Chapter 6.
“Hey mom.” Rae walked in her mom’s kitchen.
“Hey honey. Coffee’s ready.” Alice smiled.
“Sweetheart, don't forget to get delivers sign delivery notes when they bring the goods today”. Brad shouted from living room.
Rae was home for over a week. Her dad injured his leg while trying to clean the gutter. Thankfully, it wasn’t broken but it left him incapacitated and Rae rushed back home to help mom with the store. Brad already felt a lot better but doctors ordered a few more days of bed rest.
When mom informed Rae what happened, Rae was paralyzed with fear. She struggled wildly for a few seconds just to gain control of her emotions. Her dad could have killed himself. Once again, all the darkness in her took over. No matter how hard she tried protecting herself from feeling helpless, she realized it’s not always up to her. That scared the hell out of her. Less than two hours after her mom called, she was on her way home.
*
“The timing is impeccable,” Rae thought as she buried herself in papers in her dad’s office. As his injury wasn’t bad enough, Rae had a job interview scheduled for next week. She knew Nate was about to leave for London, and they still hadn’t seen each other since that night at his apartment. They texted each other almost every day, but they never mentioned the events from that night. All the better; Rae thought. She wouldn’t know what to say anyway.
Although she didn’t regret it because it gave her a glimpse of Nate that she never saw before, she was scared what that might bring. She was scared that she might start to feel more about him than she already did. So she played along and pretended everything was as it was before.
The evening before Nate left for London, Rae sent him a text. “Have a safe trip. I hope I’ll see you soon.” He didn’t reply straight away, so she assumed he went to bed early.
*
Nate had just finished packing. It took him hours because he didn’t know what to bring or how long he’ll be gone. When Rae sent him that text, something in him shattered. The distance between them was killing him already. And after tomorrow, it’ll just get worse; he thought. He prayed with all his heart that he would be back soon.
He had managed to send her a message just before he took off the next morning “Thanks. I’m about to board. I’ll see you soon...”
He arrived in London on Monday afternoon. It was even colder there than back home and it reminded him how much he disliked weather in UK. Except being able to see his sister often, being close to other parts of Europe was the only bright side of living there.
There was no time to stop by Lisa because Professor Hendricks had expected him.
As he walked through the corridors of the London Oncology Center, the feeling of nausea came back worse than ever. He remembered all those months spent there while he was sick and in pain.
Exactly six years ago, he was diagnosed with leukemia. He just got divorced from Sharon. Initially, he wanted to go alone through this but at some point, he let Lisa in. Especially on really bad days when he couldn’t get up from bed. He strictly had forbidden her to tell anyone about it, so nobody back at the US knew.
Two years after his diagnose he received an experimental drug, and he recovered. At least he hoped he was.
After he was clear for over a year, he decided to go back home to US. It was all he thought about when he was stuck in a hospital bed. He didn’t want to die in a foreign country. However, he knew he was getting the most adequate medical care available and that he had to stay. But thankfully, not for long.
Every year since then he had to check in with prof. Hendricks, head of Oncology department, to make sure he stays healthy.
This year, it felt a bit different. He was too familiar with weakness and fatigue he had experienced the last couple of months, and he desperately wanted to attribute it to work. He held on to that thought as hard as he could.
Nate wasn’t afraid to die. Even when he was first diagnosed, he accepted it. Sure, he chose to fight and would do anything to stay alive, but even in his early 30s, he’d lived his life to the fullest, and he knew how to appreciate it. Thanks to his wealthy origin, by the time he finished university, he traveled the world, had fun... Then he got a great job and was very successful at it. He even tried marriage and love. And those two were the only things he didn’t exceed at.
This time, it was different. He still wasn’t afraid to die. But he wanted to live more than ever. For Rae. He never felt like that for a woman before and this was an uncharted territory for him, which he was afraid to explore anyway. As if family bonds with Hollands and age difference weren’t enough. He couldn’t bear adding a "dying man" as another obstacle.
“Nathaniel, it’s good to see you.” The professor’s voice made him stop thinking.
“I wish I can say the same.” Nate tried to smile as he entered his office.
Professor Hendricks nodded in understanding. All his patients thought that, and he wished from bottom of his heart that Nate won’t need his services anymore. “And? How do you feel?” he asked instead.
Nate exhaled, sat down and described his condition in details. The doctor listened to him with an unchanged expression on his face.
“Look, Nate, you'd been treated with a relatively new and experimental drug. Yes, everything is possible. But it could be nothing. If you want, we'll admit you in hospital right away and make all necessary tests. However, since I know how much you would like to avoid spending any extra time at this place, we will enroll you into a day hospital. You will come here every day for a few days in a row, and we’ll make all the tests. All right?”
Nate agreed. As much as he wanted to find out if there’s anything wrong, the possibility of spending another night there was something he wanted to avoid, so he and professor agreed he would come back on Thursday morning.
As he left for his apartment, he told himself it was just a few days. In a few days, he'll know everything. Still, a dark suspicion started to grow inside of him.
He didn’t sell his London apartment because he had to travel here often, for work and for these visits to the hospital. During his stay, he liked having a domestic environment, some kind of home.
“But home is where Rae is,” the voice in him said. God, he missed her. Every string in his body ached for her. To touch her, smell her; feel her close to him… For the first time, he didn’t want to go through all this alone.
*
Rae closed her parents’ store and went to get herself a cup of coffee at a local café. She took it to go as she wanted to sit in the park for a while. It was chilly, but she needed some fresh air. She spent her days closed in her dad’s office and was happy that he was getting better, and he won’t need her help after tomorrow.
She sat on the park bench, closed her eyes and drifted for a moment. Vibration of her phone made her twitch, and she almost spilled her coffee. It was an email from Nate. Rae assumed he probably wanted to let her know he arrived in London and settled in. Then she read the message. The cup in her hand couldn't survive the second twitch. It fell on the gravel with a silent splash.
“Come to me,” he wrote. “Get a ticket; sit on the plane and come. I'm sure your parents can manage without you by now. Just ... come to me Rae.”
Rae stared at her phone. Her heart threatened to jump out of her chest while her mind wrestled with what just happened. Why would he write something like that? For the past weeks, their conversations were often, but somewhat distant, with a definite lack of intimacy. Not that they were intimate before, but they still had some level of friendly warmth. So this caught her by surprise.
Her mind rushed to that night. She thought she saw something in Nate, that he wanted her closer. But it was just her imagination, right? Because it was she who lost control for a minute and put her hands on him, on his bare chest, wanting to feel him. He probably didn’t want to hurt her by moving away.
So why? Why did he want her to come in London? Was something wrong? Did he need her to help with him with something? Or he just wanted to see her? He should have known he picked the wrong girl to ask to do something reckless.
Rae thought about it for a second. About taking her guard off and rush to him. But she was afraid of Nate's reaction, and even more, hers. Can she afford turning away from the path she was so determined to go and let her life get a bit out of control?
Trying to make sense out of it, she slowly shook her head. He knew how much she wanted to see Europe. It was a courteous invitation to visit him. Nothing else, she concluded.
*
“What the hell did you just do?” Nate screamed at himself in his mind as he banged his fist on the desk. And why does this "undo" mail option last only for a limited amount of time? It was impulsive and reckless of him, and he was furious at himself.
That day, after he came to his London apartment, miles away from his real home, he realized how alone he was. The thought of Rae consumed him. He needed her, the woman who’d been occupying his body and mind for months. He cursed himself for cowardly pulling out that night. She was within reach and he turned away.
Without thinking, he grabbed his phone and emailed her.
Half an hour later, Nate was thinking differently. That selfish voice in him toned down a bit. He knew how important it was for Rae never to face the feeling of helplessness again. Future with him was... Well, maybe even non-existent. He wished she would just misread the text and ignore it. If that happens, he will let her go, he decided with heavy heart. He will not drag her in his life of uncertainties.
Brad’s injury petrified her, he remembered. She called him, her voice cracking, informing him she’s leaving town. He would have driven her back home himself just to ease her pain, but she was already on the bus. He couldn’t do anything to help her.
“But she can help you.” That fucking voice was there again. However, this time Nate killed it with simple, “And it would crush her.” He waited for the voice to come back with another line, but everything went silent.
*
The night after receiving Nate’s email, there was only one thought rustling through Rae’s head. What if? What if she goes to him?
Multiple scenarios crossed her mind. She made countless lists of the pros and cons and the most logical thing to do was to reply him that she can’t come now. After all, he should be back soon. It was just an offer to come because he knew how much she wanted to visit London.
Still, she couldn’t explain to herself why the hell was she sitting on an early flight to London and slightly hyperventilating as plane took off.
*
Nate used the hospital-free day to visit Lisa and to run some errands. Lisa was thrilled to see his brother after a few months. She was very maternal towards him, since she was 10 years older than he was, and she was the one who took care of him when he was at his worst. Initially, he kept refusing her help, but then he caved in a bit and she knew how hard that was for him.
Lisa had two teenage boys, aged fifteen and seventeen, and they were both happy to see their “Uncle Nate”, although Nate insisted they call him just “Nate.” However, since sarcasm ran in Summers family, these days he was going by “Uncle Nate with the onset of arthritis.”
“You couldn’t make that shorter, you beginners?” he teased them.
Lisa knew about his upcoming check-up at the hospital, but Nate didn’t say anything more than that.
“So baby brother? How are you? You look more tired than usual,” Lisa noticed. She knew him to the core.
“Well, you heard what your offspring call me. I’m getting old.”
“Keep quiet. What will they think of me then? Ancient? Antique?” Lisa burst into laughter.
Then she got serious. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is okay,” Nate said convincingly. “I just have a lot of work to do back in the US and coming here will set me back.”
“You have to take care of yourself Nate. Those corporations are trying to make robots out of people. And nobody will thank you when you end up burned out”.
“You sound like Rae,” Nate rolled his eyes smiling.
“Well, Rae is right. Speaking of her, you spend a lot of time together, huh?” Lisa gave Nate “the look”.
“Actually, no, we don’t see each other as much as you think. But we are in touch and talk a lot.” Frowning, Nate realized he was justifying himself for socializing with Rae.
"Hmm..." Lisa just murmured and turned to pick up the CDs that her youngest son left on the sofa.
Nate didn’t stay long at Lisa’s because he had to stop by his London office. His company had a subsidiary here, and he could still get some work done.
It was late when he finally left office. He grabbed some dinner on his way home although he wasn’t really hungry. When he entered the building, his attention was drawn to a woman sitting in the lobby and nervously flipping through some magazine. He froze, his face twisted in mixture of pain and happiness. Rae.
As if she felt his eyes on her, she got up and turned to him. Visibly tired, she put away the magazine and let her arms fall down her body in a gesture of insecurity. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Following silent “Hi”, Rae took a step towards him, hesitating. Nate noticed the reluctance, so he rushed to her, grabbed her and pulled her in his arms. Closing his eyes, he gripped her tightly, not saying anything. Rae was overpowered by his grasp, literally taking her breath away and not being able to free her arms to hug him back.
More people started entering the building so Nate finally freed her from his grasp, his expression changed from vivid to emotionless, and grabbed Rae’s hand before she could react.
“Come.” He took her to the elevator, and they joined an elderly couple moving up.
Rae was confused by Nate’s swift mood change, not to mention silence and inability to look at her as his eyes focused on the floor indicator. However, she comforted herself that judging by the way he hugged her, he was glad to see her. Besides, he was still holding her hand. “So why is he keeping his mouth so firmly closed and why is his jaw twitching? Did I make him mad coming so unexpectedly?” The questions went through her mind. He rushed her to his apartment, still not saying a word. He pulled her in and closed the door. Then he finally turned to her. The cold expression on his face softened and turned to vulnerable.
“You came”, he whispered.
Rae noticed his eyes darkened, and in the next moment, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips on hers. The feeling of electricity went through her entire body. This wasn’t a soft kiss; it was rough, raw, filled with passion and possessiveness. He was a lot taller than she was, and she felt being lifted and pressed against the door. Putting her arms around him she kissed him back with equal hunger.
Nate pushed his tongue deeper in her mouth, exploring, sucking… It was something he dreamed of for months. And when it was finally happening, it wasn’t enough. It made him crave for more. The distant, sane corner of his mind made him pull back a little. He separated his lips from hers and put her down, giving her a chance to catch a breath.
“You’re here,” he kept repeating, as if he was trying to convince himself he wasn’t dreaming.
Rae just stood there, surprised, breathing heavily. Her mind was all over the place.
“Nate, I….” She exhaled and looked him in the eyes. “I didn’t know if I should come or not. But you want me here, right?” The last one didn’t feel like a question. Of course, he wanted her.
Nate gently grabbed her by the shoulders and pressed his forehead against hers, just like that night back home.
“I want you so much that it hurts.” His face twisted in a grimace of pain.
Rae finally admitted, “I want you, too.” She shyly lifted her head to meet his eyes.
That was good enough for Nate. He reached for her lips, lifting her up again and putting her legs around his waist while she wrapped around him, almost as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly together.
Wishing she could stay like that forever, Rae moved her hands along his back, wanting to touch and explore every inch of him.
Nate’s subconsciousness screamed, “You should talk to her first”, but the other voice just kept going “More, more.” The hunger in him grew stronger. While holding her bottom with one hand, he slipped the other hand under her sweater and felt the warm silky skin on her back. As he carried her towards his bedroom, she ran her fingers under the collar of his shirt and her touch burned him in most pleasurable way. As she unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt and was struggling with the rest, he gently pushed her to his bed. To help her, he simply ripped off his shirt. She smiled in amusement but then she hungrily bit her lip as she locked her eyes on his toned torso.
“God, you’re beautiful,” Nate whispered mesmerized by her reaction; her red lips and burning eyes. She reached for his neck, pulling him closer. “Too much distance between us,” she said softly.
More than willing to obey, Nate leaned to her. She put her hand on his chest, moving her fingers through his chest hair. Deja vu, crossed both of their minds.
Brushing on her face, Nate made her look at his eyes.
“There’s no going back, Rae. If hell itself breaks loose, I’m not letting you go now. Tell me you want this.”
“More than you think,” Rae offered him his lips knowing that this time neither of them would back down.
Nate felt something break inside him, and he kissed her back, exploring her body with his hands. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Not today. Today she belongs to him.
He helped her take off her sweater and leaned on her supporting himself with his arms, suddenly worrying he’ll crush her. The feeling of Rae’s bare skin on his swept away the concern and he pressed his body harder on hers, almost as if he was trying to absorb her. Then he moved his lips down her neck, licking it with the tip of his tongue, slowly reaching the soft fabric of her bra. As her nipples hardened, his erection seriously threatened to let him down. But he wanted to enjoy in her as long as possible. And more than that, he wanted to make this good for her. Having her was all he thought about for so long. There was no way he would ruin that.
He lowered the straps of her bra and her pink nipples appeared in front of him. Rae shivered feeling exposed. But when she felt his tongue on one of her nipple, she bent towards him, wanting more.
“Rae, baby,” he murmured while he took her in his mouth, sucking and kissing. She dug her nails into his back and Nate growled with pleasure. He kissed his way down her stomach, unbuttoning her jeans. In just one move, she was lying there, wearing nothing but panties. “Beautiful, so beautiful...”
Rae reached for his belt trying to get him closer, but he wanted to take his time, and he stopped her.
“Now, that’s unfair. You have more clothes on than me,” she played offended.
“Stop messing with my plan, woman”. He flashed a cocky smile at her and continued kissing her stomach, all the way down. The urge to rip her panties off overwhelmed him, but instead, he slowly pulled them down her legs.
“Perfect,” Nate whispered and that arrogant smile was all gone. Hunger took over. He lowered his head to the inner side of her thighs, kissing her and going closer and closer. When his lips touched the delicate skin of Rae’s sex, her mind was all over the place, her emotions bursting.
“I’ll make this good for you, I promise. You won’t regret this,” he murmured into her. Rae’s head cleared for a moment. Does he think she will regret this? How can he think that, when it was all she wanted?
To instantly prove him wrong, she reached for him, dragging him into a long kiss. She was almost half his size but somehow she made him turn, and she ended on top of him, to his surprise. Enjoying her view, she lowered her lips to his neck, teased him with her tongue as she pressed her hips and sex into him. It was driving Nate crazy, and he knew he wasn’t going to last long. So when her hands slowly went down his chest to his belt, every thread in his body screamed for her. He grabbed her ass and directed her hips even deeper to his. Then he gently but quickly switched their positions, so he can free himself from his jeans. When he came back to her, covering her body with his, he looked at her eyes and saw craving as her body arched beneath him.
“Please Nate,” Rae whispered with painful grimace.
“Rae.” He kept his eyes on hers, breathing into her mouth as he thrust himself into her. Rae took deep breath while silently screaming his name, and then he pulled out only to push inside her even deeper. With every thrust, she was close to climax. Within seconds, she threw her head back, screaming his name, as she got lost in the oblivion. Watching her come pushed Nate from the edge.
“Mine!” he groaned as he let himself drown in her, giving her everything he had.
He crashed on her as she wrapped herself around his body. After a few moments, he tried to move to ease the pressure she must have felt.
“Don’t... Don’t. Stay in me,” she begged. “Just a little longer.”
He buried his head into her shoulder. “Forever, if I could.”
*
Nate woke around midnight. He looked around confused, but then he became aware of the woman in his arms. Happiness, desire and fear flooded him. It happened. The woman he wanted more than anything in his life, blissfully slept right there by his side. He made her his.
But… He’ll have to talk to her. He will have to tell her everything, confront her with her greatest fear. And she will look at him differently, he sadly remarked.
When Rae woke up, it was dark outside. Her mind drifted to the man who made her entire body ache, literally and figuratively. But now Nate wasn’t there. A strange feeling took over; a feeling that it didn’t even happen, that she imagined it. She looked around, grabbed Nate's shirt and left the room. She found him in the kitchen making sandwiches, and she felt such a relief. It was real. His arm muscles worked in harmony as she watched him prepare sandwiches. These hands were touching her just hours ago, and she felt her stomach twitching, wanting him again.
Nate noticed her presence.
“Hey. I thought you might be hungry,” he said looking slightly uncomfortable.
Rae approached him. Was he already regretting it? She knew how much he respected her family and how much he held to his integrity. However, when he reached for her and pulled her in a long and passionate kiss, she sighed with excitement and relief.
Nate noticed a glimpse of fear in her when she entered the room. He could have said something else than offering her a sandwich, but his mind went blank when he saw her in his t-shirt, with her hair down, her lips swollen and her skin blushed from his beard.
So now, she was in his arms, instead of sitting a few feet away and listening about the reason he was here. And he couldn’t help it.
“Are you okay?” he asked, not letting her out of his embrace.
“More than that.” Rae nodded and smiled.
Nate tried to convince himself to put the cards to the table, but he sighed, closed his eyes and then opened them.
“Ok, you have to stop wearing my t-shirts around me.” In an act of surrender, he grabbed her, lifted her on the kitchen counter while gently spreading her legs so he can fit between them, attacking her lips and moving his hands all over her. Rae was caught by surprise but immediately welcomed it. She wore nothing but his shirt, and she wrapped her legs around him, wanting him inside her again.
When Nate noticed how wet she was, he twitched realizing he forgot an important issue.
“Rae, shit, we didn’t... I’m healthy just so you know but… uhmm… God, I don’t have a condom.” For the first time in his life, he was unprepared.
“It’s ok. Everything is under control.” Rae interrupted him. She was on the pill because it helped her irregular and painful periods, and was completely healthy, too.
“Good, because I don’t know how I would make myself stop now,” Nate whispered. As he licked her neck, her pulse raced. He moved his hand back to her sex and when he stroked her clit, she completely lost control. Then he thrust his finger inside her and the instant explosion in her made her instinctively grab him by his shoulders.
“It’s ok, baby. Tell me what you need”. She got lost in his words as he came down on her, tasting her, using his mouth and fingers simultaneously. It made her came so hard Nate had to hold her not to fall back on the counter.
After the spinning sensation wore off, Nate helped her get down with a winning smile on his face. His erection was painfully throbbing, but he didn’t care.
“You, Nate.” He heard her silent whisper and got confused for a second.
“You asked me what I need. I need you.” Rae murmured in his ear while moving her hands from his face down his body. Nate took a deep breath as he heard those three words he craved for. Then she started kissing him from his neck, to his chest and all the way to the waistband of his tracksuit. When she set him free, he twitched in agony and closed his eyes. When he opened them, she was on her knees. Then she took him in her mouth, and he found himself leaning on the wall.
“Oh Rae. What are you...?” Words stopped coming out as Nate’s mouth opened in silent scream. She teased him, licking, sucking… The beast in him woke up and he grabbed her by her arms, lifted her up and pressed her against the wall.
Part of him wanted her to finish what she started but the other part wanted to come inside her, make her his again. So he thrust himself hard in her, repeatedly. His face grimaced in pleasure as he saw her coming, too. Together they exploded into thousands of pieces, intertwining, becoming one.
As soon as they were able to move, Nate took her to bed and just held her, wishing there was no tomorrow, no matter how cliché that sounded.