Chapter One
Despite the warm April weather in Briarwood, Texas, Sierra Jackson had never felt colder in her life. She took a deep breath, then released it, anxiously shifting her weight from one foot to another as she stood on the wooden steps. She began to gnaw on her nails, then pushed her hands into her back pockets, wishing that she could cure herself of the bad habit that had left her nails bitten down to the nub over the past few days.
Lilliana Rose and her lies! she thought angrily. If it hadn’t been for her grandmother’s deception, she wouldn’t be standing here on this doorstep like a prisoner awaiting execution.
From the moment she had opened the letter two days ago, Sierra had known that this moment was fast approaching. Some might call it a moment of reckoning. She could no longer avoid the inevitable. It was something that she needed to do, regardless of any discomfort she might feel in coming face to face with her past. For a moment she considered turning tail and running back to her car, but she quickly dismissed the notion. She was through with running away from Caleb Matthews. She had done it once before and it had turned out to be the worst mistake of her life.
She had to see him.
Lord, please give me the courage to face this moment with grace.
The very thought of Caleb made her limbs tremble and her heart beat at a pace three times faster than normal. Eight years had passed since she had last seen him, and she could only imagine how the years had changed him. If she closed her eyes she could still picture him as he’d looked the last time she'd laid eyes on him. He'd been standing next to his motorcycle, all six feet inches of him, leanly muscled and uncommonly graceful, his right fingers jammed into his back pocket as he blew her a kiss with his left hand. There would be no kisses blown in her direction today, she thought with a grimace. Not after what she had done!
With trembling fingers she knocked on the door of the small, ranch-style house, counting the seconds in her head as she waited for it to open. Agonizing moments passed before she heard a voice, Caleb’s voice, telling her to come in. She took a deep breath and turned the knob, her palms moist and clammy as she slowly pushed open the door. There was no longer a wooden barrier standing between them; it took every ounce of will she possessed not to give in to the urge to run away from this moment, this long overdue encounter.
The moment she locked eyes on Caleb, she knew deep down in her soul there would be no running away. Every fiber of her being was urging her to stay. Face the music. The words buzzed in her ears. It felt like all the air had suddenly left her lungs.
Caleb. He was taller and bigger than she remembered him; he’d grown a few inches and filled out his lean physique into one of pure muscle and raw strength. Some things hadn’t changed though. He still had perfectly chiseled cheekbones and the light tiger’s eyes that had made her melt whenever she’d gazed into their depths. Goodness, he was still beautiful. At eighteen he had been the most handsome boy she had ever seen in her life, and at twenty-seven, he was simply gorgeous. All man, she thought as a giddy feeling coursed through her.
“Sierra.” Caleb uttered her name through gritted teeth, his face reflecting a range of emotions from disbelief and shock to barely contained rage as he sized her up from across the room. From where she stood in the entrance-way she could see the muscles tensing on the side of his face and the fists he held tightly clenched at his sides. His demeanor left no doubt as to his state of mind. And who could blame him? Showing up on his doorstep was like waving a red flag in front of a bull.
Although Sierra had mentally prepared herself for this meeting, nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Caleb Matthews. She couldn’t stop herself from staring at him and his amazing physique, which was visible in his jeans and long-sleeved plaid shirt. Clearly, he wasn’t slacking on his workouts. His forehead glistened with droplets of water, as if he had just stepped out of the shower not too long before her arrival.
Sierra met the dark, probing gaze of the only man in creation who made her feel like a giddy schoolgirl. Her heart squeezed relentlessly inside her chest as their eyes locked. Silently, she said a small prayer that Caleb wouldn’t pick up on her tangled emotions. After eight years of separation it amazed her that the sight of him could create such a rush of feeling within her, a feeling she hadn’t experienced since she was Caleb’s girl.
“I-I thought I heard you say come in...I didn’t mean to barge in.” Sierra cringed as she listened to herself speak. She sounded like a nervous, babbling schoolgirl when she had intended to sound cool and composed. She wanted to be in control, or at least to give the appearance of being in control, despite her frazzled nerves.
Caleb seemed to enjoy Sierra’s obvious discomfort. Without uttering a single word, he stared a hole right through her as she spoke to him. His light-brown eyes reminded her of a leopard on the prowl as his gaze raked over her, his eyes lingering on her figure, then slowly moving up to her face. His face was expressionless as he checked her over, his eyes lacking any real warmth, but at the same time radiating pure molten fire.
She couldn’t help but feel scorched by his fierce gaze, melted by the turbulent emotions that he was barely holding in check. Not that she blamed him, she thought miserably. She deserved all of his scorn and every ounce of his disdain. It shamed her to remember how badly she’d treated him.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb’s question was blunt and to the point. Obviously, he wasn’t going to make this easy for her. And why should he? He didn’t owe her a single blessed thing.
No pleasantries. No cordial hug or handshake. No reminiscing about times past. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. She had been crazy to think that he would treat her any better than she had treated him back in the day. She must’ve been crazy to come here! Perhaps she could attribute it to grief.
“Caleb, I’m sorry I didn’t try to contact you before coming over, but...I was afraid you wouldn’t see me. I-I couldn’t take the risk that you’d tell me not to come. It’s important. I have a favor to ask you.” Sierra’s voice was barely audible and Caleb visibly had to strain to hear her. As soon as she uttered the words she wanted to take them back and turn tail and leave. He looked absolutely stunned by her gall.
“A favor? From me?” Caleb scoffed at Sierra’s words, shaking his head in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
She nodded. “I’m very serious. I need you to put me in touch with your grandfather. I’ve looked in the local telephone listings online and he's not listed. I’ve asked around town, but I’ve reached a dead end. No one seems to know where he lives or how I can contact him. And I need to find him. I have an important matter to discuss with him.”
“What could you possibly have to discuss with my grandpa?” Caleb snapped. His eyes glistened dangerously. She knew he was close to the edge—a few minutes from telling her exactly where to go and how to get there.
Sierra let out a long sigh and shook her head. “It’s a personal matter. All I can say is that it has to do with my grandmother’s death.”
For a moment a look of compassion flitted across his face, but as soon as it came it disappeared, lost in the bitter curl of his lip. Clearly, the only thing he had to offer her at the moment was scorn.
Gruffly, he responded, “What’s your grandmother’s passing got to do with me and mine?”
Sierra let out another sigh of frustration. So much time had passed. Did things really have to be so acrimonious? “Do you have to be so difficult? You must realize it wasn’t easy for me to come here.”
“Difficult? You come barging in here uninvited with your secret agendas and favors. And you have the nerve to call me difficult?” Caleb asked with a look of disbelief.
Two could play at this game, Sierra told herself, as she deliberately baited him. “How could my agenda be secret when I just told you what I wanted?”
Caleb scoffed. “Where do you get your nerve, girl? I don’t know many people who would try to wrangle a favor from a man they tossed aside like yesterday’s newspaper.”
His words served as a direct hit to her gut. Her stomach clenched tightly. “I-I didn’t toss you aside...it wasn’t like that,” Sierra said in a weak voice as she felt her cheeks blush. She should’ve been prepared for his anger, she thought miserably. Instead she’d jumped feet first into this mission of mercy, acting on pure emotion rather than using her brain. She’d been so giddy at the prospect of seeing him again that she’d downplayed in her mind the very real possibility that he hated her. And why shouldn’t he? she asked herself.
Anger radiated from Caleb as he barked, “What was it like? Tell me. I figure eight years is a long enough time to wait for an explanation.”
Nervously, Sierra licked her lips, her emotions scattered as she tried to find an answer to Caleb’s question. “W-We were so young...too young. It would never have worked between us. I was afraid. Things were moving way too fast. We had no idea what we were doing.” She knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t stop herself from rattling off one excuse after another. Anything but the truth, she told herself. Not today.
As she spoke Caleb gazed at her with a bold intensity, his amber eyes boring into her own as if he was trying to find the truth hidden in their depths. Nervously, she avoided his gaze, intimidated by his piercing stare, frightened by the dark emotions coursing through her soul.
He stuck his chin out. “I’m supposed to be somewhere at the moment. I don’t have time for little girl games.”
Involuntarily, she let out a shocked sound. “This isn’t a game to me, Caleb!”
“Isn’t it? Wasn’t it always? Otherwise, why would you have walked away from me without a single word of goodbye?” He stood there glaring at her, his eyes darkly intense as he spoke. “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a man...and I don’t like being played. What’ll it take to hear the truth?”
He quickly closed the distance between them until there was only a hint of a space separating them. Sierra sucked in a deep breath. Up close, Caleb packed an even stronger punch than from a distance. As much as he was acting like the devil himself towards her, Sierra had to admit that at the moment he looked as if one of the archangels had hand-crafted him. His skin looked as smooth and shiny as a arrowhead glistening in the sun while his closely-cropped brown hair lent him a boyish look that brought to mind the Caleb of old. He was way too handsome for his own good.
He reached out and touched her lips, tracing the outline of them. “You still have the prettiest lips I’ve ever seen. They’re very kissable lips.”
She knew she should take a step backward, but she couldn’t seem to move an inch. “This is totally uncalled for, Caleb.” Although it was unintentional, her words came out in a silky whisper. She hated herself for being so weak, but she couldn't ignore the feelings stirring within her.
He flashed a wide grin at her, as if he knew her innermost thoughts and feelings. “You’re blushing. I used to love the way you blushed. Remember how embarrassed you were the first time I kissed you? I can remember how beautiful you looked.”
Caleb was slowly dipping his head down toward her, his dark skin glistening, his movements slow and lethal, like a lion preparing to pounce on its prey. Sierra watched him close in on her lips as if in slow motion, reluctantly admiring his rugged physique and the sculpted facial features that were inscrutable at the moment.
Her heart was beating a wild rhythm. Perhaps Caleb had been nursing feelings for her this entire time. Maybe he still loved her.
Caleb’s face was now within inches of her own. He boldly reached out and trailed his finger down the side of her face, his fingers exuding warmth. She flinched at the unexpected contact, but didn’t pull away from him. She had lain awake so many nights dreaming of his kisses and wishing things had been different. There was no way she could’ve forced herself to pull away at this moment. Miraculously, even her dreams couldn’t compare with the reality of Caleb’s kiss.
He leaned towards her, his eyes locking with her own. His eyes lowered to focus on her lips, and for endless seconds she held her breath, sensing as if by instinct that he was going to kiss her. Suddenly, he tilted his head at an angle, lowered it and then grazed his lips against hers in a light kiss that felt as gentle as the rustling of an autumn wind.
Lord, help me, Sierra thought as his smooth as silk lips brushed against hers. Two minutes in his presence and all the old feelings had come rushing back. The scent of spicy aftershave filled her nostrils as Caleb lowered his head once again and captured her mouth in a powerful kiss that left her breathless.
For the moment she didn’t care about anything else. It was simple enough that he was kissing her, holding her. For eight years she’d fantasized about this moment, daring to dream that he’d hold her in his arms again, yet knowing that their love was off limits. Taboo. And now it was happening. “Beautiful,” he sighed, and she basked in the compliment.
For a moment Sierra considered pulling away from the embrace, but in her heart she knew that she wanted to kiss this man. He was the only man she had ever loved, and since then, all other men had paled in comparison to her first love. Perhaps he was the reason she’d never managed to give her heart to another. Sierra reveled in the kiss, rejoicing in the unexpected embrace. Suddenly he leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, his breath warm against her skin.
“Is this what you really came here for, Sierra?” he whispered. “For a few kisses?’
His words served as a bucket of cold water being poured over her head. Sierra pushed him away from her and took a step backward.
“I see you haven’t changed one bit, Sierra. You still have quite a temper!” he said in a spirited voice.
She shook her head her voice filled with disgust. “I see you’re the one who’s changed. Y-You used to be a gentleman.” Why had she allowed him to kiss her? And she’d actually kissed him back. Clearly, he’d been toying with her. How she wished she could turn back the clock by ten minutes. Truthfully, she wished she’d never had the crazy idea to turn up here in the first place.
“Well, I guess we’ve both changed,” he said in a cruel tone. “Eight years does that to people.”
She shook her head, chiding herself for her stupidity. She had no business coming here to see Caleb. It had been a waste of her time. She was no closer to locating Jock Matthews and fulfilling her grandmother’s deathbed wish. She was back to square one. “I was a fool to come here,” she spit out. “Don’t worry. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Sierra turned her back on Caleb and walked towards the door, her back straight, shoulders erect. If nothing else, she could still pretend she had her pride.
“Where are you running off to now? Neiman Marcus?” Caleb cracked with a hint of a sneer in his voice. “I hear they’re having a rich girl’s sale.”
Sierra turned back toward Caleb with blood pumping furiously in her veins. “No, Caleb. I’m not running off to Neiman Marcus. We’re burying my grandmother today.” She slammed the door as she exited Caleb’s place, determined to never come back again. Not ever!
**
Caleb watched with a gnawing feeling in his gut as Sierra left his place as if her heels were on fire. He clenched his fists at his side. He hadn’t meant to hurt her with his last crack about Neiman Marcus. Somehow he'd forgotten that the larger than life Lilliana Rose Jackson’s funeral was to be held today. He'd seen the raw pain in her eyes when she had mentioned her grandmother’s funeral, and he hated himself for adding to her suffering.
Another part of him rejoiced at his ability to get under Sierra’s skin, because for so long she had been embedded in his mind, like a vise he couldn’t seem to pry loose no matter what he did. For so long she had been his obsession. Long days and endless nights he'd thought about Sierra, tormenting himself with images of her moving on with her life without him.
He considered it a minor miracle he'd managed to hide the turbulent emotions that had been swirling beneath the surface from the moment he had opened his front door and caught a glimpse of Sierra. Of course, she looked as lovely as ever. The once chin-length hair now hung past her shoulders in waves—a sophisticated, sleek style that gently framed her face and accentuated her beautiful bone structure. Her hair was still a brilliant copper color, like a brand new penny shining in the sunlight. In eight years her body had filled out magnificently, giving her a womanly shape.
Sierra! Eight long years of longing and loneliness. Eight years of loss. And now she was back. He knew she'd only come back for Lilliana Rose’s funeral, and for a brief moment, he felt as if someone had reached inside and painfully squeezed his heart. She hadn’t come back for him, he reminded himself. Why did he keep doing this? Hoping and dreaming for Sierra to come back to him was pointless. Way too much water had already passed under the bridge, and he had his pride to consider. After the way he’d treated her today he was sure she’d avoid him as if he was the devil himself.
And perhaps he was, considering the way he’d acted.
He needed to catch up with her and apologize for his surly attitude and rude comments. But how could he explain his actions without her seeing the hurt that lay under the surface? The last thing he wanted was to be an object of her pity. Once upon a time he had made a lovesick fool of himself over Sierra Jackson, and he'd spent almost a decade of his life ridding himself of the bittersweet memories that haunted him. He wouldn’t allow her to drag him back under.
The landline phone rang insistently, providing Caleb with a thankful diversion that prevented him from running after Sierra. He had already spent too much time thinking of her. What was wrong with him anyway? He’d stopped being a sucker a long time ago. Caleb walked toward the coffee table, his long legs reaching his destination in two quick strides.
“Caleb here. Talk to me,” he said in an abrupt tone.
“Caleb, you have to go after your grandfather. I think he’s been drinking again,” said the familiar voice on the other end of the phone.
“Awww. Where is he, Ma?” Caleb asked with a grimace. He didn’t bother asking his mother any further details about his grandfather’s condition. He had been down this road many times before. He knew the drill by heart.
“He was mumbling about Lilliana Rose’s funeral,” Lola Matthews explained in a tearful voice. “I couldn’t make heads or tails out of what he was saying, but I think you’d better head to the cemetery. It’d be a shame if your granddaddy ruins the Jackson’s service.”
“C’mon, Ma.” He slapped his hand against his forehead. “Of all the places I didn’t want to show my face today, Lilliana Rose’s funeral is pretty high on the list.” He let out a sigh. “I’ll do it.”
“You’re an angel, Caleb,” said his mother in a voice filled with gratitude. “Call me later and let me know if you track him down and if he’s all right. I’ll be waiting.”
Caleb abruptly hung up, letting loose with a few words brought on by frustration. He hated being placed in out-of-control situations. His grandfather was clearly on another bender and heading towards a dignified burial service for Briarwood’s grand dame. Sierra would never forgive him if his grandfather made a spectacle of himself at her grandmother’s funeral. He couldn’t allow it to happen!
Please, Lord. Help me find my grandfather before he ruins Lilliana Rose’s service.
Although Caleb hated the idea of crashing the funeral, he figured that it was surely the lesser of two evils. Before he headed over to Pinecrest cemetery, he would scour some local spots to see if he could find his grandfather. Without giving himself time to think anymore about it, he grabbed the keys to his truck and headed out on his mission.
**
She felt numb. She felt like a fool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She thought to herself, as she drove away from Caleb’s house in her white Jeep Cherokee. In a matter of minutes he had managed to make a fool of her and she had totally lost sight of the whole purpose of her visit. She cringed as she remembered how Caleb had insinuated that he, and he alone, was the sole purpose of her visit.
With a feeling of shame in her heart she realized he was right. She had wanted to see him from the moment Lilliana Rose’s deception had come to light. After years of suppressing all her feelings and emotions, she felt as if someone had released her from shackles. Seeing Caleb was her reward after years of punishment.
As Sierra drove past the Diamond Lil ranch she felt tears prick her eyes at the sight of her grandmother’s property. The Diamond Lil, named after her grandmother, had always been Lilliana Rose’s crowning glory. Out of all her siblings, Sierra had always held a special regard for the Diamond Lil - it was the place she’d always run to as child when she was upset or sad. It flowed in her blood.
Lilliana Rose’s father, Jessup Craddock, a former sharecropper turned cattle rancher, had built a small ranch and named it after his only child, Lilliana. After Jessup’s murder at the hands of the night riders, Lilliana had devoted all her time and energy into cultivating the Diamond Lil into the largest cattle ranch in the area. And she had done it. Little by little Lilliana Rose had built the Diamond Lil into the largest, most profitable cattle ranch in Texas. And after she struck oil on the acres surrounding the Diamond Lil, nothing could hold her back. Not a small feat for a African American woman running a ranch at that time period, Sierra thought with pride.
Within minutes Sierra reached the family homestead, a sprawling, grand estate designed by Lilliana Rose Jackson herself. The homestead had the rustic look of a country cabin, mixed with the elegance and grandeur of a stately mansion. The interior of the house showcased stone fireplaces, hardwood floors, gleaming bay windows, french doors, priceless artwork and more than twenty-six rooms. For Sierra, it had always been home.
Sierra entered the house through the kitchen and quickly raced up the back staircase, carefully avoiding coming face to face with any family members. She needed a few minutes alone to reflect on what had just happened with Caleb before getting ready for her grandmother’s service. Once she reached her bedroom, she plopped down on to an antique rose-colored chaise longue that Lilliana Rose had sworn once belonged to a famous member of the French aristocracy. Sierra smiled at the memory of her grandmother’s outlandish tales, which were designed to amuse her grandchildren and tickle their fancies. She had always made them howl with laughter.
It dawned upon her that she had no business laughing at anything, and she frowned as she reflected upon all the various reasons that she should feel miserable. Frankly, there were too many to count. She felt completely overwhelmed.
“How are you holding up, sis? You look worn out.” Sierra looked up as her older sister, Jacey, quietly entered her bedroom, dressed head to toe in a fuchsia ensemble. If Sierra didn’t feel so rotten she would’ve smiled at the sight of her sister dressed in her flamboyant outfit for the funeral.
Lilliana Rose had stipulated to Yancy Barnes, the executor of her will, that any and all mourners at her funeral attire themselves in only bright colors. Her grandmother had always believed that life was for the living, and once a person passed away they passed into another, more glorious world. Heaven! It was Lilliana’s belief that no one should cry for her at her funeral because there were no tears in heaven. She’d always known God would be waiting for her there with His arms wide open.
Unable to control her emotions any longer, she made a strangling gesture with her hand, wishing that Caleb’s neck was available for throttling. “I’m so frustrated and upset. I was trying to do something good, but it turned into an epic fail. I’m a fool for even trying to make things right.”
Jacey held up her hands. “Whoa. Slow down. I have no idea who or what you’re talking about.” Like the woman herself, Jacey’s voice was cool and controlled. As usual, Sierra wished she were more like her older sister. “Why don’t you start at the beginning,” Jacey advised.
Sierra let out a long sigh, her graceful fingers crossed in front of her in prayer-like fashion as she silently asked the Lord for guidance. She needed to calm down before the funeral. She needed to get her head on straight. “Oh, Jacey. I’m in big trouble.”
“Sounds like man trouble,” Jacey said with a knowing look. “You’ve only been back in Briarwood for forty-eight hours. Call me crazy, but that’s a pretty short span of time to let a stranger get under your skin.”
Sierra avoided eye contact with her sister, unwilling to let on that Jacey had stumbled upon the truth. Indeed she was having man trouble of epic proportions, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to explain about Caleb. Somehow the topic still felt taboo to her. For so many years she had put the memory of him aside due to shame and despair.
“It’s Caleb, isn’t it?” Jacey asked, her eyes wide with surprise.
Sierra felt her cheeks flush in response to Caleb’s name.
“I knew it!” Jacey cried triumphantly. “I can tell I’m right by your expression.”
“How do you even remember Caleb? It’s been so long since he and I were together.” Sierra was always amazed by her sister’s ability to remember names, faces, dates and times.
“How could I forget Caleb Matthews? Tall, dark and handsome - just the way we Jackson women like em. You were crazy in love with him in high school. Don’t you remember all those times you called me at Stanford asking me for advice on how to win his heart? I knew you were head-over-heels in love with him from the very start.”
Sierra smiled as she remembered her youthful innocence and the first blush of young love. Her heart had been overflowing with affection for Caleb and she hadn’t cared if the whole world knew about it. She had loved him with all her heart and soul. She had felt proud every time he called her his girl. “I was so naive,” Sierra said with a wistful shake of her head. “I really believed we were going to end up together.” Her voice wavered and to her surprise she burst into tears, her petite frame wracked by heartwrenching sobs.
“Hey, wait a minute, honey. It can’t be that bad,” Jacey crooned in a soothing voice as she rubbed her sister’s back.
“It’s worse than bad, Jacey. It’s horrible...and it’s ugly. And I can’t believe she did it to me! And now it’s too late...I can’t make Caleb understand.” By this time Sierra was crying hysterically and rambling.
“Who did what Sierra? Calm down for a minute and talk to me so I can understand. What are you talking about?” Jacey asked.
“Grammy. Lilliana Rose. She tricked me. She lied to me. Because of her lies I packed up and left Briarwood to go to school in New York. I left my family and friends...and Caleb. Because of her I left him...without a word of explanation.” Anger radiated in every word that Sierra spoke, and Jacey recoiled at the intensity of her words. Instead of asking any questions, Jacey kept quiet and allowed Sierra to keep talking.
“I loved Caleb so much, Jacey. And he loved me in return. We talked about getting married one day, you know.” Sierra smiled through her tears at the memory of Caleb getting down on bended knee and proposing marriage to her. Although they had both known they couldn’t get married until after she graduated from college, his proposal had served as a promise of the future. “To this day he’s the only man I’ve ever loved. And I was his first love. When we were together everything felt so hopeful. It felt perfect.”
“I always wondered what happened between you. You never said a word about why the two of you broke up. It was clear it devastated you though.” Jacey gazed at Sierra intensely, as if she was trying to decipher a mystery that had troubled her for years.
Emotions rose up inside her, threatening to choke her. As a result she lashed out. “What happened? You want to know what happened? Lilliana Rose happened. She couldn’t stand the two of us being together so she wracked her brain and came up with the most devastating reason of all that we couldn’t be together. And until a few days ago I believed her wicked lies...I actually believed her!”
“What did she tell you?” Jacey questioned impatiently, her usually cool demeanor vanishing as Sierra’s distress increased.
Sierra struggled to reign in the wild emotions swirling inside her. She felt shattered by her grandmother's betrayal, bruised by Caleb's rejection and in deep mourning over her grandmother's death. She knew once she divulged the truth to Jacey nothing would ever be the same again and that her sister might never view her grandmother in quite the same way. But it was time to finally expose Lilliana Rose’s lies.
“She told me that...she told me that Caleb and I could never be together. She said that it would be a crime against nature...a perversion.” Sierra flinched as she remembered the brutal words her grandmother had spoken to her the morning after the senior prom. She closed her eyes as if to protect herself from the shame she'd felt upon hearing her grandmother’s devastating words. “Grammy said that Caleb and I couldn’t be together because we were half brother and sister.”