The firefighters in my meadow were having a bonfire.
“Don’t you think it’s just a little ironic?” I asked Beau.
He chuckled as he towel dried his wet hair. “Not really.”
I turned from Beau standing in the middle of the room to Michael sitting in the log chair next to me on my cot. “You agree with me, don’t you?”
I didn’t get the reinforcement I’d been looking for. Michael just shrugged and smiled at his brother.
“Why am I the only one in this room that thinks a fire, today of all days, is ludicrous?”
“They’re just celebrating,” Beau said. “A lot of crews have traditions like this. The Big Sky Hotshots always camp out and party after their first fire of the year.”
“I don’t understand you Montana men. If I was covered in black soot and smelled like a burnt match, the only thing I’d want would be two consecutive showers, a gallon of soap and an actual bed. Having a campfire party would be the last thing on my mind.”
“These guys don’t give a shit about soap and most like sleeping under the stars,” Beau said.
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t begrudge them the chance to relax and celebrate a job well done. I can’t imagine the stress and demands of their job but I’m just surprised they aren’t making the quick trip home to party there.”
Beau gave me a gentle smile. “It’ll be fine.”
He knew I was worried about these men hanging at the outpost longer than necessary. There was still a chance one of them could recognize me and question my presence. Though if they hadn’t suspected anything by now, I was likely in the clear. Even if they did start asking too many questions, the amount of alcohol they were consuming would probably make it difficult to remember in the morning anyway.
Another irony, the crew hadn’t bothered packing tents but had found plenty of room for alcohol. I decided not to bring that one up to the Holt brothers, knowing I wouldn’t get any sympathy on that topic either.
“You guys want to go out there for a while?” Michael asked, standing from his chair.
“Sure,” Beau answered for us both.
What? He wanted me to mingle at a bonfire while I was supposed to be in hiding?
While Michael rummaged around the kitchen, Beau tossed his towel aside and came to me on the cot. With one good tug, he pulled me up and into his space.
“Um, what are you thinking?” I hissed. “Don’t you think it would be best if I stayed in here? You know, in hiding?”
“Yeah, I do. But I also think it will be kind of suspicious if you stay inside. Trust me, they’ll ask more questions about you if you stay inside than if you’re out there with them.”
“I’ll hide in plain sight.”
“Exactly.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “Just no talking about pine beetles.”
He chuckled. “Deal. Did everything go okay with Michael?”
I smiled. “He’s great. I had fun getting to know him.”
“No problems?”
“None.”
Beau and I hadn’t had a chance to debrief from the last two days. After the helicopter had landed, Michael and I had stuck close to the outpost, waiting for the team to make the hike back down. The pilot had stayed, needing to discuss something with Beau, and shared some details about how fighting the fire had gone.
The wind, which had started out working against the crew, had settled that first night and the team had been able to dig a good perimeter trench and start backfires. With a series of strategically placed air drops of water and fire retardant, the blaze had been tamed and was no longer at risk of spreading. The crew was free to return, job well done.
The team had emerged from the forest early this evening, dirty and happy to shed their heavy packs. Beau’s face had been nearly black, the skin around his eyes and cheeks the same color as his beard, but when he’d flashed me a bright, white smile, I’d almost cried with joy.
Whatever my future held, I’d never forget that smile. It had taken my breath away.
Beau hadn’t wasted any time debriefing the team and talking to the helicopter pilot. The entire time, Dylan had stood away from the crowd, doling out angry glares to anyone who dared make eye contact. Clearly, something had happened up on the mountain but I hadn’t had a chance to ask what.
After the debrief, the team relocated their gear and vehicles to the meadow for their party and the pilot flew his helicopter home. Beau had gone straight into the shower to clean up so now that he was fresh and crisp, I could finally ask what had happened.
“What’s going on with Dylan?”
His jaw clenched tight as he shook his head. “He’s a fucking fool. He wanted to take the team up a ridge that would have trapped us against a cliff. We got into it and I overruled him. He’s pissed but I don’t give a fuck. I’m reporting him as soon as I get back to town.”
“That guy’s a douchebag,” Michael called from the kitchen. “Hey, can I have some of this Crown?”
“Go ahead,” Beau and I said in unison, smiling at his brother.
Michael’s playful nature was such a contrast from Beau’s seriousness. Beau took on so much with those broad shoulders. I liked that he had someone to give him some lightness.
“You guys ready?” Michael asked, the whiskey tucked securely under his arm
“Ready,” Beau said.
All I wanted was to snuggle up with Beau and let him curl me into his arms, but with Michael sharing the outpost’s floor space, that wasn’t going to be an option until his next visit. That was, if Beau didn’t deem our kiss a mistake and stop spending the night again.
The three of us strolled outside and I took care to appreciate the beautiful scenery. The late evening sun was setting behind the mountains as we emerged into the meadow. With the sky above us darkening to navy and the horizon glowing gold, it felt like the heavens were smiling good night.
In the center of the meadow, the bonfire was burning tall. The crew had built a ring of stones in the circle where the helicopter had landed. The grasses were still plastered to the earth, making a smooth surface for the party’s gathering point. Branches and small logs from the forest were piled in small clumps between groups of visiting men.
Men who were substantially cleaner than they had been earlier. How had that happened? Their faces were fresh and most had wet hair. Their protective outer layers, which had been covered in soot and filth, had been stripped away to mostly clean T-shirts and utility pants.
“Where did they clean—never mind.” In the creek at the far end of the meadow, I saw a young brunette man washing himself in the cold water. “Shouldn’t we tell them they can use the shower at the outpost?” I asked Beau. “That is what it’s there for.”
He shook his head. “I offered but they didn’t want to intrude on your space.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Don’t worry about it, Shortcake. They’re fine.” He threw his arm around my shoulders for a sideways hug. My arm slid behind his waist and rested perfectly against his lower back. Walking with him in this position, like an actual couple, was too nice not to smile about.
We joined the party and I reluctantly let Beau go so he could shake hands with the crew. Most of the young men looked up at him with reverence. Michael wasn’t the only one with stars in his eyes.
“Would you like a drink, ma’am?” A man with shaggy red hair offered me his bottle of gin. I recognized him from the line of men that had been in the outpost filling their canteens in the kitchen sink.
“No, thank you.” Glancing around the bonfire, I realized I wouldn’t be drinking tonight. No one had glasses and I didn’t see a single bottle label that I recognized.
While Beau and Michael visited, I stood between them and people-watched. A couple guys had already laid out their beds on the grass and another was in the process of doing the same. From the bottom of his pack, the man unrolled a green mat, then dug around the inside of the bag to pull out a wool plaid blanket. With a proud smile, he patted his resting place, then stood to join the others.
It was impressive how little these men needed to be comfortable.
I looked to my feet and smiled to myself.
It was impressive how little I needed to be comfortable. Three months ago, I’d likened my time at the outpost to pure torture. Now, I’d be making some changes when I eventually got home.
My life in Seattle would be simpler, better, if I downsized a bit. My closet needed to be cleaned out and clothes sent to charity. I would do a better job of cooking for myself rather than constantly eating out. I might even consider finding a smaller, less extravagant apartment.
“Holt!” My attention snapped back to the party when a man summoned Beau over to his group.
“Be right back,” Beau told me and Michael.
With his brother out of earshot, Michael asked, “So what happened with Dylan? Beau just gave us the high level.”
The three men in our group shared knowing glances. The redhead stood between two black men that I’d learned were cousins. I’d already forgotten their names so I’d silently granted them all nicknames. Red, for the ginger. Tall Cousin and Short Cousin, for obvious reasons.
“It was bad,” Tall Cousin said. “Dylan took a swing at Beau.”
“Fuck,” Michael hissed at the same time my mouth fell open.
“Yeah. The fucking dickhead was lucky your brother has extreme self-control. If it’d been me, I would have leveled Dylan,” Short Cousin added.
My eyes scanned the crowd, searching for Dylan, but he was nowhere to be seen. Michael and the guys changed subjects but the back of my neck prickled. Even though I couldn’t see him, I felt Dylan’s creepy stare. I turned around, squinting through the dim evening light, until I caught him in the distance near the tree line.
“Oh, no,” I muttered. My turn had sent the wrong message. Dylan pushed off the tree he’d been leaning against and started walking my way. A half-empty bottle of some dark liquor dangled from one of his hands.
Dylan’s swaying steps crossed the distance between us surprisingly fast. The closer he got, the closer I inched to Michael. Where was Beau? He’d disappeared a few minutes ago behind one of the hotshot trucks.
“Hey, Sabrina,” Dylan slurred as he stepped next to my side.
“Hi,” I muttered, leaning back when he bent too close to my face and I got a whiff of his drunk breath.
“Dylan, back off,” Michael warned.
I was practically hanging off Michael’s hip now. I couldn’t explain it, Dylan hadn’t done anything other than just talk to me and invade my personal bubble but something was off. Maybe it was woman’s intuition but I knew Dylan wasn’t just a Creepy Carl. His interest in me went well beyond an ill-placed crush.
Dylan grumbled at Michael’s order but took a step away, then tipped the bottle to his mouth. Bubbles burst inside the glass as the alcohol was sucked into Dylan’s already drunk body. “Back off? She wants me, guys.” Dylan wiped a dribble of liquid from his chin. “You know how it is. She’s just playing hard to get.”
“The fuck she is,” Michael said, pulling me farther behind him.
“You’ll see, Holt. You’ll all see.” His strange threat sent an icy wave of chills down my spine. The men in our circle all stared at Dylan in disgust until, finally, Red broke away and pushed Dylan toward one of the rigs.
I stared, unable to look away, as Red set up Dylan’s bedroll, then forcefully shoved Dylan’s ass onto his blanket. A slew of curse words were volleyed back and forth until Red threw his hands in the air and left Dylan to stew alone, slurping down more of his almost-empty bottle of booze.
“That guy’s going to get his ass handed to him one of these days,” Michael said. “He’s just lucky Beau wasn’t here.”
“Hmm,” I hummed my agreement, though I had a feeling it was because Beau hadn’t been here that Dylan had approached in the first place.
“Talk about a mood killer,” Michael said.
“Let’s get something to eat,” Tall Cousin said. “I’m starving.”
I followed all of them over to one of the vehicles where Short Cousin rifled through a box filled with silver packets. Ripping one open, he held it out to me first. “Ice cream?”
“What?” I stepped closer and saw the inside was filled with freeze-dried ice cream. “This is what you guys are eating?”
He shrugged. “MREs aren’t so bad.”
I broke off a piece of the cardboard-white square and sniffed it before popping it into my mouth. “That is not good. Not at all,” I said, swallowing my bite. “Come on, Michael, let’s raid my stash and bring these guys some decent snacks.”
An hour later, most of the alcohol had been consumed, my food tubs had been decimated, and we were all having an awesome time.
Beau had returned to my side not long after Michael and I had brought out the food. I’d let out a huge sigh of relief when I’d looked over at Dylan’s cot and seen that he had finally passed out.
With Dylan no longer staring at me, I was finally able to relax and enjoy my first campfire party. As the lingering sunbeams vanished and stars appeared, we all settled around the fire for an evening spent telling stories.
Me, the Holts and the hotshots.
“Having fun?” Beau asked softly as Short Cousin told the group a joke.
I was perched on one of my food tubs while he was sitting on the ground at my side. I looked down at him and smiled. “Yeah. I am.”
“Hey, Holt. Tell us about your first fire.”
It wasn’t the first request the young men had asked of Beau. He’d told just as many stories tonight as he’d listened to. Everyone around the fire, including me, wanted to soak up as much Beau as they could before morning.
“It was a small fire,” Beau answered. “Kind of like this one. I had just finished training and was the new guy on my crew.”
Beau continued to tell the men about his experience on that first fire and the others he fought during his first summer as a hotshot. With every story, I felt closer and closer to him. Learning about his past cemented what I’d always known: Beau was as steady as a mountain in a storm. Nothing seemed to scare him.
I couldn’t imagine him young and wide-eyed, like the men in our campfire circle. I bet his parents would attest to Beau always being an old soul. A part of me longed for the chance to meet them and learn about his childhood. To see his baby pictures. To see him relaxed and enjoying time with his family.
A sad and hopeless feeling settled into my heart. Our time together was fleeting. I needed to make a choice: push Beau away and spare my heart any further agony, or take as much of him as I could until our time was up. If that kiss we’d shared was any indication, the closer we got physically, the harder it would be to eventually leave.
The weight of that looming decision drained all of my energy reserves, and my eyelids started to droop. I yawned and patted Beau’s shoulder. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“Oh, uh, okay,” he said, pushing up off the ground.
“That’s okay. You stay. These guys would hate me forever if I deprived them of hero-worship time.”
He chuckled. “Okay. Michael and I will be in after we finish our drinks. Here, take a flashlight.”
I smiled and said my good nights to the men. Before I set off across the meadow, I took one last glance at Dylan, still passed out by the truck. Sleeping, he didn’t look nearly as menacing as he had earlier.
Was I being overly paranoid? Dylan was very drunk and maybe I’d imagined the worst. I frowned, mentally cursing Anton Federov. Other than the nightmares, I hadn’t really experienced much post-traumatic stress from Anton’s attack. I had thought I’d come through fairly unscathed, but now I was realizing he hadn’t just done a number on my body with his beating. Apparently, he’d also given me a slew of trust issues when it came to strange men.
Shaking off those ugly thoughts, I made my way back to the outpost. The warmth of my little home chased away the chill I’d gotten after leaving the fire, and grabbing some sleep shorts and a T-shirt from my bag, I went right to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
I was in the middle of brushing and braiding my hair when I heard the door open and footsteps cross the living room. Hurrying, I tugged out the braid and tied my hair in a topknot. Beau must have left Michael at the fire and I was hoping we’d have a few minutes to talk about our kiss the other day.
“Decided to come back after all?” I asked, stepping out of the bathroom. My feet froze. It wasn’t Beau, but Dylan, in my living room. “Uh, hi. What are you doing here?”
Now that we were inside and in better light, I could see how bloodshot and unfocused his eyes were. Dylan wasn’t drunk. He was hammered. It was a wonder he could even stand.
“Just wanted some better company,” he slurred. “Fucking sick of hearing Beau tell the guys how fucking great he is.”
I had made a mistake in thinking Dylan had been passed out this whole time. Had he been waiting for this chance to follow me back? Surely someone must have seen him leave the campsite, right? My heart was racing but I fought to appear calm.
My eyes darted to the door, willing Beau or Michael to walk through it. Dylan’s body swayed back and forth as he stood in silence and watched me. What was he doing here? The worry I’d felt earlier about his mental health was back in full force.
“Do you want some water?” I abandoned my spot by the bathroom door and walked sideways along the far wall. If the bathroom had a lock, I would have barricaded myself inside, but as it didn’t, my gut was telling me to get as close to the front door as possible.
“Where you goin’?” Dylan took one step closer and I stopped mid-step.
“I’m just getting you some water. You look thirsty,” I lied. He looked crazy.
“You know what I’m tired of?”
I shook my head.
“I’m tired of everyone always talking about fucking Beau Holt. The trainers. My boss. My own fucking crew! Be more like Beau. Do what Beau would do. Play it safe like Beau. Fuck safe. And fuck Beau!”
I flinched as he threw a hand out to the side while he yelled. The stumbling, bumbling drunk in front of me morphed into a raging lunatic. His movements, which had been sloppy seconds ago, were now oddly controlled as his anger boiled to the surface.
“Calm down,” I said, holding up my hands and inching closer to the kitchen.
“Fuck calm!” he roared and I flinched again.
“Dylan, just take a breath. Let me get you some water. We can sit and talk this out.”
When I took another step, he came at me with one long stride. “Talk. You don’t want to talk. You want to get over here and gimme a kiss. I saw the way you were eyeing me earlier. Wouldn’t Beau just love that? Walk in on me kissin’ his girl.”
My whole body started trembling. This was too familiar, too terrifying. I’d lived through this with Anton and survived. I had fought to keep Anton out of my dreams. I wasn’t going through this again with Dylan.
I just had to make it out the door. It was time to act fast.
With one huge step, I faked a lunge to the bathroom. Dylan bought my false move and dived for me. I was banking on the fact that he was drunk and his reflexes slow. While his momentum carried him one way, I jumped back the opposite way.
I made it one step before Dylan yelled and flung his long body backward. His boots slid on the wooden floor and he lost his footing, but as he fell, his arm swung wildly at my bare feet. His arm hit my ankle, causing me to stumble.
With a loud thud, my body crashed into the floor. The impact sent a shooting pain through my hip but I ignored it and scrambled onto my hands and knees, clawing with desperation toward the kitchen as Dylan awkwardly struggled to stand.
Dylan cussed and yelled again but the two fast steps I’d taken put me out of his reach. I exploded out the door and immediately started screaming Beau’s name. Pine needles and small rocks dug into the soles of my feet as I sprinted through the night. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I held my arms in front of me, hoping not to collide with a tree on my way to the meadow.
“Sabrina!” I heard Beau’s yell right before Boone barked and collided with my shins.
I lost my balance, but before I fell, Beau’s mammoth arms were wrapped around my shoulders.
“It’s Dylan,” I gasped, pointing back to the outpost. I gulped a huge breath, trying to settle my heart. It was beating so hard it actually hurt inside my chest.
“What’s Dylan?” Beau asked.
“He came after me,” I panted.
Beau’s frame locked tight. “Michael!” he bellowed, though his brother was already at his side shining a flashlight at our feet. “Stay with Sabrina.”
“Calm down, Beau,” Michael said. Behind him were nineteen hotshot bodies. I couldn’t make out faces but their outlines were illuminated by the fire in the distance.
“Stay with Sabrina,” Beau repeated through clenched teeth. His chest expanded in an angry breath before his arms around me loosened and were replaced by his brother’s.
I pushed out of Michael’s embrace and started walking after Beau. The adrenaline was leaving my system and my teeth began to chatter loudly. “Michael, stop him.” Beau was furious and Dylan didn’t stand a chance. His self-control wouldn’t hold this time, and as much as I would like Beau to beat the crap out of that asshole, the last thing we needed was attention from the police.
I walked faster, my bare feet limiting my speed, but Michael clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Wait.” With one swift move, Michael picked me up, looping his arm around my back and one under my knees. “Come on, guys.” He called behind him as he jogged after Beau with me in his arms. A couple of the guys ran ahead of us and latched on to Beau’s arms just as Dylan came stumbling out the door.
“What?” Dylan slurred. “I was just gonna kiss her.”
Beau jerked his arms free and stepped right up to Dylan. The punch he threw was so fast and hard, all I saw was a flash of skin before the resounding crack of Dylan’s jaw split the air.
“Fuck,” Michael muttered.
The hotshots were all hovering around Beau, though they didn’t need to worry. He was already backing off a very unconscious Dylan.
Beau spun around and his eyes searched me out. He took two long strides and lifted me out of Michael’s arms. My head fell into his neck as he walked inside without haste. Gently, he set me down on my cot and tucked my sleeping bag around my shoulders and bare legs. My teeth were still chattering and my muscles had started to shake from the mixture of cold and fear.
“Are you all right?” he asked
I nodded. “He just scared me. My hip hurts a little from where he tripped me and I fell, but I’m okay.”
Beau blew out a long breath and hung his head. “I’m so fucking sorry.” His eyes found mine. “I should have come inside with you.”
I gave him a small smile. “It’s not your fault and I’m fine.”
“What happened?” he asked.
I recounted Dylan’s visit quickly so the men outside wouldn’t hear. The stress in Beau’s shoulders eased when he learned that nothing serious had happened.
“We can’t make a big deal out of this, Beau,” I said quietly.
“He should get his ass thrown in jail.”
“I agree but then my name would be on a police report. I’d rather have Dylan walking free than the Federovs knowing I’m in Montana.” Besides, I had a feeling that Dylan’s sore jaw would be a nice reminder of his indiscretion. That was, if he even remembered what had happened.
Beau shook his head and thought about it for a minute before sighing. “Fine.”
“Beau?” Michael called from the doorway. “What should we do? One of the guys went to get the sat phone from the trucks. Do you want me to have Jess come up?”
“No,” Beau and I said in unison.
Michael gave us a sideways glance but shrugged and turned to the men crowded at his back. “No cops,” he told the crew. “Let’s wake Douchebag up and make sure he’s alive.”
The audience at my door dispersed and the men shuffled around outside. Boone jogged in and came right to my side. Michael came in soon after and declared he was going to hang with the guys for the rest of the night and just camp outside.
“Are you still cold?” Beau asked after Michael left with a couple extra blankets.
I nodded and burrowed further under my sleeping bag.
“Come here.” He held out a hand and helped me off my cot. Then with practiced ease, he set up our sleeping-bag bed on the floor. Tucked into his arms, it only took ten minutes for the chill that had seeped into my bones to finally disappear.
The scare from earlier was still fresh but I said a silent prayer of thanks that it hadn’t turned out worse. As it was, I’d be able to brush it off after a few days.
I sent up another grateful message to whichever angel had sent Beau Holt into my life. Because though tonight’s circumstances had been extreme, I was undeniably happy to be back in his arms.