Chapter Thirty-Three

Then

I was taking a trip to the coast by myself. I was starting a new job in less than a week and I had five full days off. I didn’t want to stay home. I wanted to be with my dad. Mason was too busy to go along, which was surprising. He hadn’t seen his mother in a while.

But that worked out wonderfully for me because it meant I’d stay with my dad. I didn’t mind sleeping on the pull-out Army cot. He’d bought a nice pad for it just for my visit, excited I was staying with him for the first time since I’d moved away at eighteen.

I blasted my music on the hour and a half drive to the coast and promised myself I’d see Cynthia for at least one lunch. I’d catch hell if I didn’t. There was no way she wouldn’t know I was in town, not in a small place like Newport.

I arrived early in the afternoon. I was going to take my dad out for a nice lunch, some place with a great view. Then we’d go for a walk on the beach and catch up. With my new job, I was unsure when I’d be able to visit next.

He came out to the porch; his trademark smile filling my heart with joy. Any worries I’d been having slowly melted away. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him until seeing his sweet face.

“Dad!” My face hurt from smiling so wide.

“I get two visits in less than a month. This is wonderful,” he said as he gave me a hard squeeze.

“And I’m taking you to lunch. I’m starving.” He frowned when I told him.

“I have some rice and beans prepared.”

I laughed. “I know that’s all you need, but I like flavor.” He frowned for a moment as if planning to argue with me about how real food tasted wonderful, but then he shrugged and smiled.

“You’re spoiled,” he told me.

“That’s because of you. Now get whatever you need because we’re going to be out for a while. I want to play today, do some shopping, and get everything we need so we don’t have to go to town again. I want to spend the next few days doing nothing more than vegging out in paradise.”

That made him smile. He took pride in his home and he loved that I treasured it.

We climbed into my car and made our way down the hill toward the coastline. “Is there anywhere you have in mind?” I asked.

“You choose. You know the area well.” He knew I’d find a place that would fit with his diet. I loved his quirky ways.

“How have you been? I didn’t get to talk to you nearly enough at my graduation. There was so much going on.”

“I can’t complain,” he told me.

“It’s not that you can’t. It’s just that you never will.” It was one more thing about him that was so dang enduring.

“There’s nothing to complain about,” he assured me. “What has you in such a perky mood? Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m glad to see you’re looking so much more at peace.”

“I’m excited for my new job. I hated the last one, and I think this company will be great. They must scout the school for potential applicants. I can’t believe they thought I’d be a good fit. I started college so much later than most, and I have a colored résumé. But I want to do well.”

He smiled at me, that fatherly smile that told me he had something to say. I waited. I valued his words of wisdom far more than I had when I was younger.

“Just make sure you don’t make work your life. There’s so much more out there than the hustle and bustle of the nine to five.”

“I promise I won’t get consumed by it. I learned that from you, and I know how important it is to truly live. I remember you telling me there was more to this life than money. I thought you were crazy at the time, but I realize now things are just things. None of it really matters at the end of the day. Sure, it’s fun to buy new clothes and fancy furniture, but if my house goes up in flames, it wouldn’t be the possessions I’d be grabbing first, it would be my photo albums filled with all my happy memories,” I explained. “The memories I have because of you.” I had a hard time not choking up as I finished speaking.

“That’s my girl. I’m proud of you,” my dad said. It sent a glow through me. I liked him being proud of me, loved that there was nothing I could do that would make him feel disappointed in me. We all need that one person we know we can never disappoint. For me, that person was, and always will be, my father.

“I love that you always encourage me, that you make me feel like a good person.” I was emotional as we pulled up to a little dive on the edge of town. It didn’t look like much, but the food was fantastic and the view spectacular. Dad nodded his approval.

“I worry about you all the time. There’s so much bad in this world, and while I don’t want you to focus on it, I want you aware of it. I don’t like you living in the city. But I guess bad things happen in good places just like they happen in those overcrowded metropolises,” he said with a sigh.

“I take care of myself, Dad. I promise. I’ve taken self-defense classes, and I make sure I’m never out late, especially alone. I don’t want to live in fear, but I do live in reality,” I assured him.

“Good. I don’t think there’s too much more I can teach you.”

The diner was crowded, but we managed to get a table on the back deck, the last one available without a wait. We ordered our food and continued chatting.

“How are things with you and Mason?” he asked.

I cringed the slightest bit. I knew we’d have to talk about my husband, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want that good mood to be dampened.

“I honestly can’t answer that. I don’t know. It’s more like we’ve become roommates. Neither of us seems to address any issue. If we do try to discuss something, by morning we pretend the conversation didn’t happen.” I didn’t go into full detail.

“Are you intimate?” he asked.

It didn’t matter that I was an adult, heat rushed to my cheeks at his question. I gazed at my cup of coffee and waited for the floor to swallow me. It didn’t happen.

“No,” I finally said. “Not for a while.” I was mortified to admit this.

“That’s definitely a problem.” Thankfully he dropped the subject after that. My father wasn’t that typical dad afraid to discuss certain topics. He’d raised me to be independent and confident and that included talking to me about uncomfortable subjects. In his opinion that was all part of life, nothing to be ashamed of.

We finished our lunch without any further awkward questions and then strolled on the beach for hours, collecting seashells and looking for glass balls. It was a warm day with a perfect breeze blowing off the water. I felt sixteen again, without a care in the world.

When we were back in the cabin I relaxed, feeling refreshed and better than I had in a while. Things truly were going to be okay. They had to be if I wished it hard enough.

I remembered a church lesson from my youth where I’d been told God would never give us more than we could handle. He might push us to the brink so we would know our own strength, but He’d never push us over the edge.

What I hadn’t taken into account with this beautiful lesson, was that while God might not give us more than we could handle, we might be foolish enough to do it to ourselves.