Chapter Twelve
Haley woke up early the next morning and immediately knew something was wrong; she wasn’t awoken by the sound of Rosie crying. The house was silent. She stared at the ceiling, her old room at Gwen and Luke’s still dark. This didn’t feel like her room anymore. Connor’s place felt like home. But she’d ruined that. Her stupid past, her stupid ex, had destroyed everything she had built here in Shadow Creek.
She’d turned away a good man because the memory of the bad man was too hard to shake. She covered her face and sounds from the kitchen slowly filtered through. She could hear Gwen in the kitchen, the smell of brewing coffee filtered below the door. Her brother’s deep voice, low and solemn sounding. They were worried, probably talking about her. She was Luke’s perpetual problem. He’d been through so much worse and he’d managed to get his life back on track, so what was wrong with her?
She threw her covers off and a blast of cold air made her grab her robe that Gwen had placed out at the foot of the bed. She was going to make some changes. She wasn’t going to lie around feeling sorry for herself. Then she could figure out what to do about the Rosie and Connor problem.
“Morning,” she said, trying to sound cheery even though her bones ached and she felt as though she’d aged fifty years overnight. Gwen and Luke shot each other a worried look.
“I thought you’d sleep in this morning. How are you feeling?” Luke asked, walking toward her. He had already showered and was dressed for work. She couldn’t handle the look of sympathy on his face, so she looked at Gwen who was thankfully pouring coffee into three mugs.
“I’m good. I feel great.”
Gwen shot her a look as she placed the mugs on the table. “Haley, come sit.”
She nodded appreciatively, thankful that Gwen knew she couldn’t get into this right now. She knew her brother was worried, but too much sympathy and she’d break down. She needed to move on. She sat down and wrapped her cold hands around the warm mug, taking a sip of coffee. “You make the best coffee, Gwen.”
“Thanks, sweetie. Did you sleep well?”
She nodded, forcing a smile. “I did. I’ve been doing some thinking.” She took another sip of coffee, trying to find the right words to convey an idea she hadn’t even thought out. “There’s a women’s shelter on the outskirts of Shadow Creek, isn’t there?”
“Haley…” Luke began. She held up her hand to stop him.
“I’m not going to stay there, but I was thinking I could volunteer. I’m sure they could always use an extra hand.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Gwen said, smiling softly at her.
Luke was still frowning. “I think you have a lot on your plate right now and adding to it might not be the best thing.”
“I know what you’re saying, but I disagree. It’s exactly what I need. I am one of those women, Luke. The only difference is I have family that can help me. But make no mistake, I’m one of them. Maybe I can help. I have the time.”
“What about Connor and Rosie?” Luke asked, leaning back in his chair, a frown between his brows.
She toyed with the rim of her mug, trying to ignore the stab of pain that shot through her at the mention of those names. “I know I have to go back. I can’t ditch Connor. I made a commitment to be Rosie’s nanny. I just need a day or two to get myself together. Then I go back only as the nanny.” She looked into her almost-empty cup and hated what she was saying. She wanted to go back to how things used to be. She wanted to go back to playing family.
“Haley, sweetie,” Gwen began in that soothing voice that Haley had come to know so well this last year. Gwen had a compassion in her that was so special. “It doesn’t have to be over with you and Connor.”
“I’m not exactly sure how we could fix things. He asked me to stay, to give up my job and work part-time at the Shadow Creek School. Then I could stay home with Rosie the other days of the week.”
She stared at both of them, waiting for a reaction. But no one said anything for a moment.
“And…you wouldn’t want that?” Gwen finally asked, looking puzzled.
“It would mean relying on him. I wouldn’t make enough working two to three days a week to support myself. So basically I’d be dependent. I’m not doing that again,” she said, tightening the belt on her robe and sitting up a little straighter.
Luke still wasn’t saying anything, just watching her.
“What have you always wanted?” Gwen asked, leaning forward.
She frowned at her. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve always wanted to be a mother, to have a baby, a husband, a home, right?”
Haley shrugged. “That was before I knew how complicated things could get.”
“That was before David. Before he took advantage of you. If you had never met David. If Connor was the first guy you fell in love with and he asked you to consider this, what would your answer be?”
Oh boy, her sister-in-law knew how to challenge her. “I can’t do that. I can’t erase what’s happened. I can’t get over the fear that I’ll lose my identity again and lose my independence.”
“Connor’s not David.”
She and Gwen both looked over at Luke who looked disgruntled and pissy. “What?”
“I said, Connor’s not David and you’re going to have deal with that. If you want to move on with your life and not screw your chances of ever finding happiness again, you’re going to have to accept that. Maybe I was never Connor’s biggest fan, but I am now. I saw…I know how he feels about you. And as a guy, I understand what he’s saying, what he’s asking. And you’re not being fair to him. You’re not trusting him. Has he ever done anything to make you think he’d threaten you in any way?”
She looked away from her brother’s serious face and shame swam through her body. “Of course he hasn’t. I know he wouldn’t. But…staying home with his baby and giving up that position I was offered doesn’t seem right, either.”
“Okay, think of this. If money wasn’t an issue and you were a single mother and Rosie was your daughter. What would you do?”
Gwen smiled after she dropped that question. She knew Haley so well.
She had clarity now. “Without a second thought, I’d stay home with her and work two days at the school. Then when she was old enough to go to school, I’d go back full time, too. Then she could come to my classroom after she finished school and…”
“For something that you haven’t given much thought to, sounds like you’ve got a pretty detailed plan,” Luke said with a smirk, the twinkle in his eyes softening his sarcasm.
“So the problem isn’t what Connor is suggesting, it’s that it’s a guy suggesting it.”
Haley slowly lowered her head to the table. Luke patted her shoulders.
“It’s okay, I’m not offended,” he said, laughter in his voice.
“I’ve got to get myself together before I ruin everything,” she moaned.
“There’s something else you should know.”
Haley lifted her head from the table and stared expectedly at Luke. “Yes?”
“He’s the guy. The anonymous guy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The women’s shelter. Jack told us last night. It was Connor’s idea for them to build the addition for the shelter and it was Connor who made the anonymous donation.”
“What?” Haley whispered.
Gwen nodded, wincing. “I know. He’s a good man, Haley. You know it deep down. If you know you love him, you have to find a way to get past your fear.”
Haley covered her face. They were so right. She was miserable without him. She couldn’t let David and all her issues ruin something so special. Connor was everything to her and she was going to have to fight her demons.
He was worth fighting for.