Chapter Thirteen

Then

My wedding day was beautiful. I can’t honestly say it was my dream wedding. It wasn’t my wedding at all. Mason’s mother took it over. I was young and broke, and I didn’t have a mom of my own so I was flattered she was doing it for me.

But the dress was what she envisioned, the flowers were her favorites, and the colors were grey and teal. I’d have probably picked red and black. She told me I was getting married, not attending a prom. I was properly chastised.

At least my dad was there. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his rented tux. But we had a few minutes alone before the ceremony. He had tears in his eyes as he walked into the room and told everyone to leave us.

My dad was such a mellow guy I was surprised by his command. My mother-in-law, Cynthia, didn’t appear too happy about the request, but she did as he said. My dad was a big man, but he wasn’t intimidating, at least not to me.

He walked to me, his eyes sparkling. It was only the second time in my life I’d seen him with tears. A few of my own fell. I truly loved him more than any other person in this world.

“You’re so beautiful, baby girl,” he said in a hushed tone.

“Thanks, Daddy. This is all so unreal,” I said as I stood before him in a poufy white dress. I shifted. My feet were already a bit sore from being on them so long, but I couldn’t sit down. I might wrinkle the beautiful gown.

He picked up the tiara with an attached veil and gently placed it on my head. For such a large man with giant fingers, he was incredibly gentle. He fit the piece on perfectly. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself.

I had ringlets hanging down around my face. My dark hair was mostly up with pearls strategically placed throughout it. It all fit very well with the veil. I felt beautiful even if I didn’t feel like myself.

“You know I think you’re too young to be married, but the heart knows what it wants,” he said with a gentle smile.

We didn’t normally talk like this. It was wonderful. I wanted this time with my dad. I needed this time.

“Did you know with my mom?” I asked. I grabbed a tissue and gently blotted my face. It was a good thing the makeup artist had used waterproof colors or I’d have already been a mess.

My dad tenderly cupped my cheek and smiled. He was such a gentle giant. I felt guilty about all the bad thoughts I’d ever had about him, all the ways I had defied him. He might not have been the most active parent, but there was no doubt how much he loved me. I was going to miss living with him, but I knew there was a time all kids had to grow up. I would always be his little girl, though.

“I loved her as much as I was capable,” he told me.

“What does that mean?” I asked, confused.

“We were both young like you are now. We had a whirlwind romance. Times were different then, and she got pregnant. There was no question about it; we were getting married. But most relationships that tie the knot for the sake of a pregnancy don’t last,” he said with sadness.

More tears fell and I simply let them go. I’d freshen up before I walked down the aisle to commit my life to Mason.

“Why did she leave me?” I asked. My father always sugarcoated this, but maybe he’d finally tell me the truth.

He pulled me into his arms, not at all worried about wrinkling my dress. I knew Cynthia would be upset when she came in and saw me, but I didn’t care. I needed to be in my dad’s safe embrace.

“It wasn’t you she left; it was me,” he assured me. “She was too young to be a mother, and from the moment you exited the safety of her womb, you were a daddy’s girl. I think she resented that a little bit, resented when you came to me instead of her. She wasn’t mature enough to handle it. It doesn’t make her a bad person. It happens to be what it is. I hope you wait a while to have children of your own. I hope you enjoy being young yourself before you’re responsible for another life. A child isn’t a possession. They aren’t dolls to dress up and play with. Children won’t just love you, they will need you. Yes, love grows out of that. But a child is very needy, and you have to be mature enough to handle it. You’ll love your children with all your heart and when they go through pain, you’ll feel it deeper than they do. Give yourself time before you become a mother, because once you’re a mom that’s your title role,” he warned.

“Why does anyone want to have kids if it’s so hard?” I asked. “And how could Mom walk away if we love our children that much?” It didn’t make sense to me.

My dad smiled. “I think your mother loved you very much. I think she wanted to give you the world, and I think that’s why she walked away. She might have been jealous of the bond between you and me, but more importantly she knew she was too young and inexperienced to give you the love you needed in order to thrive. I think it was a great sacrifice for her to walk away, and I hope you can forgive her for it, because life might not have been perfect for you, and you might have had some stumbling blocks along the way, but you have been blessed.”

There was a river of tears coming down my face. Cynthia was definitely going to have a freak-out. That was okay because this time with my dad was the most beautiful part of my wedding day.

“What if I run away now?” I asked, a hitch to my voice.

My dad chuckled. “You are my only priority in life. If you want to run, I’ll drive the getaway car,” he assured me. “But I think I raised you well enough to not hurt another person like that. So if you don’t want to get married today, tell Mason you’ve changed your mind. I hope you wouldn’t leave him standing at the head of that aisle all alone.”

There was no chastisement in my father’s voice. I hugged him more tightly. Why did I need to get married when I already had such a wonderful man in my life? Slowly I let him go and took a step back.

“I love you so much, Dad. I don’t think another man could ever compare to you. I’m sorry I didn’t always see how special you are,” I told him.

A single tear slipped from his eye and he turned and coughed as he tried to discreetly wipe it away. The gesture made me smile. He was composed when he looked back at me.

“I’d give my life for you, Miranda. You’re my little girl,” he told me.

We were silent for several moments, both us thinking back through the years. I was nineteen years old and starting a brand new journey. My dad had already given me my foundation, now it was up to me to figure out how to be an adult.

“I do want to marry Mason. We might still have some growing up to do, and it might not always be the easiest of journeys, but I love him with all my heart.”

“Then I’ll be at the beginning of that aisle to walk you to him. If that preacher asks who gives this woman away, I’m likely going to punch him, though. I’d never give away my most precious gift in life. I will share you with Mason, and I will share you with the world, but never will I give you away,” he warned.

His words filled my heart with so much joy I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded. My dad hugged me again and I held on for a long time. I swore I heard him sniffle, but by the time he let me go his face was composed.

“I’ll get out of here so you can fix yourself up,” he told me.

My dad walked from the room and I was sad to see him go. I took a deep breath and waited for Cynthia to come back. Her gasp of horror at seeing me made a huge smile appear on my lips as I shrugged.

Nothing could upset me after that precious moment with my father. Nothing at all. My fears were gone.