CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 

Luca

 

I SIT IN MY TRUCK behind an old rusted Astro van two houses down from the one I’m watching, my thumb impatiently tapping at the steering wheel. I glance down at my phone to check the time, then look up just as Theo walks out the front door to his car. Backing out of the driveway, he heads in the opposite direction of where I’m parked. I wait ten minutes before pulling away from the curb and parking in front of the brick house.

As I make my way up to the front door, I notice the grass needs to be cut. It’s not as bad as most of the yards in the neighborhood, but it’s still being neglected. Typical Theo. He doesn’t cut it until he’s forced to.

I rap on the door and stand back, waiting for Jules to answer. I don’t worry about Aria being home, as I saw her get on the bus on the corner an hour ago. I know I shouldn’t be here, but Ella called me yesterday and told me when she spoke to Jules over the phone she sounded weird. I was glad to find out that the two women have formed a friendship. Ella has a big heart when she wants to and when she found out that Jules’s parents have written her off and that she has no one else, she softened toward her quickly. I don’t know how often they talk, but I do know Ella has come to the house a couple times to hang out and has even taken Jules to one of her appointments.

Hearing footsteps on the other side of the door, I brace myself to see Jules again. It always shocks me after days of not seeing her. The woman is gorgeous, and each time my eyes land on her, it seems her beauty grows. But it’s not her looks that shock me, it’s the hyperawareness I feel each time. Like there’s a livewire that’s attached to both of us and when we’re in the same room it sends a wave of electricity through me. And the possessiveness that damn near wipes away all reason.

When the door doesn’t open, I raise my hand to knock again, thinking maybe it wasn’t footsteps that I heard. Movement off to the side has me looking at the window, seeing the curtain flutter.

“Who is it?” Jules’s voice carries through the door.

My brows lift. “Open the door, Jules. I just saw you looking out the window. You know who it is.”

“What do you want, Luca?”

I frown. Something’s not right here. “I want you to open the door.”

“I… can’t,” her muffled voice says hesitantly.

“What in the hell do you mean, you can’t? Are you okay?”

It takes her moment to answer, and when she does, I hear the quiver in her voice. “Because I don’t want to.”

I take a step back and glare at the door, not understanding what she means. Why in the fuck wouldn’t she want to answer the door? It’s clear it’s me she doesn’t want to face.

Understanding dawns, and my stomach clenches.

“You remember,” I state hoarsely.

“No.” Her tone isn’t much stronger than mine. The answer comes out pained, which sends a sharp stab to my chest. “Theo told me.”

I stuff my hands inside my pockets to keep from punching the brick beside the door. I don’t know what pisses me off more; Theo telling Jules what I did or me doing what I did. I should have known Theo would tell her eventually if she didn’t remember on her own. I’m actually surprised he hadn’t done it earlier. Jules has a right to know, and Theo had the right to tell her, but damn if it doesn’t hurt. I don’t want her to think of me with fear or disgust.

Taking my hands out of my pockets, I put them on the door and hang my head in shame. “I’m sorry,” I mutter, but I know she hears me. The door is shit and thin.

I don’t expect an answer from her, but it still guts me when she stays silent.

“I don’t know what to say, Jules. All I know is I never meant to hurt you.”

Hearing her sniffle on the other side of the door plummets my heart into my stomach.

“Do you really not remember?”

“No.” I let out a harsh laugh. “I guess we both have problems remembering the darkest parts of our lives. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or curse.”

I lay my forehead against the door, and I swear I feel the warmth of her doing the same.

“I don’t want to remember,” she says softly. “I don’t want to imagine you hurting me.”

“Jules….” I stop, unable to form the words I want to. How do you apologize for something you don’t remember doing? I am remorseful, but the apology seems dishonest because I don’t know what I’m apologizing for.

Instead I think about the reason I’m here in the first place, or the excuse I gave myself to see her again.

I clear my throat and ask, “Are you okay? Ella said she called you and you sounded weird. Is everything all right with Theo?”

“Y-yes.”

Her stutter on the word convinces me she’s lying. I grind my molars as I think about Theo hurting her.

“What happened?” I ask, letting her know I don’t believe her.

She turns quiet again and the silence grates on my nerves and heats my blood.

After a moment, she replies, her tone firmer than it was seconds ago. It still doesn’t fool me.

“Everything is fine, Luca. I’m just trying to adjust to married life and it’s taking time. Please tell Ella I’m sorry for worrying her, but there’s nothing for her to be concerned about. I’ll call her later.”

“Please open the door, Jules, and let me see you. I promise I won’t come in the house. You can even keep the chain on. I just need to see you, not only for Ella’s sake but mine as well.”

A thump sounds on the door, and I hear her sniffle again before I hear the lock unlatch. The door opens fractionally, but the chain is still in place, preventing it from opening all the way. It both pleases me and sends another stabbing pain to my chest at seeing it, even though I suggested it. She should be cautious of her safety, I just hate it’s against me.

When she peeks through the small gap, I strain against the need to kick the door open so I can see her better. Even so, there’s enough of a gap that I can see she’s lost weight. Jules is already a small woman; she can’t afford to lose more. Her hair is piled on the top of her head, and the shallowness of her cheekbones is pronounced. There’s a frown on her pain-filled face.

“See,” she says quietly. “I’m fine.”

She’s not fucking fine, and that fact angers me. What in the hell is going on between her and Theo to cause her to lose weight and look as though someone killed her childhood dog? It has to be more than her finding out my role in her accident. I don’t mean that much to her to garner such a reaction.

Running my eyes over the exposed skin of her legs, arms, neck, and face, I see no visible marks. I reprimand myself because it’s fucked-up to think of Theo being capable of physically harming her. It’s just an excuse my mind came up with to justify why he’s not right for her.

I jerk my head up in acknowledgement and take a step back from the door, the urgency in my body demanding I reach through the small gap and touch her. My eyes land on her hand that’s curled around the door, her knuckles turning white, and I hope she’s fighting the same pull as me.

“Take care of yourself, Jules.”

I’m unsure if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or if it’s wishful thinking, but I think I see her eyes water.

I’m such a fucking sap when it comes to this woman.

“You too, Luca,” she whispers.

I run my eyes over her face one more time, taking in every single beautiful inch, stamping it into my memory, before turning and walking away. As her brother-in-law, I’ll still be forced to see her on occasion, but I swear to myself I’ll leave her alone and let her have the life she should have had all these years. A life with my brother.

Even if that means my own life will be one tortured moment after the other.

 

 

I STOP BY ELLA’S HOUSE after leaving Theo’s. I promised her I would let her know how Jules was after I saw her. There’s a sharp ache in my chest where my heart resides as I pull up to her and Vicki’s place. I can feel my heart beating, but they’re dull thuds against my sternum, lacking the feel of life.

Ella knows right away something is off by the expression on my face, and immediately comes to the wrong conclusion.

“What in the hell happened? Did Theo do something to Jules?” she demands as I walk through the door.

It’s funny how we both assumed it was Theo who did something. It’s also funny how Ella seems to have developed a sense of protectiveness over Jules.

“No.” I grunt my answer. As I walk toward her kitchen and the beer that I really fucking need, I throw over my shoulder as Ella follows me, “Do you honestly think Theo would hurt Jules?”

I expect Ella’s answer to be no right away, so I’m surprised when I turn and see the hesitation on her face. I uncap my bottle and take a swallow, then lift my brows in question. She takes a seat at the table, her hands twisting together as her eyes avoid mine.

“What the fuck, Ella?” I growl.

“I seriously don’t know if he would hurt her or not. I want to say no, Luca, and it really pains me to even think there’s a possibility. But, the other day when I was over there, he was acting strange. The way he looked at her was eerie as hell. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but he’s not himself. There were a couple of times I caught him watching her when he thought I wasn’t looking.” Anger has Ella’s lips forming a firm line. “The look wasn’t healthy. He looked like he was on the verge of ripping her clothes off and taking her right there in front of me.” She shudders. “It wasn’t just that though, it was still really fucking freaky to witness that look from my brother. It was also the absolute menace in his eyes. That shit even freaked me out. When I asked Jules earlier if everything was okay between the two, she claimed they were fine, but I still saw something deep in her eyes. Fear.”

Frustrated, I sling the cap of my bottle toward the trash can at the same time I state angrily, “This is our brother we’re talking about here.”

“I know, goddammit!” Ella shouts back, becoming angry herself.

“I’m sure whatever you saw wasn’t what you thought it was.”

Ella gets up from the table and stomps to the fridge, jerkily opening the door, then slams it shut after getting her own beer. She growls in irritation when she can’t get the bottle open, so I snatch it from her and open it myself before handing it back. She takes a long draw, then wipes her mouth with the heel of her hand. Leaning back against the counter beside me, she lets out a loud sigh.

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” She blows out a tired breath. “And I thought we had you to worry about,” she mumbles.

I grip my beer tighter, her words ringing true. The fucked-up part is, we still do have to worry about me.

“You seem to care about her a lot,” I state, and tip my beer to my lips.

Ella crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me out the corner of her eye.

“There’s just something about her that draws you in, you know? The lost look in her eyes, the melancholy that surrounds her. I can’t imagine what she’s going through having no memory of Theo. Then having her parents turn their backs on her….” She trails off, and I glance at her. Blazing anger rests in her eyes. “Kinda makes you want to find her parents and bitch slap them, doesn’t it?”

I grunt my agreement. I’d do much more than bitch slap the bastards.

“I’ve got to get to the shop.”

I finish off my beer and toss the bottle in the trash. I stop by Ella and kiss her forehead before walking away. I’m at the kitchen doorway when her words stop me.

“Why do you care about her so much, Luca?” Her tone isn’t accusatory, just curious.

I don’t turn to face her, knowing she’ll see the pain and longing in my eyes if I do. Instead, I move forward again, my boots hitting the cheap linoleum, and tell her over my shoulder, “I wish I fucking knew.”