CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 

Jules

 

I’M SITTING ON THE couch, looking down at the fourth finger on my left hand when the front door opens. I nervously sit up and turn around to see Theo walking in the door. This is the first time we’ve been alone in the house.

I run my thumb over my bare finger. Theo looks angry about something and it ramps up my anxiety. I jump when he tosses his keys on the small table by the couch and they slide off the other side. Bending over, I pick them up and put them back on the table. Theo walks into the kitchen and comes back a minute later with a beer in his hand. When he sits on the chair next to the couch and agitatedly runs his hands through his hair, I know something is wrong.

Before he has a chance to say whatever it is he obviously wants to, I decide to ask something I’ve been curious about. I pull in a deep breath for courage and turn my head toward him.

“Where’s my wedding ring?” My voice comes out squeakier than I wanted, giving away just how nervous I am.

Theo takes a swallow of his beer, then leans his elbows on his knees.

“We decided to marry on the fly, and you were attacked right afterward. We never got the chance to get you a set. We were going to go together and get you an engagement and wedding ring.”

I nod, accepting his explanation. I knew it was last minute that we got married and the attack happened right afterward. I just assumed that Theo would have already bought a ring.

“I want you to stay away from Luca.”

I snap my eyes to his at his forceful tone. His expression is cold as he looks at me.

“Excuse me?” I ask, not sure I heard him correctly.

“Stay away from Luca. If he comes to the house, don’t open the door. He can wait until I’m here.”

Before I can stop my mouth from forming the words, they slip out. “You were supposed to be here, but you weren’t.”

His eyes narrow and his mouth forms a firm line before he growls. “I told you I was working.”

His anger both shocks and frightens me, and I sink back into the couch. I have no doubt his words are lies, especially since he’s not wearing the same clothes he was wearing when he left this morning to go to work. I’m sure he keeps a change of clothes in his car, because he can’t very well pick up a woman with grease on his jeans.

Theo sees my frightened state and the hard look in his eyes softens. His head falls between his shoulders, and I watch as he pulls in several breaths before he looks back at me. The anger is gone and is replaced with worry and wariness.

“Just please do as I ask, Jules.”

“But why, Theo? He’s your brother.”

His nostrils flare, and I know he’s working at keeping his temper in check again.

“There are things that happened before your coma that you don’t know about.”

Luca’s words from his last visit to me in the hospital come back to me.

“There are things you don’t know. If you did, you wouldn’t want me here.”

They left me curious as to what he meant, but I didn’t know Luca enough to demand he tell me what he meant. There’s obviously something that I’m missing, and it has to do with me. It’s about time I know what it is.

I square my shoulders and look Theo straight in the eyes, letting my resolve show on my face.

“Tell me,” I command with a firm voice. I’m proud of myself because I’m normally meek and timid, but this crap is getting old. I’ve seen the way the brothers look at each other, like they want to do harm to the other. I assumed it was something that happened between them years ago, but I had no idea it had anything to do with me.

When I hold my eyes steady on Theo, silently telling him I’m not backing down, he exhales heavily. He puts his beer down and comes to sit beside me on the couch, a little too close for comfort, but I don’t let it bother me.

“Seven years ago,” he starts slowly. “It was Luca who attacked you.”

“What?” I say incredulously. I had to have heard him wrong. “But I thought you said we had never met. That no one knew we were together.”

“He was the only one, and it was by accident. Actually, I’m not sure how he found out about us.”

I twist my hands together. “But I don’t understand. He acts like he hadn’t met me until the hospital? And besides, why in the world would he attack me?”

The muscle in his jaw twitches and the hands hanging between his knees balls into fists.

“Because he found out about you and wanted you for himself. He’s obsessed, Jules, and not right in the head. When he learned we were married and leaving town, he went to your apartment and attacked you. By the time I found you, you were on the floor already knocked out from a head wound. He got into the wreck after leaving you and lost the last six weeks of his memory. That’s why he doesn’t remember.”

A fierce pounding starts in my head and works its way down my spine. I gasp and my heart stutters. My breathing becomes heavy, but no matter how much air I draw in, it doesn’t feel like enough. I blink rapidly when my vision becomes blurry. I shiver when coldness seeps into my bones, but I feel hot at the same time. Something fierce beats at my skull, as if it’s trying to get out.

All of a sudden, I’m pushed forward until my head is in between my knees.

“Breathe, Jules. Take in nice long breaths of air.”

I try to concentrate on Theo’s coaxing voice instead of the hard words he spoke only a moment ago. I close my eyes and will the panic away. I suck in a lungful of air and blow it out slowly as hands rub up and down my back. I repeat the exercise over and over again, until the dizziness and blurry vision subsides.

Moving slowly, I sit up. My head is still pounding, but it’s not as bad. My mouth feels like it was stuffed with cotton, so I grab Theo’s beer from the table in front of us and take a swallow, then almost gag at the bitter taste.

“Oh, God, how can you stomach that stuff?” I complain, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and giving him back the bottle.

He gets up and comes back a moment later with a glass of water. I take it gratefully and gulp down several swallows. We’re silent for a few moments before I break it.

“I just can’t believe he would do something like that,” I say breathlessly.

I hug my arms around my middle when a new hurt forms in my chest. It’s hard to believe Luca would be capable of something so heinous. I don’t know him that well, but I’ve never gotten a sinister vibe from him the few times I’ve been in his presence. Intense yes, but not harmful. I’ve always felt more safe around him than I do with anyone else, like he would protect me, no matter the cost. It physically hurts to think of him purposely harming me.

“Yeah. I didn’t think so either,” Theo puts in darkly.

I glance over at him and see the ire back in his eyes. I shudder, not sure if it’s from his dark look or the aftereffects of my panic attack.

“Now do you understand why I want you to stay away from him? I don’t know what he’s capable of.”

I nod, but say nothing. I’m still trying to come to grips with what he told me.

“I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I’ve got a headache,” I tell him, and get up from the couch. I need to be alone.

“Jules,” he calls and grabs my hand. I look down. “I want you to sleep in my bed tonight.”

My first reaction is to tell him no, that I’m not ready, but then I think about my earlier resolve of trying to make it work between us. I owe it to both of us to give it a try.

I force a smile. “Okay.”

Something fiery passes in his eyes, and I refrain from retracting my agreement. He lifts my hand and brings it to his mouth. I swallow back the bad taste in my throat when his lips touch my skin. Once he releases my hand, I walk quickly down the short hallway to Aria’s room and grab my nightclothes.

Going into the bathroom, I drop down on the toilet and hang my head. My chest feels hollow as I think about Luca being the cause of my coma. I always felt like there was some type of connection between us, but I never would have guessed it was because he was ultimately my downfall.

I rub my chest over my heart when that thought leaves me feeling empty.

 

 

I FEEL WARMTH AT my back and something lightly touching me along my side right above my hip. My muscles tense when I realize it must be Theo. Earlier, when I went to bed, I lay there stiff as a board, waiting for him to come into the room. I must have lain there for over an hour before my body relaxed and I was able to doze off. I may have said I would sleep in his bed, but I was still apprehensive about more than that going on.

Hot breath fans across the back of my neck, and I force my body not to move away from him.

“I remember when you got this tattoo,” he whispers, his fingers tracing the small tattoo right above my hip. “You got it to signify our love.”

I close my eyes tightly when his hand moves from my hip to my bare stomach. He keeps it there, but rubs his thumb back and forth. His hands are so big that every time his finger glides across my skin, it’s only inches away from the underside of my breast.

When his chest meets my back, which ultimately puts his hardness against my butt, I can’t hold back my whimper. He takes the sound as a sign of encouragement instead of the distress it was meant to be.

“God, Jules,” he groans against my shoulder as he lays his lips there, letting his tongue run along the skin. “I’ve missed touching you. I’ve waited years for this.”

When he moves his fingers up my stomach and the tips graze the bottom of my breasts, I hold still when all I want to do is push his hands away. My hands fist the pillow, and I silently beg God that I can make it through this encounter without becoming sick. I don’t understand why his hands and mouth seem so abhorrent to me when we’ve made love in the past.

With my eyes still clenched shut, I try to concentrate on just the feeling of his hands cupping my breasts and pinching the tips and not who is doing it. It’s a mistake, because without imagining it’s Theo, someone else takes his place. Theo and Luca are twins, so of course they look alike, and it’s easy to put Luca in Theo’s place.

My eyes spring open wide. I should not be thinking about Luca in this situation. I shouldn’t be thinking about him at all.

Determined to push him out of my head, I roll to my back so I can see my husband’s face. The moon is full tonight and gives just enough light through the partially open curtains to see the surprise in his expression before a sensual smile curves his lips.

“You’re so fucking pretty.”

I force myself to smile up at him. He lowers his head until his lips rest against mine. When his tongue touches my lips, I open my mouth and grant his access. He takes advantage and drives his tongue inside, pressing our mouths together so hard my teeth cut into my lip. I moan from the slight sting, and again he mistakes it for passion.

His hand leaves my breasts and travels down my stomach until he reaches the waistband of my pajama shorts. I turn rigid and my hand closes around his wrist. His head lifts, and he stares down at me with a frown.

“I don’t….” I shake my head and try again. “I don’t know if I’m ready to go all the way.”

“We won’t,” he coaxed gently. “I just want to make you feel good, Jules. We’ll stop before it goes too far.”

I don’t tell him what he’s doing right now is already going too far. It’s me, I know it is. It’s not anything he’s done. It’s my stupid head and the crazy things running through it. It’s my mind not letting me enjoy it, and not willing to give Theo a chance.

I draw in a breath and fortify my resolve. After I nod, I respond meekly with, “Okay.”

His head drops to my throat, where he inhales deeply. After several moments, his hand at my shorts slowly inches the material down my legs. Once they’re off, I lie there tautly. His hand smooths up my legs until he reaches the apex of my thighs. Not realizing I’m doing it, my legs press together tightly, unconsciously trying to keep him out.

“Open your legs for me, Jules. I promise to make it good for you.”

I stare up at the ceiling as I open my legs, unable to look at him. I will my body to respond, to give even the smallest inkling that what he’s doing feels good.

Disappointment and misery hit when I feel nothing. Maybe I’m broken and incapable of feeling desire.

I desperately want to believe that, but when Luca’s face comes to mind again, I know it’s not true.

My jaw clenches when Theo lifts himself over me, settling between my legs. Thankfully, he still has on a pair of sweatpants. His fingers brush against my opening, and I force myself to relax against the pillow. Before I have time to prepare, he thrusts his fingers inside. I’m not used to the intrusion, so it hurts. I grab his wrist again, trying to push his hand away. He doesn’t let me, but he doesn’t push his fingers in deeper either.

“Shh… I’m sorry,” he murmurs, lightly kissing along my jaw. “I’ll be more gentle. I just got too excited. Please, Jules. Let me do this.”

My fingers tighten on his wrist, before I release it. Tears brim in my eyes at the pain of his forceful invasion of my body, but I try to relax.

His fingers move slowly in and out of me. I’m dry, which makes the action even worse. When his thumb moves over my clit, I feel a little tingle, and hope rushes through me. Maybe my memory loss of losing my virginity to him is preventing me from enjoying what’s going on, because I haven’t had time to form a bond with him. Maybe my body just needs to warm up.

His movements become quicker, and the tingle I felt moments ago is gone. Panic starts to set in.

No! No! No! This isn’t right! my mind screams.

“Theo—” I start, but he slants his lips over mine, forestalling my efforts to stop him.

His fingers become rougher as he thrusts another inside me. It burns so much that I try to cry out, but with Theo’s mouth over mine it makes it come out as a whimper. I attempt to turn my head away, but he’s putting too much pressure against my lips to do so. The stinging becomes worse, and I swear it feels like he’s shoving his whole hand in me.

I grab his wrist, but he overpowers my efforts to push his hand away by forcefully jamming his fingers into me harder. I thrash my legs, trying to get my feet up to his hips to shove him from me, but again, he’s too strong.

Terror slams into me when his fingers pull away, and I feel him fumbling with his sweatpants. The tip of his dick touches my entrance, and I double my efforts to get him to stop. I manage to bite his tongue, and he hisses and rears back.

“Please, Theo,” I cry. “It hurts. You promised we wouldn’t go all the way.”

His chest is heaving, and his eyes look wild as he stares down at me. I hold my breath, hoping he comes to his senses and realizes what he’s doing is wrong.

After a moment, he mutters bitterly, “Sorry. I was going to stop.”

I don’t know what to say, because what he was doing is not okay. He doesn’t even sound very apologetic. And I have no doubt he wouldn’t have stopped. He was too far gone in his head. His need was ruling him.

His head drops to my shoulder and his hot breath fans against my flesh, sending revulsion through me. My legs are still wide open with him between them, and I wish he would move.

I’m both shocked and disgusted when he shifts his hips and his shaft comes into contact with my nether lips.

His groan sounds pained. “God, Jules. I need to come so bad. Just let me rub my dick against your pussy. I promise I won’t push in.”

I gasp and shove against his shoulders, digging my heels into the mattress and heaving myself up the bed. His head is forced to lift from my neck.

“You’re fucking sick, Theo!” I shout at him. “You almost raped me, and now you’re asking if you can get off by rubbing your dick against me? What in the hell is wrong with you?”

His brows slash down and the scowl on his face should frighten me, but I’m beyond that at the moment. I can’t believe he would ask me that after what he did.

I scramble back until I’m against the headboard. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs, hugging them tight.

“I wasn’t going to rape you,” he says heatedly, getting to his knees. His dick is still hanging out of his sweatpants. He’s hard. I jerk my eyes back to his, unable to stomach the sight of it. “I told you I was going to stop.”

“It’s kind of hard for me to believe that when you were shoving your fingers inside me, and I tried begging you to stop. That hurt, Theo.”

He pushes himself back inside in pants and gets up from the bed. Angrily, he swipes his hair back from his face. “It sure didn’t sound like it hurt when you were moaning in my mouth.”

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep back from screaming at him. Tears sting my eyes as I remember the pain from his touch and the terror of thinking he wouldn’t stop.

My voice breaks when I speak again. “I wasn’t moaning because it felt good. I was whimpering because of the pain, you asshole.”

For the first time, there’s a hint of remorse on his face. His eyes drop away from mine and he turns away, giving me his back. His shoulders rise and fall as he stands there for several seconds. When he turns back, the pain in his eyes is stark.

“I’m sorry.”

This time I believe him, but it still doesn’t make it okay. Instead of answering his apology, I accept it with a nod. His gaze runs over my huddled form against the headboard before he bends to grab a shirt from the floor.

“I’m going out. I’ll be back later.”

I don’t bother to ask where he’s going, not really caring. I just want to be left alone. A moment later, he leaves the bedroom, leaving the door open so the light from the hallway filters in. It’s not until I hear the front door open and close that I breathe easily again.

When I squeeze my eyes closed, tears slip from the corners and slide down my cheeks, splashing on my raised knees. I open my eyes, and something catches my attention. Bile rises in my throat when I realize it’s blood.

I scramble from the bed, suddenly feeling dirty and used. Rushing to the bathroom, I turn on the shower and quickly get undressed. The water hasn’t warmed yet when I step behind the flimsy plastic curtain, but the cold doesn’t register. I just need the filth washed away.

Grabbing the wash cloth, I squirt on a bunch of body wash, squish the material until there’s a good lather, and scrub at my skin. I start with between my legs and wince at the soreness. When I see the soapy water running down my legs has a red tint, I gag. I close my eyes and finish washing myself, tears falling to mix with the water.

I don’t know how long I scrub between my legs, but I do it so much that the pain becomes unbearable. I finish washing the rest of my body, then sag back against the shower wall, then sink down to the floor, dropping the rag beside me. I stay there until the water turns cold, and I’m forced to get out.

Grabbing the towel off the rack by the shower, I dry off, then stand in front of the mirror. My eyes immediately move to the raw skin on my upper thighs where I tried washing away the feeling of Theo between them. I quickly advert my gaze, not wanting to believe he would have actually raped me, but knowing deep inside he would have, had I not bitten his lip. Despair has me sucking in a breath when I realize I’m stuck here. With my parents still not answering my phone calls and having no money, I have nowhere to go. I don’t know what to do.

Luca’s face enters my mind again, but then I remember I can’t ask him for help. Not after what I learned about him.

Putting that aside for the moment, my eyes travel to the tattoo on my side. I don’t remember getting it. I had always wanted one, but never thought I would be brave enough to go through with it. Turning to the side to get a better look, I notice the artwork is really beautiful. It’s a heart, one side black and the other side purple. It’s stitched up the middle. The top half of the heart seems to be old with cracks, but further down the heart, the cracks seem to mend and become new again.

Theo said I got it to signify our love. My lips tighten. I may have loved him before, but he’s obviously not the same man I fell in love with all those years ago.

I turn back to fully face the mirror, and my eyes fall on a scar. I run my finger along the line of skin that’s about four inches in length on my lower stomach. Theo told me I was cut with a shard of glass when I was attacked and needed seventeen stitches. Pain etches itself across my chest thinking about Luca being the source of this scar.

I turn away from the mirror and wrap the towel around me, hoping Theo isn’t back yet. Opening the door, I listen and hear no sounds coming from the bedroom or the rest of the house. Letting out a sigh of relief, I leave the bathroom and go to Aria’s bedroom. I silently thank God she wasn’t here tonight. Grabbing a fresh pair of pajamas, I slip them on, then go back for the ones I left in the bathroom. I take them to the trash can in the kitchen, knowing I won’t be able to wear them again because of the blood now staining the material.

With my hair still wet and tangled, I pull it up into a ponytail, already not looking forward to the mess it’ll be tomorrow, but too tired to brush it out tonight.

There’s no way I’ll be sleeping in Theo’s bed tonight, so I go back into Aria’s room and climb into the twin bed. Aria’s scent hits me, and an ache settles inside me. I don’t want to stay here anymore, but I also don’t want to leave Aria. I’ve come to love her in the short time I’ve been here.

Feeling helpless on what to do, I decide to think about it tomorrow. My eyes feel heavy, so I close them, letting sleep take away my troubles for the night.