CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 

Jules

 

“CAN YOU DO MY HAIR in a French braid, Jules?” Aria asks as she sits in front of me while I brush her long, wet hair.

“I can,” I answer. “If you’d like, I can do one on each side of your head. Sort like pigtails, except they’ll be French braids.”

Her legs kick out, causing her to bounce on the couch. “Yes, please!”

I laugh at her thrilled shout. As I part her hair into two sections, I watch over her shoulder as she brushes her doll’s hair with a little plastic brush. She works hard at trying to do a braid, but it comes out all wonky. She brushes the hair out and tries again.

“Want me to do your doll’s hair next?”

“Uh-huh.”

Once I finish with both of their hair, she hops up, runs to the bathroom, then sprints back out a moment later.

“It’s so cool!” she says excitedly. “Will my hair be curly in the morning?”

I smile. “It will.”

“Yah!”

“Why don’t you go brush your teeth, and I’ll meet you in your room to tuck you in?”

“But what about Daddy? He’s not here yet.” Disappointment shines in her eyes.

I tap the end of her nose and get up from the couch. “I’ll have him come in to tell you good night when he gets here.”

“Okay.”

When she turns and leaves the living room, the jubilant child of a moment ago gone, anger and sorrow flare deep within me. This is the third night this week that Theo’s gotten home past Aria’s bedtime, and each time there’s a hint of women’s perfume on him. I don’t care that he’s sleeping with other women. It also doesn’t bother me that he has to know that I know. What pisses me off is his lack of attention for Aria, and the fact that she misses her daddy and he doesn’t seem to care.

When I hear the faucet in the bathroom turn off, I cool my temper and walk to Aria’s bedroom. She’s back to sleeping in her own bed, while I share Theo’s. Thankfully, there’s only been a couple of times he’s tried touching me, and I’ve pushed him away both times. I could tell he was pissed when I did, but he hasn’t pushed it. I don’t know if it’s because Aria is here or if he stops for some other reason. I’m just glad it hasn’t caused any problems. Yet. I don’t see Theo waiting much longer, and I’m not really sure I want it to work between us anymore.

I’m pulled back to the moment when Aria runs past me and jumps on the bed. She giggles when she bounces twice and lands on her back. My dark mood lightens more, and I can’t help but laugh at her childish behavior. The little girl knows just what to do to brighten whatever mood I’m in.

Once she’s situated underneath the covers with Mr. Waffles beside her, I start tucking them around her sides, “accidentally” tickling her when I pass by her ribs. She giggles and squeals, and it’s a wonderful sound to hear. I may not be this child’s mother, but there’s no way I could love her any more if I were. She makes it impossible to not fall for her. It saddens me to think her real mother threw this chance away to watch her daughter grow. It devastates me that Aria never had the opportunity to share that special bond only a mother and daughter can have.

“Can I ask you something, Jules?” Aria asks.

I sit beside her on the bed and brush away her bangs. “Sure, baby.”

Her lip wobbles and tears gather in her eyes. “Is Daddy mad at me?”

I suck in a breath, pain lancing my chest. Forcing back the moisture that wants to gather in my eyes, I ask Aria with a strained voice, “Why would you think that, Aria?”

Her eyes fall to her hands that are gripping Mr. Waffles tight. “’Cause he doesn’t come home until after I go to bed.”

“Oh, sweetie. It has nothing to do with you.” My heart splinters at the pure anguish on Aria’s face as I wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks. “He’s just been working late.”

That’s a lie, and I hate lying to Aria, but there are times when it’s best to not tell the truth, especially to child Aria’s age. Theo and I will be having a long talk tonight once he gets home. That is, if it isn’t too late, like it was last night.

Her eyes meet mine and the pain in them guts me. “You promise?” she asks tearfully.

I bend down and kiss her forehead, wishing so much I could wipe away any doubt in her mind. “I promise, honey. Your daddy loves you very much and he misses you just as much as you miss him.”

She nods, and her little arms wrap around my neck. “I love you, Jules,” she whispers against my ear. My throat clogs at her sweet words, and I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping like hell I can control my emotions until I leave the room.

I take a calming breath, kiss her soft cheek, and pull back. “I love you too, Aria.” And I do. I love this little girl so much.

The hopeless expression is gone, and a smile replaces it, bringing back the beautiful cherub girl of before.

I smile, glad her despair is forgotten for the moment. “Good night, baby. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night.”

I kiss her cheek one more time before getting up from the bed. Leaving the light on in her closet, I close the door until it’s only left open a couple of inches, just the way she likes it. I leave her room, my emotions all over the place, and walk out into the living room. Taking a seat on the couch, I wait for Theo to get home.

I wait, and I wait.

After three hours, I know it’s going to be another late night. Getting up from the couch with an irritated sigh, I go to the bedroom to get ready for bed. After Aria leaves for school tomorrow, I’ll have a talk with him. He needs to know his daughter is feeling neglected, and I swear to Christ, he better do something to fix it. No child should ever feel that way. No child’s eyes should ever carry that desolate look.

I climb into bed, my eyes already drifting closed before my head hits the pillow.

 

 

I STRETCH LAZILY AND smile when I feel warm breath at my neck and the hard body at my back. A heavy arm lies over my side as fingers tickle across my lower stomach, eliciting goose bumps to pop up over my skin.

“Mmm… that feels good,” I whisper, and arch my back, wanting more of the featherlight touches.

“It sure does,” a deep voice growls in my ear. Hips press into my butt, and I feel the hardness of his dick.

When his hand on my stomach travels south, butterflies form in my belly in anticipation. The first touch of his finger against my swollen clit has me gasping at the pure bliss it brings to my body.

I clench my legs together, trying to capture his hand. He chuckles behind me, his breath fanning against my fevered flesh.

“So impatient,” he rumbles.

“Please,” I beg, shifting my hips. “I need more.”

“I know what you need, baby, and I’ll give it to you.”

His fingers move away from my clit, and I whimper at the loss. It fades away into a moan when he lifts my leg, placing my foot behind his calf, and wedges his thigh between my legs, exposing my pussy to his greedy hands.

My nails dig into his forearms when his finger grazes my slit. His dick slides between my butt cheeks and he grinds it against me.

“Fuck me,” he breathes. “You’re so fucking wet for me, Jules. Only for me.”

“Only for you,” I repeat.

He pulls on my nether lips, driving me insane, before sliding a finger inside. His lips at my shoulder suck on my flesh, then he groans when I purposely clench my inner muscles around his finger.

“Vixen,” he growls, and gives me another finger, just like I knew he would.

I giggle, but it quickly turns into a soft cry when his thumb meets my clit. “Two can play that game.”

His free hand moves to one of my breasts and he tugs on the tip before plumping it into his hand. He moves his hips back, and a second later, I feel his dick slide against my slick pussy. Wanton need has my hand reaching between my legs to grab hold of his hard length. I want to put him at my entrance and have him push inside me, but his fingers are in the way, and he doesn’t seem to be done playing yet. I’ll give him a few more minutes, and in the meantime, I press him against me as close as I can get. He’s slick from my juices, so my hand easily slides along his firm shaft.

“Say my name,” he groans against my ear, pushing another finger inside me. “I wanna hear you say my name.”

My thigh muscles tighten, and I bite my lip to keep back my shout. I’m so close. I just need a little bit more….

“Luca.” The name comes out a sigh.

“No,” he snarls, then shoves his fingers into me harder, his thrust so forceful, his knuckles hit my pubic bone, causing me to wince. “Say my name.”

I frown and my hand on his shaft stops moving. I don’t understand what he’s saying. I just said his name.

“Luca, what are—”

When I try to turn over and face him, he stops me by putting his arm around my chest. His other hand is still at my pussy.

“Theo,” he barks, his arm squeezing me tighter. “That’s my fucking name…”

 

 

MY EYES SNAP OPEN, and I know immediately my dream is much more than a dream, it’s my reality. I’m naked from the waist down, and I have no idea how it happened. I feel Theo’s hand between my legs, his fingers sliding through my damp folds as he brutally forces them inside me. I open my mouth to scream, then remember Aria is right down the hall, and this is the very last thing she needs to witness.

“Please don’t,” I beg him quietly and try to push his hand away.

I lift my leg from over his so I can slide away, but he just wraps his around mine. This closes my legs, but that doesn’t stop him. I’m so slick from my dream that it leaves my thighs wet and gives him enough moisture to still pump his fingers inside.

“You’re a fucking tease, you know that, Jules,” he growls in my ear. “I wanna hear you say my name. Not his. You’re mine, not fucking his.”

I say his name, but not in the sense he wants me to.

“Theo, don’t do this. Aria is right down the hall.”

Tears slip down my cheek, dampening the pillowcase I’m lying on.

“I’ve waited long enough, Jules. It’s my turn now, so I suggest you shut the fuck up so you don’t wake my daughter.”

When his fingers leave my pussy, I quickly try to move my lower half away from him. My hands claw at the arm across my chest, breaking the skin, but it doesn’t relent in its tight hold.

I’m pushed to my stomach and before I’m able to move, he’s lying on top of me. The wind gets knocked out of me for a moment, but it rushes back in when I feel him pushing his dick between my thighs.

“No, no, no,” I whisper yell. I push my hands against the mattress to buck him off me, but his dead weight is too heavy for me to lift. Theo’s legs are tense on either side of my closed ones, so there’s not much I can do with them.

“Stop fucking fighting, Jules,” he snaps. “You know you want it. You were begging for it a minute ago.”

I don’t tell him it was because I thought he was Luca, although he apparently already knows from his comment about me calling his name instead of his brother’s. I don’t want to imagine what he would do if I reminded him.

“I don’t want it, Theo.” I choke out a sob and try to push my hips into the mattress to get away from him. His dick slides between my thighs and he thrusts several times. I gag when he bumps against my entrance, then thank God when it doesn’t go in.

He grunts and groans as he fucks himself between my clenched thighs. I taste blood in my mouth from biting my lips so hard to keep back the scream trying to break free. I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the sheets, praying he doesn’t push himself in me. This is bad enough, but I’ll take it over him entering me.

His fingers dig into my waist, and I know there will be a bruise there tomorrow. Sweat drips onto my back, then his head drops to my neck as his groans become deeper, his thrusts more erratic. I can barely breathe from his heavy weight being on me. When his hand slips under my head and over my mouth, I know it’s about to get worse. I try to bite his hand, but it’s pressed too tightly to my mouth. I whimper and jerk my hips and try my best to dig my hands into the mattress to drag myself away from him when I feel his hand at my butt to line himself to my entrance.

“Daddy?” a little voice calls.

I’m grateful when he freezes on top of me, but then vomit rises in my throat at the thought of Aria seeing her daddy rape me. It’s dark out with no moon tonight, but I don’t know if it’s dark enough.

“Daddy. Is that you?”

Theo grunts and slides off me. I roll to my side and curl my legs to my chest. I take slow measured breaths, even though I desperately want to inhale huge gulps of air. I don’t want to alert Aria that something is wrong.

“It’s Daddy. Go on back to bed, Aria.”

“But you didn’t come tell me good night.” Her voice is small and sad. It also makes me want to punch the ever lovin’ hell out of Theo.

Hearing his sigh of frustration and taking my chance to escape him, I throw the covers off and fumble in the darkness until I find my robe lying on the end of the bed. Luckily, Theo doesn’t try to stop me.

I stuff my arms inside and tie the sash around my waist as I tell Aria, “Your daddy’s not feeling well tonight, Aria. Why don’t I come tuck you back in the bed? You can see your daddy in the morning.”

I’m proud of myself when I manage to keep my frightened emotions out of my voice.

“Okay,” she says dejectedly.

I feel Theo’s eyes on me in the darkness as I walk toward the door where Aria is standing.

“Good night, Daddy. I love you.”

At first he doesn’t say anything, and anger spikes. Just as I make it to her and grab her hand, he says quietly, “Good night. Love you.”

I can hear the anger in his voice, and I’m grateful when Aria doesn’t pick up on it.

I wipe my eyes as I lead her back to her bedroom. When she crawls into bed, I make a split-second decision and slide in beside her. I’m not using Aria as my shield because I know Theo won’t come in here. I just need a few moments to hide before I go out to the couch in the living room. There’s no way I’m getting in that bed with him again.

“Is this okay?” I ask Aria.

When she snuggles against me, I know it is. “Uh-huh,” she mumbles sleepily, already drifting back to sleep.

I wrap my arm around her and pull her small body closer to mine. Kissing the top of her head, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I lie there and think about what I should do, knowing deep inside there’s no way I can stay here, but also knowing my options are very limited.

I only mean to stay a few minutes, just enough to calm my nerves, but it’s not long before sleep claims me.

 

 

WHEN I WALK IN THE door from standing with Aria at her bus stop, something I’ve been doing since my first week living here, I spot Theo standing from the couch. His eyes carry remorse and shame. But I’m past caring about his guilt. He’s a grown man and knew what he was doing last night was wrong.

I avoid his eyes and walk to the kitchen. My hands shake as I fill a mug with the coffee Theo must have made while I was gone. Fear slides down my spine when I feel him enter the room. He scares me and being alone with him makes it worse.

Feeling his heat at my back, I stiffen and step away from him.

“I’m sorry, Jules,” he says softly.

I ignore him and scoop some sugar in my coffee, then creamer, before stirring the contents. Hearing his sigh, I turn around to face him. I lean back against the counter, cross my arms, and rest my mug on top of my arm, letting the heat warm my chilled hand.

He’s standing a few feet from me. Sensing my mood, he keeps the distance between us. I notice his hands are balled into fists at his sides and the tightening of his jaw.

“I don’t know what came over me last night. When you started moaning in your sleep, I thought you wanted me to touch you.” He keeps his voice low. “I never meant to hurt you, Jules. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Guilt tries to claw its way inside me, because I was moaning in my sleep, so to him, I was enjoying it. But the moment I said no, he should have stopped. It doesn’t matter if my body responded to his while I was sleeping. The point is, I didn’t enjoy it when I woke up, and he continued anyway.

I wasn’t even thinking about him in my dream, and that thought brings on another round of guilt, even if I had no control over it.

“I told you to stop,” I remind him shakily.

“I know.” His head drops, and I watch as he takes deep breaths before lifting his head again. “I should have stopped when I realized you weren’t into it. My only excuse is I was overwhelmed with needing you.”

“That’s no excuse, Theo.”

“I know, damn it!” he yells, roughly running his fingers through his hair. I flinch at his outburst and press back further against the counter. “But I just… couldn’t. I wanted you so fucking badly.”

We stare at each other, his eyes flashing numerous emotions so fast I don’t have time to identify each one before they settle on irritation.

“I said I’m sorry, okay?”

“Okay.” I nod and blank my expression, hoping it’ll appease him. A minute later, he gives me a nod back.

When he walks toward me, I can’t help but shrink into myself. He doesn’t stop until he’s toe to toe with me, his chest meeting my arms. He looks into my eyes, searching them.

“I promise I’ll do better, Jules. I swear that won’t ever happen again. I can wait until you’re ready.”

I’ll never be ready for him to touch me, not after he’s tried forcing himself on me twice, but I don’t tell him that. Instead, I nod again.

He leans down, and when his lips press against mine, I grip my mug tighter. I don’t respond to the kiss, but I don’t push him away either. It worries me to think what he’ll do if I do push him away.

“I’ll see you this evening,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’m not working late today.”

I almost laugh, because he hasn’t worked late any of the days he’s claimed he has. I wonder if he really thinks I’m naïve enough to believe him.

He pulls back, turns on his heel, and walks out of the kitchen. When I hear the front door close behind him, I release the breath I’ve been holding on a painful whoosh.

 

 

I PRESS THE PHONE to my ear and wait for it to ring. My eyes close and my chin drops to my chest when it rings six times before going to voicemail. Their hatred for me is apparently still there, and I don’t know why I even try anymore.

Even so, I talk to them.

“Momma? Daddy?” My voice cracks. I continue on a pained whisper. “I miss you both.”

I wrap my arm around my knees and rock back and forth on the couch.

“I-I don’t know what to do. I’m in trouble a-and have n-no one else to c-call.”

Tears leak down my cheeks. A couple hit my lips, so I lick the saltiness away.

“I’m scared.”

My lips tremble as pain clutches my chest so tight I’m forced to rub the spot to try and ease the ache. It doesn’t help.

“I wanna come home. Please, Momma and Daddy. I just wanna come home.” A hiccoughing sob leaves my throat. “I’m s-so s-sorry for everything.”

I pull the phone away, end the call, and drop it to the couch beside me. Squeezing my legs with both arms, I lay my cheek against my knees. Helplessness and despair robs me of breath as I stare sightlessly at the blank screen of the TV.

It’s been a couple of hours since Theo left, and all I’ve thought about is what I should do to get out of this situation. Nothing has come to mind. Calling my parents, even knowing they wouldn’t answer, was my only option. I’m alone. Other than my parents and sister, I have no other family. I didn’t even really have friends before my coma, just a few acquaintances from work and school, and a girl named Nicole I would hang out with occasionally. I’m sure they’ve all forgotten about me by now. I could call Ella or Helen and Wyatt, but would they really believe Theo is capable of the things he’s done? They’ve known me for weeks; they have no reason to believe anything I say.

I could call the police, but that’s something I really don’t want to do. I know I’m being stupid, but I just don’t know if I have it in me emotionally to deal with everything that comes with involving the police. I just want to be away from here, away from Theo, and that’s all.

Another name pops in my mind, and I shake my head to try and force it away. There’s no reason for him to believe me either. He’s Theo’s twin, for Christ’s sake. Many twins have unshakable bonds.

I remember back to when he came to the house a few days ago. The worry in his voice when he thought something was wrong. The pain in his words when he realized Theo told me what he had done. The devastation on his face when I opened the door. I also remember the looks he sent Theo’s way on the day his family was over to welcome me home. It gives me pause, because there was something in his eyes, a look that silently told Theo he better watch his step. As if he would protect me from even his brother if he had to. I’ve felt that warm feeling radiating off him as well. I didn’t understand it then, especially coming from someone I had never met. I still don’t completely understand it, but maybe I could use it to my advantage.

Theo’s words from the other day echo through my head, but I push them away. I have no other alternative. I have no one else to turn to. Luca is my only choice, and I hope it’s the right one. I can’t continue to stay here, because I have no doubt Theo won’t stop the next time.

I drag in a shaky breath and pick up my phone. Helen gave me everyone’s number to plug into the phonebook, including Luca’s. Finding his name, I press the green phone symbol.

It rings three times before a deep voice answers. “Hello?”

I close my eyes when I hear his voice and it takes me a moment to reply. Before doing so, I send up a silent prayer that I’m making the right choice.

I strengthen my tone when all I want to do is cry. “Luca? It’s me, Jules.” I open my eyes. “I need your help.”