Chapter Six

Then

It seems I’m living in two separate worlds as I flash back and forth from my life with Mason and my affair with Kaden. I can’t help myself. I can’t help but compare the two. I’m two different people. I’m the sweet, scared, shy girl Mason fell in love with. I’m also the bold, confident, outgoing woman Kaden desires. I can’t seem to reconcile how the two halves of me fit together seamlessly.

On one hand I’m the same girl Mason believed in so many years ago. But on the other I’m this new girl, this person who died and burned, then rose from the ashes. Maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic, but I remember a counselor once telling me we don’t make mistakes in life; we are shaped by every step of our journey so each decision has to be warranted, has to be appreciated. It’s not a mistake because it leads to the next step.

I refuse to have regrets. I might not be perfect, but I give with all I have, and I truly do love the same way. Sometimes love fades. The reality of life: it isn’t perfect. Life is messy and complicated. I think back to those early days with Mason . . .

The days passed quickly, March turning into April, then May, and suddenly it was June. I loved summer on the coast. I had a wonderful job at a fish house restaurant with other kids from school I’d become close to.

I earned tips every night and all I had to do was clean tables and take customers their drinks. Life couldn’t get any better than that. I found myself eagerly anticipating the last day of school, counting down the minutes. I was already working weekends, but that wasn’t enough. I wanted to work more hours, getting excited when my check was several hundred dollars.

For an incredibly poor kid, any number followed by zeroes was beyond exciting. In the summer I always seemed to have money. If I wanted a new shirt, I could buy it. There was freedom in a paycheck.

I was spending more time with Mason, not an overwhelming amount of time, but enough that I started to miss him when I didn’t see him for a few days. I found myself wanting to be with him, looking for excuses to call him, or walk up to him in school.

What was even better was my friends loved him, too. They though he was funny and sweet, and he had a car, which was perfect. Only a couple of the kids we hung out with had vehicles, so Mason’s car gave us a freedom we didn’t have before.

We all piled in his sports car and went to the beach, or the movies, or for a long drive. We sang and laughed, and had a great time together. Looking back, those moments were some of the happiest in my life.

I had friends, a boy I was starting to like, money, and I felt like I was holding the world in the palm of my hand. Could it really get any better than that? No. No, it couldn’t.

School ended for the year without a lot of fanfare, and I started my full-time schedule at work, but so did my friends. Mason showed up often, always making sure he was there when I got off work to see that I got home. I was falling for him without realizing it.

Our second week of summer, June nineteenth to be exact, he picked me up from work. It was dark and overcast, but warm. He drove to the lake and parked the car. I didn’t see anything unusual about this as we’d come to the lake often. It wasn’t like there were a lot of hang-out spots in our town.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to do this for a long time,” Mason said. I looked at him quizzically. What was he trying to figure out?

“Is everything okay?” I finally asked when he kept silent.

He stepped out of the car and quickly jogged around to my side. He helped me out, but instead of releasing me, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body tightly against his.

One thing I’d noticed about Mason in the months I’d known him was how powerful he was. His muscles bunched behind my back while he held me tight. I knew if there was a struggle, there would be no way I could get away from him. For some reason this made me feel secure, not frightened.

“I love you, Miranda. I can’t go a single minute without thinking about you. You come to me in my dreams, day and night. I find myself making up excuses to seek you out. Please say you’ll be mine,” he said while looking in my eyes.

Suddenly, the clouds broke, and the moon shone down on us, lighting his face for me to see the look of adoration in his eyes. His blue eyes were shining with confidence as he gazed at me, his mouth only inches from my own.

Was there any doubt I’d say anything other than yes? No. No doubt whatsoever.

“Yes,” I whispered, the words barely audible with how tight my throat was.

As if shocked I’d actually said yes, his mouth suddenly turned up in a brilliant smile, the power of his approval taking my breath away. I found, in that moment, I’d do anything to please him, anything he asked of me. He owned me, body and soul.

“I’ll never let you go,” he vowed, the words sounding romantic to my young ears, though I should have taken the words as a threat, as a noose. We were too young to make those decisions, too young to decide on a lifetime.

He lifted me off the ground and spun me around, my hair flying out behind me. I was in heaven and I needed the moment to never end. Finally, he set me back on my feet and only then did he bend his head forward, finally his lips touching mine.

Butterflies exploded in my stomach as our mouths pressed together. It was the perfect first kiss, the kind of moment I’d watched a million times in my favorite romantic movies. His tongue brushed against my bottom lip, and I willingly opened to him, though I didn’t know what I was doing. Instinct took over.

My hands lifted, my fingers gliding into his hair, pulling him closer. My stomach was burning, shooting sensations flowing from my core throughout my young body. I couldn’t explain what was happening to me, but it was good, so very good, and I knew I didn’t want it to stop.

I don’t know how long the two of us stood by that rock wall overlooking the serene lake, wrapped in each other’s arms, but it didn’t matter. Time ceased to exist, and all I knew was I loved him. I’d follow him anywhere.

He was mine and I was his, and nothing else mattered in my young mind. I didn’t think anything could ever change how I felt about him. I didn’t think any moment could become more perfect than that one.

I was wrong.