“That was a waste of five dollars.”
I tossed my Cosmopolitan on the coffee table and face-planted into a throw pillow on my couch. I had bought the magazine earlier today because it featured an article on the benefits of taking a new relationship slowly.
Hogwash.
I had experienced all of the alleged benefits and could attest that they were definitely not beneficial. It was the middle of February, and Silas and I were stuck in the same place we had been six weeks ago: undefined.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t had opportunities to make his move, since we’d been spending plenty of time together. At least twice a week, we’d meet for dinner, and one night last week, he’d taken me to a movie. Yet here I was, sexually frustrated and confused. No kisses. No hand-holding. Nothing. All I got was the occasional hug.
Were we back to being just friends? Had he changed his mind about us?
There was no time to dwell on it now. I heard the sound of his truck pull into my driveway and then the chime of my doorbell. I pushed up off the couch and grabbed my magazine, searching around for a hiding place. When it was safely tucked under a cushion, I yelled, “Come on in!”
“Hey.” He closed the door behind him. “Ready?”
“Yeah. Let me just run upstairs and grab my shoes.”
Tonight, Silas was taking me out to dinner at The Black Bull, a nice steakhouse a little way out of town. It wasn’t casual like the café or the deli downtown where we had been going. The Black Bull was the type of restaurant where a man would take a date.
Was this a date? I hadn’t a fucking clue. Regardless, I wore heels in case it was.
Silas was staring at the pictures on my fireplace mantel. “All set.” He didn’t move at my announcement, just kept his eyes glued to a frame. His jaw was clenched tightly and his nostrils were flaring.
That wasn’t a good sign.
I walked behind him. He was glaring at the picture of me and Wes from high school, the one that Jack had given me when I’d gone to the farm for dinner months ago.
“Silas?” I touched his elbow.
He flinched and looked down to me. “Sorry,” he muttered, his face relaxing.
“It’s fine. Are you okay?”
“All good.” That was a lie, but I didn’t push him for the truth. Strange. Why would seeing Wes’s picture bother him so much? “Ready?”
I nodded and followed him outside.
“How was your day?” I asked as we drove to the restaurant.
“Long. I was out all day in the cold, checking cows. I ended up having to bring one into the barn. I can’t tell if her calf is breeched or what so I’ll be up all night checking on her. Then I’ll do it all over again tomorrow.”
This was the first time Silas had seemed disheartened about his ranch work. He’d complain about dirty jobs here and there or tell me about arguments with his dad, but tonight, he sounded worn-out and stressed. I was guessing a lot of it was his lack of help.
“We should skip the restaurant,” I said. “I can hang out at home tonight since you’re tired. Or if you want, we could just pick up a pizza and head to the ranch. I’ll keep you company while you work.”
My motivations for offering to go with him weren’t entirely unselfish. The last time I’d been at his place, he had almost kissed me. Maybe back in a private setting, he would feel more comfortable accelerating our relationship. And if nothing happened, I’d know I had been friend-zoned.
“You’re all dressed up.” He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with mine.
Tingles spread from my palm up to my shoulder. Whoop whoop! Friends did not hold hands like this. “I’m in jeans and a blouse. Lend me a sweatshirt before we walk into the barn and I’ll be just fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Only if you let me pick the pizza toppings.”
He squeezed my hand and smiled. “Just no onions.”
I turned my face to my window to hide my smile. Though I had been looking forward to a nice dinner, spending the night at Silas’s place, eating pizza and, hopefully, cozying up on the couch together would be exponentially better.
An hour later, my bare feet were tucked under my rear in the couch as I ate a slice of pepperoni from the plate on my lap.
“How’d your meeting with Rob go?”
“Good.” I nodded. “Really good. I think we’ve landed on a price.”
“No shit? That’s awesome. Congrats.”
I had met Rob Jordan, Prescott’s realtor, shortly after New Year’s, and he’d immediately taken me under his wing. He had let me accompany him on a couple of showings and I’d known after the first that I’d chosen the right career path.
Since then, Rob and I had been negotiating the price of a partnership, and today, we’d finally come to an agreement that wouldn’t wipe out my savings. I had already finished the licensing course. Now the only hurdle left to jump was taking the actual exam. In two weeks, assuming I passed, I would officially be a realtor and half owner of Jamison Valley Real Estate. Rob would be focusing on land sales and commercial properties while I brokered all of the residential properties. I hadn’t been this excited about a job since I was fresh out of college.
“It’s all because you gave me that tip at Christmas.”
“Nah. It’s all because of you.”
I looked to my plate to hide my blushing cheeks. “Thanks.”
Silas had never been shy about giving me praise, and every time he did, it felt like more than just a friendly compliment. There was an intimacy behind his words.
“When do you take your test?” he asked.
“On Thursday next week. I wrapped up one of my consulting projects today, and the last one should be done by the end of the week. That’ll give me a few days with nothing to do but cram.”
“You’ll crush it.”
Another smile.
“Any word from Dr. McDreamy?” he grumbled.
I laughed and nearly choked on a bite. “Dr. McDreamy?” I repeated after swallowing. “Silas Grant, are you a closet Grey’s Anatomy fan?”
“No,” he huffed. “Mom loves that fucking show. She’s always got reruns on.”
“Sure, blame it on your mom,” I joked. “Well, you’re right about one thing. Dr. Faraday is dreamy.” I fanned myself. He was so jealous of Dr. Faraday that I couldn’t help but tease.
“Did you hear from him or not?” He poked me in the side.
I giggled and swatted his hand away. “No. We haven’t heard anything back yet.”
Mom had gotten her tests done in January but they’d showed no abnormalities that could be causing her spacey moments. Dr. Faraday suspected that she had a form of dementia, maybe even a mild case of Alzheimer’s, and was currently researching treatment possibilities.
“Want another slice?” Silas asked.
I nodded and handed him my empty plate. “When do we have to go check on that cow?”
He pulled out his phone from his jeans pocket. “An hour. I set an alarm so I wouldn’t lose track of time. Do you want to watch a movie until then?”
“Sure. Can I pick?”
He pointed to the cabinet under the TV. “I get one veto.”
“You won’t need it. My taste in movies is impeccable.”
“Says the woman obsessed with bad eighties films.”
I pouted and leapt off the couch. “That hurts.”
Opening the cabinet drawer, I sat on the floor and inspected his collection. Just as I had suspected, westerns and action films. I loaded up Open Range, turned the TV on and went back to the couch.
“Nice choice,” Silas said when the opening credits came on the screen.
“Told you so. Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall are two of the best. ‘How about I hold your head under water for just a little while?’ ” I quoted in my best man-voice. “I love that line. I say it to Sabrina as often as I can.”
He chuckled. “Who’s Sabrina?”
“My best friend. She’s a real kick. I’ve been begging her to come out and visit.”
“I’ll look forward to meeting her.”
“Does that mean you’re going to keep me around?”
I held my breath and waited for his answer. I was fishing for something, anything. I needed a little verbal reassurance that what we had wouldn’t soon fizzle out when he’d gotten bored with me.
He set his plate aside, then did the same with mine. His arms reached for me, and with one strong pull, he slid me across the couch and into his side.
“Yeah. I’m keeping you around.” With the hand not wrapped around my shoulders, he handed me back my plate.
“Good.” I relaxed and burrowed further into his side.
We turned our attention to the movie, and though my eyes were aimed at the screen, I wasn’t really watching. My heart was soaring through the clouds. Silas and I were cuddling!
For two people that had had sex numerous times, it was strange for our relationship to be progressing at a snail’s pace, but given that we were both trying to overcome the past, it was for the best. We were getting reacquainted with one another. We were connecting emotionally. The physical part could come later.
Slow is good. Have patience. When Silas was ready, he’d claim me. I just had to wait until he thought the time was right.
The movie progressed and I struggled to keep my breathing steady. Just because my mind had decided to let him take the lead didn’t mean my body was on board with the plan. The sexual tension between us was heavy and tempting. Silas felt it too. He was forcefully restraining himself, his teeth audibly grinding together, but he never made a move.
If he hadn’t done anything yet, he probably wasn’t going to. Tonight wasn’t the night for us to sprint forward. Fine. Great. Grand. I’d do what my magazine had advised and savor the slow burn. Yeah, right.
Just when I’d resigned myself to watching the movie, Silas’s hand slid across my cheek. His face bent close as his thumb stroked my skin. My pulse was racing and I fought the urge to close that final inch between us.
His lips were right there. Inviting me. Begging me. I had almost given into their lure when the shrill sound of Silas’s alarm filled the room.
Seriously?
Silas leaned away, grumbling under his breath while silencing the alarm.
“Time to head to the barn?” I tried to hide my disappointment behind false cheer.
He sighed. “Yeah. You can stay here if you want.”
“I’d like to go with you, if that’s okay.”
“Of course. Let me grab you a sweatshirt.” He jogged up the stairs against the back wall of the loft and rifled through his closet while I took a few moments to collect myself.
Don’t be in a rush, Felicity. I couldn’t let myself get frustrated and pushy. Silas wanted to take this slow and I could give him that, even though it was killing me.
When he came back downstairs, he handed me an old green sweatshirt. Across the front was the logo for our high school.
“I haven’t worn a Prescott High Mustangs sweatshirt in years. Awesome!”
He grinned. “Figured you’d like that one.”
I pulled it over my head and took a deep breath, inhaling the lingering smell of fabric softener and Silas. The chances of him ever getting this sweatshirt back were slim to none.
“Shit. I should have thought about shoes.” I looked down at my bare feet and realized I only had the heels that I’d worn for dinner.
“Oh, uh, I got you something.” Silas rubbed the back of his neck as he walked to the laundry room.
I followed, watching as he reached in and pulled out a pair of brand-new, black, knee-high rubber boots. The soles were heavy with thick tread, perfect for working outside in the mud and dirt.
I choked down the lump in my throat. “Muck boots? You got these for me?” I’d been eyeing this exact pair at the sporting-goods store but they weren’t cheap, and since I had been unsure of my employment situation, I had passed them up. I was beyond touched that Silas had thought to get them for me.
These completely unattractive, yet highly functional boots were an incredibly thoughtful gift. Silas always took care of me. On the worst nights of my life, he’d never let me down. My chest felt too small for my heart and I struggled to breathe.
“What?” he whispered. “Is that not okay?”
I shook my head. “No! No, they’re wonderful. Thank you.”
“The least I could do is get you some boots so your fancy shoes don’t get wrecked. I’m grateful that you offered to help me out here. It means a lot.”
“Really?” I whispered. “You don’t think I’m just some silly city girl who’s going to get in your way?”
He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Really.”
I smiled and took my boots so I wouldn’t be tempted to kiss him. “They’re perfect. Just my size even.”
“Do you want some socks?”
“No, they’ll be fine just like this. Let me grab my gloves.” I dug through my purse and pulled out the gloves that Silas had gotten me for Christmas. They didn’t go with any of my coats but I still carried them everywhere.
Silas stepped into his own muck boots and grabbed a worn flannel coat from the closet by the door. He trapped his hair under a baseball hat and pulled on the gloves that I’d gotten for him. The cold air blasted me in the face as we walked outside and around to the front of the barn.
“So when we get in there, just hang back a bit while I check her out. Just like with horses, the key is to go slow and easy.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He slid open one of the large wooden doors to the barn and closed it behind me. The smell of straw and leather filled my nose. The barn was wide, long and surprisingly clean. It was hard to believe that just beyond the stack of hay at the far wall was Silas’s apartment.
On the left side was a row of wooden stalls. The right side was lined with tool shelves and hooks full of ropes, chains and leather straps. Saddles rested on wooden posts bolted to the wall.
I followed Silas to the second stall where a huge, black cow was standing. About three stalls down, Courage poked his head out. “Where are your other horses?”
He chuckled. “You don’t have to whisper. And they’re all outside. We only bring them in if we’re going to ride. I’ve been taking Courage out to check cows, so he gets to stay inside where it’s warm. He likes it because he gets spoiled with grain and I think Mom’s been sneaking him apples.”
Silas slowly opened the stall’s gate and eased in next to the cow. He started feeling her side, then moved to her rear where some gross stuff was happening. While he did his inspection, I went back to inspecting the barn.
Each time my gaze landed on Courage, he was staring at me with disapproval. It was like he was calling me a chicken. I’d finally had enough so I made a face and stuck my tongue out at him. So there, horse. He snorted a loud breath, which made me jump. Damn it. One-upped by a beast.
When the stall gate squeaked, I looked back to Silas. His eyebrows were creased together. “This calf is backward. I’m going to have to pull it.”
“Pull it? Like pull it out of her?” I asked with wide eyes.
“Yeah.” He walked to the wall and collected a set of chains. “I could use some help with these. Think you can stomach it? It’s fine if you can’t. I’ll just run inside and get Mom or Dad to help.”
“I-I can help,” I stuttered.
“That’s my Lis.” His sentiment and sexy grin did a lot to calm my nerves.
I had no idea what to expect but I wouldn’t let him down. Besides, I wasn’t really a queasy person. I’d spent way too much time in the hospital with my mom to be scared by the sight of blood and bodily fluids anymore.
Silas led me into the stall and handed me a set of small silver chains. “Stand right there at her side and hand those over when I tell you. I’m also going to have you hold her tail out of the way. Okay?” I nodded and my jaw dropped as he pulled on a pair of plastic gloves that went all the way to his shoulders.
Holy hell. What had I gotten myself into?
Fifteen minutes and a lot of slimy goo later, an adorable, little, black calf was lying on a bed of straw beneath his mother’s feet.
“He’s so cute! I love him. Can he come live with me at my house? I’ll name him Pete.” I was leaning over the stall’s gate, completely enamored by the baby animal.
Silas chuckled as he finished washing up at a sink in the corner. He joined me at the railing and nudged me playfully with his shoulder. “Thanks for your help.”
“Uh, sure. I didn’t really do anything.” All I’d done was hand him the chains when he’d asked. He had looped them around the calf’s tiny hooves so he could help it out. “How’s the mama cow doing? I can’t believe she didn’t make a sound or anything.” I had expected to hear something as she birthed her baby but she’d just stood there quietly and let it happen.
“She’ll be fine,” he said. “Cattle are incredibly tough animals.”
“I’ve never seen one so little before.”
“He’s a cute one.”
“Now what?”
“Now we hang out for a bit. Make sure he takes a teat. Then do a lap through the calving pasture to make sure all the other cows are in good shape.”
“Sounds good.”
We stood in silence for a while, watching as the little calf slowly got up on his wobbly knees and stumbled over toward his mother to nurse. I had never witnessed something so miraculous before. Yes, it was just a cow, but still, I had watched a new life come into this world tonight.
“Do you still love it? Ranching?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Things would be better if Dad and I were getting along and we had more help, but I can’t see myself doing anything else.”
“What do you love most about it?”
He thought on my question for a few moments before answering. “The land and the animals. The purity of producing something tangible with my own hands. That, and being a steward to the land. I like that I’m helping to feed people. When I was in Iraq, I saw a lot of people without much. Women. Kids. We’re not feeding the world or anything, but I like our purpose.”
“You’re a good guy, Silas Grant.” The best, actually.
His eyes softened and he trailed his fingers across my cheek, leaving tingles in their wake. I pushed off the railing, standing tall to stare into his eyes. They were darker than normal and full of heat. I imagined mine were much the same.
Again, his hand came to my cheek but this time his fingertips didn’t stop. They traveled up and across my forehead, then lightly down the bridge of my nose to the tip.
When they traced my top lip, a shiver rippled down my spine. His fingers rubbed a little harder against my bottom lip and it fell open with a hitched breath. Even though he’d only touched my face, my entire body had come alive. The throbbing between my legs had me swaying slightly on my feet.
“Lis,” he whispered, “I’m going to kiss you now.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. If I spoke, it might make him take his fingers away from my lips. I didn’t want to risk losing them, not until his lips were there instead. So instead of telling him how much I desperately wanted his kiss, I just nodded.
His other hand came up and framed my cheek. I leaned my head into his palm, giving him its weight. His mouth inched down toward mine. The soft and gentle brush of his lips was almost torture but I didn’t push for more. I stood unmoving as they glided across my top lip and then my bottom, just like his fingers had done.
We were both panting when Silas’s lips finally parted against mine. His tongue darted out and I’d barely felt its warm, wet touch when a dog started barking outside and headlights flashed through the crack underneath the sliding barn doors.
Silas growled “fuck” against my mouth before pulling back and turning to the door.
No! The universe was playing a sick and twisted joke on me.
After catching my breath, I followed Silas out into the cold night. The bright headlights were aimed right at us so all I could make out of this visitor was his silhouette. His frame was tall and broad, reminding me somewhat of my brother’s.
“Hey, princess,” the man called.
Was he talking to me? I had no idea who this person was but Silas was grinning as he said, “Hey, cupcake.”
The visitor stepped in front of the car’s beam and I could finally make out his handsome face. He had black hair and dark eyes framed with long lashes. His stubble was at least a week old and he looked to have some Hispanic heritage.
He was not a relative. Maybe an old friend?
The men stared at one another for a moment until they both started laughing. They shook hands, and after a few pumps, Silas pulled the man in for a back-slapping hug.
“Good to see you, man,” Silas said.
“Good to be seen.”
“Come inside.” Silas grabbed my hand and tugged me along as he led us all to his loft.
When we got inside, I stepped out of my dirty boots while Silas did the same. As the men shrugged off their coats, I got a better look at “Cupcake’s” face. On one side was a huge scar that went from his temple all the way down his jaw to his chin.
“Felicity, this is Paxon Montero. We were in the army together,” Silas said.
“Nice to meet you.” I smiled and extended my hand.
“Felicity? The Felicity?” Paxon was shaking my hand but looking at Silas.
Uh-oh. The inflection in Paxon’s voice told me that being “The Felicity” wasn’t good. It made sense. Silas and I had just recently reconnected and I doubted he’d called his army buddies to keep them apprised of his love life. But this was just what I didn’t need. Now, in addition to all the other agenda items on Felicity’s Journey Home, I had to try and win over one of Silas’s friends. I needed to start ticking items off my list, not adding to it.
“Well,” Paxon said, turning his attention back to me. He still hadn’t let go of my hand. “This is going to be interesting.”
“What brings you to Montana, Pax?” Silas asked.
We were all standing around his island drinking a beer after Silas had returned from his lap through the pasture to check on the cows. The thirty minutes that he had been gone, Paxon and I had waited together. Awkwardly. He’d walked around Silas’s home, checking it out while I’d sat on the couch and stared at the blank TV. At first, I’d tried to make small talk but all of the questions that I’d asked were returned with grunts and muted “Uh-huhs,” so I’d finally given up.
Damn me for not driving my car here tonight. I desperately wanted to escape.
“I discharged last month,” Paxon said. “Then went home to LA for a bit but it was too loud. Lots of chaos, and I needed to be somewhere quieter.”
“Understood.” Silas’s tone spoke volumes. He’d said that he’d had a rough couple of years after he’d first come home so I figured Paxon was going through that as well. If he needed quiet, he’d come to the right place. Prescott was about as opposite from Los Angeles as he could get.
“How long are you here for?”
Paxon grinned. “Depends on how long it takes you to kick me out.”
“Stay as long as you want,” Silas said immediately. “Where are you staying?”
Paxon tipped his head toward Silas’s couch. “Care if I crash there for a night or two?”
“It’s all yours, man. For as long as you need.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it. Got any work around here you need help with?”
Silas huffed. “More than enough. If you feel like pitching in, I’d be grateful.”
“You got it,” Paxon said, then turned to me. “What about you, Felicity? Are you helping out too?”
I hated the way he sneered my name. It took every ounce of willpower not to sneer his in return. I opened my mouth to answer his question—nicely—but Silas stepped closer to my side and threw an arm around my shoulders, answering Paxon first. “She is. Tonight she helped me pull a calf.”
Paxon glared at Silas’s hand clamped on my bicep, but smiled when he looked back at Silas. “It will be fun to reminisce. Talk about old times. Remember that time we were on leave in Seattle and you hooked up with that bartender? That was an awesome trip. What was her name again?”
I flinched and Silas’s arm banded tight. Ouch. I wasn’t sure what hurt worse, hearing that Silas had come to Seattle and hadn’t bothered to look me up or that Silas had come to Seattle and had sex with another woman.
The latter. Definitely.
I hated thinking about Silas with other women. He hadn’t stayed celibate during our years apart; neither had I. But the mental picture of the man I loved with anyone else was not easy to see.
And thanks to Paxon, that image was now front and center. “Asshole,” I muttered.
Paxon opened his mouth, but Silas shut him up with a menacing “Pax.” They glared at each other for a minute until Pax finally lifted up his hands, giving in.
Escape. I needed an escape. If Paxon was staying here, I was not.
I inhaled a deep breath and faked a yawn. “I’m getting tired.” I looked up at Silas. “You guys should catch up. Would you mind taking me home? I’m beat and I need to work tomorrow.” When he frowned, I begged, “Please?”
He sighed. “Okay.”
Paxon didn’t give us the choice to go alone. I insisted on riding in the backseat, where I stayed silent during the trip into town. The two of them chatted about their former squad members while I stared out my window.
“How about I buy you a drink?” Paxon asked Silas as we rolled down Main Street. “I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t hit the . . . Silver Dollar Saloon,” he read from the bar’s neon sign.
Silas chuckled. “Sounds good. Felicity?” His eyes tipped to the rearview mirror.
“No, thank you.” I faked another yawn. “Maybe some other time.”
When he pulled into my drive, I breathed a sigh of relief. Ironic, wasn’t it? An hour ago, I never would have asked to leave Silas’s side. Now I was more than ready to be home alone.
“Thanks for the pizza. Nice to meet you, Paxon,” I said, opening the door. My polite farewell earned me another rude grunt. “Or not.”
“I’ll call you later.” Silas reached a hand back to squeeze my knee before I waved and jumped out of the truck.
I didn’t waste any time getting ready for bed and crawling beneath my heavy comforter. Though it could have ended on a much better note, one good thing had come from the evening.
I still had Silas’s sweatshirt.