Chapter Ten
After driving around for almost half an hour, Caleb turned off on Old Potter Road, an isolated road off the interstate that led to a pond that local teenagers loved to hang out at. For the duration of the drive they’d maintained a companionable silence, both of them too wrapped up in being together to spoil the moment with empty conversation. The time for conversation would be later, once Sierra had centered herself.
Lord, he prayed, please let us get to the bottom of the vandalism at the Diamond Lil. I want Sierra to have peace of mind and security. I want her to be safe. I can’t bear to lose her again.
They were at the pond, the one place that he’d felt compelled to take her, the one place that felt right for a reunion. Although the pond didn’t really have a name, the locals referred to it as Potter’s pond after the famous Briarwood mayor, Jackson Potter, who’d drowned at the pond under mysterious circumstances and was the subject of local lore. Although folks whispered he’d been murdered rather than a victim of drowning, no evidence of this theory had ever been brought forward.
“Do you remember this place?” Caleb asked as he placed the truck in Park, then wrenched open the door as he gazed out over the landscape. Although he hadn’t visited the pond in years, it still remained the same: the brilliant blue-green waters, the jagged outcropping of rocks the kids used to catapult themselves into the water, the verdant grass that grew in abundance sprinkled with wild flowers.
Sierra opened up the passenger side door then shot Caleb a look of total disbelief. “Are you kidding? Potter’s pond? You and I came out here more nights than I can remember.”
“Those are some cherished memories, Sierra. I always felt lucky to have you as my girlfriend.” Caleb smiled at the memories, remembering how he’d felt after his “make out sessions” with Sierra. Each time they’d gone out on a date he’d driven her out to the pond so that they could kiss and cuddle before he dropped her off at the homestead. He had been no different than most boys his age. He had been curious about being intimate with Sierra, but their love for one another, their deep faith, along with their commitment towards a shared future had kept things PG rated.
She smiled at him. “I’m grateful you were always such a gentleman with me. We were so in love. It would have been easy to let things rage out of control.”
He dipped his head down and brushed his lips over hers. “That wasn’t my way…I always knew you deserved more.” She blinked away moisture in her eyes.
“Let’s walk down by the water,” he suggested, hoping that he could divert her attention from all the bad things that were swirling around her.
“There’s a blanket in the back of the truck,” Sierra suggested. “We can just sit by the pond and talk...there’s so much we have to catch up on.”
Caleb leaned into the truck and grabbed the sky-blue blanket, holding it in one hand while his free hand grabbed hold of Sierra and began walking with her toward a secluded area by the water. After he’d found the perfect spot he carefully laid out the blanket on the sand, holding Sierra’s hand as she lowered herself to the blanket, sitting Indian style. He quickly joined her, sitting within inches of her.
She looks like a little girl, Caleb thought as he slid his gaze over her, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. If he squinted a little he could almost pretend that she was still that teenage girl he’d taken to Potter’s Pond so many years ago. But he was through pretending. And he was through with dissecting the past and agonizing over all the mistakes and missteps. The future was what mattered most.
Caleb leaned towards Sierra, and for a moment he studied her face, marveling at the raw beauty of the woman he loved. The woman he’d never been able to forget. At the same time Sierra leaned in and their gazes locked.
“I love you, Sierra.”
Sierra let out a little squeal of surprise. Her eyes widened.
“I mean it, you know,” Caleb murmured in a husky voice. “I love you, Sierra I loved you then, and I love you now. I think I’m going to love you for the rest of my days.”
**
She looked up at him, dazzled by the sincerity and love that shone from his eyes. It was almost too good to be true, she warned herself. Caleb loved her. And she loved him. The words almost tumbled off her lips and straight toward his soul, but she stopped herself in the nick of time. It was too soon, she thought. Too soon to know whether or not this time around their love would last. And if it didn’t, she thought miserably, she could at least manage to walk away with all of her soul intact. Because she knew that if she told Caleb she loved him she’d be stripped of all her defenses. And she couldn’t risk losing it all. Not again. She’d barely survived it the first time around.
“My beautiful Caleb. How I’ve missed you,” she said through a mist of tears as she reached up and traced her finger along the small scar by the side of his right eye. “Where’d this battle scar come from?”
Caleb raised himself onto his elbows, his tawny eyes caressing her with their warmth. “Bar fight,” he said with a look of regret. “After you left I went a little crazy. I drank too much, partied too much, fought too much.” He pointed to the scar and said, “This one was the result of an angry Hell’s Angel who thought I was trying to make time with his girl.”
“And were you?” Sierra asked coolly, trying to mask the pain she felt at the thought of him with another woman. She knew jealousy was a petty emotion, but she couldn’t stop herself from hoping that the woman in question was buck-toothed and ugly.
Caleb shrugged and looked a bit sheepish. “I’m not proud of that period in my life, but I learned a long time ago to accept it, take responsibility for it and move forward.”
“Probably. Most likely. I didn’t think a lot of myself back then, Sierra. I acted the fool on more than one occasion and I carried on with women that I shouldn’t have. I’m not trying to excuse my actions, but when your heart is breaking and you feel like garbage...well, sometimes people make wrong choices. We all sin. We all fall short.” He let out a big sigh and shook his head. “Thankfully, with the grace of God I was able to turn my life around.”
“When we were together you used to dream a lot about the future. You had big plans, Caleb. Did you hold on to all of your dreams?” she asked, her voice sounding wistful and a bit forlorn. Mental images of a slim-hipped boy with soulful, tawny eyes filled her head and heart, poignant images that made her ache on the inside. Together they’d dreamed of marriage, children and of owning their own ranch. But those dreams had shattered into a million pieces, fragmenting both of their lives. What dreams had he held onto after she’d left Briarwood? She knew he was successful, but had he achieved all of
Amber, hooded eyes met hers, and for a moment she saw something akin to bitterness flickering in his eyes. And then it disappeared, leaving her wondering if she’d seen it in the first place. “Oh, I had lots of dreams,” Caleb drawled. “I always had it in my head that I was going to make something of myself, somehow or other. Do you remember?”
“I remember,” she said wistfully, her head filled with memories from the past that flitted through her mind like snapshots in an album. Caleb had been on the verge of adulthood, his head filled with magnificent dreams that he’d vowed to fulfill. His dreams had been bigger than the entire state of Texas, and she’d shared his vision, hoping one day they’d build their future together, step by step. From what she’d heard around town, he’d carved out a measure of success for himself, but she wanted to hear it from his own lips. “You used to talk about having your own ranch someday,” she uttered through lips trembling with emotion.
“Some of my dreams came true. I have my cattle ranch, a nice-sized spread just like we talked about, Sierra. It’s not the Diamond Lil, but it’s growing by leaps and bounds. I predict that by this time next year it’ll be giving you all a run for your money,” he said in a voice bursting with pride. “Someday I’ll have one of the biggest spreads in the county.”
Sierra sat quietly on her side, her head propped on her hand, a deep sense of peace seizing her as she gazed at the awesome man next to her. Despite the overwhelming odds against him succeeding in the ranching community, he’d managed to make a success out of himself. It was one of the many facets of his character that made her love him so. His determination. His fierce will. His pluck and grit.
Caleb was an enigma. On one level he was warm and sensitive, while on another level he appeared to be defensive and intimidating. She’d almost convinced herself that the angry Caleb was a facade, a covering that he’d built around himself as a form of protection against further pain. She suspected that he was still guarding his heart against her, despite his declaration of love. And after years of repressing her feelings for a man that she’d been told she could never love, her own feelings were still hidden beneath the surface.
She didn’t know why she felt so scared about telling Caleb that she loved him. There were no more shadows standing in their way and preventing them from being together. Finally, the past was being laid to rest and a shiny future stretched out before them filled with endless possibilities. So why then did she feel so shaky about her own feelings? Why was it so hard to peel away the layers?
The idea of making herself vulnerable, of revealing her love to Caleb, made her knees shake and her stomach clench with anxiety. She’d already lost his love once and suffered the agony of a broken heart. To lose his love a second time would be unbearable. And in the pit of her stomach she feared that it would only be matter of time before the past came back to haunt them.
“I used to dream about you a lot,” Caleb admitted with a smile, although his eyes still held a haunted look. “Sometimes I would pretend that we were still together and I’d imagine the two of us settled down and raising kids...or riding horses together.” He reached out and grasped a lock of her hair, twisting it around his finger as if he was spinning gold. “I used to have this one recurring dream - in the dream you came riding out to my ranch on this gigantic horse that was the color of midnight. Your hair was all shimmery in the sun as you rode up to me and as soon as you were within striking distance I reached up and pulled you into my arms.”
“What happened next?” she asked, her voice quivering with emotion. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d always imagined that he’d moved forward in his life without so much as sparing her a thought. How wrong she’d been!
Caleb’s eyes lowered and the sparkle dimmed from his eyes as he said, “The dream always ended.”
A misty haze momentarily blinded Sierra and she realized she was crying. She reached out and cupped his face in her hands, her eyes pleading with him for understanding. “Oh, Caleb, I used to dream about you too, although I tried not to because I thought it was wrong to dream about you like that. I remember this one time in Manhattan I thought I saw you in a crowd and I tried to push my way past all the people to get to you.” She cringed as she remembered what had happened next. “I grabbed the man by the arm and I spun him around. When I saw that it wasn’t you I just started crying, sobbing really. I remember walking all the way to my apartment with tears running down my face,” she said in a small voice.
“And it was pure agony,” she continued, “knowing you were somewhere out there living your life without me, loving someone else -.”
“I’ve never loved another woman beside you. I couldn’t,” he said fiercely as he pulled her toward him, his mouth enveloping her in a tender, emotion-filled kiss. She melted into his arms, feeling more at peace than she’d felt in a very long time. Finally, she was home.