Nicolette
After I’d gotten dressed and paid (fifty bucks! Just for a measly ultrasound and a painful prick in my pussy!) I cleared my throat and went outside. To be honest, I wasn’t doing a real good job of thinking just then. I was scared, and nervous. I didn’t want to have a baby.
Back in high school, when I thought Jack was the perfect man, I’d wanted a baby. Not then, of course, but when we got older. My eyes filled with tears as I realized I’d always thought I’d be a mother by now. But now, I was starting to doubt myself. I didn’t want to bring a baby into the world and think of Jack every time I looked at her sweet face. Or his handsome face. It didn’t matter – as long as the baby was Jack’s, I didn’t want it. I know that sounds cold. It’s not like it was the baby’s fault, after all. But I knew I’d go the rest of my life hating my ex and wishing I never had to see him again.
Plus, there was the question of parental rights. I’d read some horror stories in women’s magazines before, about women who had babies with men they hated. They had ugly custody battles, uglier fights for child support, and sometimes the end result was the ugliest of all.
I remembered my old friend from high school, Clara, telling me that her parents had gotten divorced when she was only four years old. They’d fought over her even though neither one of them really wanted her; they only wanted to spite each other. She said she’d spent her whole life trying to be heard by her parents, but they’d only heard their own screaming instead.
I didn’t want my baby to have to deal with that life. Furthermore, I wouldn’t have trusted Jack with custody. After the way he’d abused me for so long, I wouldn’t have wanted to leave him alone with the baby for a second, much less a weekend or a whole goddamn summer. And taking him to court would be expensive, which I couldn’t afford, and painful, which I didn’t wanna deal with.
I was in a real situation.
I climbed into my car, relieved that soon, I’d be going home and everything would be okay. Or at least, I could pretend. I could take a long bath and maybe order a pizza for dinner. But when I stuck the key in the ignition, nothing happened. I gritted my teeth and tried again. The engine started, but it wouldn’t turn over. I tried over and over again. Just as I started to see wispy grey tendrils of smoke emerging from the hood, I climbed out of the car and felt tears well up in my eyes.
The first person I called was Brenda. She answered after the second ring, and her voice was thick and clogged with sleep. I bit my lip as I waited for her to take a drink of water, then put the phone back to her ear and answer.
“Hello?” There was a pause. “Nicolette, is that you?”
“Uh, yeah,” I said quietly. “Um, Brenda, I need some help.” I cleared my throat and willed the tears to go away, but they began to fall down my cheeks instead. My eyes burned in shame and I realized at that moment, that I felt more helpless than I ever had before. Even before I’d left Jack
“What is it?” Brenda cleared her throat again. “What happened?” There was a loud sound of crying behind her and she winced loudly. “Hang on, Nicolette,” Brenda said. “I have to put the phone down real quick.”
By the time she’d picked up the receiver again, I’d about lost all the nerve that I had. I didn’t want her knowing where I was – not that I felt like she would judge me, but I didn’t want to explain it. I closed my eyes and sighed.
“What is it?” Brenda asked. She sounded breathless and heavy. “Nicolette, what happened?”
“Never mind,” I said in a falsely cheerful voice. “I’m fine. I thought I had a question about work but everything’s fine! I’m fine.”
I hung up before Brenda could ask anything else. My heart was pounding slowly in my chest and I crawled into the backseat of my car, lying down like I was sick. I’d felt like everyone in the parking lot was staring at me, like I was some kind of freakshow.
There was only one person left to call, and I really, really didn’t want to call him.
Charlie picked up on the first ring. He sounded jaunty, exhilarated, like he was off doing something much more fun and exotic than hanging out in Durango, Colorado on a Saturday morning. “Hey, Nicolette,” Charlie said. “You chill out yet? You want me to come over?”
I shook my head and bit my lip. “Um, no,” I said. “Actually…I ran into a little bit of car trouble.” I glanced up at the other stores. “I was out at this shoe store and when I got back in the car, it wouldn’t start.” I sniffled, suddenly worried that I was going to start crying again. “Can you come pick me up and take me home?”
“Yeah, sure,” Charlie said. My heart soared – I was glad I’d called him. “Do you have an address?”
I sniffled again, then looked for the scrap of paper in my purse with the Planned Parenthood address on it. “I’m in the Red Apple Shopping Mall, just outside of town,” I said, wiping my nose on my hand. “Thanks, Charlie.”
He pulled up five minutes later and honked the horn. I thought that was kind of weird – where was he that he’d been so close? Durango was small but not that small. Still, I wasn’t about to ask any questions for my new Knight in Shining Armor. He’d really helped me when I couldn’t have asked anyone else.
“Hey,” I said as I slid in the car. “Thanks.” I smiled at him.
Charlie looked just as handsome as ever. He was wearing a denim shirt with a patch on the back and big, mirrored sunglasses. His blonde stubble had grown out even more, and I was tempted to reach over and touch him. But thinking of the baby in my belly stopped me cold in my tracks.
“Not a problem,” Charlie said. “So, did you buy anything?” He glanced down at the floorboards of the passenger side, locking all doors as we cruised out of the parking lot.
“What?” I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Charlie chuckled. “You went shoe shopping,” he said. “Did you buy any shoes, Nicolette?”
I shook my head. As we drove along the picturesque side streets, I began to feel oddly nervous. Chill out, Nicolette, I thought. This is Charlie. He’s not a complete stranger. You’ve slept with him, for god’s sake! So chill the fuck out!
“Hey,” I said. “Where the hell are we going, anyway?”
Charlie smirked. “Home,” he said. “Where you belong.” He glanced over at me. “I’m sure you’re pretty fuckin’ tired by now, aren’t you?”
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure what he meant. He sped up as we passed through the main part of town, gliding past the stores at an alarming and fast pace. My mouth was dry – I couldn’t wait to get home and drink the whole bottle of juice that I had waiting for me in the fridge. Ever since I’d found out about the baby, I hadn’t had many cravings. In fact, thinking about food called to mind that incident at Kabuki. But I’d been craving sugary juice, and that was all I’d bought last night when I’d gone to the store. I could practically see it in the fridge now: half-frozen, dripping condensation, a beautiful deep purple-red color.
“Yeah,” I said finally. “I’m exhausted.”
Charlie didn’t reply. He was staring straight ahead at the road, his lips twisted into an odd expression. I couldn’t see his eyes because of the sunglasses, and suddenly I began to wish he’d taken them off. There was always something unnerving about talking to Jack when he was wearing shades, and suddenly I felt the same feeling echoing back within me, like it had sprung up from nowhere.
“I bet you are,” Charlie repeated. He slammed on the brakes just in time to stop for a red light, then sighed as the cars in front of us began to cross back and forth.
My heart started to beat faster and faster in my chest. “So, um, what do you do?” I asked. “I work for a law firm,” I added. “I haven’t been there long – only a couple of weeks – but everyone’s really nice. I work for Stephens & Coolidge, Attorneys at Law. You’ve probably seen their office, it’s downtown. Small, but really nice—”
“Shut up, Nicolette,” Charlie said. The light turned green and we sped through the intersection. I felt the car bounce over a bump in the road and a faint feeling of nausea spread through my limbs as a result. I began to hope and pray I wouldn’t be sick in Charlie’s car.
“Okay,” I said meekly. “I’m sorry.” I shifted around on the leather seat. “And you know, I’m really sorry about last week,” I said. “I shouldn’t have thrown you out, but things came down to that and I’m just really sorry about it. I don’t have a lot of experience with guys, and I was hoping you’d understand even though I didn’t do a really good job of explaining my—”
“Shut up, Nicolette,” Charlie growled. He reached forward and pressed the radio button, then turned it up to an ear-shattering volume. I cringed and covered my ears as loud, abrasive classic rock filled the car.
When I looked at Charlie, I felt more confused than ever. What is going on with you? I thought as I shifted in the seat again and leaned against the window. What the hell is your problem? You seemed happy enough to pick me up in the first place!
That was when I noticed we were pulling on the highway. West. Towards California.
Reaching forward, I cut the radio off. “What the fuck is going on?” I asked in a shaky voice. “Where are you taking me?”
Charlie smiled grimly. “I told you,” he said. “I’m taking you home.” He turned towards me and looked at me over the tops of his sunglasses. “Don’t you want to go home, Nicolette? You’ve been gone for so long.” He shook his head and clucked his teeth. “Your boyfriend really misses you.”
Suddenly, it hit me. It hit me harder than a punch to the gut ever cold. I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head, like someone had pushed me over the edge of the Grand Canyon and I was falling down, down, down without a parachute.
“You…” I trailed off, my voice shaking. “You! You were working for him all along!” The fear in my voice was quickly replaced by anger as Charlie nodded his head in a quick affirmation of the terrible words I’d just spoken. “How could you do that to me?” I shrieked, reaching over and slapping Charlie’s face hard with my open palm. “How could you do that?”
Charlie shook his head. “It’s my fuckin’ job, lady,” he replied. “I don’t give a good god damn why you ran off, but you’re goin’ home now, or it’s my neck that’s on the line.” He pulled the car off onto the shoulder of the road and turned to face me. “And if you ever, ever hit me again...” he trailed off. “You’ll make the journey home tied up in the trunk, you got that?” He glanced down towards my belly. “And I don’t think little Jack Junior in there would like that too much.”
I felt a cold spike of fear slide down my throat. My life was officially over.