Nicolette
As I ran down the dusty, dirty road, I barely paid attention to the pain ratcheting through my body. My feet were bare and the road was full of bits of glass and rusty screws, but I ran on, my vision obscured by the thick veil of tears.
I knew, soon, my life would be over.
Jack had found me. He’d done everything in his power to find me here in St. George and destroy my life, yet again. If I hadn’t been so panicked, I probably would have felt bitter. This was the man who had shaped my life from adolescence, who had trained me to live in a state of near-constant terror and panic. This man had taken me when I was still young and obedient, and broken me. He’d made me into a shell of a person. He’d somehow managed to change me fundamentally, as if on a molecular level.
I ran blindly away from the cottage. My heart was slamming against my ribs but my body felt light, like I was running on air. Strands of my long brown hair whipped in front of my face. I growled as I pushed my hair back over my shoulders and bolted forward with renewed enthusiasm.
Come on, Nicolette, you can do this, I urged myself as I ran on and on. The road was deserted – for a moment, my thoughts flashed back to Charlie. He was still inside our cottage, fighting with Jack. A pang of anxiety shot through my body and I was almost tempted to turn around and go get him. Then I saw my pregnant belly moving through the air and knew there was nothing I could do. Charlie had made his choice – he’d ordered me to leave as he was trying to fend off Jack.
It made me sick. It had all happened in a flash, much too quickly to look back on now. One moment, Charlie and I had been happy together, in bed, cuddling. I’d felt safe, warm, and loved.
And now I was outside, wearing only a sheet, feeling more miserable and afraid than I’d ever felt in my life.
“Help!” I screamed as I ran towards the road. The desolate landscape around me only added to my discomfort as I realized that I could be miles away from anyone or anything willing to help me. My throat swelled up and my eyes filled with fresh tears. “Help me! Help!” The scream filled my throat but sounded surprisingly empty when it came out. As I screamed and cried, the arid desert air did nothing but swallow my pleas.
I felt a sharp stitch in my side as I ran towards the roadside, waving my arms, no longer caring that the sheet was slipping down my body and exposing the curves of my breasts. I have to get out of here, I realized quickly. I have to move! Jack is going to come looking for me, and then I’ll really be in trouble. When I didn’t see any cars coming, I whipped my head over my shoulder and started running in the opposite direction. The road was hot from the midday sun, but the pavement felt good on my feet. Despite my fear and panic, I was starting to feel powerful, strong in a way I hadn’t ever experienced before.
I wondered if my baby was afraid. Closing my eyes, I quickly rubbed my protruding belly. It felt hot and hard, like a rock baking in the sun. It didn’t even feel like a part of my body. The blood was pounding in my ears as I crossed the road, over and over again.
Think, Nicolette! Get your shit together! I blinked back tears as I tried to remember everything Charlie had told me about working for some of the neighbors. He’d done some minor repair work for them, on and off, ever since we’d found ourselves staying in St. George. But even though I’d listened to him gripe about the work itself, I realized with a growing panic that I’d never even bothered asking their names.
In the distance, I saw something dark on the horizon. From where I stood, I couldn’t tell what it was. But I knew that I didn’t have much time – if I didn’t get moving, Jack was sure to find me.
As I ran and stumbled towards the shadow, I cursed the desert. There were no trees here, no shade, no place to hide from my monster of an ex-boyfriend. I stuck out like a sore thumb in the dry, dusty landscape. Jack wouldn’t even need to look long. All he had to do was follow the road, and there I would be, sheet billowing around my body.
I was probably the only person around for miles, save Charlie and Jack. I felt a pinch of sadness in my chest as I pushed my body forward and began to run again. What would happen? Would Jack kill Charlie? I hated thinking of that, I hated even thinking of Charlie being hurt, but I knew how sadistic Jack could be in a fit of rage. I shivered as I thought of how it would feel when he found me. What would he do? Beat me so badly that I’d lose the baby? Kill me? Drag me back to Carlsbad and kill me in front of the other Steel Gods?
The metallic taste of fear seeped into my mouth as I approached what looked to be a ramshackle little house by the side of the road. I didn’t want to allow myself to hope as I ran, but I couldn’t ignore the swelling inside my lungs. The pain, which had been absent for what felt like hours, was starting to come back. As my bare feet slapped against the hot tar of the road, tendrils of agony crept up my ankles and legs. I moaned in pain as I ran towards the shack, waving my arms in the air and screaming.
I can hide there, I thought in a panicked moment. But maybe there’s someone home, maybe they have a phone, maybe I can call 911 and send for an ambulance! With a heavy heart, I noticed ] there was no car in the driveway. The pavement was cracked and split, with weeds and grass growing through. I stubbed my toe on a broken piece of concrete and howled with pain, grabbing my foot and hopping through the air. The sheet fell down about my body and I cried out, reaching down and pulling the thin material around my naked curves.
“Help!” I screamed as I pounded on the ramshackle door. “Help me! Somebody, please! Help!”
Tears burned hot tracks down my cheeks as I slammed my fist into the wooden door over and over again. Pain shot through my arm but I kept beating on, even after I had begun to realize that the shack was abandoned.
“Help!” I yelled once more. “Please, somebody! Please help me!”
My only answer was silence.
For a brief second, I closed my eyes and wished all of this away. Soon, this will be over, I prayed as I wrapped the sheet tight around my body. The heat of the midday had given way to a cooler, dusky atmosphere, and the lack of humidity made my whole body feel as though I was covered in dust.
I knew I had to do something, and fast. If I didn’t hurry, Jack would come and find me and drag me back home in chains. My eyes teared up again but this time I blinked them away. No, I thought fiercely as I began to stumble away from the ramshackle little cottage. No, I won’t let him find me. Besides, Carlsbad isn’t my home. My home is with Charlie, no matter where we may be.
As I ran back towards the road, hope soared inside of me. There, maybe a couple hundred feet away, was a car. I darted out into the center of the road, ignoring the way the hot pavement burned my feet.
“Help!” I yelled loudly, waving my arms around in the air. “Help me! Please!”
The car came closer and closer. As it approached, I squinted and shielded my eyes from the sinking sun with my palm. I couldn’t quite make out who was driving – a person of indeterminate sex, with a puffed cloud of white hair. Thank god, I thought. It’s some little old lady. She’ll feel sorry for me. I’ll tell her that I’m pregnant!
But as the car came closer and closer, I panicked when I realized that it didn’t seem to be slowing down. As deftly as I could, I ran back and forth on the road until the soles of my feet were bloody and torn.
“Please!” I begged loudly. “Please stop!” I stood there, waving my arms until I saw the car begin to slow. As soon as the car had screeched to a stop in the middle of the deserted road, I ran towards it, arms outstretched. It was, in fact, a small elderly woman. She was wearing big block sunglasses and a pink sweater embroidered with cats.
“Please,” I begged again. I rapped on her rolled-up window with my head, trying to make my face look as desperate as possible. “Please help me! Please!”
The woman shook her head nervously and I yelled loudly in frustration. As I reached for the handle of the door, she locked the car from the inside and then the car began to move forward. When I realized she meant to drive off without me, I let out a scream of fright and pounded against her window harder than ever. The sheet slipped from my body, exposing my ripe breasts, and I watched as a look of horror spread across the old woman’s face.
In a matter of seconds, her car was nothing but a small bump on the horizon.
Shit.
I felt like I’d been defeated. Like Jack had won – and he’d barely even looked at me after bursting through the cabin door. He’d been focused on Charlie, but I knew I was next on his list. And unless a miracle happened, I knew I wouldn’t be safe for much longer.
Lowering a hand to my belly, I began to rub my baby bump. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I know – you have every reason to think I’m the world’s worst mother. But you were wanted, little baby.” A tear escaped my closed lids and dripped down my cheek. “I wish I could have given you a better life.”
A sound from behind me made me jump. When I whirled around on the road, I saw something so beautiful I wanted to cry. It wasn’t the pinkish orange of the sun fading in the sky, or the lone cactus that stood a few feet away.
It was a semi rig, big and powerful. I watched in amazement as the truck sped towards me. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I raised my arms into the air and let out a powerful scream. I waved my arms back and forth as my throat strained with the loudest cry for help that I’d uttered yet that day.
The driver of the semi leaned on the horn and the loud roar assaulted my ears. As he approached me, I heard the brakes squealing. My heart filled with hope as the semi glided to a stop right in front of me.
As quickly as I could, I ran towards the truck with my arms outstretched. “Help!” I screamed one last, final time. “Please! Help me!”