Nicolette
Three weeks later, Charlie and I took Isabelle on her first plane trip. We flew into San Diego from Salt Lake City, and I was more nervous than I’d ever been in my entire life. Charlie did a good job of trying to keep me calm, but after a while he realized how shaky I really was. Then he made sure to watch Isabelle for the whole flight. He even walked her up and down the aisles when she started crying after we hit a little bit of turbulence.
“Don’t let her keep crying,” I snapped. “Here, give her this. Or I can go feed her in the bathroom.”
“Nicolette,” Charlie said quietly. “She’s a baby. Babies cry on planes. It’s like…a universal fact.” He leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I know you’re anxious, but everything is going to be fine.”
I didn’t believe him. I hadn’t spoken to my family except for a brief, somewhat strained phone call. After they got over the shock of hearing my voice for the first time in four years, we made details for a visit. I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting Mom to be so warm and friendly over the phone. But by the end of the call, I’d been feeling much better about the whole situation.
That had been weeks ago, though. And now I wasn’t sure what to think. What if Mom was saving her anger for when I was there in person? What if she couldn’t wait to get me alone from Charlie, so she could yell at me and tell me what a disappointment I really was.
Most of all, there was the whole secret about Isabelle. Mom and Dad knew I had a baby – Charlie had told them, back when he’d first reached out. But they didn’t know who her real biological father was, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell them.
Charlie legally adopted Isabelle, and we put his name on the birth certificate. Still, I knew there would come a time when I’d have to tell her the truth. Jack’s family had a history of bad genes being passed on, and there was no way I’d take a chance with my daughter’s health because of any humiliation on my part.
After our flight, Charlie walked us over to the rental car counters where we picked up a Jeep and set it up with the luggage and car seat for Isabelle. Traveling with an infant was harder than I’d expected. After all, Isabelle was still so small that she barely weighed anything. But I hadn’t thought about how bored and squirmy she would be after a few hours on a plane, and by the time I was buckling her into the back seat of the Jeep, my nerves were shot.
“I need a drink,” I whined under my breath as I climbed into the passenger seat. “And then a massage. And like, a three-hour nap.”
“Well, we’re going to your parents’ house,” Charlie said. He gave me a wry grin. “But anything after that is open for interpretation, okay?”
I sighed. “I know I’m being a brat,” I said softly. “I’m just…God, Charlie, I’m so nervous!” My cheeks turned bright red and I covered my face with my hands. “I can’t help but think of how badly this is gonna go!”
Charlie reached over and patted my knee as he pulled out of the airport parking garage. “You don’t know that,” he said slowly. “Everything could be just fine, babe. We’ll have to take everything as it comes.”
Charlie didn’t need any help getting back to Carlsbad. It shocked me – for a moment, I’d forgotten that we’d basically been living in the same place. Then again, I’d grown up here. Seeing the familiar streets was like looking through an old photo album. I choked up as Charlie drove past my old high school, the last place I’d really been before Jack had sunk his claws into me and ripped my identity apart.
“We’re almost there,” I said. I choked up. “Turn there,” I added. “Take a left. My parents’ house is the last one on the right hand side. It’s wooden – with red shutters.”
Charlie drove the Jeep slowly past a group of children playing. I squinted at them, trying to see if I recognized any of them from my time here. But I didn’t – they were all too young. They were probably babies when I left, I thought, glancing back towards Isabelle in the back of the car. She was strapped happily into her car seat, her eyes closed.
If only I could be so lucky, I thought enviously.
Charlie pulled into my parents’ driveway and put the Jeep in park. He reached for my hand, squeezing my fingers and lifting them to his mouth.
“I love you, Nicolette,” Charlie said in a low voice. “And I promise – no matter what happens – you’ll always have me and Isabelle. We’re your family now.” He leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. “But I know how much you’ve missed your parents, baby. And I hope this visit can help begin to fix things.”
I swallowed, resolute, determined not to show any more emotion. “Okay,” I said numbly. “I’ll get Isabelle.”
When we stood in front of the door, I glanced at Charlie. Isabelle was nestled in my arms, happy in her hospital blanket. “I don’t know if I should knock or just open the door,” I said softly. “It’s been so long since I’ve been home that I don’t know what my mom would want me to do.”
“Do whatever you feel comfortable with,” Charlie said softly. He reached over and stroked my hair. “I’m right here, no matter what.”
My hand trembled as I reached over and pressed the doorbell. The house had been painted since I’d seen it last – a new, glistening coat of white paint had been laid over the wooden shingles. My throat swelled up as I saw the decoration my mom had placed on the front porch: a little clay sculpture of a turkey I’d made in elementary school. Maybe that was a good sign, maybe she’d be willing to—
“Nicolette!”
The door swung open. My mom was standing there, looking older and thinner than she had when I’d seen her last. Her brown hair was cut into a neat bob and streaked with white and gray. Her big brown eyes – exact twins of my own – watered and she blinked.
“Come here,” Mom whispered. She looked down at Isabelle in my arms. Without saying anything, Charlie reached over and picked up our daughter, carefully cradling her in his strong, muscled arms.
Then Mom pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her, not expecting to feel the warm rush of emotion that bubbled up inside of me. The tears that had been building gushed out of my eyes and down my cheeks, and my nose filled with liquid snot. Mom squeezed me tightly – her sharp shoulder jabbed into my throat, making me choke, but I didn’t pull away. Instead, I hugged her all the tighter.
When she finally pulled away, her eyes were just as wet as mine.
“Nicolette, don’t you dare stay away for so long again,” she said softly. She smiled and I thought my heart would break with happiness. “And this must be Charlie.”
Charlie nodded, unsmiling. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. McDonald,” he said. “I’m real glad we could come for a visit.”
“Is this Isabelle?” Mom stepped forward, gazing into my daughter’s face. “Nicolette, she looks just like you did as a baby!” Isabelle opened her eyes and began to cry. Mom cooed and reached forward, cradling my daughter in her arms. “Isabelle, it’s okay,” she said. “I’m your Grandma!” Pulling Isabelle close, Mom looked into my eyes once more. “We’ll have to look through some baby pictures,” she said, her face spreading into a grin. Happy tears trickled down my cheeks as Mom and I smiled at each other.
“I bet Nicolette was a really cute baby,” Charlie said. He smirked and I rolled my eyes. “I’d love to see some pictures.”
“Well, come on, then,” Mom said. “You’d better get your things and come inside.” She smiled, reaching up to wipe her eyes. “I know Nicolette’s father is dying to meet his new grandchild.”
Charlie waited until Mom had gone into the house before turning to me. “Are you okay?” He reached up with a tissue and wiped my tear-stained cheeks. “Are you upset?”
Without saying anything, I pulled Charlie into a close hug. “This is the best present you could have ever given me,” I said softly. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Of course,” Charlie whispered back. “Now come on.” He reached down and swatted me on the ass. “Time to go suck up to your dad.”
Seeing my father was even more emotional than seeing Mom again. He pulled me into a bear hug, and told me under no uncertain circumstances that I was never to disappear like that again. I started crying in earnest as he held me close and stroked my back.
“Honey, you could have always come back,” Dad said, after I’d explained about Jack. “I wish you would have called.”
“I just felt so stupid,” I muttered, rubbing my toes on the plush carpeting of their living room. “I felt like you couldn’t forgive me for being such a dumb little kid.”
“That’s bullshit,” Dad said. He grinned as Mom carried Isabelle into the room. “And your daughter is just beautiful. She looks a lot like you did as a baby!”
“That’s what Mom said,” I repeated. Mom and Dad burst out laughing and even Charlie joined in. Soon, Mom made tea and pulled out photo albums and we all sat around talking and laughing.
Charlie did pretty well, too. I wouldn’t have expected a biker to fit into my family. While we certainly stood out from my parents with our tattoos and leather jackets, Charlie did all of the important things correctly. He even called my dad ‘sir,’ something Jack would have died before agreeing to.
It felt so good to be back with my parents. Over the years, I’d trained myself not to think about them. When I was still with Jack, it had been pretty easy. After all, I’d been concentrating on how to survive being with an abusive monster as best I could. But as soon as I’d gone out on my own, to Durango, regret had set in.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I confessed quietly to Mom and Dad when Charlie stepped outside to take a phone call. “I’m so sorry, Mom. And Dad. I know I should have tried to call, but I didn’t know what to do.”
Mom reached over and patted my leg. “I know, honey,” she said. She glanced at Charlie – he was outside, on the back porch, pacing as he held the phone to his ear. “And this seems like a nice man. He’s Isabelle’s father?”
I nodded. “He is,” I said. “And he’s taken good care of me. He’s very protective.”
Mom nodded. “And Jack…” She trailed off. “What about him?”
A wave of nausea washed over me and I waited for it to pass before opening my mouth. “He’s in prison, Mom. He’s going to jail for a long, long time. He was convicted of assault and selling drugs. Like, bad drugs.”
“I never liked him,” Mom said. The air between us grew tense, and my father cleared his throat and excused himself. Mom glanced down at her hands in her lap – they were smaller than I’d remembered, and more wrinkled. She’d added another couple of small diamond bands to her left ring finger. I winced when I remembered that my dad gave her a piece of jewelry for every anniversary.
“I know,” I said. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have gone to college, or anything. And I know you’re not proud to have a daughter in her twenties working retail, with a baby, who’s not even married. But I want you to know how much I—”
“Hush,” Mom said. She took my hand in her own and squeezed. “Honey, with this economy, even the people who did go to college are still working retail. That doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that you’re safe and happy.” She looked out at Charlie again, who was still pacing outside. “And honey, are you really happy living in Utah? In such a small town?”
I nodded. “For now,” I admitted. “But…at some point, Charlie and I want to move back here. He still has some friends around here, and I want to be closer to you.”
“And I want to watch this adorable baby grow up,” Mom said. She scooped Isabelle into her arms and kissed her on the head without even waking her up. “She’s just the cutest, Nicolette. How was your delivery?”
# # #
That night, alone in the guest room, Charlie held me in bed for a long time while I cried. I couldn’t explain it – I should have been over tears by this point. But there was something about coming home, about having my parents accept me again, that felt so good I couldn’t even put it into words. Charlie stroked my hair and kissed my forehead every few seconds.
“Are you happy, babe?”
“Yeah,” I whispered quietly into his neck. “Thank you for this, Charlie. Thank you for giving me my family back.”
“Hey, what did I say?” Charlie shifted in the bed and began to rub my back with the heels of his hands. “I told you – Isabelle and me, we’re your family now. But I’m glad you get your parents back, too, babe. I’m really happy for you.”
My heart broke right then. I kissed him softly, staring into his bright green eyes. “I’m sorry you didn’t ever have this growing up,” I told Charlie. “But I promise, I’ll love you forever if you’ll let me. And you’ll always have Isabelle and me. I want to give you everything you’ve given me.”
Charlie grinned. He pulled me close and kissed me again until I felt my toes tingling with desire. “Trust me, babe,” he said quietly, nipping at my lower lip. “You already have.”