The drive to the outpost the second time was just as nerve-racking as it had been the first.
Different but no less stressful.
On my first journey into the woods, I’d been nervous about where I was going, scared of the forest creatures and uncomfortable next to Beau’s dog. Now, those worries were long gone but new concerns had sprouted in their place. The outlook for my future was just as bleak as it had been in April.
I hadn’t gone with Henry to witness protection but was I just postponing the inevitable? Would I ever get my life back? As my body jostled around on the bumpy road, I sat silently wondering if it was pointless for me to wish for anything other than to simply stay alive.
Silas and Beau stayed mostly quiet too on the drive back. It wasn’t until we were an hour into the wilderness that either of the men spoke. Even then, their conversation was limited.
“We should have driven part of the way so you didn’t have to take us all the way back to the outpost. You’ll be lucky to get home by ten,” Beau told Silas.
“I don’t mind. Felicity has wedding stuff with Gigi tonight anyway.”
A stab of jealousy zinged through my side. Felicity wasn’t having attendants because I couldn’t be a part of their wedding but it still hurt that I was missing everything.
Maybe I needed to get used to this. Was her wedding just a preview of my eventual reality? Would I be trapped in a new identity in a faraway town, forced to watch silently through Facebook posts and Instagram photos how my family and friends were living?
I didn’t want that life. I didn’t want to start over. I didn’t want to lose the people that I loved.
A tear dripped down my cheek and I swiped it away, not wanting Beau or Silas to know I was crying. It was selfish to feel sorry for myself. The only person to blame for these circumstances was me. Had I not written the Federov story, I would be safe in Seattle, having my bridesmaid dress fitted and packing for a vacation to Montana to be in Felicity’s wedding.
On the whole, my story had triggered more positive outcomes than bad, but it had come at great personal cost. The worst of it was, had I known this was how it would all turn out, I don’t know if I would have written the article. Would I have let the gun smuggling continue? Would I have let the Federovs keep ruining lives?
No. Even though it might have destroyed my life, I still would have written the story.
For Janessa.
By the time we pulled up to the outpost, it was nearly seven. I didn’t feel much like eating but my stomach was growling for dinner.
“Do you guys want something to eat before you head back to town?” I asked.
“I’d take a sandwich for the road,” Silas said.
“Sure thing.” I hopped out of the truck and hustled inside. By the time the guys joined me, I was in the middle of slapping together four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I wrapped up two in a paper towel for Silas and gave him my last bag of chips with a bottled water.
“Thanks,” he said.
I smiled. “You’re welcome. Can you give something to Felicity for me?”
He nodded. “You bet.”
Then I rushed into his arms, hugging his waist as tightly as I could. His hand patted my back but I didn’t let go until my nose was no longer stinging with the threat of tears.
When I stepped away, I forced a smile. “There, give her that hug. Tell her I miss her, I love her and that she’ll be the most beautiful bride in history.”
He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “You’ll see her again, Sabrina.”
“I really hope so.” My voice cracked but I didn’t let it stop me from saying what I needed to say. “But if I don’t, promise me you’ll make her happy. Give her cute little blond babies and spoil her rotten at Christmas. Take her on a vacation once a year so she can get a tan. She deserves to be happy, Silas.”
“I promise,” he said softly. “I’ll make her the happiest woman alive.”
“Thank you,” I whispered as my eyes flooded.
Beau stepped up and curled me into his side. With his free hand, he shook Silas’s, then pulled me tighter as Silas walked outside and drove away.
“It’s going to be all right.” Beau held me tight as I lost control of my tears. My shoulders shook violently as I kept trying to tamp down the loud sobs. I couldn’t cry long because Beau needed to get home, but when he was safely on the road, I’d let my emotions loose. I could hold it in for just a little while longer.
“I’m good,” I hiccupped and stepped away. “Let me get your sandwiches so you can go.”
He reached out and pulled me back into his arms. “I’m staying tonight.”
“You don’t have to.” There wasn’t any conviction in my words. I wanted him to stay and hold me all night long.
“I’m staying,” he repeated.
I lifted my chin so he could bend down and lightly brush his lips to mine. He lingered a bit but broke apart when my stomach growled again.
“We’d better eat.” I demolished one peanut butter and jelly in record time while Beau ate the other.
“How are you feeling?” Beau asked as I made him another sandwich.
I shrugged. “Sad. I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll ever get to go home again.”
“Would that really be so bad?”
I set down my butter knife. “What?”
“If you couldn’t go back, would that really be so bad?”
I spun around from the counter, angry at him for making light of the situation. The stress of the day made me snap. “How could you even ask that? Of course it would be bad. I want my life back.” I’d be making some changes to my former lifestyle but at least I’d still be me.
“You want your Seattle life back?” he asked.
“Yes.” I was baffled by his question. “What other life do I have?”
Beau’s jaw clenched tight and the vein on his forehead bulged. “Seriously?”
Gah! Why the hell was he angry? I was the one who had the right to be upset. It wasn’t his life, his identity on the line here. His temper had spiked for no reason except that I wanted to go home. This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.
“Yes, seriously. I want to go home. I want to live my life. I want to be free to make my own choices.” I didn’t know what witness protection entailed but my freedom and independence would most likely be limited.
Beau shook his head. “You’re hell-bent on going home and picking up right where you left off?”
“Yes!” How was this a shock? Witness protection would be any sane person’s last resort.
“You wouldn’t even consider living somewhere else?”
“No.” My mouth hung open as I gaped at him. I wouldn’t even get to pick my new home. The FBI would do that for me. Of course I wouldn’t want that. Was he crazy?
“Huh,” he scoffed. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” I stared at him wordlessly as he marched over to the fridge and yanked out a water, slamming the door closed so hard the condiments in the door’s shelves went crashing.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t believe you’re mad at me.”
“And I can’t believe I’m falling for a girl who is so stubborn, she won’t even consider that the life she wants to return to so badly is complete shit.” Without looking back, he grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed outside.
“At least that life is of my own making!” I yelled at his back.
Beau didn’t respond other than to slam his truck door shut and gun the engine when it roared to life. Tires spun and dirt flew as he drove away at reckless speed.
“Don’t drive crazy! You’ll hit a tree!” I shouted, not that he could hear me.
No sooner had his taillights disappeared than I saw them coming back, full speed in reverse. Beau left the truck running and his door open as he strode my way. “I need my bag.”
I marched inside first, grabbing his backpack from the floor and throwing it at him. He caught it and slung it over his shoulder, not sparing me another second before turning around.
He might have been done with our fight but I wasn’t. I didn’t even know why we were fighting, but since I didn’t have the luxury of running away, I kept shouting before he could disappear again, “If you wanted me to go into witness protection so badly, what was all that about with Henry today? Why didn’t you just let him take me?”
His feet ground to a halt on the wooden floor. “What?”
“If you think my current life is ‘complete shit,’ then why didn’t you just let me leave today? Henry would have erased that life you deem so bad and I’d have an entirely new existence.”
Beau turned around, the hard scowl on his face replaced with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I threw my hands in the air. “What are you talking about? You asked me how I was feeling and I told you I was sad that I couldn’t go home. Then you got angry because I don’t want to give up my entire life, my family and my friends just to start over as a figment of the FBI’s imagination. Even if my life is crap, Beau, it’s better than witness protection. But if you think otherwise, why didn’t you send me with Henry?”
His bag slid off his shoulder and both hands came up to rub his face as he sighed, “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Okay, now I was confused. “Sorry for what?”
“I didn’t know you were talking about witness protection.”
“You didn’t?” I replayed our argument. If he didn’t think I was talking about witness protection, then why had he gotten so angry? “You need to keep explaining.”
He sighed and waved me over. “You need to come over here.”
I frowned and shook my head. “You come here.”
“Meet in the middle?”
I took one step and waited for him to do the same. One foot at a time, we only stopped when my bare toes were up against his tennis shoes.
“Why do you always do that?” I whispered when his hand lifted and pulled away the lock of hair I’d been twirling.
“Because you have nothing to be worried about.”
Beau knew me well. I wished I had a better handle on him so maybe I wouldn’t have to ask so many questions. “Why did you get mad?”
“Let’s just say, I was upset that you didn’t have an open mind.”
“Huh?”
“No more questions.” He smiled and bent down to press a kiss to my forehead. Then another to my nose. Then another on my lips. “Don’t move.”
I wanted to ask more questions but he vanished from my space and jogged outside, turning off his truck and shutting the door. Then he was back, this time rushing into my space and slamming his lips onto mine. I opened immediately, letting him take control and explore my mouth with that magical tongue.
Kisses now. Questions later.
His fingers roamed feverishly, running up my spine and through my hair, then working down my front, squeezing my breasts roughly through my tank top and bra. He may have been dominating our kiss but my hands were probing as frantically as his were.
I pressed hard into his back but my fingers were no match for the defined, toned muscles that ran from his shoulders to his hips. My palms skimmed lower, sliding under the waistband of his jeans. When my hands were molded perfectly to his sculpted ass, I gave him one tight squeeze, pulling his hips further into my space so I could feel his growing erection against my belly.
He groaned into my mouth, the vibration sending a whole new wave of heat to my center. Needing more, I slipped my hands out of his jeans and brought them between us, working the button on Beau’s jeans and carefully undoing the zipper.
One hand dove inside his boxers and gripped his hard cock tight. My strokes were short, but Beau ripped his lips off mine with a loud hiss.
“Turn around,” he ordered.
I immediately obeyed. Beau always preferred for our eyes to be locked during sex and had never taken me from behind. The idea of his powerful hips slamming into me while I was on my hands and knees? So hot I shivered and my pussy clenched.
The sound of rustling clothes filled the room as Beau stripped down, tossing his shirt and jeans into a pile by our feet. Then his hands came to my shirt, jerking it over my head, while I worked down my shorts and panties. With a flick on the clasp, he undid my bra so I could toss it to the floor.
“Down on all fours, angel,” he whispered to the soft skin under my ear.
I shivered and dropped, closing my eyes and savoring the sound of him calling me “angel” in that gravelly voice.
The front of Beau’s thighs rested against the back of mine as he joined me on the floor. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him rip open a condom packet with his teeth then drop his eyes as he rolled it on. His gaze came to mine and with a sexy smirk, he guided that hard cock right to my entrance, rubbing it against my clit a couple of times before pressing it against my opening.
I was so primed and ready, he eased inside without any resistance. Moaning, I closed my eyes and savored the stretch of my body around his thickness. I ached for him to let go of his restraint.
Over the last month, I’d developed a theory about sex with Beau. When he was inside me, he could read my mind. I rarely had to beg and even then, my pleas were more automatic responses to whatever he was already doing.
Unleashed, Beau started pounding into me hard and fast, giving me exactly what I needed. His cock thrust deep and with every slap of his skin to my ass, he hit a spot inside my body that made me gasp and tremble.
“Sabrina,” he groaned. “You feel so good.” His hands came to my hips, digging into my soft curves as he lifted me up just an inch to find that angle that sent me from needy to desperate.
Thrust after thrust, he pulled me back onto his cock as his hips powered forward. I opened my mouth to say harder but I couldn’t speak. My orgasm was right there, building and building until all I could do was feel it explode. “Beau,” I cried out as it hit and rushed over me in waves so intense my arms gave out and I had to rest my elbows on the floor.
“Fuck,” Beau hissed as my inner walls clenched around him, pulsing as I came longer and harder than ever before.
He didn’t give me a chance to recover from my first orgasm. Just as I was starting to breathe again, one of his hands slipped around my stomach and found my clit. With the perfect combination of speed and pressure, his middle finger sent another orgasm ripping through my body. This one was shorter but even harder than the last.
Completely limp and wrung out, I rested my head on my hands as Beau continued to pound with force, reaching for his own release. Just in time to see him come, I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder. His beautiful chest was covered in a sheen of glistening sweat and his eyes squeezed shut as he moaned my name.
That sexy man was all mine. For today, tomorrow and however long we had, he was mine.
Beau’s eyes opened and we locked gazes. With those dark ocean blues, he silently claimed me too.
Without breaking our connection, he reached down and lifted me up against his chest, wrapping one arm around my breasts as the other kept my hips pinned so I was resting on his softening cock.
I tipped up my chin to give him my mouth for a kiss entirely gentle and sweet. His beard tickled my chin as our lips worshipped one another. When he broke away, his arms hugged me tight for a moment before letting go and helping me stand. I instantly missed him as we slid apart.
Brushing the hair away from my face, I caught my breath while Beau went to take care of the condom. When he rejoined me in the living room, I fell into his arms, giving him most of my weight.
“Hmm. I could sleep here.”
He chuckled. “Don’t go passing out on me yet.”
“Did you have plans?” I grinned.
“I’ve always wanted to know if we could both fit in the shower.”
I laughed and shook my head. “No way. It’s too small.”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
An hour later, the bathroom floor was covered with water that had escaped the curtain, all my toiletries had been knocked down off their shelf and I was sated from another amazing orgasm.
As long as Beau had me pinned against the wall with my legs wrapped around his waist, we could both fit in the shower.
“I’m glad you forgot your bag, Goliath.”
His fingers were tracing circles on my lower back. “Me too.”
After our shower, he had set up our bed on the floor and we’d curled in for an early bedtime so Beau could get up before five and make the trip back to Prescott in the morning.
Normally, we both slept on our sides facing one another, but tonight, Beau was on his back and I was draped across his chest. I wasn’t sure why he liked the other position better but this was my new favorite. My toes were running up and down his muscled calves and my ear was pressed right against his heartbeat.
“Let’s play our question game,” I said.
He hummed his agreement.
“You’re falling for me?” I asked his chest. Even though he’d said it during our argument, I hadn’t missed it.
“I think you know the answer to that one, Shortcake.” His lips pressed into the top of my hair.
I was falling for him too.
“My turn,” he said. “Would you ever consider moving away from Seattle?”
I had asked myself that same question for the last month. The idea of being with Beau in Prescott was so tempting, but on the other hand, I knew myself well enough to know that I would suffocate in a place so small. The last thing I wanted was to resent him for trapping me in Montana.
“I don’t know,” I said. “There might be some things to change so I’m happier but I miss Seattle. Would you ever live in the city?”
He sighed. “I can’t leave Prescott. I need to be here for family. Especially Coby. And I can’t see myself being happy in a place like Seattle. No space. So many people. I think it would slowly choke me to death.”
I hated his answer but at least it was honest.
Our argument from the kitchen earlier now made sense. When he’d asked if not going back to Seattle would be so bad, he’d been asking if I’d consider a life in Prescott.
“Where does that leave us?” I asked.
“The same place we’ve always been. Here together for as long as we have.”
“Okay.” My throat started to close but I held off tears. If I didn’t get to keep Beau for a lifetime, I wanted to fill the time we did have with only happy moments.
When my emotions were under control, I propped my chin up on his chest so I could memorize the way Beau’s face looked tonight. His eyes were light in the darkening room. The crease between his eyebrows was relaxed and disappearing. His hair needed a trim but his beard was shorter than it had been when we’d first met.
“What do you look like without your beard?” I asked.
He grinned. “Younger. More like Michael.”
“When was the last time you shaved?”
“I shave my neck every day for work but I haven’t been without the beard in ages. Eight years, I think. Why?”
“Just curious, I guess. I doubt I’ll ever get the chance to meet your mom so she can show me your baby book and high-school yearbook pictures.”
Why did that realization hurt? I was infatuated with Beau’s beard, but right now, I wanted nothing more than to see him without it. To have that glimpse of him as a younger man. To run my hands across his smooth skin and learn every angle of his strong jaw.
Just once.
“I’ll make an agreement with you, Shortcake. I’ll shave my beard if you promise me you’ll never cut your hair short.”
“Really?”
“Really. I love your long hair.” His hand abandoned my skin to tug at the ends of my hair resting on our bed. It had grown two or three inches since I’d been at the outpost and now hung to my waist.
“But don’t men usually love their beards?”
He grinned. “Yeah, I love my beard, but I think I’m getting the better end of the bargain. Besides, give it two weeks, and I’ll have it grown back.”
I smiled. “I’m in.”
“Good. Now let me up and go find me your razor.”
“What? Tonight?” I asked, pushing off his chest.
“I like to lock in my agreements before people have a chance to change the terms.”
My smile got wider as I stood and went to my bag, pulling on some panties and pajamas. Beau wandered into the kitchen and I heard him rattling around while I went to the bathroom and found my razor and shaving cream.
“This will have to work since I don’t have my trimmer.” Beau held up a pocketknife and sharpening steel that he’d brought into the bathroom. He assumed his place at the sink and I sat on the toilet seat to watch in utter fascination.
“You’re really going to do this?” I knew how attached men got to their facial hair. At any moment, I expected him to back out.
He nodded. “I think you’re underestimating how much I love your hair.”
I smiled as my heart swelled.
After sharpening the knife, slowly and with extreme care, Beau began dragging the blade across his jaw. Small hairs fell into the sink as he scraped off the longer hairs on his face. Next, he wet his patchy scruff and lathered on a thick layer of my Gillette pink shaving cream. Then with my yellow Venus razor, he worked his way across his face, erasing the beard and leaving behind a new Beau.
After washing off the remnants of the shaving cream, he inspected himself in the mirror before patting his face dry with a towel and turning to me.
Standing stark naked in all his glory, Beau had gotten rid of something he’d had for eight years just to satisfy my curious nature and make me happy.
“Well?”
My eyes welled and I lost sight of him in the blur.
I was in love with him.
I knew I’d fallen before, but I hadn’t admitted it to myself. But sitting in this tiny bathroom, I couldn’t deny it any longer. I was hopelessly in love with Beau Holt.
“That bad?” he asked.
I shook my head and wiped my eyes dry. “Not bad at all.”
Beau was undeniably the sexiest man alive, with or without the beard. Clean-shaven, his jaw was just as strong and now I could see that his chin was perfect for the shape of his face. He did look younger but he was still my Beau.
“Which do you like better?” he asked, turning back to the mirror.
I stood from my seat and walked to him at the sink. “I need to do some research before I can answer.”
My hands found his jaw, gently rubbing the smooth skin before pulling his face down to mine. I kissed his mouth first but then trailed my lips across the lines of his jaw, up one side and down the other. The fresh scent of my shaving cream somehow blended with his rich woodsy smell into an intoxicating mixture, and by the time I made it back to his lips, I was dizzy.
After one last kiss, I leaned back and found his eyes. “I can’t decide. I like you with or without the beard.”
His sexy smirk set my pulse to racing. “That’s not good enough, Shortcake. I think you just haven’t done enough research.”
“Oh, yeah?” I breathed.
He nabbed my hand and pulled me through the door to our bed. Then he spent the next hour making sure I researched just exactly how his smooth skin felt against every inch of my body.
Just as we were drifting off to sleep, I whispered, “Goliath?”
“Hmm.”
“Grow back the beard.”
He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my hair. “Your wish, Shortcake.”