My frame of mind is positive. My heart is hopeful. My trimmed stubble just the right length, my face fresh. My charcoal three-piece suit fits like a dream, and my body in it looks fine. She won’t be disappointed, either.
As I wait for her in the hallway, refixing my hair in the mirror, I hear the bedroom door close.
I move to the bottom step, sliding my hands into my trouser pockets. I can’t see her. ‘Ava?’
‘I don’t think you’ll approve.’ I hear her, but I still don’t see her. And now I’m worried. Has she defied my request for the lace dress?
‘Let me see you,’ I order, containing the annoyance threatening to break in my tone. Tonight has to be perfect. Ava not wearing the dress I requested won’t get it off to a good start.
‘You sure?’ she calls. She sounds nervous.
‘Get your arse in my sights now, lady.’
She appears, cautiously. And I’m utterly blown away. ‘Jesus.’ I exhale my wonder, my eyes following her around the gallery landing to the top of the steps. If there’s an example of perfection, then I’m looking at it.
The dress. Shit, the dress. Lace, everywhere, and the subtle cream tone brings memories of her stunning wedding gown gushing back. The hem just below the knee is perfect, the material clinging lightly to every wonderful curve she has. I ignore the fact that those curves have reduced somewhat in recent weeks, and move up to her face. Pink on her lips is the only subtle pop of colour. It’s all this dress needs. The Bardot neckline reveals the smooth lengths of her collarbones, her hair fixed in a sleek knot at the nape of her neck. Understated elegance. My wife has always had it, and it never fails to render me thunderstruck.
Her smoky eyes are taking me in, up and down, her teeth latched onto her bottom lip. ‘Do you like what you see?’ I ask, sure of the answer. Every inch of her is glowing with appreciation, in her eyes the most.
‘You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on.’ She swallows and looks up at me. ‘Do I look okay?’
‘Okay?’ I counter, taking the stairs up to her, drinking her in. ‘You are beauty personified, lady. And you’re mine.’ I reach her and take her hand, kissing her wedding ring. I peek up at her. ‘Who do you belong to?’
‘You.’ She doesn’t stall, doesn’t protest, as she smiles down at me. ‘Always.’
‘Come.’ I lead her down the stairs slowly, never taking my eyes from her profile as she watches her feet. ‘I have something for you.’ I stop at the bottom of the stairs and reach into my pocket, circling her slowly. My hand on her hip makes her spine lengthen, and she looks over her shoulder at me.
‘What do you have?’
‘This.’ I take the diamond necklace over her head and let it settle on her skin. She looks down, her hand reaching up to feel the stones as I secure it. ‘You only wear it on special occasions.’
‘Oh my God,’ she whispers, moving away from me towards the mirror. Staring at her reflection, she fingers the precious jewellery, lost in thought. Does she recognise it?
‘It’s beautiful.’ She looks past her reflection to me. ‘Thank you.’
I smile, unable to be disappointed by her lack of memory. ‘It’s been yours for twelve years, baby.’ I move in behind her and circle her waist with my arms, bending to get my chin on her shoulder. Our eyes lock in the mirror. ‘It’s beautiful, yes, but it isn’t a patch on the woman wearing it.’ The woman wearing it shines brighter. Is more precious. More valuable to me than anything in this world.
She turns her head to find my lips and blesses me with a delicate, consuming kiss.
Love. It’s radiating between us, filling me with happiness. We can do this. Get through this. Because we’re us. Jesse and Ava. ‘Let’s dance.’ I turn her in my arms and reach for my phone, pulling up the Sonos app.
She laughs lightly, bemused. ‘Please, not to Justin Timberlake.’
My finger pauses on the screen of my phone, and I look down at Ava. It’s just another one of those moments, when she says something without a clue of why she’s saying it. I won’t let it tarnish what I plan on being a perfect evening. ‘Something a little more romantic.’ I find the track in mind and turn up the volume. ‘Like this.’ ‘Nights in White Satin’ fills the air around us, and she listens with me for a few moments. ‘Recognise it?’ I sound hopeful, though trying my hardest not to be.
‘Of course.’ She steps into my chest and rests her cheek there, curling one arm around my waist and taking my hand. ‘We danced to it one time.’
Placing our clasped hands on my chest beside her head, I start to slowly move us in lazy circles, laying my head upon hers. ‘You don’t remember, do you?’ I ask, knowing she’s grasped my plan. A mild shake of her head is expected, but the tears soaking through the material of my shirt are not. ‘Don’t cry,’ I gently scold her, clenching my eyes closed before I defy my own order. ‘We make new memories if we can’t find the old ones.’
‘I want both.’ She follows my lead as we unhurriedly pivot on the spot, going so slow, we’re hardly moving at all. But we’re touching. Everywhere, we’re touching, and the most significant place we’re touching right now is our hearts. Her heartbeats are sinking into my chest, serving as a power surge, increasing my own heart rate. ‘But I have you and the children,’ she whispers, her voice barely heard over the music as it reaches the crescendo. ‘And that’s all that matters.’
I breathe in, long and deep, and sink my face into her hair. She’s right, though it doesn’t make the loss any easier to accept. ‘Always,’ I affirm, my voice evidently broken.
The track slowly fades out and we continue to slowly turn on the spot, our hands held tightly against my chest, her body held snuggly to mine.
‘Time to go, baby,’ I murmur reluctantly, feeling her hold of me constrict everywhere. Arranging her into my side, I walk us to the car.
‘Am I allowed a drink tonight?’ Her question is laced with a little mischief, and definitely some hope. I realise that she maybe feels the need for a little Dutch courage. I can’t deny her that, but I’ll be keeping a very close eye on her.
‘One or two,’ I agree, opening the car door for her. She lowers into the seat and I move in, fastening her belt. As I back up, I stop, my body bent, my face nose to nose with hers. She smiles. I smile. ‘I hope you have a lovely evening, Mrs Ward.’
‘My date is a god. Of course I will.’
I land her with a soft kiss. ‘I fucking love you.’