Chapter 3.
On Sunday morning, while sipping coffee and eating her second chocolate chip muffin, Rae’s cell phone vibrated. She got a text from Nate and her eyes immediately lid up.
“On my way. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“You mean 4 hours. Don’t go crazy on the road. You’re not Santa and you’re not driving a sled,” Rae immediately typed. After she clicked the send button, she tried not to clap herself on the head at this, almost motherly tone. But when he replied “Yes ma'am,” she couldn’t help but chuckle.
"He’s coming,” Rae whispered while biting her lip, and looked impatiently through the window.
*
Nate caught himself swearing at the annoyingly slow speed of the wipers. It was snowing and with every mile he crossed, it got worse. For a moment, he considered cancelling this trip. After all, it’s altogether 8 hours of driving within 24 hours. But the thought of Rae waiting there made him instantly dismiss that idea.
When she told him to drive cautiously, a strange feeling crawled into him. Was it happiness about the fact that she cared? That there is someone out there who’s waiting for him to come? Frankly, he would have given anything for her to show interest in him like that.
Hence, this weather conditions made him nervous as hell. Honestly, he couldn’t drive faster even if he wanted. The roads were a mess. In addition, he didn’t feel good these last couple of days. His trip to London and meeting with professor Hendricks, finishing the deal he was working on, overtime hours, lack of sleep... It consumed him. But now, all he wanted is to enjoy the pleasant Sunday afternoon ahead of him.
After a short break to get a cup of coffee to keep him awake and concentrated, he finally parked his car on Holland’s driveway. The view of the farm and house brought on memories. When he was a kid, he often visited Dorothy and George, Rae’s grandparents. They weren’t family per se, but his father was George's best friend, and they acted like brothers. Their kids felt the same. But while Lisa was like Brad’s sister, Nate and Brad never had the same relationship. His parents had him later in life and the age gap was just too big. So Nate turned out to be neither Brad’s nor Rae's generation. Although he wasn’t as close to the Holland’s as Lisa, he still thought of them as his second family.
Nate got out of the car and saw Rae waiting at the porch. Assuming the rest of the family were busy with preparations, he suppressed his sudden desire to run to Rae, so he walked towards her smiling and trying to calm his heartbeat.
She stood there, with her arms wrapped around her, in a long oversized sweater, revealing one of her shoulders. Her hair was swept to one side, and she wore no makeup. Yet, in Nate’s eyes she was the most perfect thing he ever saw, and against his will, possessiveness took over. She was waiting for him.
“It took you four and a half hours.” Rae smirked at him.
“Well, mom, you said I should take my time,” he grinned while his heart warmed up.
“Well, I was worried, you bonehead,” mimicking his expression she looked at him rebelliously.
Nate tried to say something, but he noticed her shiver from cold, so he just reached to her and pulled her in embrace. It was supposed to be a quick hug for hello. But her arms wrapped around him and her body relaxed while she buried her face against his chest. Nate found himself rubbing his lips over her naked shoulder. “Just for a moment”, he thought for himself. His instincts kicked in and it required every ounce of his self-control not to let his lips continue gliding along her silky skin any more than appropriate.
“The roads were worse than I expected. But I’m here.”
“Good.” He heard her murmur in his jacket.
“So, where’s the rest of the Holland clan? Have you cooked all the meat available in the 50-mile radius?” Nate unwillingly let Rae go.
“Almost,"”Rae laughed and took him inside.
Within a few minutes, Nate was hugged and kissed more than in the past six months. He wasn’t much of a hugger, but with them, it felt natural. “With one of them particularly,” a thought crossed his mind.
*
Rae let Nate refresh and change clothes in one of the guest rooms because he looked like a train wreck, though still irresistible in his jeans, brown sweater and a trendy winter jacket. He asked her to borrow her laptop to check his emails, while she went to help her grandmother and mom make the final preparations before having twenty family members, and friends rush through the house.
Half an hour later, everything was ready for the guests to arrive so Rae went to take a quick shower and get herself ready. With her hair swept back into a low, messy bun, she put on her favorite green dress, slightly revealing her back and black suede flats. She loved heels, but rarely wore them. In her opinion, there was a big difference between looking good and feeling good and she liked doing things without shooting pain getting in the way. Still, Rae had the kind of legs that looked amazing even without heels.
The second she got out of her room, she ran into Nate on the hallway. He was elegant in black trousers and light grey shirt. For a moment, they just stare at each other. Rae couldn’t help but remember their embrace when he arrived. It felt like he kissed her shoulder. On the other hand, maybe she just imagined that. God knew she had plenty of imagination.
Nate went to say something funny, but he just whispered, “You look beautiful.”
These were just two words, a compliment that Rae would hear again that night coming from the mouth of a dozen family members. However, it was something in the way he said it that got Rae blush.
“Thank you,” she whispered back. “I have to admit, you don’t look too bad yourself”, she added and smiled.
That radiant smile turned her face so sexy and adorable that his heart fluttered. He smiled back, gallantly stretching his hand to her and as she accepted it, they went down the stairs to the lobby that was already filling with guests.
Nate couldn’t keep his eyes of Rae for the entire evening. When Dorothy instructed him to sit next to Rae during dinner, he didn’t object whatsoever.
The evening passed in laughter, too much food and light conversation. Nate was enchanted by Rae’s ability to make everybody smile and feel special. There was also one emotion that showed up every time one of them kissed or hugged her. Jealousy. “You are soooo screwed,” the voice inside him whispered ominously, but Nate decided to ignore it, as always.
At one point Rae’s dad and uncle Mike even decided to arm wrestle for the last piece of cake.
“Mike, you should cut down that Merlot, you took a pain-killer for your arm before we came here,” Rose, Rae’s aunt, unintentionally sabotaged her husband while Rae and Nate tried not to burst into laughter. And indeed, Mike had a little more drink than usual.
“Oh, come on Rose. It’s George’s and Dorothy's anniversary. We have to celebrate properly. Actually, I believe a toast is in order.” George reached for his fork and as he tried to tap the glass, it broke in his hand, and blood and shattered glass filled it.
“Arghh, I’m bleeding,” he yelled.
“Rae, bring a first aid kit! Quick!” Aunt Rose turned to Rae because she was the closest.
It was a simple request. But not to Rae. Indescribable panic took over and her heart started pounding, threatening to jump out of her chest. Her eyes kept moving from red stains and glass covering the tablecloth to Mike’s hand. No matter how hard she tried snapping out of it and do something, do what Rose asked her to do, she couldn’t move.
Someone has already brought a napkin to uncle Mike, and she heard, “Oh, it’s barely a scratch,” but it didn’t get to her. She was still there, in her own limbo, unable to move. Suddenly, she felt someone’s hand on hers. It was Nate’s. That simple gesture made Rae snap out of her frantic thoughts, and she abruptly stood up and ran outside.
“I told her to slow down with that chocolate cake,” Nate said to the crowd while standing up. He gave Alice a reassuring look and rushed outside to find Rae. No one really paid attention because they all teased Mike how all the "blood" was actually wine.
Only Alice anxiously kept looking at the door.
*
When Nate found Rae, she stood outside the house, in snow, gripping to the fence and keeping her head down. He heard her short and shallow breathing. Her shoes sank down in snow, and she was trembling. Nate knew about her panic attacks and the story behind them. Actually, he was aware of the incident that happened when Rae was little because it wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t until last year that he found out details from Lisa. And Rae herself once hinted at the fact she had been having trouble with panic attacks, though she never told him any details.
“Rae!” Nate cried out. Seeing her so powerless and fragile scared him and enraged him. He wished that the reason of her torment was palpable, so he could crush it, destroy it forever.
“Nate, it is OK. I just need some air. Go back inside,” she yelled back at him. There was no way she would let him see her like that.
“The hell I will,” he murmured, and in less than two seconds, he was standing right beside her. He gently removed her tight grip from the fence, grabbed her by her shoulders and lowered his head to hers.
“Look at me, Rae.“
There was no reaction.
“Look at me baby.” Nate tried again.
Rae lifted her head and he saw the mixture of fear, anger and shame that broke his heart.
“Just breathe," he said gently, pulling her into his arms. He felt her hesitate, but then she gave in and wrapped her arms around him tightly. The cold winter air combined with distress made her shake uncontrollably, so he slightly pushed her away only to unwrap his jacket and then pulled her back to his body, wrapping them both in warm fabric.
“It’s ok. It will pass,” he whispered in her hair as he felt her body tranquilize and her breathing slow down. After a minute, she looked up and moved away a bit.
“I'm fine. I just panicked a little.” She forced a smile.
“You know, it’s been a while since... Well, since something like that had happen and it just got me off tracks.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself, Rae. I understand.” Nate put his hand on her chin.
“I just want you to be ok.” He would do anything to protect her. That painful realization caught him off guard.
In order to cheer her up, he added, “I may have embarrassed you and accused you of gluttony when it comes to chocolate cake.”
A silent chuckle escaped her mouth and Nate felt tremendous relief.
Rae didn’t want to move away from Nate. It felt so warm, so comfortable. Like she belonged there. She wanted it so bad that she forgot her flats were destroyed and her feet were freezing. Another nightmare just ended and Rae desperately wanted to keep the feeling of relief she felt while being in his arms. Moments after panic attack were usually worse than attack itself because she had to deal with its trigger. However, this time, Nate made it easier.
“Thank you, Nate.” She reluctantly pulled out of his embrace and glimpsed at him wishing he felt the same. There was only one emotion Rae was scared of seeing on his face- pity. Thankfully, there was no trace of it. Only warmth.
“Jesus, can you still feel your toes?” his eyes moved to her feet.
“Good question,” she thought to herself.
He lifted her up and before she got to protest, he took her back to the house. Everyone was still in the dining room, so the lobby was empty. Nate dropped her down, and she immediately took off her shoes. He grabbed her by her hand and took her to the living room. His eyes pointed at the sofa. Rae got the hint and obediently sat down pulling her legs up to her body. Nate grabbed the blanket and covered her with it. He gently wrapped her feet with another one, and Rae put on a painful grimace. Frostbites, she thought. Can this go any worse?
As she was about to get into long self-pity monologue, her mom walked in.
“Rae, honey, is everything ok?” Concern in her voice was more than obvious.
“I’m fine, mom. Really,” Rae convincingly said.
Alice relaxed in relief and was about to say something, but then she noticed her daughter’s eyes was focused on Nate, giving her a reassuring smile. Up until now, that was her job, she thought.
“If you want, you can go back to the party, but if you don’t, that’s ok, too. People think you’re feeling ill, anyway.” She smiled softly at her daughter, squeezed her hand and returned to the guests.
Nate felt Alice's look but couldn’t interpret it. Frankly, he was afraid to interpret it.
“You can go back there. I’ll just go and change my clothes and will be back, too.” Rae interrupted him in his thoughts.
“I’m coming with you” is what he wanted to say, but he just nodded, gave her a brief smile and exited the room.
Nate’s emotions were all over the place. He told himself he reacted as any other member of Rae’s family would. He helped her feel better; he comforted her. Right?
“Yeah, any other family member would keep her so close under his jacket,” he heard little annoying voice in his head while getting a drink.
Rae watched Nate go back to the party, then left to her room, and slipped into woolliest socks she could find. She couldn’t decide whether to return to guests or not, but she promised Nate she would.
People were about to leave when she came down the stairs. After a dozen of “feel better soon”, they all hugged her and left.
“What a mess.” Alice mumbled to her chin while inspecting the dining room.
“Oh, honey, we’ll clean in the morning. Let’s get some sleep first,” Dorothy stepped in.
Everybody agreed. “It was a great party,” George added kissing Dorothy. The two couples started giggling, and Rae couldn’t help but notice that they were a little tipsy.
“Great,” she whispered to Nate. “We are the rational adults here.”
“Well then, let’s get those kids to bed, shall we?” Nate played along and turned to them, “Ok, why don’t you guys hit the sack? Rae and I will lock the door, close the windows and we’ll see you in the morning.”
Just like kids, they all obeyed and he and Rae couldn’t stop laughing in silence and looking at each other as they were watching them march up the stairs. After locking the place down, they climbed the stairs together. As Rae was about to enter her room, Nate gently touched her shoulder. He only wanted to get her attention but his hand stayed there, slowly circling around the hem of her dress and her bare skin. That dress made sitting next to her at dinner a living hell. The way it hugged her curves drove him mad, but it was an unobstructed view of her exposed neck and a part of her back every time she would look away that made heat rush through his veins. And now he desperately fought the urge to press his lips on that delicate skin and explore more of it.
Nate’s touch paralyzed Rae, but in a good way. It made her heart pound so hard she was glad she was facing the door and not him. Over years, she had plenty of panic attacks, but this one didn’t occupy her mind as much as the man who helped her handle it. That startled her. And now, his touch aroused her.
“Are you going to be ok?” he asked.
“Yeah, all good,” she nodded. “Good night Nate. Thank you for everything.” She reached for the doorknob but then turned to him and added, “I’ll see you in the morning before you leave”.
Nate planned to leave the first thing in the morning because he had a meeting in early afternoon. Rae, however, planned to leave at night, after helping mom and grandma clean the house and spend a little more time with them.