Chapter Seven
Connor swallowed down the uncomfortable feeling as he knocked on the door of the Shadow Creek Women’s Shelter.
He didn’t have a lot of early memories of his childhood; some he didn’t really trust, either, but there was one memory that stood out—he and his mother standing outside a shelter a lot like this one. He remembered being cold and it had been raining out, but he remembered the warmth of his mother’s hand. It had wrapped around his and she’d held on to him tightly. The door had opened and a kind woman with grey hair had greeted them with a smile that reminded him of Mrs. Bailey’s.
As an adult, he knew that was a smile of a woman who had seen much, but hadn’t lost her hope in the world. The women who’d helped his mother had helped him. That first night, they’d given them a warm bowl of tomato soup and hot bread rolls, and sometimes he could almost taste it still. It wasn’t that it had been the best meal of his life, but after a day of no food, and weeks of no hot food, it had been so damn comforting. They’d shown them to a room for just the two of them. Two twin beds and fresh, clean sheets and blankets. He’d thought he’d been at the Ritz.
When he’d almost drifted off to sleep that first night, he’d heard his mother softly crying.
“Mama? What’s wrong?” He didn’t get it. What could be wrong? They had this new place filled with nice people. They had a warm room. They had food. What more could they ask for?
Of course, looking back now, he knew she’d been crying out of fear, defeat, worry. She’d known that the shelter wasn’t permanent. She’d felt the embarrassment of having to rely on strangers to feed her son.
Connor rolled his shoulders and stood a little straighter as he heard the door unlock. An older lady opened the door, her grey hair in a smooth shoulder-length cut. Her eyes were kind, but she didn’t open the screen door.
“Hi, ma’am, I’m Connor O’Leary. I called earlier about looking at some of the work that needed to be done around here?”
Her hand flew to her chest and she opened the door. “Come in, come in.”
“Sorry I’m a little early for our appointment, but I was passing by and thought I’d try.”
“Of course it is. This is so nice of you.”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I was in a shelter at one time in my life and I know how important these places are. Mrs. Bailey was saying you need a new kitchen and dining room?”
She nodded, leading him through the old house. It needed little things here and there, but the old house had been cared for well. He followed her into the back of the house. The kitchen was dated and very small.
“Our hope is to add in a large cooking area, maybe even enough room to have some volunteers come in and teach a cooking class or baking. Gwen Thomson and Lily Bailey have offered to do a series for some of the women, maybe it could even lead to a job opportunity.”
He wasn’t surprised that Gwen and Lily had already been by and looking for ways to help. “I think that’s a great idea,” he said.
“But costly, because we’d like to also get a few new ground-floor bedrooms and a larger dining room.”
He was nodding, understanding her vision. “Well, why don’t I take some measurements and do up some quick drawings and we can take it from there. Don’t worry about the money at this point.” As he walked around the house, the feeling that he was doing something that was important hit him. When he’d first accepted Jack’s offer to join his growing business, he’d accepted, needing a new direction, wanting to help his friend. He’d always liked building things and before he accepted the higher paying oil rig job, he’d worked construction for years. He loved being able to make something out of nothing.
He was putting his boots back on at the door when he heard voices and babies. He looked up to see a young woman carrying a baby just around Rosie’s age. The woman looked pale and tired, and she quickly averted her gaze as she walked by the front door.
He wanted to tell her he wasn’t like that. He wasn’t like the guy that made her run. He wasn’t like that baby’s father. Instead, he gave her a nod and left the house. The weight of his mother’s life, and Haley’s, and all those women inside clung to his shoulders, making him feel tired. He walked toward his truck, happy that he was going home to Haley and Rosie.
His phone vibrated, and he pulled it out of his pocket and balked at the display. It was Tess. Hell. He’d been trying to contact her for weeks. “Tess,” he said as he answered.
“Is she okay?”
Rage swam through him and he had to control himself. “She’s fine. Did my lawyer get in touch with you?”
“Yes. You want full custody. That’s fine. She’s yours. I don’t…I can’t keep her. You know me, Connor, I can’t take care of a baby. I don’t want that.”
He wanted to yell at her, he wanted to tell her how cruel he thought she was, how irresponsible. But he didn’t, he couldn’t, because in that moment he thought of how differently this all could have gone down. He was…grateful. “Tess…I wanted to tell you, thank you. Thank you for deciding to have her. Thank you for bringing her to me. I’ll take care of her.”
She sniffled loudly on the other end of the line. “Just promise me you won’t make her hate me. Don’t tell her what a screw-up I am, okay? Just…be a good daddy to her.”
“I will,” he said, clearing his throat, glad that conversation wouldn’t come for years.
“Goodbye, Connor.”
“Bye, Tess.”
…
Haley put Rosie in her bassinet, gave her a kiss, and left the room. She wanted to get started on some baking and a new casserole recipe Gwen had given her the other day. She could totally do this domestic thing. Seriously, could life get any better than it was right now?
She stood at the kitchen island that overlooked the great room in the small house. It was adorable. She had turned this bachelor pad into a family home. The stone fireplace in the center, and the warm, masculine furniture in a conversation setup. But it was all the accessories, the pillows and rugs, the candles, the tabletop decor that made it feel warm.
She pulled out the appropriate bowls and utensils and lit the candle on the counter, the baby monitor turned on and beside her at the counter. Her thoughts, of course, inevitably went to the other night and what Connor had revealed about not finishing school. Which also made her think of her brother and how she was currently not speaking to him. Being overprotective was one thing, trying to humiliate a hardworking man he barely knew was another. She was currently avoiding his calls.
When they’d gotten home, things had become awkward. Whatever closeness they’d managed was gone again, and she knew it was because he was humiliated. She had never felt more of a connection to anyone in her entire life. It was so much more than attraction because she knew she’d never had this reaction to another guy. It was as though he could make everything bad that had ever happened to her just go away.
Haley frowned as she stared at her recipe and the bowl that was now filled with different ingredients. Because her mind had wandered, she’d lost track of what she’d put in. How many teaspoons of baking powder had she put in? She counted the yolks, pulling out a few shells. Okay, back on track. The cranberry orange loaf was going to be the perfect accompaniment to afternoon coffee. Hopefully, Connor would be home early tonight and they’d have a nice dinner, and she could broach the whole school incident thing.
Once the loaf was in the oven, she prepared the casserole. Her phone started vibrating and she picked it up, her heart jumping through her throat as David’s face appeared. Why was he calling her again? She didn’t want to speak to him, ever.
She stared at that face and got sucked back into her past. She pictured him yelling at her, cornering her, touching her. She squeezed her eyes shut as panic began bubbling in her stomach. She was aware she wasn’t breathing normally anymore. Just answer it and see what he wants. She hated that her hand was shaking as she reached for her phone.
“What?”
“Hello, darling.”
She leaned against the counter feeling ill as he whispered the endearment in her ear. Why was he speaking like he cared for her? The last time they’d talked it had been nothing but insults and yelling. “What do you want, David?”
“Another chance.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t need games. We’re divorced. That marriage has been over for a year, and I made it very clear I want nothing to do with you again. I asked for nothing, just to be left alone.”
“Haley, I’ve been so wrong. I let the stress in my life affect our relationship. I let my temper get the better of me. I need you back.”
She clutched the side of the counter. “I’ve started over. I’m not coming back. Ever.”
“We took vows. For better or worse. I think that was our worst. I think we should try again.”
“That’s just not going to happen. Why are you calling me? I’ve been gone a long time. Why now?”
There was a pause. “Martin is getting married next month. I’m not going to that wedding without you.”
She let out a laugh. “Oh, I see. So your younger brother is getting married and you don’t want to look like the failure you are. Newsflash—you agreed to a divorce so I wouldn’t publicly humiliate you and your family by telling everyone that you’re an abusive psychopath. There’s no way I’m going to do this. You haven’t changed a bit. You want to use me like a prop. You are the worst.”
“Darling, you’ve got this all wrong. Martin’s upcoming wedding has made me reflect on everything I’ve lost.”
“My name is Haley.”
“Haley, there are always two sides to every story.”
“So this is where the truth comes out, right? It’s not a real apology. You’re not wrong, because you’re trying to justify the way you treated me. Here’s the thing, David. I don’t like you. I don’t think you’re a nice person. You treated me like garbage, and for some reason I tolerated it. That was my biggest mistake. I let you belittle me and make me feel like I was useless and worthless. I’m never going back to you. I’m never going back to that woman.”
“I’ll give you some time to think about it—”
“No.”
“Haley, I’m not giving up.”
“Then you’re wasting your time. I’ve started over.”
“With another man?” The rage in his voice sent a shiver down her spine. If she told him no, then he’d keep pestering her. If she told him yes…he’d be pissed, but then maybe he’d leave her alone.
“Yes. I’ve met someone. He treats me like a man should. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.” Oh God, it was all true, except for the fact that she and Connor weren’t together. But she realized he was everything she wanted and needed in a man. He treated her so sweetly, he was always concerned about whether she was sleeping enough or doing too much. He was funny. He was charming. He made her want to give love another chance.
“You little whore—”
She hung up the phone and threw it across the room. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she ducked her head, bracing her hands against the counter, taking deep breaths. His words meant nothing anymore. He meant nothing anymore. He didn’t have the power to make her feel less of herself.
She squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the sound of the timer on the oven, and the sound of her phone vibrating against the couch. Instead she slowly sank down to the ground and cried for the first time in months. How could she have ever let someone like him into her life? How could she have ever let herself be spoken to like that?
Her mother’s words…her mother’s words that had been spoken with the best of intentions, tormented her. Find a rich man, Haley. He’ll take care of you and you’ll never have to worry about money like I do. God, her poor mother. How wrong she’d been, what wrong advice she’d given her. She didn’t fault her mother, she knew where it came from, why she said it. But she wished it had never existed in her subconscious. One day, if she still knew Rosie, she would tell her to grow up and be smart and wise. She’d tell her to make her own way in the world, to learn how to survive.
She sobbed, hating that she had given up her independence, her freedom, for a man like David. She hated feeling like she was never going to be free of him. All the words he’d ever called her bombarded her, the names coming through like a Rolodex she was flipping through.
She didn’t know how long she sat there and cried, but when Rosie started crying, she noticed the smell of her burning cranberry loaf. She swore, wiping the tears from her face and jumping into action. Connor happened to walk in at that moment. Smoke was coming from the oven, his baby was crying, and she was sure she looked like death with red eyes and blotchy skin. The man took one look at her, his eyes quickly surveying the disaster in front of him, and walked forward. She didn’t know what she was thinking, or what she was expecting, but she took a step back from him when he was right in front of her.
He watched her for a second, her retreat from him so telling. He frowned slightly and then wrapped her up in his arms. No questions asked. No doubt. No yelling at her. He just held on to her. He held on like he’d never let go, like he’d protect her forever.
Rosie’s crying increased, and he leaned back, framing her face in his hands. The compassion in his eyes, the fierce protectiveness in his face, made her want to relinquish her hold on her heart and just give in to what they could be together. “You okay?” His voice was gruff and thick and filled with concern.
She nodded. And hiccupped. Omigod, she was turning into Rosie.
He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll get Rosie.”
As he passed by the oven he grabbed a mitt, opened the smoking door, and pulled out the now black log and chucked it into the sink. She watched him leave the room in a state of wonder.
She didn’t know what to make of him, all she knew was that he was the real deal.
As he emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, she was still standing there. His jacket was off, a clean T-shirt and jeans on, and a smiling baby cradled in one arm. She knew then, staring at his handsome face, that she hadn’t been married to a real man before. Connor was a real man.
…
Connor helped Haley clear the table, wondering how he was going to broach the subject of what he’d walked in on today. He normally was a straight shooter and didn’t waste time on thinking about how to phrase a question, but Haley was different. She was still going through some crap, it was obvious.
She was always calm and collected. She could handle the craziness of any situation with such ease, which was why today was completely unlike her. And then there was the fact that when he reached for her, she’d backed away and flinched before finally trusting him and folding herself into his arms. That pissed him off, because that sent off all the internal warning bells that her ex had played dirty. Which could also explain why her brother was so overprotective. He didn’t know how he was going to handle it if he found out that guy had laid a hand on her.
He glanced over at her. She was now loading the dishwasher, her pretty face in a frown as she pulled out that sorry looking loaf from the sink.
“Maybe it’s still edible if we take off the top part,” he said. Damn, he was now turning into a liar. There was no way that thing was edible. It looked as hard as a rock. But when she looked up at him, the happiness on her face made him realize he’d eat the whole damn thing if it would make her smile. Even the carcinogenic black crust. She’d been quiet tonight at dinner. Usually they engaged in lively conversation and she always made him laugh at the antics of her day with Rosie. He looked forward to their dinners together all day. This was the first glimpse of what his life could be like if Haley was in it forever. He hated seeing her so quiet and obviously thinking of something else.
“Do you think? Why don’t I try cutting it off,” she said, taking out a large knife.
He swallowed hard as he watched her try to cut through the loaf. “Do you need a hand?” he asked, coming up beside her.
She bit her lower lip and looked up at him, handing over the knife. Her eyes, he was relieved to see, were filled with laughter. “I’m not sure there’s a point. I’m also not sure a knife is enough.”
“It can’t be that bad,” he said, trying the knife. It was worse. He tried not to laugh.
Haley beat him to it. “It’s so bad, never mind.”
He broke off a piece.
“It’s not edible!” She ripped it from his hands.
He laughed. The sound of her phone vibrating filled the room. “I think that’s your phone.”
Her face had gone white. “Never mind.”
“What if it’s your brother or something?”
Her gaze darted to the other side of the room.
“Do you know where it is? I’ll help you find it.”
“I think it’s on the floor,” she whispered, before darting around him to race in front of the fireplace. She retrieved it, and then let out a sigh of relief when she picked it up. “Hi, Gwen…no, I’m still not speaking to him.”
He had no idea what was going on, but he did think that something had happened earlier today. Someone had called and upset her. She chatted with her sister-in-law while she picked up pillows and straightened up the family room.
He finished loading the dishwasher, listening to her, hoping she might say something that would give away what might have happened. But all she talked about was how she’d screwed up the loaf. He went over to the wine rack and pulled out a bottle of red, holding it up in her direction. She nodded frantically while still talking.
He chuckled and poured them two glasses of wine. Maybe it would help her relax and confide in him. He wanted her to trust him, and he wanted to help her through whatever it was. It killed him to think that she was dealing with something on her own.
“Everything okay?” he asked, crossing the room with the wineglasses once she’d finished her call.
“Yes. Just setting up where we’re going to meet tomorrow night,” she said, taking a glass and then a sip of wine. “Mmmm, that’s good.”
They walked over to the couch and he noticed for the first time she sat on the same couch as him. Usually she sat on the couch across from him. She had curled her feet under her and was tucked into a corner, but at least it was the same couch. Progress. “Dinner was great,” he said, trying to come up with something other than WTF did your ex do to you?
She smiled. “Oh good! I’m glad you liked it. It was Gwen’s recipe.”
He nodded and took a sip of wine, remembering why he preferred beer. “How was your day?”
Her face closed up, smile dropped. “A bit hectic.”
“Was Rosie fussy?”
Now, fussy wasn’t a word that would have normally been in his vocabulary but since becoming the father of an infant, he’d heard it thrown around many times.
She shook her head. “No, she was great. Everything was great.”
He sighed roughly. “Is that why the house was almost on fire when I came in?”
Her eyes widened. “It wasn’t! I would have gotten the log out—”
“I’m kidding, Haley.”
“Oh.”
“You looked upset by the phone ringing.”
Deer in headlights. Her face went red, and she chugged some wine back. “Creditors.”
He choked on his wine. “Liar,” he said, smiling to soften the accusation.
She looked away and then back at him. “It was my ex,” she said softly.
He sat up a little straighter, his body tensing at the pain in her face. “You don’t talk to him regularly, do you?” He was trying to figure out what was going on, but didn’t want to look nosy and scare her off.
She shook her head. “I’d shoot myself.”
He smiled. “But talking to him bothered you. You looked like you’d been crying.”
Her chin trembled for a second. “He wants to get back together.”
Everything inside him stilled as the thought of losing her hit him. He couldn’t lose her. As much as he told himself he wasn’t good enough for Haley, he wanted a chance. Maybe that was it. Maybe he believed he could be good enough for her, that he could be everything she needed. More than anything, though, more than wanting her for himself, he wanted her to be happy. He didn’t want her with a guy he suspected treated her like crap. “Is that what you want?”
She didn’t say anything for a long while, and he feared that she was actually going to say she wanted to get back together with him. “I never expected myself to be divorced, let alone before thirty. I never expected myself to be in a relationship with someone who treated me like garbage. I let myself change, I let him control my self-worth, and I hate myself for that. I was raised by a strong, independent, single mother. My brother was the perfect example of a caring man growing up. I had no excuse. No excuse to fall for someone like him, let alone stay with him for so long. If I could go back and do everything differently, I would.”
He searched for the words she needed to hear, quelling his own need to know what happened with her husband. “Don’t take on the guilt he should be feeling. We can’t go back and change our past, and maybe that’s the point. Maybe our past is what makes us who we are today. Maybe our past gives us the ability to be even better because of it.”
Oh hell, he sounded like a shrink. Or a motivational speaker.
She looked down, picking at the pillow on her lap, before looking up at him again. “We’re supposed to learn from our past, I know. But all I think about is that I shouldn’t get involved again. I should never let someone have that kind of control over me again.”
Her voice was paper thin, and her eyes were filled with so much pain that his stomach churned. “Haley, a normal guy would never try and control you. A normal relationship means you build each other up. You support each other and give each other room to grow. All I know is that if you were my wife, I’d give you everything you needed, however you needed it.”
Holy hell. What had he just said?
Her cheeks flamed, and her eyes grew watery before she blinked them away and stood. He’d scared her off. He stood up, an attempt to make her stay. “I can’t do this,” she whispered. “Whatever it is that’s growing between us, I can’t do it. I can’t get involved. I can’t get involved this fast even. It’s all fake. It’s the lure of this cozy house. Sweet Rosie. We’re playing house here. None of this will last. You think this is real, but it isn’t,” she said.
She turned to leave, and he grabbed her wrist. She snatched it back and in that moment, in the alarm in her eyes, he had his answer. He knew the bastard had touched her. He dropped his hand. “No pressure. There is no pressure in relationships. I’m here. Rosie’s here. We’re not going anywhere. If it takes you years to figure out that none of this is fake, that none of this has to be fleeting, then we will wait for you to figure it out.”
Her lips parted and for a second he thought she was going to walk into his arms, but then she stepped back and walked out of the room. He watched her go, knowing that tonight everything had changed for him. He was done telling himself that he wasn’t worthy. He was going to let it happen.
He was going to love Haley.