MY BROTHER AND I needed to talk to Gabriel soon. Arianna had surprised Julian by shaking up his plans and agreeing to be his girlfriend before prom…so now, the timer had been set. They’d be ramping up their relationship, and eventually they’d start sleeping together. I did not want to still be emotionally tied to Julian when they finally had sex. Hopefully, I still had awhile, like Julian had ensured me. Hopefully that was enough time to create some sort of…cure. Hopefully Gabriel was around this weekend so we could ask him about it. He hadn’t been around much though. He didn’t like to leave Halina alone with Hunter for long, and Halina didn’t like to leave Hunter on his own, so I hadn’t seen either vampire in a while. Gently folding my prom dress, I shoved it into my backpack. I really hoped Gabriel was there today.
Once I was ready, I headed downstairs to join my family. Julian was both sad and elated as he picked at a frayed seam on his bag. I had to assume the happiness was because Arianna was now officially his girlfriend, and the sadness was because he wouldn’t see her again until Monday. If my own love life was going better, I would have found Julian’s devotion sweet. Now, it just reminded me of what I didn’t have anymore.
We were having dinner at the ranch—it was Grandpa Jack’s birthday—and as soon as Dad was finished with his nightly project, scouring the online classifieds, we were heading out. Leaning against the counter, Dad stared at the website on his laptop with a determination that most people didn’t have when they looked through the personals. But he wasn’t looking for a job, and he wasn’t looking for a date. He was looking for “Blood Wanted” ads.
Dad was right about Hunter’s father still being out there, still being a threat, and so long as he was, our family was a target. Everyone in our nest was keeping an ear out, waiting for any sign that Conner had recovered enough from the emotional blow of Hunter’s conversion to resume killing our kind. Hopefully, he was still too distraught to be hunting. My shoulder still ached sometimes from where Connor had shot me with an arrow. I didn’t want to be in danger like that again. I didn’t want to be on the run again. I just wanted a normal life. Well, as normal as my life was ever going to be.
Smiling, Dad stopped on an ad. “Hey, Em, grab my phone. I think I found one.”
Mom picked up Dad’s cell phone and handed it to him, then leaned over his shoulder as she read the ad. I tried to read it, too, but couldn’t see anything from my angle. Dad dialed the number, then stood up. He’d changed into his ranch attire after work—dark blue jeans and an untucked button-up shirt. With the slight stubble across his jaw, he reminded me of one of the ranch hands that helped during the busy times. Mom often referred to Dad’s ranch look as “incredibly attractive.” She giggled whenever he put on a cowboy hat. It was embarrassing.
One hand casually shoved into his pocket, Dad waited for the person on the other end to pick up. When they did, he said, “Hi, I saw your ad online for donations…for the food drive? Is that still going on?” The other person cheerily told Dad that it was, and she could take down his information if he wanted to stop by with “food for the hungry.”
Tilting his head, Dad said, “I was actually wondering about the recipients. I’m on a special…all-liquid diet, and I would love to donate food to people with my same condition. Do you accept liquid meals?”
The person on the other end hesitated, then said, “We do have special-needs clients who would greatly appreciate your offer.”
Dad exhaled in relief. “Good, I think we’re on the same page. I just wanted to warn you about a group who is opposed to ‘all-liquid’ diets. They’re going around answering ads like these. You had any problems lately?”
There was a small gasp on the other end. “No, no we haven’t had any…issues. But we’ll be extra cautious. Thank you for the heads-up.”
Dad said goodbye and hung up with a smile on his face. “No problems at that one either. I don’t think Connor’s active yet.”
Julian’s mood darkened. “At least around here. He could be active somewhere else.”
Dad nodded, his expression also darkening. “I know, and trust me, if he is killing, no one feels worse about it than me, since I let him go, but, our family is my top concern right now.” His pale eyes swung around the room, soaking in all of us. When his eyes finally settled on Mom, they were carefree again. “Now, let’s go wish my dad a happy birthday.”
The drive to the ranch was peaceful, with Julian staring out the window, lost in thought, and my parents having a quiet conversation about how much longer Grandpa Jack could do as much around the ranch as he did. Not that any one of us could stop him from having a hand in just about everything out there. Alanna would have to tie him up to keep him down. But Grandpa Jack was pretty sprightly for being in his sixties. I was sure he’d be running the place for years to come.
A sense of familiarity washed through me as we approached the wrought iron gate. The family name proudly forged into the black metal gleamed in the spotlights as the gate creaked open to let us inside. Cobblestones thudded under the tires as we drove toward the massive home. The ranch house was an impressive sight, one that could be featured in a “unique and amazing home” magazine. Arched peaks and tall chimneys soared into the air, up to four stories in some places, while rooms beneath the earth extended down just as far—a structural diamond protecting the mythical creatures inside. The lights were on, and I could feel two of my grandmothers, Imogen and Alanna, shuffling about the kitchen as they prepared for tonight’s festivities. Halina was still down south. With Hunter.
Driving past the main doors of the house, Dad headed for a dome-like building with a car-size hole in it. He drove the car straight through the space to get to the garage on the other side of the building. After Dad turned and parked the car, we all grabbed our bags and climbed out. Marveling at how clean the air was, I inhaled a deep breath and stared up at the red brick home. More spotlights bathed the bushes and gardens along the bottom in a warm glow, while the bright moonlight above cast its blue-gray light upon the tall spires and towers. I preferred the muted light of the moon to the softly humming man-made lighting. It was natural, peaceful. The way the moon blanketed the sleepy pastures surrounding the ranch was almost sensual. In my opinion, no lights should be turned on outside when the moon was at its fullest. When nature was putting on a show, why try and compete with it?
Mom and Dad were all smiles as they walked around to the back of the house. They loved coming here; we all did. It was a sanctuary, a place where we were free to be ourselves. Grandpa Jack was sitting on the living room couch with Grandma Linda when we entered; they both looked tired, but they stood up when they noticed us. Dad was shaking his head as he walked over to Grandpa. “You don’t have to stand, Dad. I’m sure you’ve had a long day.”
Grandpa swished his hand. “It’s all right. I’ve been sitting here for far too long anyway.”
Dad lifted his eyebrow at him. “I highly doubt that.”
As Grandpa chuckled at his son, I stepped into his side and wrapped my arms around him. “Happy Birthday, Grandpa.”
Grandpa patted my back, then gave my head a light kiss. “Well, it sure is now.”
As I gave Grandma Linda a hug, and Grandpa embraced Julian, I felt Imogen and Alanna zipping into the room. I glanced over at the pair as I helped Grandma Linda sit back down; even though she tried to hide it, her leg was bothering her more and more recently. The seemingly youthful vampires who had just blurred into the room were physically near identical—jet-black hair, ice blue eyes—but their different styles defined them. Alanna was a rancher’s wife, right down to the crisp denims and tucked in flannel. Imogen was a prim and proper lady with a tight bun, high-collared blouse, and long flowing skirt.
Both Grandmas hugged me simultaneously, then moved on to Julian. “Welcome, children,” they cooed, kissing his cheeks.
Julian grimaced under their affections, but it was an act. He loved it. “Ugh, guys, I’m sixteen. The kissing needs to stop.” He smiled at them as the pair laughed.
Just as I was about to tell Julian that he shouldn’t complain about kissing, I felt something that just about made my legs give way; it was like my entire world had just crashed to a stop. The blip on my internal radar that was Halina had just started to move, fast, toward us…and Hunter was a half-second behind her. My head jerked around to where I could feel them streaming closer, and my body surged with adrenaline. Were Halina and Hunter coming here? I hadn’t seen Hunter in months. I wasn’t sure if I even could see him right now. I’d said my goodbyes, made my peace with the fact that I’d probably never see him again. I wasn’t ready to fall back into the pain I’d tried to bury for months. But God, I wanted to see him so badly my chest ached.
As Grandpa Jack asked the suddenly tense room what was wrong, Julian blurred to my side. Tossing his arm around my shoulder, Julian comforted me in silence while Dad answered Grandpa. “Great-Gran is on her way here…and Hunter is with her.” In my periphery, I saw Dad turn to Alanna. “She’s coming to the party? I thought…I thought she was busy and couldn’t make it?” He seemed disappointed that she’d changed her mind, but I knew it wasn’t Halina he had a problem with.
I couldn’t see Alanna’s reaction—I couldn’t pull my gaze from the spot on the wall that was directly between Hunter and me—but I heard the surprise in her voice. “That’s what she said last time I talked to her. She wasn’t going to be able to make it because she didn’t want to leave… She must have convinced him to come with her.”
Forcefully turning my body away from the wall that had me enraptured, Alanna brightly proclaimed, “Dinner is ready. Shall we eat?”
Food was about the last thing I wanted right now. I wanted to pace. I wanted to count the seconds as Hunter streaked toward me. I wanted to run to him. I wanted to know why he’d agreed to come here tonight. I wanted to know why he hadn’t come back before this. I wanted to know if he still loved me… I had so many questions, and none of them were going to get answered by me sitting down to a plate of steak and potatoes.
Wriggling out of Alanna’s grasp, I murmured, “I’ll be right back.” I knew none of them would let me go, but I had to try. I couldn’t just sit here and wait. I’d go crazy.
Just as I was about to blur away, Dad zipped in front of me and grabbed my forearms. Eyes wide, he stared me down. “No, Nika. Stay here and have dinner. Great-Gran and Hunter will be here soon enough.”
My eyes watered as I started shaking. “Dad, please, I need to go. I need to see him, talk to him. I just…I need to. Please?”
Sighing, Dad shook his head. “I’m not going to let you run deep into the countryside on your own. It won’t take them long. We’ll wait here, together.”
I felt like I was beginning to hyperventilate as I stared at him. Wait? The word sounded impossible…and long. Not knowing how to ask for what I wanted in a way that wouldn’t sound like childish whining, I instead told him, “Fine,” and strode to the table.
There was an unnatural silence in the room as all of us focused on the feeling of Halina and Hunter rushing toward us. Alanna brought out the meal while the rest of us sat and waited. Noting the empty spot where Gabriel typically sat, I asked, “Is Gabriel with Grandma?”
Alanna paused as she set down a platter of T-bones—way too many for the scant amount of people eating food tonight. “Yes. He’s been bouncing between Grandma, the ranch, and California, but he was with Grandma last night.” Turning her head away from me she added, “He doesn’t like to leave her alone for long.”
I knew why he didn’t like to leave her alone, and a sharp ache cracked my body. Hunter. Gabriel didn’t trust Hunter, and Halina wouldn’t leave him. Here I was trying to forget about Hunter, and it suddenly felt like he was the focal point of everything in my life. No one was even talking, because all anyone wanted to talk about was Hunter. Julian was the one who finally broke the silence.
As Alanna unloaded a couple of large baked potatoes onto his plate, Julian said, “Has Gabriel had any luck studying Uncle Ben’s blood?”
My eyes snapped to Julian’s, then Alanna’s. While Gabriel’s original nest lived in Los Angeles, that wasn’t the reason Gabriel had been visiting California. He was studying Ben. Ben had just a trace amount of vampire DNA in him. Just enough to make him impervious to compulsion. It was something that had us all mystified.
Alanna shrugged as she loaded up her husband’s plate with a giant helping of green beans. “You know Gabriel…when he discovers something fascinating, he has a hard time letting go of it. Poor Ben has been poked and prodded quite a bit, but…I’m not sure what, if anything, has come from it.”
Dad’s eyes turned speculative as he watched his mother. He didn’t like Ben being turned into a guinea pig. Not much he could do about it from up here though, and Dad wasn’t comfortable heading down south right now. Not with Connor and Hunter on the loose.
Once Alanna had filled the plates of everyone who was eating, she started pouring glasses of blood. Aside from Grandma Linda and Grandpa Jack, we all got some. I could tell from the smell that it was fresh, but even though my mouth watered, I didn’t drink it. I couldn’t. My appetite was gone. Everyone else around me dug in while I sat in silence and waited. Dad encouraged me to eat, Julian nudged my elbow, but the desire wasn’t in me. All I cared about was the fact that I was about to see Hunter. It filled my every thought, superseded every need.
When Alanna brought out the birthday cake, my plate was still untouched. I sang the song, because I didn’t want to be rude, but my heart wasn’t in it. As Grandpa blew out the sea of brightly shining candles, I tensed in anticipation. Halina was almost here. She was almost to the door, and Hunter wasn’t far behind her.
Once everyone was done cheering for Grandpa, they all looked at me. Sympathy oozed out of my brother, and all I saw in my parents’ eyes was concern. Not able to stand it one second longer, I blurred to the front door. Opening it, I waited, and counted. Long seconds breezed by as Halina and Hunter streaked even closer to me. My heart hammered in my chest when they were almost upon me. Oh God, was I ready for this? Trembling, I closed my eyes.
“Someone holding the door open for me. Now that’s what I call service.”
I gasped when I felt Halina’s presence right in front of me. My vision blurry with tears, I made myself open my eyes and focus my gaze solely on her. “Hi, Grandma.” I forced a smile to my face, but it felt just that—forced.
Halina’s long black hair was loose and wild around her body. She smirked at me, then tossed her arms around me. “Good evening, Nika.” She sighed a little as she held me tight. “It’s been too long.”
Pulling back from her chilly embrace, I risked a glance outside. Gabriel was right behind Halina, but no one else. He was staying back, in a clump of trees, out of sight. He’d come all this way, and he wasn’t going to come in, wasn’t going to say hello. He was hiding. Still. My heart fell to the floor.
Fighting back the pain, I nodded in response to Halina’s statement. “Yes, it has been.” I scanned the palely lit landscape where I felt Hunter, looking in vain for some trace of movement in the trees. But all was still…cold and empty. It made me rethink my earlier assessment of the moon. Maybe it was better to drown out the desolate moonlight with garish incandescence.
Halina and Gabriel stepped into the house while I waited at the wide-open door, reluctant to close it on Hunter. Mom and Dad appeared at the entryway to give their greetings to the long-gone pair, along with Alanna and Imogen. Halina squealed when she hugged her daughter; all of us had missed her, but Halina and Imogen were usually inseparable, and the distance had been particularly trying on them.
The comparatively slower humans—Grandma Linda and Grandpa Jack— walked into the foyer with Julian, and even more merriment went around the room. My heart sank as I realized Hunter really wasn’t going to come inside. He hadn’t rushed here to see me. He hadn’t missed me. Feeling my despair, Julian paused in hugging Halina, and mouthed, I’m sorry.
Either Halina heard Julian or understood his look, because she glanced back at me still holding the door open. Studying my desolate face, she asked, “Waiting for Hunter?” The way she said his name was oddly affectionate, like the way she said her daughter’s name. I shook my head, then wiped a betraying tear from my cheek. Halina tilted her head at my conflicting reaction, then pointed to the clump of trees where we all felt him. “He didn’t want to come inside just yet. He said he needed a minute.”
I looked toward the woods again, but I still saw nothing to give away a lurking vampire. I strained my enhanced ears, but I didn’t hear him either. Hunter was being exceedingly quiet. I wanted to call out to him, beg him to come inside and see me, but the fact that he was hiding hurt too much. I couldn’t speak. I merely shrugged and walked back into the entryway, like it was of no consequence to me.
Halina saw right through my bravado. Glancing at the walls separating Hunter from us, she stated, “Don’t worry, he will come inside when he’s ready. He won’t be rude by hiding all evening long.” The irritation in her voice was unmistakable.
A tired, sullen voice answered her. “I’m not hiding. I just wanted some air.” Hearing Hunter’s voice again sent an electric shock through me. It was so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. I wanted to run over and comfort him, but I didn’t want to forgive him so easily for disappearing. And a part of me wanted him to come to me first. I needed to see that he’d missed me…like I’d missed him.
Halina smirked at Hunter’s remark. “A three-hundred-mile jog through the countryside wasn’t enough air for you?”
His face impassive, Gabriel stated in a detached voice, “You said you would try, Hunter.”
As quick as taking a breath, Hunter blurred into the room. “I am trying.”
Halina beamed at her “child’s” appearance, and Gabriel let out a small sigh as he glanced at her. Dad tensed, like he thought Hunter was immediately going to start attacking us, and Julian’s concern for me skyrocketed. The crack inside my chest split wider as I stared at the man in front of me. Hunter Evans. He was really here. Finally, after all this time, I was looking at him again. And he looked…awful. He was thinner than I remembered. Gaunt almost. He had deep circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in ages, and he was pale. I’d been expecting that, since he hadn’t seen the sun in a long time, but this was an unhealthy pale. Sickly. His dark hair was dull, lifeless, his sexy stubble unkempt. He was dirty, his clothes stained in reddish-brown dirt. Everything about him was off, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d assume I was staring at a man with only a few months left to live. He used to be so confident, so sure of himself. He was a shadow now, a shell of a person, and seeing him this way scared the crap out of me.
Rushing up to him, I almost touched his cheeks before stopping myself. He might run away if I was too aggressive. “Are you okay? You look…” Dad hissed my name, warning me to keep my distance.
Hunter glanced at Dad, then blinked at me with slow, languid, empty eyes. “I’m fine.”
I searched his body, then his face, looking for some clue as to what might be the cause for his unsettling appearance. Only one thing came to mind. “No, you’re not…you’re starving.”
Hunter shrugged, like it was no big deal. I couldn’t help but wonder how long ago he’d eaten. If he’d run here, he’d been keeping his strength up somewhat, but who knew how long ago his last meal had been. Angry, my eyes flashed to Halina. “I thought you were making sure he fed.”
Her eyes narrowed into dangerous pinpoints. “I am doing my best, but he’s extraordinarily stubborn.” She locked eyes with Hunter, and her expression softened. “I have had to do several unpleasant things to get him to eat.”
Hunter sniffed and wobbled on his feet like he might fall over. “Don’t remind me,” he whispered. If I’d thought he’d looked pale before, it was nothing compared to how he looked now, and I couldn’t help but wonder just what Halina had done to get him to drink. Fixing his haunted expression, Hunter stared toward the kitchen. “It smells like blood in here…and…cake.” He made a disgusted face, and I wasn’t sure which food source repelled him more.
“It’s Grandpa’s birthday,” I explained. Knowing his answer, but thinking I had to try anyway, I told him, “There’s a lot left over. Do you want something to eat?” Dad took a step toward me, like he thought Hunter might take my words as an invitation to nibble on me.
Hunter’s eyes flashed to mine. For a second, they blazed with interest. They even settled on the vein in my neck, and he tilted his head like he was listening to my surging heartbeat. I wished I could calm my blood down…for his sake. But seeing him again was making the disobedient organ throb in my chest. “No, I’m not hungry.” He smirked, but then the defeated expression of exhaustion seeped back into his eyes.
Dad stepped next to me, his face and body full of caution. “When was the last time you ate, Hunter? Starving yourself is dangerous…” his eyes shifted to me, “…for everyone.”
Still looking utterly despondent, Hunter reiterated, “I said I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat.”
My concern for Hunter rivaling my brother’s concern for me, I shook my head. “Not wanting to eat and not being hungry are two very different things, and I can tell that you’re hungry.” Hoping he still cared for me, and trusted me, I held out my hand. “Just try, please…for me?”
Hunter seemed torn as he stared at my palm. Surprising me, he looked over at Halina and Gabriel for guidance. Gabriel gave Hunter a small nod. Halina looked eager, like she wanted Hunter to eat more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. Maybe I was imagining it, but I could have sworn Gabriel frowned as he glanced between them. Ignoring everyone else, Hunter slowly started reaching out for my peace offering. Dad stepped in front of me, stopping our potential connection.
Hunter blinked then looked up at Dad’s eyes. Tension filled the room as two of the most important men in my life stared each other down. I tried to move around Dad, but he grabbed my hand, holding me in place; his grip was as solid as the cold metal gate guarding the house. Immovable. “Dad,” I whispered. “It’s fine. Let me go.”
His eyes not leaving Hunter’s, Dad spoke to me over his shoulder. “If he’s underfed, I don’t want him near you.” His attention refocused on Hunter. “If you want to touch her, you eat first.” With his free hand, he pointed down the hallway that led to the kitchen.
Looking like he was too tired to argue with my father, Hunter dropped his hand and took a weary step toward the front door. Sensing that he was leaving, I broke free from Dad and grabbed Hunter’s elbow. He looked back at me with disheartened eyes, like I had betrayed him for asking him to feed. “Okay. Don’t eat. Just come and sit with us while we have cake. Be a part of our family and help us celebrate a birthday.”
“Family?” he murmured, his voice cracking.
I nodded as I stroked his arm. “Yes, we’re your family now, remember? It’s fine if you don’t want to drink, just don’t…leave.”
Halina surged forward and grabbed his other elbow. Eyes imploring, she begged, “Please, Hunter. I don’t want to go yet, and you know I can’t leave you. I made you a deal. I promised you I wouldn’t force blood upon you again if you agreed to return with me, and I meant it. No one here will make you eat…if you really don’t want to.” Her eyes seemed to age right in front of me as she admitted that. She desperately wanted him to eat.
Dad objected immediately as he pulled me back into his arms. “There are humans here, Great-Gran. Linda. My father. The children. He could attack them. You can’t let him stay here when he’s starved.”
Halina’s head snapped to Dad. “This is my home, and if I say he can stay, then he can.” Sighing, she added, “And you don’t need to worry. He won’t harm anyone.” Twisting back to Hunter, she placed a palm on his cheek. “He won’t even bite Bambi.”
Hunter smirked, and a twinge of jealousy zinged up my spine. They’d had moments together, bonding moments. They even had inside jokes, although, from the look on Hunter’s face, they were morbid jokes. I hated that they had those intimacies, but I understood why they did, so I tried to ignore my feelings.
With gentle urging, Halina finally coaxed Hunter away from the door and into the hallway that led to the kitchen. When they were gone, I yanked away from Dad. Proving that I was indeed my mother’s daughter, I smacked his arm with all my supernatural strength. “He wasn’t going to hurt me.”
Irritated, Dad leaned into my face. “You don’t know that…not for sure. He is dangerous. You have to be smart about this, Nika.”
Bristling, I raised my chin. I was being smart. I wasn’t in danger when it came to Hunter. At least, not when it came to him drinking from me. He still might stake me, he still might shatter my heart into a million pieces, but his thirst wasn’t an issue. I wasn’t in danger from that. “I know what I’m doing.”
Seeing an epic battle of wills going down, Mom came over and wrapped her arm around me. “Let’s just…finish Grandpa’s birthday party.” She pulled me away from Dad; he followed right behind us.
When I walked into the dining room, Hunter was standing in front of the table, staring at the remains of our meal, and the cake that Alanna had prepared for everyone who was eating. The scent of blood was strong in the room, my full, untouched glass was cooling in front of my full, untouched plate. Hunter’s eyes were locked on my blood-red glass. He was breathing heavier, his fangs were down, and his entire posture was rigid with tension. He was even leaning forward, ready to pounce, but he didn’t make a move toward the sparkling crystal glass…he just continued to stare at it.
Halina stood beside him, watching him carefully, waiting to see what he would do. Thinking of removing the glass, removing the temptation, I slowly moved toward my table setting. Hunter’s eyes shifted to track my movement, then they flashed back to the glass, and a low growl cut through the room. He definitely wanted the liquid on the table; he nearly panted as he stared at it.
Just as my fingers curled around the glass, Halina spoke. “No, leave it there.”
Reluctantly, Hunter pulled his eyes away to look at Halina. “You said you wouldn’t force me.”
Halina put a hand on his arm. “And I won’t. But I won’t shelter you either. I won’t sit idly by and watch you be in pain without trying to help you. You need this. I had to carry you most of the way here because you were too weak to run on your own. Eventually you will become so weak you won’t even be able to move. You will atrophy. You will rot. I can’t bear that thought, so I will keep trying to make you okay with what you are. Because you’re my child, and I love you.”
An irrational irritation swept through me at hearing Halina address him so tenderly. She loved him? Keeping my eyes focused on Hunter, I again pushed away the jealousy blossoming in my chest. They had a bond that he and I would never have, but I didn’t need to be upset about it. Shifting my course, I sat down at the table and waited for Alanna to pass out cake. I didn’t want it, but I would gladly eat it if it gave Hunter an excuse to be close to me. I patted the seat beside me, but Hunter was glued in place and didn’t move an inch. Dad sat next to me instead. I rolled my eyes at him but didn’t press the matter. If I pushed Dad any harder, Julian and I would be in the car, heading back home before the night was through, and there was nowhere else I wanted to be other than right here by Hunter’s side.
Alanna passed out the plates while everyone sat at the table and tried to act like Hunter grunting and huffing at the far end was perfectly natural. Everyone with cake slices started digging into their food, and tense conversations bubbled up. Halina wanted to know what everyone had been up to recently. Her eyes rarely left Hunter though. Mine either. He was just standing and staring, but the turmoil was clear on his features—he wanted to sit and drink…he wanted to run away. A whimpering sound escaped him. It broke my heart. It was so painful to watch him in such distress. I ached for him. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to help him.
My words barely audible, I whispered, “Stop hurting yourself, Hunter. Just drink it.”
He blinked and inhaled, like he was waking from a trance. He took a step toward the table and all conversations stopped, all eyes turned toward him. Halina partially rose from her chair, eagerness and trepidation on her face. Dad tensed like he was preparing for battle.
Looking at all of us, Hunter cleared his throat; his body shook with restraint. “I appreciate the…invitation, but…I’m really tired. I’d like to rest now.” His eyes locked on Halina. “Please.”
Halina sagged back into her chair as she nodded. Her expression was just as exhausted as Hunter’s, like she had no idea what to do about his refusal to eat anymore. Standing, Gabriel stepped forward and extended his arm toward the hallway. “I’ll show you to your room.”
Fearing I might never see him again, I scooted free from the table and blurred to Hunter’s side. Dad growled at me, but didn’t drag me back. “You won’t leave, right?” I asked, my vision hazy. “Just tell me that you’re not going to run away again.”
A trace of a smile lightened Hunter’s fatigued expression. “Nika,” he murmured, “I’ve missed you.” The smile dropped from his lips as he turned away. “I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere else for me to go.” His sentence should have lifted my heart, but the grief on his face and the despair in his voice broke me. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as he walked away.
I’d believed that his coming to the ranch was a hopeful sign, a sign that he was beginning to accept who and what he was. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. His relenting and coming here, being carried here, was in truth a sign of defeat. Hunter was giving up. He was slowly and surely losing the will to go on. Like Halina, I had no idea what to do for him. And it scared me to death.
Everyone started talking about Hunter after he left the room with Gabriel. Grandma Linda was concerned about Hunter losing control and going on a rampage, Dad debated with Mom if it was safe for us to stay here, and Imogen and Halina discussed ways to turn around Hunter’s passive mood. Alanna and Grandpa Jack were the only ones still focused on Grandpa’s birthday, since it was his special day, for a little while longer. I purposefully said nothing. Hunter was hearing enough right now; I didn’t want to add to his confusion.
Excusing myself, I went upstairs to get ready for bed. It was torturous. It was so difficult to know that, after all this time, Hunter was finally in the same building as me, but I still couldn’t be with him. I wanted to go to him, but I knew he didn’t want to see me. Not yet. He was still adjusting—to being here, to being what he was. I needed to give him space. And that was so hard to do.
After changing and brushing my teeth, I laid in my bed and listened to the swirling words blending together in a dull buzz that occasionally crackled with the pop of Hunter’s name. It drove me crazy; I just wanted everyone to go to sleep and stop talking about him.
“It will be okay, Nick,” Julian said, entering his bedroom.
Sighing, I adjusted my position for the millionth time. My mood had been shifting all over the place. The barrage of feelings was hard on Julian, almost as hard as it was on me. Feeling so much turmoil at this proximity sometimes made us feel physically ill—nauseous. It was draining, and giving him a headache, but all I felt coming from him was support.
“Thank you,” I muttered, tears pricking my eyes. I wished I could talk to Hunter, or about him. But that conversation wouldn’t be private, so I didn’t say anything. Anything other than, “Can I sleep with you tonight, Julie?”
His response was instant. “Of course.”
Hopping out of my bed, I plodded over to Julian’s room. Wishing I could block the image of Hunter’s wan face from my mind, I crawled under the covers with Julian. Reaching out for me, he clasped my hand, just like he used to when we were children; the warmth and familiarity was soothing. Squeezing my palm, he murmured, “Night, Nick.”
I smiled as best I could. “Good night, Julie.”