Nicolette
As Charlie merged onto the highway back to Hell, I couldn’t stop the knot from expanding in my stomach. For a moment, it was almost too painful to breathe. The past came rushing back to me like a punch in the gut. No, actually, it wasn’t like a punch. It was like being pushed off the deck of the Titanic into icy, black water. It was like drowning and feeling like I was over my head. Everything hurt. Breathing hurt.
I knew I had to make Charlie see the truth.
“Charlie,” I whimpered. “Please. Please listen to me.” I glanced at him – he was driving with his lips pressed together in a tight line. “Please,” I begged. “Please!”
“Shut up, Nicolette,” Charlie growled. “I don’t want to hear it! I don’t care! Jack’s my boss, you gotta understand that. I do what he tells me to do. That’s how this shit goes!” He pounded the wheel with his fist and a shock of real fear went through my body. If I couldn’t make him understand, if I couldn’t make him see the truth…I had no idea how I was going to get out of this predicament.
My heart was beating as fast as a rabbit’s as we rounded a curve on the highway. The car let out an angry hiss and Charlie cursed, smacking the dashboard with his fist.
“Charlie, he’s going to hurt me. And he’s going to hurt the baby,” I said softly. “He’s a monster. You don’t know him at all.”
For a moment, Charlie was silent. Then he gazed at me for a long time before turning his attention back to the road. “I don’t care,” he said finally. “I can’t care, Nicolette. I had no one – no family, no one – for a long fuckin’ time. And Jack’s the only guy who’s ever taken me seriously. Jack gave me a chance when no one else would.”
“Charlie,” I begged. “I’ll give you a chance! Please! Just let me go, please! I won’t tell anyone!”
Charlie gripped the wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “Shut up, Nicolette,” he muttered. “Shut up. Just shut the fuck up!”
Tears came to my eyes and I looked down at my hands in my lap. They were shaking like leaves. “No,” I said. My voice sounded calmer than I felt. “No,” I repeated. “I want to tell you a story, okay? And if you’re still hell-bent on dragging me back to Carlsbad after that, fine.” I was bluffing – I had absolutely no intention of letting Charlie bring me back there. But I knew I had to try something.
Charlie swallowed. I watched his Adam’s apple bob from the corner of my eye. “Fine,” he said. “You got ten minutes. You better make ‘em fuckin’ good ones.”
I licked my lips. “A few years ago, Jack got into blow for a while. You remember that?” I cringed at the mere thought of that time – waking up and finding Jack strung out in the living room, twitching, his nostrils coated in a white so bright it looked like flour.
“Yeah,” Charlie barked. “I remember. What’s the big fuckin’ deal?”
“He used to go on benders,” I said slowly. “He’d get enough blow for two, maybe three days, and hole up with a bunch of porn and weed and enough shit to get him through the weekend.” I swallowed. “And one of those times, I was supposed to go away, I can’t remember why.” I did remember why. I’d gotten a call from the hospital where I’d gone after my last check-up. I had some kind of benign cyst on my ovary, and I was supposed to have surgery.
“And?”
“And I didn’t go away,” I said simply. “I was…well, it doesn’t matter now.” I paused, wiping the tears that came to my eyes. The cyst had burst before I’d gotten to the hospital – there was nothing they could have done. They advised me to stay home and “get my boyfriend to take care of me” for a few days. Oh, if only those idiots had known.
“Hurry the fuck up,” Charlie growled. “This ain’t a two-way conversation, Nicolette. You gotta know it’s nothin’ personal. I’m doing my job.”
“And I’m trying to talk you out of it,” I rambled. “Because Jack had made plans to party the whole time I was supposed to be gone. And when I got home, he was so mad at me that he told me he wasn’t going to let me ruin his fun.” I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned back into the car seat. “I went into the bedroom and closed the door and lay down. It was fine for a while. Jack was listening to music, real loudly, but at least he was leaving me alone.” As I talked, my stomach began to churn. I hadn’t thought about this incident for a long time – what felt like months. And thinking of it again was enough to make me start quivering with fear at the knowledge that within a day, I’d be this man’s possession again. Not this man, I thought. This monster.
“And what happened?” Charlie shifted in the seat. He reached forward and turned the radio down to a low volume. After punching the cigarette lighter into the dashboard, he pulled a smoke out of his pocket and let it dangle from his lower lip. I swallowed hard.
“He left me alone for about two hours,” I said. “I was curled up in bed, just starting to drift off to sleep. And then he burst through the door…” I trailed off. “He was so high that he looked manic. His hair was standing up on end, and his eyes were bloodshot and his nose was crusted with blow. And before I could stop him…” I trailed off, closing my eyes and letting my head rest against the window. “He dragged me out to the living room and raped me. More than once. It went on for hours. The second I tried fighting him, he punched me in the stomach until I passed out. When I woke up, I was tied to the couch.”
I thought I saw Charlie’s eyebrows shoot up from behind his mirrored sunglasses but I couldn’t be sure.
When he didn’t say anything, I continued, “That went on for three days. Three. Days. I couldn’t even tell how much time had gone past. The only way I knew was when it was over, I had a voicemail on my phone from work, demanding to know why I hadn’t showed in three days.”
Charlie cleared his throat. “But he doesn’t do blow anymore,” he said. His voice was shaking but the car was still pushing forward at seventy miles per hour. “Those days are over, and they have been for a long time. The Gods don’t deal with that shit anymore.”
“But it still happened,” I said softly. “And he never apologized. Not a single fucking time. I was so black and blue that I couldn’t go outside for weeks, Charlie. I had to quit my job.” I wiped another frantic tear away from my eye. “Do you know what that feels like? Do you know how desperate I felt?”
Charlie didn’t reply. He pressed the gas pedal even harder and the car shot forward. A rattling noise started from under the hood and a burst of excitement shot through me.
“That doesn’t sound good,” I commented. “You need to pull over and check it out?”
Charlie glared at me. “You’re done talking,” he snapped. “Shut up.”
For the next five minutes, we drove on in. Charlie kept cursing under his breath and smacking the dash with his fist. That didn’t do anything to stop the noise – it kept rumbling from under the hood like a demon wrapped around the engine.
Finally, he pulled over to the shoulder.
“Don’t try anything,” Charlie warned. He yanked the keys out of the ignition and my heart sank as he dropped the keys in his pocket. He climbed out of the car, locked it from the outside, and then busied himself under the hood. There was a foul odor and white smoke billowed out into the air.
I slid down in the seat and rested my hands over my belly. My baby bump was small, but noticeable, and suddenly I was filled with the most acute sense of panic and dread I’d ever felt. The landscape was already starting to change – we were past the Kip Mountains and I could tell that soon, we’d be seeing the flat, dry landscape of California.
I shuddered as I remembered how I’d first felt when we’d moved to Carlsbad. Sure, some of the abuse had already started. But deep down, I was proud that we’d have a chance to start our lives together. I thought it was going to be a good thing, I thought it was going to be a chance for us to build something perfect together. Well, not perfect. I wished I could go back in time and strangle myself, do anything to keep myself from making that fateful decision to go with Jack, to abandon my parents, to completely forget about any shred of self-respect I could have had.
Without Charlie’s stern presence beside me, I couldn’t keep from breaking down into sobs. I wrapped my arms around my body and clutched myself tightly. The tears were falling faster than my hopes of being able to wriggle out of this situation, and my mind was spinning.
It was my fault. I knew it was my fault. I glanced down at my stomach, where I knew in a few months’ time I’d be as round as a ball. I’m sorry, baby, I thought as a hot tear slipped down my cheek. I love you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from the monster.
It might have seemed odd, that I was already so in love with my baby when I hated the father more than anyone else on earth. But I didn’t think of it like that – I knew that deep down, my unborn child was going to have their own personality. And I thought that as long as I could keep them away from Jack, nothing too horrible would happen. I mean, sure, they might have a tendency for the bad behavior in life. But I’d come so close to that perfect, sweet little vision of single motherhood. And while most people wouldn’t have called that glamorous, it was exactly what I wanted.
I wondered, deep down, if the idea had appealed to me so much because it seemed like a way I could atone for my past mistakes. Sure, I’d fucked up my relationship with my parents beyond repair. And obviously few guys would want me after I’d given birth to someone else’s child. But that no longer mattered. I would miss having sex, but I wanted so desperately to devote myself to being the perfect mother, to raising a child who would love me unconditionally.
And now that was never going to happen. I wondered what Jack was going to say when he saw me for the first time in weeks. I wondered if he was going to hit me immediately, in front of Charlie, or wait until we were alone. In the early stages of our relationship, he’d always waited. But now, I wasn’t so sure he’d do me that courtesy. He was going to be so, so angry.
I shuddered with fear just as Charlie slammed the hood shut and unlocked the car. As he slid into the driver’s seat, he didn’t even look at me. The taste of metal seeped onto my tongue and I shivered.
He doesn’t care about me, I realized. I’m just cargo to him. I’m not even a real person. I could be a sack of fucking potatoes for all he cares.
“Overheated,” Charlie said. He wiped his hands on his jeans. “We’re gonna have to sit here for a little while.”
I swallowed hard.
“Well?” Charlie asked “You don’t have anything to say about that, Chatty Cathy?”
I shook my head, letting my hair fall down over my eyes. “No,” I muttered. “I don’t care. But you might as well call Jack and tell him we’re going to be late.”
Charlie snorted. “He’s already riding my ass,” he replied as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit another cigarette.
“Can you roll down the window?” I asked quietly. “I don’t want…I don’t want my baby exposed to that.”
“Shit,” Charlie muttered. He tried to start the car but the engine wouldn’t turn. Eventually, he opened the door. “If you try anything,” he warned. “I’ll make sure we get back to California before nightfall.”
My stomach churned but the fresh air blowing through the car was a relief. I shifted in the seat, already tired of sitting in the car.
“So,” Charlie said. He turned towards me, one hand gripping the handle on the door. “You were really gonna get rid of that thing?” He gestured towards my stomach.
“I couldn’t,” I replied. I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to make that distinction for him. Of course, I didn’t really believe in abortion. But the timing had taken the choice out of my hands completely. There was nothing left that I could have done.
“You gonna keep it?”
I glared at him. “I don’t feel like talking about this,” I said. I sighed. “I was pregnant once before, you know. Right after I moved to Carlsbad with Jack.”
“What happened?”
“I lost the baby.”
Charlie’s eyes widened but he didn’t say anything. “Right,” he said. “I’m gonna try the car again.” He threw his cigarette butt out of the window and pumped the key into the ignition. Miraculously, the car roared to life. I rolled down my window as we cruised away from the shoulder, merging with traffic.
The sun was starting to get low in the sky and I tried not to panic for the hundredth time as I did the math in my head. Durango was a twelve-hour drive from Carlsbad. I didn’t know how long we’d been in the car. Charlie had taken my bag and my phone, and the clock on the dashboard was permanently stuck at 5:45. There was no way of knowing just how much time I had left.
“He’s going to kill me,” I said softly. “He’s not going to let me live after leaving him like that.”
“He’s not gonna kill you,” Charlie said. He snorted. “Jack talks a tough game, but he ain’t a bad man.”
“Are you kidding?” I twisted against the seat belt. “He’d spent almost every day of the last few years beating me! He doesn’t give a shit about me!”
Charlie shifted. “That’s how men like Jack show they’re yours,” he said. “That’s how bikers are, honey. If you didn’t wanna be treated like that, you shouldn’t have started shacking up with someone like him!”
“Forgive me,” I spat back. “I was only fucking fourteen when we met! I didn’t know that he’d wind up being so damn abusive! He promised me the world!”
Charlie coughed and spat out the window, pushing us farther away from safety with each passing moment.
I swallowed hard. I was racking my brain, trying to think of something to do, when a memory slammed into my skull with more force than a semi-truck. Back when Jack first started hitting me, I was always able to get him to stop if I promised to get on my knees and suck his dick.
I hadn’t enjoyed it, but it had come in handy. Slowly, I reached over and put my hand on Charlie’s lap. His thigh was muscular and strong, and my hand barely covered any ground as I slowly moved it toward his crotch. I could feel his flaccid cock and I rubbed my fingers over it, moaning slightly. Charlie flexed and shifted under my touch. He ground against my hand, then shoved his hips back against the seat.
“What the fuck are you doing,” Charlie hissed. “I’m trying to drive, for fuck’s sake!”
“Pull over,” I said softly. “Pull over and let me do something nice for you, Charlie. Then we can talk about all of this.” I held my breath as I moved my hand over Charlie’s crotch again, rubbing the bulge between his legs.
“Stop,” Charlie growled. His voice was throaty and deep and a shiver of arousal went soaring through my body as I felt his cock begin to stiffen beneath my hand. “Stop it,” Charlie repeated. He closed his eyes.
I rubbed him harder, fondling his cock through the stiff denim. When he was rock hard, I began sliding my fingers up and down the shaft, caressing him as thoroughly as I could. My wrist ached after a second, but I noticed he didn’t pull away.
“Stop it!” Charlie growled. He shivered and bucked in his seat. The car swerved to the side and I shrieked, thinking we were flying off the road. But instead Charlie slowed the car to a stop and I realized we were back on the shoulder.
“Why, Charlie?” I turned to him with what I hoped was a sultry pout on my face. “Why do you want me to stop?” I made my eyes wide and stared up at him, trying to imagine that he was Jack. This always used to work, I thought. This always used to make Jack stop what he was doing and relax in the pleasure. Men are all the same – they’re simple creatures. They’re hardwired for pleasure like this. They just want some woman to take care of them, that’s all. They just want to be doted on.
“This isn’t right,” Charlie growled. His face was red and flushed and as I continued to stroke his erection, I noticed his jaw was twitching. “Stop it,” Charlie said. He didn’t sound as forceful as before. When he tried to push my hand away, I reached over with my free hand and held his arm in place.
“Charlie,” I cooed. “Come on, this could be different. You don’t have to take me back to Jack. You could let me out right here, and everything would be fine. Just let me pleasure you, let me help you cum, and—”
“No,” Charlie said sharply. He finally pushed my hand away – it was stinging from the feel of the rough denim against the sensitive skin of my palm. “No, I can’t let you do that,” he growled. “I have to take you back. That’s my fuckin’ job.”
“But you don’t really have to,” I said softly. When I realized he wasn’t going to push me away again, I reached over and began stroking his still-erect cock. I didn’t want to admit it, but touching Charlie like this was starting to turn me on.
“Stop,” Charlie groaned. He closed his eyes and threw his head back. “Nicolette, stop it. This is crazy – it’s fucking insane! You can’t manipulate me like this!”
“I’m not manipulating you,” I said sweetly. “I’m just trying to work out an arrangement that benefits both of us, don’t you see that?” I rubbed Charlie’s cock softly with my fingers. “I just want to make you feel good, and I want you to do something for me. You don’t even have to tell Jack! Just tell him you couldn’t find me in Durango, that you think I went somewhere else.”
Charlie made a sound in the back of his throat and his eyes rolled back in his head. “God,” he groaned. “Nicolette, stop!”
“No,” I purred, reaching over with my free hand and stroking his chest. “You’re so big and strong,” I said softly. “Don’t you want to help me, Charlie? Don’t you want to do the right thing?”
He didn’t reply.
I trailed my hand down his muscular chest, feeling his abdominal muscles through the thin fabric of his T-shirt. “Charlie,” I purred softly. “If you don’t help me, I’m going to run away again. I’ll have the baby and abandon it. I’ll drop it off at the hospital, and then it’s going to grow up alone, just like you did. Don’t you want the baby to have a family?”
He was silent.
I continued rubbing him sensually and leaned closer so my lips were inches away from his ear. “Charlie, you could do the right thing,” I repeated softly, sticking out my tongue and licking his earlobe. He smelled like man, and the scent was enough to make my lower belly tangle with arousal. “You could do this with me,” I said softly. “If you want the baby to have a family, we could raise it together.”
Charlie pushed my hands away. His chest was heaving and I realized he was panting madly, like a dog. “Nicolette,” Charlie said in a warning tone. “You don’t know anything about me – you don’t know anything about my life.”
“Sure I do,” I said, reaching back over and stroking his thigh with my fingers. Charlie shuddered under my touch. This time, he didn’t push me away. Cautiously, I dragged my fingers up his thigh and began stroking the head of his cock through his jeans.
“Nicolette,” Charlie warned. “Don’t start this. Don’t try anything funny with me. I’m not letting you get away with this.”
“I’m not doing anything wrong,” I replied as I stroked his hard erection. Touching Charlie was starting to make me feel really horny, and combined with the high anxiety and adrenaline flooding my body, part of me couldn’t resist the idea. “I’m just touching you, that’s all. You like that, Charlie, don’t you? You like it when I pleasure you like this.”
Charlie growled, low in his throat. “Nicolette,” he warned. “Don’t try anything. Don’t keep doing this with me!”
“We could raise the baby together,” I said softly. “We could be its parents, and love it, and make sure that it always knew it was wanted. Charlie, don’t you want this baby to grow up with a mother and father who love it? Don’t you want the baby to have a different story than you?”
Charlie didn’t answer.
“I know you had a lonely, sad childhood,” I said. “I know you bounced from house to house in the foster system. But that doesn’t have to be the case with this baby. This baby is your chance to start over – to give someone what you always wanted and never had. Charlie, this is like a second chance for you!”
“You don’t know shit about me,” he countered. “You don’t know what I had to deal with growing up; you don’t know how things were!”
“I do, though,” I said sweetly. “I’ve listened, Charlie. You and the rest of the Steel Gods always thought I was invisible. But I wasn’t. I’ve been here the whole time. And I listened to your background, and I know things were hard. I know you spent your teenage years on a farm. Charlie, this baby won’t have that life. But I can’t raise it with Jack – he’ll kill me, or the baby, or maybe both of us. So unless you agree to raise it with me, this baby isn’t going to have a chance. It’s not going to have parents. It’s going to grow up cold and alone with no real family.”
Charlie bit his lip and let out a loud moan as I stroked his hard cock.
“Charlie, please, listen to me,” I begged softly. “You can change everything right now. All you have to do is listen to me, and let me go. Please don’t make me go back to Jack. I know he’ll hurt me. I just know he will.”