When I’d swallowed it all down, he hummed and let go of my hair.
Looking up, I gradually eased my mouth away, giving his tip one last flick before he popped free. Then I reached up with my index finger and wiped the corner of my mouth. Silas’s cock twitched and started getting hard again.
“I’m supposed to be cheering you up.” He helped me to my feet.
“Trust me, baby, that was fun.” It was no lie. I was so turned on he’d barely have to touch me and I’d explode.
His hands came to my shoulders and caressed the sides of my arms. On an upstroke, his fingers looped under my bra straps and pulled them down. His mouth came to my chest and he started kissing the skin right above where the lace cups hung, down one side and then up the other.
I moaned his name, closing my eyes and tipping my head back. Gently, he laid me back onto his simple gray comforter. The cotton was cool and smooth against my bare skin. I kept my eyes closed as he trailed his kisses lower and lower, down the center line of my stomach. His tongue darted out and rimmed my belly button at the same time his fingers slid into my panties, dragging them over my hips and down my legs. Silas wasted no time parting my thighs and kissing my wet folds.
And then I got the tongue flutter.
My first orgasm ripped through my body and I came, long and hard. Silas kept at it until I came again on his mouth.
When he sank his cock inside, I was still pulsing. Either it was the longest orgasm I’d ever had or he’d found a third with just one stroke. By the time he came again, my troubles had been erased.
He rolled off me and onto his back so I could collapse on his side, utterly satisfied. When I’d regained my breath, I traced the tattoo on his left shoulder with a finger. It was a heart, just like the Lucky Heart’s brand, inked in a simple, solid black line.
“When did you get this?”
“My third year in the army. Me and a bunch of the guys from my squad were on leave for a weekend in South Carolina. None of us wanted to travel far from the base so we went out drinking and talked each other into getting tattoos.”
“Why did you pick your brand?”
He kissed the top of my hair. “That was a pretty intense time for all of us. We had just gotten back to the States, and everyone was jumpy as all hell. I was on edge and restless, so when the tattoo artist asked me what I wanted, the first thing I thought of was home. I thought maybe having the brand would bring me some peace.”
“Did it?”
“Yeah. For a while.”
We stayed quiet for a while, content just to lie together. The clock on the wall ticked softly, and outside a cow was calling.
“We didn’t get any fencing done,” I said.
“It’ll be there tomorrow. We needed this today.”
I hummed in agreement. “Are you hungry?”
“Starved.”
“Okay. Stay right here.”
I climbed off his platform bed and opened a closet door under the slanted roof. Shrugging on one of his blue, long-sleeve shirts with shiny pearl snaps, I rolled up the sleeves and went downstairs to make us a tray of snacks. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening snacking and talking in bed.
Silas had been right. We had needed this. Especially me. By the time the moonlight was shining through the large window above his bed, the worries I’d felt earlier in the day had all but vanished. Slowly and with his help, I was letting go of the past.
“Thank you for today.” I yawned. “Night, baby.”
He took my hand and brought it to his lips. “Good night, my Lis.” His voice was still in the air when the chime of my phone echoed through the loft.
“Ugh,” I said, reaching up to grab it from the wide windowsill above the bed.
Unknown Caller.
“Who is it?” Silas asked.
“I don’t know. Hello?”
“Is this Felicity Cleary?” I didn’t recognize the man’s voice on the other end of the line but he sounded young.
“Yes, this is Felicity.”
“Could you tell me where you are? I need to drop off someone with you.”
“Uh, who is this?”
“She wants to know who I am,” he said to someone else. I heard another voice but couldn’t make out the words. “My name’s Kenny. Now can you tell me where you are?”
Yeah, right. And lead a potential serial killer to Silas’s door? Not happening, creep.
“Look, Kenny. I don’t know you, and I’m not comfortable telling you where I am. What’s going on?”
“I’m dropping someone off.”
“Who?”
“Hey! Don’t grab my phone. I’m trying to drive here,” Kenny said to his companion, then came back on the phone. “Listen, lady, are you going to tell me where you are or not?”
“Who’s with you?” I asked but I didn’t get to hear the answer. Silas took the phone from my hand.
“What do you want?” I could hear Kenny rambling in the background. “Fine. Do you have GPS? Type this in.”
Silas gave him the address and hung up.
“What’s going on?” I asked as we both got out of bed.
“I don’t know. The kid’s spooked but I doubt he’s dangerous. He sounds like he’s fifteen years old. Let’s just see what he wants and whoever he’s got with him.”
I yanked on some jeans and pulled on a sweatshirt. I hesitated by my purse, thinking maybe I should grab my stun gun, but decided against it. Silas and the pistol he tucked into his waistband would protect me if need be. By the time we walked outside and rounded the corner of the barn, headlights were bouncing down the gravel road.
A black Prius pulled into the space next to my SUV, and out came the driver, a skinny young man with bleached-white hair.
When he stepped toward us, Silas ordered, “Stop.” The kid froze. “Kenny, time to explain.”
“Listen, I’m just here to drop her off.” He held his hands up in surrender just as the back door opened.
In the faint light, I could see a woman emerge. She stepped around Kenny and limped toward us. I gasped when I saw her bloody, swollen and barely recognizable face.
Sabrina.