Chapter Four
The closer I drive to Brooklyn, the deeper the weight of what’s going to happen pulls me down. I haven’t a clue as to what I can expect. There’s so much that can go wrong. The loyalty and trust I’ve always had with my twin is about to be shattered.
Knowing we’ve had feelings for the same girl our entire lives was always a challenge. He knew I loved her, I knew he refused to admit he wanted her. Through everything we both waited, hoping that something would give. When Hank and Taryn finally came to terms with their physical connection, I was broken. I thought he had won what I’d always wanted. Then something changed . . . as much as they thought it was what they wanted, their chemistry wasn’t enough to make their relationship last. They crumbled and it left Taryn in pieces. I can’t explain the way I felt when I heard they had ended things. I was elated, ecstatic to the fact that I may indeed have a chance. Once again, I was hopeful that the woman of my dreams would be mine. Now . . . now that things are the way they are, I’m worried that having the one thing I’ve always wanted will destroy the bond I’ve held with my brother. Together, Hank and I have been inseparable. We were a dynamic pair who has had one another’s back for our entire lives.
What I’ve done is wrong, but fuck if it doesn’t feel so right when her and I are together. I’ve become a twisted and torn soul, not knowing what will come of the mess I’ve created. My heart tells me that I deserve what I’ve longed for years, but my brain brings me back into a state of reality . . . telling me what I’ve done is a mistake. It kills me to want her so badly, to finally have her as my own and to feel the pang of guilt that signals the hurt of my actions.
Pulling into the alleyway, I park alongside the house and cut the engine to my truck. As my eyes scan the surroundings of my childhood home, a chill runs over my entire body, the palms of my hands beginning to clam up.
I have to do this, but can I do this?
It’s time to face the music, to win what is rightfully mine and be the man I know I need to be both in the cage and for her.
I can’t do this, can I?
Grabbing onto the steering wheel, I rest my head against the headrest while childhood memories filter through my mind. I can’t believe I’m back in Brooklyn. This place has always been home to me, yet now that I’m here again I’m not sure if I really belong. Having been gone the last six months has given me the opportunity to learn more about myself, the life I want to live and the choices I need to make.
As I glance back to the house, all my concerns vanish when my eyes set on Ma standing in the doorway. Warmth fills my heart, realizing exactly why I’m here. It doesn’t matter what life throws at me or the choices I’ve made in the past. The fact is that I am indeed here and the one person who has always showed me unconditional love is standing in my home waiting for me. Pushing away the thoughts of uncertainty from my mind, I reach into the backseat and grab my duffle bag.
The closer I get, the more her eyes begin to shine. If no one else, at least I know that she’s happy I’m back. Tossing the bag onto the stoop, I pull her into my arms, holding onto her tightly.
“I’m so glad you’re home, sweetie,” she whispers.
“Thanks for everything, Ma. I mean it. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”
Pulling herself away from me, she has the biggest grin on her face.
“There’s a lot to talk about, I’m sure, but for right now I want you to get yourself settled. Your room is ready with fresh sheets. Head upstairs and get some rest before everyone arrives.”
Shaking my head, I run my fingertips through my hair.
“Don’t argue with me, Trenton. You may be a grown man, but I still know what is best for you.”
“I get it, Ma, I really do. It’s just that having a welcome home party in my honor doesn’t seem like the right thing to do right now. I haven’t seen my brother or best friend for months. After what I’ve done and what I want to do, I’m not sure they’ll look at me the same way again. It wasn’t a mistake, Ma, not one minute of it.”
“Trenton Jones, I won’t have you stand here beating yourself up over something you couldn’t control. Whether your actions were appropriate at the time or not, your heart is leading you in the direction it deserves. I love you and your brother with all my heart, let’s just take it day by day. Hank will be here before everyone else. Maybe then you two should sit down and talk. Get it all out and see what happens from there.”
I hear the words she’s saying, yet I’m not sure I can believe there is any truth in them. She has so much hope in her expression it kills me. She’s my mother, there’s no doubt that she loves and wants what is best for me and my brother. I just don’t know that things will work out as well as she’s hoping they will.
“You keep that positive spirit going for the both of us, but once the fists start flying don’t get pissed if you get an ‘I told you so’ out of me.”
“Yes, dear, of course not. A mother knows best, remember that.”
Bending to reach for my bag, I roll my eyes
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”
The sound of the door closing downstairs sends a wave of uneasiness throughout my body. As I move to stand, I tightly close my eyes and take in a deep breath.
It’s now or never, Trenton.
Opening my eyes, I begin to walk out of my room and downstairs. Regardless of how much I know this is going to suck, I also know what must be done.
I can do this.
As I take the final step into the living room, my eyes set onto Ma and my brother walking into the room.
“Hey, man. Good to see you’re back in the land of the living,” he laughs while moving toward me.
Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he smacks my back with the palm of his hand before taking a step away. My gazes moves to my Ma, who has a look of encouragement splayed across her face.
“Yeah, it’s been a bit. Glad to be home,” I respond running my fingertips through my hair.
Swallowing back the lump rising in my throat, I run my clammy palms against my jeans and begin to pace around the room.
“You here for good or will you be traveling again?” he asks taking a seat on the couch.
“Yeah, I’m staying put. The job up state is done, now I need to focus on the crew and the work we need to start here.”
“Sounds like a good plan. I mean, with the fights already started and all. I figured you might want to keep your ass grounded for a while,” he states with a cocky smirk.
Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is he talking about? He knows these fights mean more to me than anything.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve kept up with my training and everything else I needed to be ready for these fights,” I spit back.
“Trenton,” Ma’s voice responds. “No need to get upset. Your brother was just asking a question.”
“No, Ma,” I argue. “I know exactly what he’s trying to say. He thinks I’ve been slacking, that I don’t care enough about the fights to put in the effort.”
Steering my gaze to my twin, I watch as he sits back further onto the couch while shrugging his shoulders.
I can’t help but stare daggers back at him. His lack of faith in my ability to remain focused is unnerving. He should know better than anyone how important this is to me. It’s not just his name on the line, it’s mine too. We’ve trained all our lives for this moment. The fights are finally here in Brooklyn and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anything stand in my way . . . not even her.
“Relax, man. We both know who is taking the title home for the family name. I’ve got this one in the bag.”
Just as I’m about to lunge forward toward him, there’s a knock at the door in the kitchen. My eyes scan toward Ma as she points her finger back and forth between us, indicating that we both stay put. As much as I may want to clock the shit out of Hank, I can’t do it here. We may be grown ass adults, but when Ma says to stay put, we listen.
Silence begins to strangle me as I look around the living room, my eyes wandering over every inch of open space . . . except for that of my brother. Right now, with the amount of anger I have boiling through my veins, there’s no way I can look him in the eye. I know I need to talk to him, tell him exactly what’s been going on, but right now he has me so frazzled over the fights I can’t do it.
“Hank and Trenton, get your butts out here,” Ma’s voice calls from the kitchen.
As I’m about to turn, to make my way out to her, Hank storms past me pushing me into the wall.
Fucking prick!
Today is going to be difficult. He’s already made that apparently clear and I haven’t a clue as to why he’s acting like such a dick.
Does he already know?
Is he upset about the breakup?
Did something happen that Ma hadn’t mentioned to me?
Unsure what may or may not have crawled up Hank’s ass, I quickly follow his footsteps out toward the kitchen. As I move into the room, the air is sucked out of my lungs to find Taryn standing in the middle of the kitchen with her arms wrapped around her waist. My mouth goes dry at the sight of her and knowing that Hank is standing between us. I can’t help myself. Her beauty takes me by storm and I ache to be near her. This has to be one of the most uncomfortable moments of my entire life. The air within the room seems dense as my lungs attempt to take in a breath. I watch Taryn as her gaze shifts down to the floor, her bottom lip sucked in between her teeth. There’s no doubt in my mind the nervous energy that is rushing through her body just as it is in mine. My heart begins to beat out of control, every nerve ending in my body pulsing on high alert. Gorgeous brown eyes move from the ground to Ma and directly into mine. There’s a hint of smile pulling from her mouth, I know she’s fighting the urge to come to me. I want so badly to move toward her, wrap her in my arms and feel her lips against mine. I want to comfort the uneasiness I know she’s feeling. I need to touch her.