Chapter 2.
Two weeks have passed in the blink of an eye. Rae looked out through the window of her room. The Christmas lights were gone. Nevertheless, the winter atmosphere was still there. The branches of the trees bent from the heaviness of the snow, and lights coming from street lamps made the white covering look like glitter.
It was almost 9 pm, and she had just finished packing. Bus was scheduled to leave at 6 am the next morning. Her hometown was only 3 hours away by car but she suspected this time would take a little longer because of icy roads. She originally planned to drive herself there, but eventually decided to take the bus.
Mom called her, and bossy as she is, she practically yelled at her, “Rae, don’t you dare driving on that icy roads alone. And why don’t you wait for Nate? He’s coming on Sunday.”
Part of her wanted to spend 3-4 hours with Nate in his car, but she decided she would rather go alone a little earlier, even if it means taking the bus just to calm her mom.
“I don’t have any classes, and I want to spend an extra time with you guys. You know Nate's only coming for the party, and heading back the next morning.” Rae knew how to reach her mom’s soft spot. Spending time together was something they both wished.
She and Nate have exchanged a few emails and texts during the past week, but the night before her departure, he called her.
“Nate, is everything ok?” She was surprised to hear from him.
"I'm driving to a late meeting, and you'll probably be asleep when I get back, so I just wanted to wish you a safe trip.”
Rae was relieved nothing major happened, like him canceling his arrival.
“Thanks. So, I’ll see you on Sunday?” she asked.
“Absolutely kiddo”.
She hated when he called her that and he knew that.
“Okay then, sleep well old man.” She emphasized the last two words. He laughed and hung up.
*
The morning came quickly, and before the sun got up Rae was already sitting on the bus with a new book and headphones in her ears.
Thankfully, the bus wasn’t crowded, and she was able to get a window seat so she could occupy her mind with a book, without being pushed by everyone walking through the bus aisle. In addition, she would always get nervous when it comes to visiting her hometown. Hollands was very close and people had a good reason to call them a "clan". But Rae also had some bad memories regarding the place she called home.
As usual, somewhere on halfway to home, the images started coming, flooding her mind.
She was 9 years old, it was midwinter, and she skated on a frozen lake with some children from the neighborhood. Not many kids were out that day since there was a chickenpox outbreak and most of them were on the mandatory bed rest. Killian, her friend, was making fun of her skating, and she angrily tried to figure out some sassy comment about his skills. Suddenly, she noticed Killian disappeared. At one point, he was there, and in the second, he wasn’t. He fell through the ice. She should have yelled. The adults were only a few dozen meters away. But she was so shocked she couldn’t move or shout. Time seemed to stop, and she tried driving all the power she had in her to move, to scream. But nothing happened. After a few moments, one of the adults, Mr. Johansson, noticed her staring down at the lake, and he figured out what had happened. They pulled out Killian and saved him. He was in hospital for days, but luckily, he recovered.
No one has ever said anything wrongful or accusing towards Rae. After all, her reaction, or lack of it to be more specific, alarmed Mr. Johansson as he noticed something was wrong with her.
Killian fully recovered, and soon after moved away since his dad was in the army.
However, Rae changed forever. She watched on as someone almost died, and she never forgot the feeling of helplessness and inability to react. This had resulted in panic attacks that consumed a great part of her life. The worst part was the humiliation and anger she felt at the inability to regain control when a panic attack occurred. However, her own pain made her an empathic person, who could read people, sympathize with them and listen to them. With her natural sense of humor, that could have bring her many friends, but she chose not to let anyone too deep in her life. So she focused on her family and Inez. And now, Nate.
Rae tried to control her life as best she could. She decided to find something she is good at and exceed at it. Math was predictable, solvable, and controllable. The professors did not ask her to save someone's life. They wanted her to find a partial derivation of the function. And over time, panic attacks became bearable. But Rae firmly decided she would never again put herself in a situation where she would feel helpless. What if someone tries depending on her, and she lets him/her down? The fear of losing someone she cared about deeply infected her and made her build walls around her.
*
The sounds coming from the crowded bus station got Rae to stop thinking. She came off the bus and took a deep breath. It was chilly and her breath instantly froze mid-air.
“Rae, honey!” She overheard someone screaming her name.
“Over here.” She saw her mom waving and jumping. Rae accelerated her pace, dragging her suitcase and hugged the two of her favorite people in the world.
“How did you travel, sweetheart? I hope the driver was cautious. You didn’t have any problems, did you?” Her dad ambushed her.
“It was ok, dad. The driver handled snowy conditions like a pro. Oh wait, he is a pro.” Rae couldn’t resist teasing him.
Mom immediately added, “Oh, It’ll get worse, honey. They are forecasting nearly two feet of snow for later this week. Isn’t that right, Brad?” Brad nodded and Rae got a little worried. “I have to be back at university on Tuesday. I hope roads will be cleared by then.”
But Rae quickly forgot all about weather forecast while chatting to her parents. It’s been a month since she saw them, and she really missed them. They lived 15 minutes away from her grandparents and ran a small local grocery store. Alice, her mom was in charge of sale, and Brad, her dad was responsible for all the accounting and orders. Grandma and grandpa were vital enough to live alone on their farm, but Alice and Brad visited them every day. During holidays and gatherings, they all stayed at their house because it was more spacious. When Rae was little, she spent her time equally at both houses, so she even had two bedrooms.
After 20 min, they arrived at the farm. Grandma came out the very second she saw their car and hugged Rae before she could even step out of the car. In the meanwhile, grandpa yelled from behind, “Where's my girl?”
“It’s so good to see you.” Rae smiled at them.
“Come in.” Grandma grabbed her hand and pulled her to the house.
“I have blueberry scones waiting for you. Still warm, just as you like them. And a hot cup of coffee, of course,” she added, almost forgetting the most essential thing- caffeine, the source of fuel of all Holland women.
“Grandma, you are godsend.” Rae hugged her realizing how much she missed being pampered by her.
After heavenly brunch, Rae went to her old room to unpack. She was excited she had three days of family time, although all of it will go on party preparations. Because when Hollands are having a party, it’s not just a party. It’s a feast. And the dress code is "Anything with the elastic waistband".