Chapter Thirteen
The moment Sierra saw Caleb she considered turning Midnight around and heading all the way back to the Diamond Lil. Jacey had generously loaned her the use of her horse, knowing how important it was for her sister to talk to Caleb today.
Caleb wasn’t sending out any warm and fuzzy vibes as she cantered toward him. His eyes were dead. Cold and devoid of all expression. Glittering like the embers of a dying fire. For a brief moment when she’d first looked into Caleb’s eyes. At least there she’d be safe, she thought desperately. Safe from rejection and humiliation. Safe from Caleb’s coldness. Safe from harm’s way. And most of all, she wouldn’t have to risk everything in one grand gesture that could backfire in her face.
No, it was too late to turn back. She couldn’t turn her back on the man who’d stepped in front of a bullet to save her life. She couldn’t turn away from love.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb asked in a steely voice as he looked up at her, his voice betraying his annoyance and mistrust of the situation.
Sierra fiddled with the reins. She could tell Caleb was sizing her up, trying to figure out what brought her to his ranch unannounced. Well, she was going to make it easy for him. She wasn’t going to mince words. She was going to lay it on the line, pure and simple. I’m here because I want you, she whispered silently.
“I wanted to see how you were doing,” she said awkwardly, her eyes straying towards the large bandage gracing the right side of his temple. Luckily, she thought, Sam’s bullet had grazed Caleb’s temple, producing large amounts of blood, but calling for nothing more than a two day stay in the hospital and instructions for plenty of bed rest. Not that Caleb was twiddling his thumbs in bed, Sierra surmised as she watched him in action.
In truth she’d known exactly how Caleb had been faring in the hospital since she’d made daily calls to his doctor to check on his progress. From the very beginning she’d been assured that he was in no danger. Doctor Armistead had assured her that as long as he followed doctor’s instructions he’d make a speedy and safe recovery.
“I was in the hospital for two days, Sierra. If you’d really been concerned about my welfare you could’ve called or come by. Hmmm,” he drawled sarcastically, “you even could’ve sent me flowers. But I guess that would’ve shown that you care.”
“I did come to see you,” Sierra said calmly, trying to diffuse his anger, “but Doctor Armistead wouldn’t allow anyone but family members to see you. And from what I remember,” she said with a smirk, “you hate it when women give men flowers. Plus, it gave me an excuse to come out here and see your ranch. It also gives me a chance to thank you for saving my life.”
“Don’t thank me,” he said softly, “for something that felt as natural as breathing. It wasn’t like I thought about it. I just did it. And at the risk of wearing my heart on my sleeve, I’d do it again.”
“Well, now that Sam’s out of the picture I don’t imagine my life being in danger again any time soon. Unless someone else gets the crazy notion in their heads that human lives are expendable if the payoff is big enough.”
Caleb nodded and said, “Cruz filled me in on Sam’s death and Bryce’s confession. I can’t believe that Jarvis thought he could get away with this. When he realized scaring you off the ranch wasn’t working he decided to take you out. Literally.”
Sierra shuddered at how close the two of them had come to dying due to Sam Jarvis’s maniacal greed. “He was a sick man. He realized that in the event of my death the ranch would revert back to my father, who everybody knows has no interest in the ranch. Bryce said that Sam figured he could bulldoze right over Aunt Simone and buy the property right out from under the family.”
“And then he was planning to dig up the oil and make a financial killing, even though he’d have to destroy the ranch and your grandmother’s legacy in the process. So much for loyalty,” he said soberly.
For a few moments neither one said a word as they allowed the events of the past few days to settle in. Sierra met Caleb’s eyes for a brief moment and then looked away, too overwhelmed by the sight of him, and suddenly feeling unsure of herself and the words that she’d rehearsed over and over again. After endless seconds she found her courage and spoke. “I need you,” she said in a barely audible voice. As she said the words she felt clumsy and awkward. She had wanted this moment to be perfect, as pure and beautiful as the love she felt for this man. And she was ruining it by mumbling the words!
“What did you say?” Caleb asked as he turned his back on her and began to polish a saddle, his attention seemingly focused on the task at hand and not at all on her. Clearly, due to her mumbling the words, he hadn’t heard a word she’d said to him.
“I said I need you,” she repeated in a much louder voice, as something inside of her bubbled to the surface and urged her to fight for her man. Regardless of the outcome, she wasn’t going down without giving it her best shot. She wasn’t going to live the rest of her days filled with regrets because she’d been too stupid and too proud to lay claim to her happiness.
Well, she sure had Caleb’s full attention, she thought, as she watched him drop the saddle he was holding and turn toward her, his mouth hanging open in shock. Immediately he tried to recover his equilibrium, masking his shock with a look of cool indifference that sent a shiver straight through her.
Caleb shrugged his shoulders and looked at her blankly, not giving her any idea about his feelings. She knew what he was doing. From the moment Sierra had come back home he’d worn his heart on his sleeve - and in his eyes it hadn’t done him a bit of good. This time he wasn't allowing himself to hope, she realized. Not again. Not when the stakes were so high and he kept on losing. But this time he wasn't going to lose, she thought, because she needed him by her side, loving her, holding her, raising their children and ultimately, growing old alongside her.
“Why?” he asked, “Is there more trouble at the Diamond Lil?” His face expressed concern over the possibility that something else had transpired at the ranch. She wanted to reach out and kiss him, but she had to stay on course and not waver. She couldn't get sidetracked by his all too kissable lips.
“No, there’s no trouble,” she said in a reassuring tone. “That’s in the past. And from now on I’m only looking toward the future.”
Caleb wondered if this was what she was here to tell him? Was he the past she spoke of? The past she needed to put behind her? Or was he the future? The future she was looking toward? Although he wanted to speak, to say something, anything, to plead his case - he kept silent. It was Sierra’s moment. For better or worse. She needed to believe in them as strongly as he did. She needed to know deep down in her soul they were destined to be together...soul mates. Forever. Because if she didn’t believe, then there was no way they could make it last a lifetime. Ever since she'd ridden up to his spread he'd been urging his insides to stop doing flip-flops at the mere sight of her. The soft lilting quality of her voice and the slightest hint of Texas drawl that he lovingly teased her about was driving him wild. Wonderful, beautiful Sierra. The woman he’d never stop loving. The woman he couldn’t imagine living without.
“I-I’m here because you once said that you dreamed of me riding up to you on a horse the color of midnight.” She laughed shakily. “Only thing is I kind of messed up my lines.” Sierra paused and took a deep breath, her face suddenly becoming serene, as if she’d reached a state of inner peace. “I love you. There. That wasn’t too hard to say. Even though I feel like my heart is jumping out of my chest and I can’t seem to breathe normally-.”
“Say it again!” Caleb demanded, his features dark and intense as he gazed into her eyes, his eyes connecting with hers on a level that reached down into her very soul. His gaze breathed new life into her, nurturing and sustaining her so that she could offer him all she had to give.
“I love you,” she said in a strong voice, the words ringing out so loudly that the group of cowhands standing by the corral turned toward them with wide grins on their faces. They were amused by the scene unfolding before their very eyes. After all, it wasn’t every day that a fairy tale princess came courting a rough and tumble rancher. Spurred on by the approving grins and the wolf whistles, Sierra screamed the words, “I love you” so that it echoed throughout the stillness of the lazy afternoon.
Caleb’s grin was slow in the making, but it suddenly appeared on his face, transforming him from a man living in the shadows to a man basking in the glorious sunlight.
“Can you ever forgive me?” Sierra whispered, her eyes filled with unshed tears of emotion. She’d thank her lucky stars for the rest of her life if she was granted his forgiveness, of that she was certain. Breathlessly, she waited for his answer, knowing that her fate hinged on the words that would tumble out of his mouth.
“For the woman who loves me...I can forgive almost anything,” Caleb whispered, his eyes looking suspiciously moist.
Sierra released the breath she’d been holding, her entire body sagging in relief as she heard Caleb’s words. There was so much she needed to say to him. There was so much she needed to explain. “Ever since I got my grandmother’s letter I’ve been so angry and confused. For the most part I thought I was angry at Lilliana Rose for lying to me, but in the past few days I’ve come to realize I was the one doing the most lying of all.” Sierra sighed and shook her head. “I was lying to myself. All along I tried to tell myself that you and I didn’t matter anymore and that the past was the past, but I couldn’t do it,” she sobbed, as tears freely ran down her face and she swatted them away with the back of her hand.
Caleb moved towards her, wanting desperately to take her in his arms and hold her close to his heart where she belonged. He needed to comfort her, to chase away all her fears and dry her tears with his kisses. But as he moved towards her she held her hand up to ward him off, her eyes reflecting the same inner determination that she’d exhibited the night she’d insisted they follow Poppy up to the cabin.
“I don’t want to be comforted right now, Caleb. I need to get this off my chest or it might never get out. All along you’ve been the one fighting for us while I stood on the sidelines.”
“No, that’s not true,” Caleb cut in, unwilling to sit by while she tore herself to pieces. “You were the one who came to me that first day. Even though you said it was for your grandmother, I know that wasn’t the only reason you came to me, sweetheart. You came to me because you wanted us to have a second chance. Don’t you see that? Don’t you see how wonderful and brave that was?”
“It wasn’t all that brave. I came to you because I had to...it wasn’t a conscious choice. It was like something in the wind was calling your name and I had to answer the call. I came to you out of need, pure and simple.”
“I need you too, baby. So much,” he whispered tenderly.
“This whole time I’ve been running. And I’m so tired of it. I took off for New York. I've avoided romantic relationships because it reminded me so much of what I’d left behind...it reminded me so much of you, Caleb.” Sierra reached out and ran her fingers through Midnight’s mane, her fingers acting as a comb for the long, tangled strands. She let out a sigh and said, “I’m so tired of running.”
“From what? From me?” he asked, his voice reflecting his surprise. He thought he’d been the only one running away from his emotions, while this entire time Sierra had been struggling with the same demons, the same insecurities.
Sierra smiled wistfully and said, “Mostly from myself. From the pain. From the possibility that you wouldn’t love me the way I need you to love me...the way I’ve hoped and dreamed that you could love me again. So instead of fighting for us, I did what I did before. I took off. Even though I was right here in town, I ran away from you and I built up barriers where there shouldn’t have been any.
“And I knew you weren’t the one terrorizing the Diamond Lil. In the deepest parts of my soul I knew it, Caleb. There were just so many other things that were frightening me...everything got all turned around,” she finished lamely, knowing there was no way in the world that she could explain the range of emotions she’d gone through. Her grandmother’s death, along with her shocking deathbed confession had sent her spiraling into an emotional maelstrom, and combining those forces with her unresolved feelings for Caleb and the vandalism at the Diamond Lil...she’d been a total mess, one who’d been running on empty for weeks.
The look of stark pain on her face pierced right through to Caleb’s soul, and he knew in that instant that if he could absorb all her pain and transfer it onto himself, he would do it in an heartbeat. Only for her. Because his love for her ran that deep, right to the core of him. And he knew that Sierra’s love was just as deep, reaching into the innermost parts of her soul. She’d come to him today not as the pampered princess he’d always imagined her to be, but as a strong, moral woman who’d laid her heart and her weaknesses right out before him. And he accepted her, for better or worse.
“Can I come to you now?” he asked, his voice filled with longing and hope. She answered him with a wide, toothy grin, one that radiated pure joy.
It was at that moment that he strode towards her, reaching her in an instant and pulling her down from where she sat astride Midnight, his powerful arms twirling her in the air effortlessly. Slowly, he lowered her down to the ground, savoring every moment.
“Marry me!” she demanded as her feet touched the earth.
His mouth hung open in shock, his eyes widened and his legs began to buckle beneath him. “W-Was that a proposal?” he stammered, while a silent voice inside his head warned him not to get too excited. This couldn’t be as good as it sounded. Women like Sierra didn’t ask men like him to marry them, he reminded himself. Only in his dreams!
“Yes,” she said laughingly as she covered her face with her hands in embarrassment. “I’m asking you to marry me, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.” Never in a million years had Sierra ever imagined that she’d be bold enough to propose to a man. Once again she was risking it all. Too many years had been wasted already on misunderstandings and false pride. She was going for it, regardless of the consequences. And she was loving it.
Caleb’s features hardened as Sierra’s laughter rang in his ears. He couldn’t even begin to mask the hurt he felt at her making a joke out of a phony marriage proposal. For once he didn’t even try to hide his feelings. “Don’t tease me, Sierra,” he scolded, his eyes darkening from amber to rust as they filled with a wild pain. “I’ve waited too long for this moment. If you’re not serious-.”
Sierra reached out and grabbed his hand, gently flipping it over so that she could kiss his palm. And kiss away any pain that she might have inadvertently caused. “I’m serious, baby. Very, very serious,” she whispered somberly as she reached up and cradled his head between her hands, pulling his face down towards hers so that she could kiss all his doubts away. For a moment she teased him, brushing her lips against his before she kissed him fully on the lips. You’re mine, her actions said. Forever, his response promised as his mouth moved over hers, expertly, tenderly.
“Can’t you see how much I love you? How much I want to be your wife? How I’ve always wanted to be Mrs. Caleb Matthews?” she asked, her eyes shining with devotion and tenderness.
Caleb cupped her face in his hands, his thumb gently stroking her cheek, his eyes caressing her, radiating pure love. A love he could no longer contain. A love he wanted the whole world to know about. “Yes, Yes, Yes, darlin. I’ll marry you. Today, tomorrow. Whatever. Whenever.”
Sierra buried her head against his chest, her eyes filling up with moisture as Caleb’s words reverberated in her head. Yes, darlin. I’ll marry you. There were no words to express her happiness, and other than bursting out in song, she didn’t know how she could adequately express her feelings.
“Whooeeeeeee!” Caleb squealed as he reached for her, throwing her over his shoulder in one fluid motion and twirling her around in the air in celebration. He didn’t care that all of his ranch hands were staring at him like he was a crazy man, or that in one fell swoop he was dispelling his reputation as a tough, no-nonsense boss.
Sierra clutched on to Caleb for dear life, burying her face against the side of his neck in the hopes of hiding the scarlet blush she could feel creeping across her cheeks. “Put me down, you wild man! There are ten people gawking at us. Before nightfall it’s going to be all around town that we were acting crazy.”
“Crazy in love,” he said as he gently nudged her chin up with his forefinger, silently noting the crimson blush that stained her bronze cheeks. She was so delicate, he mused, yet so tough. So incredibly resilient. She wasn’t a rose or a lily, he decided, but an African violet, fiery and exotic, warm and beautiful. And deeply in love with him, he thought proudly.
“Always,” she whispered.
Caleb rewarded her with a kiss, one that sealed the deal. Their future was together.
Gently, he pushed her away from him, a hint of mystery sparkling in his jewel-toned eyes. “There’s still one more thing that we have to do before we can put this whole thing to rest,” Caleb said in a serious tone.
“What’s that?” Sierra asked. “Tell all of our family and friends that we’re going to be marching down the aisle?”
Caleb threw his head back with laughter, his face lit up with a dazzling grin that made his handsome face breathtaking to look at. “Without a doubt, darlin,” he said, his words serving as a promise of things to come. “But first, we need to talk to Poppy.”
***
“What took you two so long to get here? I’ve been expecting you for days.” Jock held the door to the cabin wide open, welcoming his visitors with open arms and a wide, easy smile that lit up his entire face.
Sierra almost did a double-take at his appearance. Although Caleb had told her that his family had finally gotten Jock into an out-patient alcohol treatment program, she hadn’t expected such a drastic change in his appearance. The scraggly beard had been cut short so that Jock no longer looked like Rip Van Winkle’s twin brother. His clothes looked as if they’d been freshly-pressed and he seemed much more lucid.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Poppy,” Caleb said sarcastically, “but we’ve been busy attending to some other important matters.”
Jock waved his hand in the air, dismissing his grandson’s notion of important matters. He ushered them into the cabin and once they were inside he gestured for them to sit down on the sofa. “I heard all about the goings on at the Diamond Lil. I never liked that weasel Sam Jarvis, no indeed. He was a snake.” Jock turned towards Sierra, his face filled with apology as he said, “I’m sorry about your horse and the other acts of vandalism. But if you’re anything like your grandmother, you’ll get right back on track.”
Sierra smiled at Jock’s kind words, her heart instantly melting at Jock’s warm and friendly manner. This, she thought, was the man who had captured her grandmother’s heart, the loving, charismatic man that had haunted Lilliana Rose for most of her adult life. This smiling, kindly man who had greeted them so warmly at his doorstep was poles apart from the scattered, nervous man she’d seen on two previous occasions. Thankfully, Caleb had prepared her for the visit to his grandfather’s cabin by discussing with her his grandfather’s problems with alcohol and manic depression. Caleb had confided in her that for months at a time Jock might be sober and on his anti-depressive medication, until out of the blue he’d go on a bender and lose all control, drinking himself into oblivion and raging out of his senses. It was for these reasons that Caleb hadn’t wanted Sierra anywhere near his grandfather. It was for this reason that the entire Matthews clan was overly protective of their Poppy.
Sierra held out her hand to Jock and clasped his in a firm handshake. “You disappeared before I could properly thank you. You saved my life, Mr. Matthews.”
Jock grinned and pumped her hand fiercely, the raw strength in his handshake taking her by surprise. He was nothing like she’d imagined him to be. “Call me Jock, please,” he insisted. “After all, I was almost your grandfather.,” he said with a chuckle. “By the way, I didn’t mean to scare you none the other day. I get a lot of curiosity seekers up here now and then. My eyesight ain't what it used to be.” He paused for a moment to soak in her features. “You sure do favor Lilliana Rose. She was one fine looking woman, let me tell you. I reckon that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To hear about me and your grandmother?”
She nodded. “Yes, it is. Before she died Grammy wrote me a letter, and in that letter she asked me to find you and talk to you. She wanted me to find out why you broke things off with her...why you left her at the altar all those years ago. She said it was the only way she could rest in peace. I know that you don’t owe me any explanations, but I feel like I need to do this...for my grandmother. You see, I loved her very much.”
“Believe it or not, child, I did too.” Jock’s eyes were flooded with tears and he swiped at his face with the back of his hand, wiping away a stray tear that had streaked down his cheeks. He was overcome with emotion. “In all these years I’ve never spoken one word of what I’m going to tell the two of you. But I reckon it’s time.” Jock turned to Caleb, who sat next to Sierra on the sofa, clutching her hand for support, knowing instinctively that she needed his touch, his warm, soothing presence beside her.
“Your grandmother, Shanae - she was a good woman, Caleb. And I loved her in my fashion. More like a sister than a wife, though. I’d known her my whole life, since we were babies sucking on bottles.”
By this time Caleb was perched on the edge of his seat, his curiosity piqued by the mention of his beloved grandmother. “If you didn’t love her,” Caleb asked with a raised eyebrow, “then why’d you marry her?”
Jock continued to speak. “Shanae was pregnant by a local fella and feeling desperate because he flat refused to marry her. If I remember correctly he was already married to someone else. When she came to me for a shoulder to cry on I up and proposed to her. You see, I was caught up in my own nightmare - with no way out. Shanae provided me with a way out, as simple as that. And I provided her with a husband and a name for the baby she was carrying.”
“But you were engaged to my grandmother,” Sierra said in a shocked tone, her eyes flashing with the sudden anger that consumed her. “I thought you loved her.”
“Love ain’t always enough,” Jock said with a wistful smile, one filled with regret and yearning. No matter how deeply he’d loved Lilliana, and he’d loved her beyond all reason, it hadn’t been enough. In life, circumstances had kept them apart, and in death, they’d been permanently separated. “What I have to say might shock you, girl. Sure you can handle it?” Jock asked bluntly, his snowy white eyebrows raised in doubt.
Caleb winked at his grandfather, nodding his head in support of Sierra. “She’s tough, Poppy. She can take it! As long as it’s the truth!” he said, his eyes flashing a hint of warning. Above all else, he’d learned that the truth had a raw power of its own, capable of moving mountains and bridging awesome distances.
Sierra nodded her head in agreement, too anxious at the moment to speak. A part of her felt so anxious that she wanted to physically pull the truth from Jock’s lips and end the agony. The truth needs to be uncovered, she thought with conviction, not just for Lilliana Rose, but for the living as well. For her. And Caleb. And Jock. So that the circle could finally be broken.
“Well,” Jock drawled after a lengthy pause, “since there ain’t no pretty way to say it, I’ll just say it. I killed your great-grandfather, Jessup.”
“What in the world?” Caleb asked, his face frozen in disbelief at his grandfather’s announcement. Of all the things he’d dreamt that Jock might say - he’d never imagined that his grandfather would make such a stunning declaration. His grandfather? A murderer?
Sierra’s face remained calm, her features composed. “Why?” she asked, not allowing her turbulent emotions to rise to the surface. Although she hadn’t known her great-grandfather, she’d heard endless stories about him from her grandmother. She’d portrayed him as larger than life in her tales, a man of daring and vision, both compassionate and loving, yet strict and no-nonsense. She knew how deeply her grandmother had mourned his passing, and how she’d never forgiven the night riders for the vicious slaying of her father. And now, all these decades later, Jock was admitting that he had killed Jessup.
“Why?” Jock repeated her question, his expressive face showing the torment that he’d lived with for so long. At this moment he looked years older than he had a few moments ago.
“Jessup called me out to the Diamond Lil one night saying he had to talk to me.” Jock let out a bitter laugh, one that rang out harshly in the stillness of the cabin. “The only talking he wanted to do was from the shooting end of a rifle. He pulled it on me the minute I stepped into the stables. He said he didn’t want his daughter marrying a no-account rodeo bum with no prospects. He called me every name in the book and then some.” Jock shivered. “There was nothing but hatred blazing in Jessup’s eyes, a hatred that I’d never been confronted with before in my young life. I was so hurt and scared when Jessup pulled out the rifle. I was afraid for my life yet I wanted to make peace with the man who I hoped to call my father-in-law. I tried to talk some sense into him, but he wouldn’t listen. Said he’d heard some rumors about me messing around with other girls in town. He said I was nothin more than poor ignorant trash. Then he spit at me and said he’d see me dead before I married his girl.”
“He began circling around me, like a wild animal stalking its prey. He was enjoying it,” Jock said with a perplexed shake of his head, still not understanding after all these years what had spurred Jessup’s hatred. “He looked like a man possessed and he was shouting all kinds of filth at me, saying that after he killed me he was going to bury me where nobody could find me. He got closer and closer to me, and I began to realize that he really meant to kill me, right there and then in the stables.” By this time droplets of sweat were dripping down Jock’s face and he loosened the top button of his shirt, looking extremely uncomfortable as he relived the past. “I waited until he came close to me and I sprang at him. I reached out for the rifle and he pulled it back towards him. For what seemed like a lifetime we struggled for control of that ole rifle, me pulling one way, him pulling another. The next thing I knew I gave it one last pull so that the barrel wasn't pointed at me and the rifle exploded. I fell onto my backside and I remember looking down at my chest to see how badly I was hit. Only I wasn’t hit. It was Jessup who was lying in a pool of blood with a bullet hole straight through his chest. He was looking up at me with those fish eyes of his, taunting me, mocking me, even in death.”
A hush swept across the room as Jock’s words trailed off, and for a moment nobody spoke. Jock’s tale had been dramatic and heartbreaking, poignant and real. Both Caleb and Sierra needed a moment of reflection to ponder everything that they’d heard from Jock’s lips. There was so much to absorb.
Finally, Sierra broke the silence. “B-But that doesn’t sound like murder,” she said. “It sounds more like self-defense.”
Jock shot Sierra look of gratitude as she rose to his defense. Instead of ranting and raving over his having taken the life of her great-grandfather, she was being open-minded about the matter, even going so far as to absolve him of responsibility. He shook his head in disbelief, amazed at her generosity of spirit.
“To you, maybe. But how do you think Lilliana would have seen it? She loved her daddy something fierce. When he died she was like a crazy woman, vowing revenge on the people she thought were responsible. Everyone around these parts blamed the night riders, and it wasn’t as if they hadn’t killed a great number of black folk around the country. I let them take the blame, even though I knew I should’ve owned up and told the truth.”
“Poppy, there’s one thing I don’t quite understand,” Caleb queried. “If Lilliana Rose thought the night riders were responsible for Jessup’s death, then you were home free. Why didn’t you go ahead and marry her?”
Jock exhaled a tightly held breath and said, “Blackmail, my son. Pure and simple blackmail.”
“But who-,” Sierra asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
“Sam Jarvis! The entire time Jessup and I were fighting Sam was hiding in the shadows, waiting and watching. I’ve thought about it a lot over the years and I’ve come to the conclusion that Sam fueled Jessup’s head with all kinds of terrible lies about me. He set me up that night. I’ll bet you my last dime it was Sam who came up with the idea of calling me out to the Diamond Lil and putting a rifle to my head. And it was Sam who held that terrible secret over my head all these years. He forced me to break off my engagement to Lilliana, and he threatened me with exposure if I ever tried to get back into her life.” Jock shook his head miserably. “I couldn’t let him expose me. Some might say I made the wrong choice in not marrying Lilliana, but I couldn’t deal with her knowing the truth about her daddy’s death. I couldn’t bear for her to know that I had her daddy’s blood on my hands.”
“And Sam? Why did he hate you so much?” Sierra asked, the one remaining piece of the puzzle gnawing at her. Was it possible that a man could be so hateful and greedy that he’d destroyed all the lives around him without feeling a second of remorse?
“The way I figured it he wanted Lilliana for himself. He figured with me out of the way he’d have a clear shot at her. Not that he loved her, mind you. He wanted the Diamond Lil, which I suspect is the same reason that he vandalized the ranch and did all that other foolishness.” For the first time since they’d arrived at the cabin Jock began laughing, a low, deep rumble that started out in his chest and erupted from his mouth like a bubbly volcano. “But Lilliana fooled him. She married ole Web instead. Web was a good man - honest, hard-working, dedicated. He was a good husband and father.”
Sierra grinned at the mention of her grandfather, Webster, a man that she’d never heard a bad word about in her life. Although he hadn’t been the love of Lilliana’s life, he’d been an excellent life partner and a wonderful father to their two children. He had been greatly loved by all who’d known him.
“So there’s my story. I ain’t proud of it, but it’s the unvarnished truth,” Jock said, letting out a loud sigh that sounded a lot like relief to his listeners. “I didn’t set out to kill Jessup, but it happened, and I reckon I was the guilty party. I know I didn’t serve jail time for my crime, Sierra, but if it’s any comfort to you - the loss of your grandmother was punishment enough. I had to endure the rest of my years knowing that Lilliana despised me for jilting her at the altar...I can’t tell you what that did to me,” he whispered in a pained voice that was filled with decades of heartache.
“Why did it have to turn out that way? You two loved each other and yet my grandmother left this earth without ever knowing how much you truly loved her. All because of Sam Jarvis!” Sierra said angrily, a million bad words hovering on her lips, words that she itched to level against the man who’d ruined her grandmother’s happiness. She bit her lip so she didn’t go there.
“Sierra, I know she loved me. And I’d bet my last dollar that she knew I loved her. Lilliana was a fine woman, loyal and passionate, and as brave and fierce in her will as any man in the county. Everyone who knew her had no doubt she was destined for greatness. She had dreams. Big, bold, beautiful dreams that made my eyes tear up every time she told me about em. I couldn’t risk the chance that my sin would destine her dreams to failure.” Jock let out a loud sigh. “After all, Sam could’ve turned me in to the authorities and made Lilliana a prison widow. I couldn’t have withstood her having to bear that kind of shame.”
Jock reached for Sierra’s hand and clasped it tightly, offering her the tiny bit of strength that he’d managed to gather over the years. Although it had taken him years to do so, he’d finally accepted the past and come to terms with the treachery that had robbed him of his Lilliana. “Sierra, nobody has all the answers. Not you. Not me. Nobody. But I’ll tell you one thing I do know. Lilliana and I were plum lucky to have found each other at all. That in itself is a blessing. I have so many memories, ones that I’ll cherish forever. Sam Jarvis took a lot from me, but he could never take that. And he never will.”
For the next hour Sierra and Caleb stayed with Jock, listening as he told story after story, some sad, others joyous, all of them highly charged with emotion. They thumbed through countless photo albums and mementoes, some of them making Sierra laugh, others causing her to choke up with tears. Through it all Caleb sat by her side, either clutching her hand or placing his arm around her, showing his love and support at all times.
Before they left Jock presented Sierra with a picture of her grandmother, a stunning black and white photograph of the young, attractive Lilliana standing next to a brown-skinned young man who had a hint of mischief in his eyes and a smile that was wider than the brim of his cowboy hat.
Jock explained that the photograph had been taken on the day he first met her at the rodeo in San Antonio. Sierra shook her head in disbelief when Jock presented her with the picture, unwilling at first to accept such a precious gift. Jock implored her to accept the photograph of Lilliana, reminding her that all his memories were stored in his heart and that he didn’t need a picture of Lilliana to remember that glorious day. “I’ll always remember it, here,” he said as he pointed to his head, “and here.” He then lovingly placed his hand over his heart. Sierra reached out and embraced Jock, her heart filled to overflowing for this wonderful, complex man whom her grandmother had loved so fiercely.
And for the first time in a long time she wept tears of joy.
***