Chapter Six
Connor stared at the ceiling, knowing sleep wasn’t going to happen. He scrubbed his hands down his face, exhaustion making him want sleep, but the turmoil in his head made it impossible to relax.
Haley and Rosie were going to be the death of him, each for their own reasons. They were an adorable duo that worked in tandem to prevent him from staying detached. He wanted Rosie to have the best of everything, and every day he stayed away from her, the worse he felt. But he didn’t know how to get over the guilt.
She looked at him with those eyes and he wanted to promise her the world. He wanted so many things for her. He wanted her to grow up with security and love and kindness, but he didn’t know how to give it to her. He didn’t know if it was too late. Connor was thinking his daughter was paying him back for his lack of presence in her first month of life. And if she suffered in any way because of Tess, then he’d never forgive himself.
Then there was Haley. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do about her. He had feelings. Maybe all the feelings. But Haley was off-limits. Tonight, when she’d stood in his living room—drunk off two glasses of rosé and letting it slip what kind of ass she’d been married to—he’d wanted nothing more than to kiss her until she couldn’t remember her ex. He’d wanted to kiss her and love her until she forgot every horrible word, every insult, and every fight. He wanted to hear her whisper his name. Nah, he was a liar, he wanted to hear her scream his name in the best possible way. But instead he’d walked away from her. He’d had to physically remove himself because he’d wanted her so badly.
So now, at three o’clock in the morning, this was where he was. Sleepless. On the couch, by himself.
The sound of Rosie whimpering broke the silence of the early morning. Normally, he’d wait until he heard Haley getting up, but he didn’t want to do that. The need to feel her little body in his arms, to see her, overshadowed the guilt and he quickly stood and walked toward their room.
He stood quietly in the doorway of the bedroom Haley and Rosie occupied. The door was slightly open, and he heard Haley’s soft voice. She was singing that song about sunshine, and he felt the unfamiliar sting of tears in the back of his eyes. He blinked rapidly, shutting it down ASAP.
He opened the door a little wider, not wanting to disturb her, not wanting her to stop singing. She was standing in front of Rosie who was on the makeshift changing table. Rosie was listening and cooing, not looking the least bit upset anymore. Haley was an expert. A natural caregiver. Seconds later, she had Rosie on her shoulder and was walking the room, still singing her song. When she spotted him, she stopped.
“Connor, holy crap, you scared me. Don’t stand there like a stalker.”
He choked out a laugh. Rosie started fussing again and Haley bounced her a few times, patting her bum and walking toward him. “Sorry. I heard her crying and thought I’d help.”
She shooed him. “Don’t worry, you need sleep.”
“So do you,” he said, eyeing Rosie. He had no idea how Haley bounced her around and managed to make it look so easy. He felt so awkward holding his daughter. “I’m awake anyway and it’s Saturday. Why don’t you take a break? I’ll bring her out on the couch with me.”
“She’s been changed. She’s probably hungry,” she said, approaching him.
“You might want to put a receiving blanket over your shoulder,” she said, grabbing one on her way over. “You don’t want a repeat of earlier.”
She handed her over and tried to find a comfy spot, but Rosie started fussing.
“Here, you stand still and I’m going to put her in her favorite position and I’ll guide your hands.” Haley placed Rosie so that she was nuzzled in the crook of his neck and she placed one of his hands on her back and his other on her bottom. Suddenly Rosie was quiet. She was this tiny lump of life that smelled so sweet, and she was his. He made eye contact with Haley and was astounded by the love he saw shining from them. “She’s the sweetest little baby.”
“I don’t know how I got so lucky as to have you offer to look after Rosie,” he said, speaking without thinking.
She blinked a few times. “This was perfect for me, too. I had nothing happening anyway. So…I guess I’ll get some sleep, if you’re sure. I really should only stick to one glass of wine. Do you want me to warm up her bottle?”
“I can do it,” he said.
“When she falls asleep you can put her back in the bassinet,” she said.
He nodded. “Get some rest. We’ll be fine.”
He walked out into the family room, lit by only the moonlight. He held her the entire time he got her bottle ready, suddenly never wanting to let go. He settled onto the couch, smiling as Rosie made lots of noises. She was a loud eater, and it was damn cute how quickly she downed that bottle, not taking her eyes off him. It was humbling having her look at him like that. She trusted him. Even though he’d barely been there for her, the trust was written all over her.
He shifted her gently onto his shoulder. He kept rubbing her back and found himself nuzzling the top of her head, her tufts of hair reminding him of a duckling. After she let out a giant belch, he slowly laid down, shifting Rosie so that she was safely perched between the middle of his chest and the couch back. She offered no protests.
A strange feeling came over him, holding her there. It was foreign to him. It was the need to protect, to offer her the best of everything. Her rapid breathing touched him, and he held her a little closer, whispering promises he didn’t even know how he’d ever keep. But he knew in that moment he’d die fighting for each one of them. He craned his neck to see if she was sleeping but she wasn’t, and her blue eyes locked onto his and he smiled. “Hi, Rosie.”
She made a little noise and smacked her lips a few times, her eyelids looking heavy. He kissed the top of her head, relieved that she seemed happy even though he wasn’t singing. He didn’t know any baby songs anyway. But he probably would have made one up if he had to. He held her close, and before he knew it they both were sound asleep.
…
Haley woke with a start, aware that something was different. She immediately glanced to Rosie’s bassinet—empty. Was she still with Connor? It looked dark out, but she realized it was overcast and snow was falling steadily. She looked at the alarm clock—ten o’clock! She hadn’t slept that late since…she couldn’t remember.
She sprang out of bed and ran out of the room and stopped dead in the doorway. Connor and Rosie were both asleep on the couch, looking as though they did this every night. One of Connor’s large hands was on Rosie’s back and the little baby was sleeping so soundly, way past her usual morning wakeup time. Haley’s heart felt like it was going to burst as she watched them. She wasn’t going to think about the fact that maybe the reason Rosie was finally asleep was because she felt the biological connection. Could that be it? She finally had her father’s affection. Haley had prayed this would happen.
She stared at them, at their bond. Would Haley ever have that bond with a child? Or was that reserved for only biological children? She blinked back tears at the thought and instead basked in the sweet image in front of her. She wasn’t going to dwell on how incredibly beautiful Connor looked. He didn’t have a shirt on and his ripped, tanned body was on display for her ogling. He had tattoos up his right arm, which only seemed to emphasize the very nice display of heavy muscle.
“Morning.”
Her gaze snapped up to his, her heart hammering in her chest. How humiliating. The man had woken up to her ogling him without a shirt on. “Hi… I can’t believe Rosie is still sleeping.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m kind of surprised I fell asleep, too,” he whispered. “She was no trouble at all. I just laid down, and we both kind of passed out.” His voice was deep and thick with sleep and sent shivers up her spine. Rosie was all curled up against him, looking as happy as could be.
“I think she liked her time with Daddy.”
A look flashed across his eyes. “Thanks.”
“It looks like you did fine. Why don’t I get coffee going? You stay there and don’t move. This is a record. I feel like a new person.”
He smiled. “Well, glad I could actually help.”
She smiled back at him and walked into the kitchen, thinking this was what she always wanted. Of course, this wasn’t a real family…but this…a husband, a little baby. Her heart was full like this. The house was full. This was all her dreams answered. Except it wasn’t her dream. Connor wasn’t her husband. Rosie wasn’t her daughter. She was helping a friend. She was just the nanny.
Come September, she’d be saying bye to them.
“It’s so wonderful having you here with Connor and little Rosie,” Mrs. Bailey said as she pulled a roaster of potatoes out of the oven. Haley loved Sunday nights at the Baileys. It was like she had been adopted into a giant, warm, loving, and slightly nosy family.
“Well, we’re happy to be here,” Haley said, tossing the salad.
Mrs. Bailey glanced past her to the family room where Haley knew all the guys were, playing with the babies and Maggie, Chase’s oldest child. “My goodness, it looks as though Connor has fallen into his role as a father quite effortlessly, doesn’t it?”
Haley paused for a moment and then added a little more dressing before continuing to toss the salad. Gwen had warned her that her mother was like a shark when it came to detecting sparks between people. “He has.”
“It’s hard to believe that a few weeks ago that man was standing in my doorway, a look of shock and fear on his face with that little baby in his arms. Now, he’s like a pro. I liked him from the moment I met him. Sure, he was a little rough around the edges, but I could tell he’d had a hard life. I could also tell that underneath that gruff exterior, there was a heart of gold,” she said with a sigh as she moved the potatoes around the pan, her eyes on Haley.
Haley swallowed. “He seems like a good man.”
“Are you two getting along, then?”
Haley cleared her throat. “He’s easy to get along with. He works long hours, though, so it’s not like we spend all day together or anything.”
“Hm…yes. I should see about Jack insisting Connor take a few days off to bond with his daughter,” she murmured as she set the potatoes aside and then pulled out a roaster of asparagus. “And you must be desperate for him to be around more.”
“Um, no, that’s okay. We’re managing.”
“Oh, I only meant it’s nice to be like a team when it comes to caring for a baby.”
“Well, it’s okay. I’m just the nanny, anyway.”
Mrs. Bailey let out a noise. “Oh, my dear, you are so much more than a nanny to them. You’re exactly what Connor and Baby Rosie need.”
“I am?” Gwen was right, her mother was good. But instead of wanting to keep hiding her emotions, she almost felt like confiding in her. Mrs. Bailey was one of those people that was so warm, it felt safe to talk to her. She missed her mother so much sometimes. She felt bad when she thought of the life her mother had lived. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she’d been saddled with two kids and no way to earn a good income. She would have loved to have her standing here—she would have loved the Baileys. She would have loved Gwen as a daughter-in-law. She would have loved Connor and Rosie…
Mrs. Bailey put down the large serving spoon and patted Haley’s hand. “I hope you don’t think this is all a coincidence. You…coming to Shadow Creek, then Connor coming…then little Rosie being left to him. None of this is a coincidence.”
Haley swallowed hard. “It isn’t?”
She shook her head vehemently. “Of course not. It’s all part of God’s plan, my dear. He puts people into our lives.”
“Oh, Mom, leave her alone!” Thankfully Gwen came storming through the kitchen. Perfect timing, too, because she was going to start crying any second.
“You’re going to scare Haley away. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate, now she needs to think about God’s master plan for her life.”
Mrs. Bailey patted Haley’s hand. “My children can be dramatic. You’re not afraid, are you dear?”
Haley shook her head slowly. Maybe disconcerted was a better word than afraid. “I’m not afraid. But I should probably see if Connor needs help,” she said.
“Oh wait, so Luke and I want to have you and Connor and Rosie over next Friday night. Are you free?”
Haley sighed. The family was trying to get them together. “Gwen, you know we’re not a family, right? Like, we don’t make joint plans? I have no idea what Connor has going on next Friday. I’m the nanny, so if he has plans, I’m staying home with Rosie.”
Gwen was frowning at her. “Fine, then I’ll ask him what his plans are.”
She pulled on Gwen’s sweater before her friend marched into the family room. “I really don’t think my brother wants us over.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Your brother adores you, and he misses having you around.”
“What about Connor? I know him well enough to know he doesn’t want us showing up like a family, no matter how you spin it. I don’t want things to be awkward if we come over.”
“Of course not.”
“I don’t want Luke giving Connor the third degree.”
“Of course not.”
Mrs. Bailey called everyone into the dining room and soon they were all piling around the extra-long table. She loved that Mrs. Bailey always used her fine china, as if it were a special occasion every week. “First, before we say grace, I need to do something. Connor, can you hand me that adorable baby?”
Connor nodded and passed Rosie over. “There,” she said a moment later, holding the adorable baby for all of them to see. For a second it felt like a Lion King moment as she held the baby up, but then Mrs. Bailey, in that way she had, brought the baby close to her chest and shut her eyes. “Connor, you must always remember that every good gift and every perfect gift comes from above.”
Haley’s breath caught at the beautiful quote. Someone blew their nose. She thought it was Jack who let out a snort. That was followed by Lily elbowing him. Haley tried not to laugh out loud at the crowd of people that were beginning to feel like family.
“Jack, do not make light of one of my favorite verses,” she said, with a look that actually made her son’s face redden.
“Thank you. James 1:17,” Connor said, making everyone’s jaw drop. He cleared his throat and scowled at Jack before turning back to Mrs. Bailey. “My mother read the Bible to me as a child.”
Mrs. Bailey beamed at Connor who looked uncomfortable with the attention. “Hopefully you’ll be a good influence on Jack. Poor Lily and I can only do so much.”
Connor grinned at his friend who was shaking his head and looking at the ground.
After prayers were said by Maggie, the long shuffling of platters around the table began. She was seated beside Connor, and she didn’t know how that had happened these last few weeks. They naturally found their way together, even though before Rosie they had never sat together. But the night he’d told her she was more than good enough, there had been a subtle—no, big—shift. He was actively participating in Rosie’s life. He was holding her, smiling at her, changing and feeding her. He was falling in love with his little girl, and Haley was so happy.
“I’ve found a new volunteering opportunity,” Mrs. Bailey said, once everyone had begun eating. She honestly didn’t how that woman managed to do everything. She helped with her grandchildren, she volunteered at the church, at the hospital, and now some new place apparently.
“Where’s that?” Lily asked.
“The Shadow Creek Women’s Shelter. Their coordinator came to our last ladies’ meeting at the church asking for assistance. They’ve always been one of the organizations we’ve donated to, but they need more this year. They are trying to raise enough money for a kitchen and an addition. They house is old and not big enough for their needs anymore.”
“That would be a pretty expensive job,” Jack said.
“Yes, but necessary. The kitchen is too small and too dated to be able to cook enough food. If they can build an addition as a new dining space that’s attached to the kitchen then they can use the old dining room as another two bedrooms.”
“Well, we can do something in the shop. Maybe a donation jar…maybe a cookie purchase and the proceeds go to the shelter,” Gwen said.
“Wonderful idea. You all think about it. I’m sure if we can get a little publicity around it, we’ll be able to find the funds.”
Connor had gone quiet and she wasn’t sure what to make of his expression. She’d help find a way. Maybe she could volunteer with Mrs. Bailey. She had been so close to going to a shelter, but she’d been blessed by a brother she could count on. How many women and children didn’t have that luxury?
“How’s business going?” Chase asked, directing his question to Jack and Connor.
“Great. More than we can handle, actually.”
“I think we might need to hire some kind of office person to deal with the phone calls and keeping track of invoices. If it weren’t for Connor taking over the books on top of everything else, I’m sure we would have gotten audited.” Jack laughed.
“I didn’t know you were doing that, too,” Haley said, buttering a fresh roll and looking at Connor.
He shrugged. She had to admit she was slightly distracted by how he looked and smelled. She liked that he always dressed up a bit for dinner on Sundays. He was wearing a plaid flannel button-down shirt with navy and lighter shades of blue that made the blue in his eyes more dramatic. His jeans were a darker, more formal shade and he always shaved for Sunday night dinner. He was more appealing than the fresh dessert Gwen brought. “Not a big deal.”
“He’s actually a machine. He managed to go through a year’s worth of invoices, receipts, and bills in like a week. He didn’t even know my business at that point.”
Haley watched Connor from the corner of her eye, noticing he seemed to shrug off the praise quite quickly. She had learned after watching him these last few weeks that he might be some kind of a whiz.
“That’s impressive,” said her brother. She smiled at Luke approvingly. Maybe he was finally warming to Connor. “Where did you go to school?”
She looked over at Connor who stopped chewing for a moment. He resumed, put down his fork, and leaned back in his chair, meeting her brother’s stare. “Didn’t go to school. I didn’t have time for that,” he said in a voice that was hard.
“So, no time for college?” Luke asked.
There was a long pause from Connor and the tension between the two men as they stared at each other had the entire table silent. “No time for college. No time to finish high school.”
She tried not to let her shock show and reached out under the table and placed her hand on his hard thigh. She knew. She knew that it bothered him, even though he had the look of a tough guy, she knew it cut him. But she was having her suspicions about Connor and just how smart he was, formal education or not.
“Well, we all do what we have to do to survive, don’t we, son?” Edward Bailey said, with a warm nod of approval. Gwen quickly steered the conversation back to babies and less tense subjects. But Luke’s question had changed Connor’s demeanor. She squeezed his thigh and before she removed her hand, his warm hand clamped down over hers.