Chapter Twenty-Six

Now

I open my hotel room door and Kaden is on the other side. We stare at each other for several long moments and I don’t know what I want to say, don’t know what I want to do. He doesn’t make a move, just waits as if he can see the internal struggle I’m experiencing. I appreciate him much more because of that.

“We should talk,” I finally say as I step aside for him to enter.

He comes inside, and I move to the small living area. I choose the comfortable armchair, leaving the couch for him. He smiles as he sits down. He’s so used to being the one to lead people, to tell them where to go and what to do. I’m not a woman to easily be led around.

“It’s more than obvious I feel something for you,” I say when it becomes clear I’m the one who needs to start this conversation.

“But you’re unwilling to do anything about it.” The words are a statement, not a question, not an accusation.

“I might not have the best marriage, but at one time Mason was my everything. We can get that back, but not if I do what you want me to do,” I tell him, hating how raw I feel about this conversation.

He raises a brow and I wait for him to speak.

“What I want you to do?” he asks.

“You know, the . . . uh . . . the affair,” I stutter, hating that he’s making me say it out loud. I know we need to have this conversation, but it isn’t easy for me.

“I’m not the only one who wants it,” he points out. I can lie right now but that won’t do either of us any good.

“No, you’re not the only one. I obviously desire you. I like how you look at me. I like how I feel when you touch me. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve had that.”

“What’s wrong with your husband that he doesn’t see you?” he asks. He seems angry as he speaks these words.

“Nothing is wrong with him,” I defend. “It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes two to allow it to fall apart.”

“Leave him,” Kaden says. There is such authority in his tone. It’s as if he believes all he has to do is command it and I’ll do as he says.

“I’m in no way ready for that. I don’t know why.” I truly don’t.

“Let me show you what you’re missing,” he insists.

“I could make love to you. It could be fantastic.” I can practically feel his hands on me as I say these words. My body responds: my nipples grow hard, my stomach tightens, my core grows wet.

“You can’t hide what you feel,” Kaden says, his voice husky. It’s like pheromones are racing between us. How am I going to resist him?

“Why aren’t you in healthy relationships?” I ask. It’s time to turn the tables on him.

I’m fascinated as I watch the shutters close over his eyes. He’s perfectly okay with me opening up, making me feel raw, but he isn’t willing to give an inch when it comes to himself.

“This isn’t about me,” he says, his tone cold.

I laugh and his gaze narrows. I look at him, not willing to back down. This conversation might set the tone between us for the rest of our relationship. I like working for his company and that means spending time together. It’s important for him to know I have a backbone.

“You wanting to sleep with me is about both of us,” I inform him.

This time he laughs. “You want me just as badly as I want you.” I notice he hasn’t answered my question. I also know he won’t.

“So you’re telling me you won’t respect what I’m asking.” I want that message to be very clear.

He smiles. “I’m willing to give you what you want.” I take a cleansing breath.

“Then I’m telling you I don’t want a physical relationship with you.” It’s hard to get the words out of mouth. It’s hard to get them past the lump in my throat. I’m lying to him, and we both know it. His grin turns up a notch. He stands.

Kaden moves over to me and I don’t back away as he places his hands on the arms of my chair, easily boxing me in. He leans down, his face mere inches from mine. I don’t want to desire him, but I can’t help it. My heart thunders. I look at his lips and grow damp and ready.

“Kiss me, Miranda.” His voice is a seductive purr.

“You’re not listening to me,” I gasp, the words coming out barely above a whisper.

“Then tell me to leave.” His hot breath caresses my skin, his body heat invades me. I open my mouth to tell him to go, but no words come out.

“Damn you,” I say, the words filled with agony.

Then I reach for him, my hands wrapping around his neck, pulling him to me. I can’t resist him when he looks at me with such obvious desire, when his scent invades me. He makes me feel sexy and wanted and needed.

“We’re both dammed,” he mutters as he wrenches his mouth from mine and stands. I groan.

He easily lifts me into his arms and locks his lips to mine. I gasp as he strides through the suite. I barely comprehend the feel of the bed beneath me when he lays me on it. I need to stop what’s happening but I can’t seem to.

He kisses me long and hard. I’m on my back and he’s leaning over me, half his body on me but leaving room for his hand to trail down the center of my chest, over my stomach, and flutter over my burning core. I don’t try to stop him.

“Make love to me, Miranda,” he says, trailing his lips across my jaw and down my neck, sucking the skin. I groan, trying to come to terms with what’s happening.

“No.” But even as I say the word, I cling to him, not ready to let this end.

“Then I’m going to show you what it’ll be like if you say yes,” he says.

I don’t know what that means. But he’s suddenly ripping my shirt and bra from me. I don’t stop him. His mouth moves from my throat to my chest, his kisses circling my nipples, making them throb as they peak, seeking the heat from his mouth. He teases me for long moments before his mouth finally clamps down over one sensitive bud.

He sucks and my back arches off the bed. I want to say yes, want him to keep going. I want to let it all go and allow him to love me. I want to touch him, take him in my mouth, and suck him as he’s sucking me. I want it all.

He moves to my other breast as his hand moves over my pajama pants, and he cups my pulsing core. He wiggles his fingers on the outside of the material while he sucks hard on my nipples. Pressure is building.

“Kaden,” I moan, so turned on I don’t care about anything but finding the pleasure he promises. “Kaden, please . . .” I don’t know what I’m begging for.

He moves up my body, and his lips take mine again as he lies over me. He’s fully clothed and I wear nothing but a thin pair of cotton pants. I easily feel his hardness between my legs. He begins pumping against me as his tongue slides into my mouth.

I push against him, the pressure still building, and then he reaches between us and pinches my nipple as he thrusts against me. I explode. Shock runs through me as I shake beneath him, the orgasm so strong I’m grateful I’m lying down.

He slows the caress of his lips on mine as he shifts, taking some of his weight away. He squeezes my nipple once more before laying his palm flat on my sensitive flesh. My heart thunders beneath his fingers as I float back to earth.

He breaks his mouth from mine and I slowly open my eyes, looking at him. His gaze bores into me. He looks wild, like an animal on the prowl. I don’t know how he maintains such composure — such control.

“If you say yes, the next time will be so much better,” he promises, his voice agonized.

“I . . . that . . .” I inhale, trying to find the right words. “I should help you,” I finally spit out, hating it when I feel color sliding into my cheeks.

He smiles before leaning down and kissing me.

“You will when you’re ready,” he assures me.

I don’t stop him when he rises from the bed. He steps away but stands gazing at me for long moments. I want to cover myself, feeling so raw and naked. But I also feel beautiful. He desires me. He hurts because of me. I’m so close to saying yes.

“Not tonight,” he says once again, reading my mind. “I want you to think about this, and the next time when you come to me, I don’t want there to be a shadow of a doubt this is right, no matter what the rest of the world says.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to answer him. He turns and walks from the room. I hear the door close a couple of seconds later. I don’t move from where he left me. I don’t think I’ll be able to. I also don’t sleep.

I spend the entire night aching. Even though he gave me an orgasm that was better than anything I’ve had in years, I still feel empty. By the time morning arrives the only regret I have is that I haven’t made love to him.

I know I will. I just don’t know what that means.