I’D WAITED WEEKS to tell Halina I was ready to return to the ranch. As eager as I was to be free of her, I dreaded it too. I probably would have gone several more weeks without telling her, except she’d attempted to force-feed me again, and in a moment of sheer panic, I’d blurted out that we could go home so long as she promised to never pour blood down my throat again. I just couldn’t take it. Halina wanted to go home just as much as she wanted me to eat, so she’d agreed to my compromise. While I knew she hoped I would succumb to the monster inside and feed, I’d seen the joy in her eyes as she’d started making plans with Gabriel to surprise the family with an unannounced visit.
But, if I were honest, one of the reasons I’d been reluctant to return, a large reason actually, was Nika. I hadn’t been ready to face her. All the feelings I’d been trying to repress since converting had rushed to the surface the moment I saw her. She was gorgeous. With dark amber eyes and long silky hair that my fingers itched to touch, she was just as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. Seeing her again had pierced my silent heart as surely as if someone had staked me. And the way she’d looked at me, with such compassion in her eyes. She might not be in love with me anymore, but she still cared about me. And I still cared about her. Just seeing her again made me want to do anything she asked of me. Even drink. I’d considered it, briefly, but in the end, as always, I couldn’t go there.
The smell had been thick in the air, Nika’s heartbeat had raged in my ears, and all I’d wanted to do was drink that glass down. And another. And another. But my stomach had instantly knotted and my guard had instantly gone up. Dressing up blood in fancy crystal didn’t alter the reality of what it was, and what I was if I drank it. I probably should have just sat at the table with the family, acted as human as possible, but I’d felt my willpower fading, and I’d known that if I had sat at the table, the glass would have ended up in my hands, the blood would have ended up in my mouth, and another tiny part of my soul would have shriveled and died. I did not want what I desperately did want. So, in the end, I chickened out, asked to leave, and further removed myself from the only people who were attempting to help me. And from Nika, who said I was a part of her family, who begged me to stop hurting myself, and then begged me not to leave. She still cared…but she shouldn’t.
Pushing aside my dramatic reunion with a family of monsters, I focused instead on the ancient one walking beside me. Gabriel’s eyes watched the stone steps as we walked, so I was free to study his expression, not that doing so helped me any. His face was a blank slate, an empty mask. He hadn’t said a word since leading me through the hidden entrance in the living room that led to the lower, sun-proof layers of the home. Everyone else in the house had mentioned me after we’d left, most were worried about what I would or wouldn’t do. I had no plans to do anything, so none of them needed to worry. I’d listened for Nika to speak her fears, but she hadn’t. Her silence unnerved me more than Gabriel’s.
After traveling down several hallways and three flights of stairs, we reached a set of heavy gilded doors. Gabriel pushed them closed after we walked through, and all sound shut off from above me. The isolating silence was deafening. It put me on high alert, and I spun around, searching for an enemy. All I found was Gabriel watching me with a slight lift to his lip. “The lowest level is soundproof. Don’t worry, you get used to it.”
I hadn’t experienced pure silence since being turned. The closest I’d come was being submerged under water or under the earth, but that was nothing compared to this. After the disorientation passed, I found that the solemnity was comforting. Knowing no one above could hear our conversation, I asked him, “Will you begin working on me now?”
The short stone hallway in front of us came to a T, with lights on the walls extending both left and right. Gabriel turned right, so I followed him. “Yes. Your room is directly across from my main lab, so no one will question your location. We’ll have plenty of time for testing.” He looked over at me. “No one can know what we’re doing down here.”
I nodded. No, if anyone found out, they would tell Halina, and she would never allow the bond to be broken. She’d probably stake Gabriel if she realized what he was doing. She might afterward if her feelings weren’t severed like Gabriel thought they would be. But that was his problem, not mine. Sighing, I wondered if any of this was going to hurt. That didn’t matter though. I needed these shackles removed, as much as that thought pained me.
My chest constricted, and I automatically searched for Halina’s presence above me. And Nika’s. I knew I shouldn’t care about either woman, but they both had a place in my heart, and they would both be affected by my quest for freedom. I wouldn’t be deterred by that fact though. Returning my eyes to Gabriel, I calmly stated, “Let’s get started.”
Gabriel led me into his laboratory. I suddenly felt like I was in a horror movie, entering the mad scientist’s lair. Glass containers bubbled and percolated with red and pink liquids, all of them releasing the scent of blood into the air. I struggled against the conflicting urges running through my body—desire and disgust—but the blood was laced with so many other, unappealing smells, that I quickly pushed aside the longing.
The smell of sulfur burned my nose as I watched Gabriel stride from one experiment to another. A full smile was finally on his lips. This place was clearly where he preferred to be. Turning down the heat on something simmering on a burner, Gabriel poured a small sample into a cup, then, using an eyedropper, squeezed a few red drops onto a slide. His smile grew as he examined the slide under a microscope. “Perfect,” he murmured.
He lifted his eyes to mine. “I have several experiments running, plus the never-ending job of creating the drug that keeps mixed vampires from converting until they are ready.” I remained silent. Gabriel had already told me about the lifecycle of mixed vampires. Nika, while as alive as any human now, would die and convert like any other vampire before her 26th birthday, unless she took the drug Gabriel supplied. It made my leeriness of him fade some, to know that he might extend Nika’s living life. She could find love, have children, grow old…even die and stay dead. She could live a completely human life.
I pondered for a moment how I would survive if Nika chose that life. But then I remembered that my plan wasn’t to survive at all, so Nika’s death wasn’t something I would ever need to worry about. Selfish, yet comforting.
Gabriel continued while I silently berated myself. “I asked Imogen to look over things while I was gone, but she doesn’t know this room like I do. It’s good to be back.” His smile was radiant as his emotions finally showed themselves.
Feeling lost in this confusing, stark room, I asked, “What do you need from me?”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow, like he thought the answer was obvious. “Your blood, of course.” He pointed across the room, to a wall-sized refrigerator with a clear door. Inside, I could see rows and rows of vials full of blood. “I already have a sample from Halina, but I’ll need yours so I can compare the bond.”
I snapped my eyes back to his. “The bond is in the blood?”
Gabriel’s expression grew even more amused. “Everything is in the blood.”
Well, of course it was. What in my life didn’t revolve around blood now? Gabriel extended his hand to a chair nearby, and I collapsed into it. With barely an examination of my arm, he found a vein and plunged in a needle. I flinched, but was soon mesmerized by the sight of the vial filling with deep red liquid. “I may wake you periodically throughout the daylight hours to perform other tests on you. The middle of the day is the only real time we’ll be alone.”
He filled up another vial while I nodded. “That’s fine. Whatever you need from me.”
“Eating would help,” he replied.
I raised my eyes to his; it was a struggle to keep them open. I was so tired. “Is that necessary for the testing?”
Filling another vial, Gabriel shook his head. “No. But it would keep Halina off your back and happy, and it would increase your stamina so I could take more of your blood if needed.” He capped off the vial and indicated the four he’d filled. “I’ll have to make due with these for now. If I take anymore, you may pass out.”
I looked over at his collection. Some sick, twisted part of me wanted to drink the blood, even though I knew it was mine. I shook my head. “Blood loss won’t kill a vampire; if you need more, take it.” It took a lot of effort, but I refocused on him. “If I don’t have to eat, I won’t.”
Gabriel glanced down at my arm, then removed the needle. “There’s no need to completely wear you out…I have enough for now.” The tiny prick in my arm healed the second the intrusion was gone. “And if you choose to live in pain, then I guess that’s your choice.” He started to turn away from me, then stopped himself. “How you live is up to you, Hunter, but I care a great deal about the living vampires in my care. If you hurt Nika or Julian, or any of the humans in my nest, not only will I end your life, but I’ll do it in the most painful way possible.”
Even though his words sent a chill through me, I smiled at him. “And here I thought you wouldn’t stake me?”
He frowned. “Not without good reason.” He lifted a pale eyebrow. “And I think I made it quite clear that I would not be staking you.” As if he hadn’t just been talking about my gory demise, he smiled and indicated upstairs. “While you are here at the ranch, you should check out the living room during daylight hours. I’ve protected the windows to a level that allows purebloods up to thirty minutes in sunshine. I think you would enjoy it.”
An explosion of painful need burst through my soul. Sun. I’d gone so long without it. I never thought I’d see it again, feel it again. If I could have it, even for just a few minutes a day…maybe it would keep the insanity at bay, give me a reason to go on, to keep trying, to keep living through this hell, at least until I could be free of it. “Thank you,” I whispered, too blown away to say anything more.
I stumbled to my room, anxious for the sun to rise, for night to end. I wished I was tired enough to fall asleep, to speed up the process, but I wanted it too badly and sleep was impossible. My plush room had every amenity—four-poster bed covered in a solid black comforter, a dresser full of clothes, all in my size, a chaise lounge beside a bookcase overflowing with novels that piqued my interest, a leather couch opposite a flat screen TV, and even a private bathroom.
Since I was covered in grime from living outdoors and sleeping in the ground, I decided to take a shower. Filth swirled down the drain as the hot water removed all traces of my former life. Savoring the stinging sensation of scalding water, I turned it up even hotter. Even though my shower was longer than most baths, the hot water never ran out. The plumbing here was designed for those who liked being warm.
When I was clean, dry, and dressed, I laid down on my bed and waited; I was too tired to do anything else, and too eager. Straight across from my king-sized bed, where a normal room would have had a window, was a painting. The intricate brushstrokes depicted a glorious sunrise. It made my eyes brim. The sun. I was going to see the sun.
Halina came downstairs before the night was through. When I felt her approaching my room, I feigned sleep. She cracked open my door, whispered my name, then sighed as she walked into the room. I had to consciously fight the innate need to turn and acknowledge her. But if I did, she would want to talk, and I didn’t want to do that right now. I just wanted to be left alone. “Are you asleep?” she asked. I laid perfectly still, stopped my breathing. The undead didn’t breathe while we slept, while our bodies were shut down. I heard her move to the end of the bed, felt a blanket covering me. The kindness in the gesture almost caved my will, but I still ignored her. I needed to maintain distance if I was going to separate from her. God, could I do that?
Leaning down, she kissed my forehead and spoke soft words in a language I didn’t recognize. The tenderness in her voice was unmistakable though. I clenched my concealed hand into a fist to stop myself from turning to her and seeking comfort. What comfort could she really give me anyway? She was a monster. I was a monster.
When she left the room, I opened my eyes. Grief crushed me—despair over what I was, horror over what I was about to do. There was no way to win this battle warring within me. Whichever way I turned, I’d already lost.
I felt like I waited forever, but eventually, even miles below the earth, I could feel the prickling up my spine that told me the sun was rising. It raised my desolate spirits. Once the sun was well past the horizon, the stinging sensation stopped. Even though I desperately wanted to see the rays of light blanketing the Earth, I waited. I wanted to see them alone, so I needed to make sure Halina was asleep. I had nothing to go on except what I knew of her patterns. She usually stayed up for an hour or two after sunrise, having quiet conversations with Gabriel, or with me, if we were buried together. I figured she would stick to the same pattern here, so I gave her several hours to fall asleep before I rose from my bed.
I was exhausted, and even though I yearned for sleep, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to that peaceful state this early in the day. My body still hadn’t adjusted, even after all this time, and it took me hours to fall asleep every morning. But today, that was okay; I wanted to see the daylight anyway. I left my room and stealthily crept down the hall until I realized I didn’t need to. While the entire floor was soundproof from up above, each individual room was also soundproof. I supposed that was for privacy of an intimate nature, but it also made it easier to sneak upstairs. I couldn’t wake Halina even if I tried.
When I pushed open the gilded doors that soundproofed the entire bottom floor, noises rushed in on me. Snoring. Cooking. Humming. Roosters. Cows. All of it assaulted me, and it took me a few seconds to push it away to just a dull buzz in the background. Excitement and trepidation grew inside me with every step I took toward the secret exit that led to the main portion of the house. I didn’t think I’d ever been so excited for anything in all my life. As I pulled the door inward, light cut like a knife through the darkness. I sucked in a breath and didn’t move. I waited for the pain that the golden rays would surely give me, but I felt nothing. Smiling, I experimentally held up my hand in the crack between the door and the wall. The light that touched me bothered my skin no more than an incandescent bulb. Giddy, I opened the door wider.
It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the brightness of natural light, and I blinked a few times as I stepped into the room. So eager I was shaking, I turned to face the wall of windows. My breath caught. Bright, orange-red sunshine streamed over the hills and valleys, leaping up to the glass, and pounding against it with all its glory. The room was bathed in heavenly light, and I timidly stepped toward it, sure I would ignite at any moment, even if I hadn’t felt an ounce of pain yet.
When I reached the glass, I tentatively placed my palm against it. It was glorious. It was awe-inspiring. It was everything I’d been hoping for and more. I wasn’t sure how long I had, but I knew I wasn’t moving from this spot until I absolutely had to.
I MUST HAVE fallen asleep at some point last night, because the next time I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming into Julian’s room. Sunbeams, hazy with dust particles, brightened an old chair sitting in the corner of the room. It was beautiful, and I blinked a few times to see it clearer. As I recalled using that sturdy piece of furniture to build a fort in this room with Julian when we were younger, the peaceful silence was broken by a loud snore.
Curling my lip, I looked over at my zonked-out brother. He had most of the sheets twisted around his body, and was lying in a pretzel-like position that didn’t look comfortable. Mouth open, he was snoring louder than most chainsaws. Smirking, I whispered, “Arianna’s in for a surprise if you two ever do spend the night together.”
“Good morning, Nika,” a voice sounded from downstairs.
Biting my lip, and wishing I hadn’t said that out loud, I looked down at the floor where I could feel Alanna. “Morning, Grandma. Is anyone else awake?” I felt for all the other pinging positions in my head, but they were still.
“It’s just Grandpa and me right now. Hungry?” she asked, ever mindful of my stomach.
The mention of food reminded me that I hadn’t eaten a single bite last night. Just like Hunter. My stomach growled as noisily as Julian’s reverberating snore. “Um, I guess so. I’ll come down.”
“Bring your dress, sweetheart. I’ll fix it for you while everyone is sleeping.”
Stretching, I mumbled an okay and stumbled back to my room to get my bag. Grabbing my prom dress, and the shoes I planned on wearing with it, I plodded into the hallway. I didn’t feel like I’d slept a wink, but I also didn’t feel like I could go back to sleep. As I streaked downstairs to join my grandmother, patches of sunlight washed over my skin. While overwhelmingly beautiful, it was also a heartbreaking reminder—Hunter was hiding for a different reason now. If the sun was visible, he wouldn’t be.
I choked back my pain as I blurred into the kitchen. Alanna didn’t react to the speed of my arrival, just smiled at me when I finished phasing, and pointed to a plate already waiting for me at the island counter—two perfectly crisp pieces of toast coated with cinnamon and sugar. Next to the plate was a glass of orange juice and a steaming mug of blood. Breakfast of champions.
I dug into my toast, chasing it with a swig of blood. I wanted to ask Alanna if she had any news on Hunter, if he’d come back upstairs after I’d gone to bed, if he’d eaten…if he’d mentioned me…but I didn’t want to appear lovesick, so I kept my questions to myself. Alanna probably didn’t know much more than me anyway.
After breakfast, I blurred out of my pajamas and slipped on my prom dress. A deep red color, it had a plunging neckline, a wrapped waist, and a flowing hemline that needed a couple of inches taken off. Alanna wanted to see how the silky fabric moved in the sunlight, so she was going to hem it in the living room. Floor-to-ceiling windows in there flooded the room with light, and it was filled to the brim with plush couches and lounge chairs—the perfect spot to grab my tablet and settle down with a good book; the peaceful room was one of my favorite places here at the ranch.
While Alanna zipped away to get her sewing supplies, I pulled my hair into an updo. Securing it with a pencil lying on the kitchen counter, I debated if that was how I should wear it at the dance. Then I wondered if I should even still go. It seemed like a waste of time with everything else going on. Maybe I’d cancel and come out to the ranch that night. I’d be safe here while my parents looked out for Julian. And I’d be near Hunter, assuming he stayed.
Just when I was about to head to the living room, I felt something that pierced my heart. Hunter was awake, and he was coming upstairs. I froze in shock and surprise. Why was he still up? Why was he coming up here? When the sun was out? He’d burn to a crisp. As the shock of his moving presence wore off, I remembered that Gabriel had recently vampire-proofed the windows in the living room. They’d give a pureblood a few minutes of sun tolerance, and Hunter must know that.
I placed my hand over my heart to try and calm the wildly beating organ, while I felt Hunter emerge from downstairs and head to the windows. He hadn’t said anything yet, hadn’t acknowledged my presence or my rapid heartbeat; he must be so caught up in what he was seeing. He probably would when I moved. Taking a deep breath, I quietly walked into the living room. Seeing him standing there broke my heart. He had his back to me, his hand on the glass, as he stared at one of the things that had been ripped away from him the moment he’d converted—the sun.
As I’d predicted, moving toward him had broken the spell of the sun, and alerted him to my presence. Hunter tilted his head, listening to my heartbeat, but he didn’t run away, and he didn’t look at me. It seemed like he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the view. Voice pained, he whispered, “Gabriel told me about this. I didn’t think I’d ever get to see sunlight again, and I’ve missed it…so much. This is incredible….”
Moved by him, worried for him, I cautiously approached the windows. “Did he also tell you it was temporary?”
As I stepped to his side, Hunter let out a sigh full of resignation. He glanced my way without really looking at me. A long, blood-red tear rolled down his cheek, staining his shirt when it fell from his skin. “Yes.” His mournful eyes returned to the sun. “I know my time is short.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by “time,” and it terrified me. Needing to comfort him, needing to touch him, I reached down for his free hand. He was freezing cold, but I curled my fingers around his anyway. I thought he’d pull back, yank his hand from mine, but he didn’t. Instead, he hummed, “You’re so warm,” and clenched me tight.
Hunter’s eyes rimmed with more bloody tears waiting to fall as his gaze drifted back and forth over the sunlit countryside. He didn’t look any more fed or rested than he had last night. If anything, the light of day upon his gaunt face made him look even sicklier than before. Stroking his hand with my thumb, I gently asked, “Why are you awake?”
His mouth fell open before he spoke. “I couldn’t sleep.”
He turned his head to me. “I still can’t get used to sleeping during the day. You’d think I would have by now, but I just…can’t…and I’m so tired.”
His eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, he seemed mesmerized, like I was more absorbing than the sun. My heart picked up intensity under his gaze, and my nerves spiked. I longed for him to make some move toward me—brush a strand of hair away from my forehead, touch my cheek, put his arm around me…anything. I’d take any moment of connection I could. The redness in his eyes dissipating, his gaze shifted to my dress…my prom dress. “You look beautiful,” he murmured.
With every place his eyes flashed over, I became increasingly more aware of the cut of my dress—how low the front plunged, the fact that it was sleeveless, the fact that my hair was still up and my neck was exposed. I was showing him a lot of skin, and he liked it. It warmed me; I wanted him to see me as attractive for more than just my heat and heartbeat.
“Thank you,” I told him. Feeling courageous, I took a step into his side and moved our joined hands behind me, so his fingers were resting near my backside. It was the closet I could get to him embracing me. My heart was thudding in my chest, which only made Hunter pay even more attention to me. And I loved it.
Hunter’s thumb brushed against the silky fabric of my dress, and a trickle of desire seeped into me. I wanted to kiss him…so much. Would he let me? Or would he run away? Hunter’s gaze slid up my body to focus on my neck. “You’re gorgeous in the sun. You…glow, like an angel.” His eyes lifted to mine. “Why are you wearing a dress?”
I took another step into him, so that our sides were pressed together. Even through our clothes, I could feel his chill. “Prom…” I whispered, silently begging him to kiss me, to tell me he still loved me, and we could still be together.
His hand released mine, but instead of pushing me away, his palm ran up my back. I shivered under his touch as he pulled me closer. “You’re going to prom?” His lips parted as he stared at my mouth. “Who’s taking you?”
“A friend.” I chewed on my lip to control the pleased noise I wanted to make. His fingers on my skin were driving me crazy, in a really good way. I was so incredibly grateful that Julian was still sleeping.
“Just a friend?” he asked, his face inching closer to mine.
“Just a friend…” I repeated. Excited, eager, but still being careful, I reached up and wiped the bloody remnants of his tear from his cheek. Or tried to. Blood wasn’t easy to wipe away. Eventually I gave up and cupped his cool, course skin, since that was what I’d really wanted to do anyway. Half closing his eyes, Hunter nuzzled against my hand like a cat. He even made a deep rumbling noise in his throat.
“Your heat… God, it feels so good. You feel so good…you sound so good…you smell so good.” His eyes burned with desire and need when he fully opened them. “Your dress…that color…it does something to me.” His fangs crashing down, he breathed, “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.”
I had no idea which way he wanted me, and I really didn’t care, I wanted him, too. The longing in my body extinguished any amount of caution left in me, and I pulled his mouth to mine. We collided in a blending of warmth and coolness that was absolute bliss. As my fingers ran back to thread through his hair, Hunter pushed me into the windows. His body pressed against mine, and I trembled with the freezing heat. As our mouths voraciously worked together, I was aware of his teeth nicking me. I didn’t care though. His hard body against me, his soft lips, his searching tongue lightly touching mine…I just couldn’t find it in me to care about his teeth. When I tasted blood in my mouth, my own fangs crashed down, but I didn’t care about that either.
Hunter cared.
He groaned in a whimpering way that had little to do with desire. I gasped for breath when his mouth left mine. His lips worked their way down my neck, and all I could think through my haze of desire was—Yes, please…bite me. His cold mouth latched onto my neck and his jaw tightened. I tensed, waiting for the pain that I knew was coming, waiting for him to puncture my skin. It didn’t happen though. Panting, Hunter turned away from me. “No, I can’t do this. You should get away from me, Nika. Right now, before I do something we both regret.”
Grabbing his face, I turned him back to me. “No, I want to stay with you.” His fangs were down, his eyes hooded. A trace amount of blood was on his lips. My blood. Realizing my fangs were down too, I quickly pulled them back up. In as soothing of a voice as I could muster, I whispered, “It’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling right now is okay.”
Narrowing his eyes, he shook his head. “What I’m feeling? I want to tear into your skin. I want your blood in my mouth. How is that okay?” He looked ill, just from admitting that to me.
He immediately started to pull away, and I could tell he was about to blur from the room, from whatever it was that he was feeling—guilt, disgust…desire. “Don’t. Don’t leave…don’t run away again.” Just wanting him to feel okay being close to me, I laced my arms around his neck, and held him tight against me. “Stay…talk to me. Tell me everything you’re going through. I know you’re hurting.”
His hands came up to remove my arms, but I wouldn’t let him go. “What more is there to say, Nika? I want you in all these ways I shouldn’t. You’re not safe with me.”
Holding his face right in front of mine, I made him look at me. “Yes, I am safe with you. Wanting my blood doesn’t mean you’ll take it. You’ve already proven that. Trust yourself…I trust you.”
“Nika…I…”
His eyes lowered to my lips. Feeling that spark rekindling, I started to pull his mouth back to mine. A voice interrupted our connection. “Everything all right in here?”
Hunter turned from me as Alanna stepped into the room with her sewing kit firmly in her hand. She was tense, sizing up Hunter like he might lunge for my jugular at any moment. Feeling her unease, I dropped my arms from around him, and finally let him leave my side. I thought he would vanish in an instant, but surprisingly, he stayed. It gave me hope.
Her wizened eyes focusing on me, Alanna murmured, “You’ve got a little blood there, dear.” Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out a tissue and blotted the corner of my mouth; I could feel the sting from where my lip was cut. Her gaze flashed back to Hunter as she said, “Wouldn’t want a drop to stain that beautiful dress.”
Swallowing, Hunter looked away, back toward the sunshine that had drawn him to this room in the first place. He discretely wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shoved it into his pocket, out of my grandmother’s sight. I was sure she already knew though. She knew everything that had just happened.
As Alanna knelt and began pinning up my dress, silence fell over the room. Just as I was wondering how much longer Hunter had before the sunlight eventually bothered him, he spoke. Still staring out the windows, he said in a quiet voice, “I didn’t mean what I said earlier.”
My heart sank as I wondered what he was referring to. Wanting me? Thinking I was beautiful? My lips still burned from where his had been pressed against me. Was that scorching kiss what he was now regretting?
I turned my head to look at him, to question him with my eyes. He turned to me at the same time, then glanced down at my grandmother adjusting my dress. “When I said I wanted to tear into her skin…I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t ever hurt her.”
I felt a flush of heat run up my chest as I remembered that part of our encounter. Alanna had most definitely heard him. Thank God it was early and Dad was still asleep. He probably would have thrown Hunter across the room if he’d walked in on us. He possibly would have thrown him out the window if he’d heard him say that.
Alanna paused in her pinning and looked up at him. Her expression was one of patience and firmness. It was a look I’d seen on Dad countless times when he was about to tell us something he knew we wouldn’t want to hear. “Yes, Hunter, you did mean it.” Hunter turned from the windows to face her, his mouth opening in protest. Alanna anticipated his remark and beat him to the punch. “No, you’re wrong. As much as it disgusts you, blood is what you really want. It’s a simple truth, one you’re trying desperately to deny.”
Alanna stood up and pricked her finger with a pin. A red bead formed on the top of her finger—a perfect ball of blood. With just that small exposure, a burst of fresh, blood-scented fragrance filled the air. A low growl escaped Hunter’s chest for a second before he shook his head and looked away. Alanna sucked the blood off her finger, then pointed at him. “The ironic thing here is that you don’t want to hurt anyone. I can see that, clear as day, but by doing what you’re doing, denying your body what it needs, you’re actually making yourself more dangerous to others. Dangerous to Nika. And that is why my son doesn’t trust you with her.”
Hunter hung his head, then peeked up at Alanna. Face forlorn, he sounded like he was defending a losing argument when he answered her. “I stopped myself from biting her. I would never bite her.” His eyes, soulful and apologetic, shifted to me. I wanted to hug him, but I knew he wouldn’t let me get that close, not with Alanna watching us.
As if sensing what I wanted to do, Alanna approached him and gently placed her hand on his arm. “You stopped yourself this time, but as long as you keep starving your body, you’re a threat to her. To Julian. To Linda. To my husband. To all humans. You’re making yourself into the very monster you fear.”
Hunter shook as he stood in a bright patch of sunlight, then he cringed like he had a white-hot spotlight shining in his eyes. He looked over at me while Alanna whispered, “You’re holding on by a very thin thread, Hunter. How long before it snaps?”
Hunter immediately returned his eyes to hers. “I don’t want to be like this…but…I don’t want to be the alternative either. I don’t know what to do.” Flinching, he took a step away from the windows, and rubbed the arm that was getting the full force of the sun upon it.
Alanna shrugged. “You’re either going to be one or the other, Hunter—a starved vampire who’s a threat to everyone, or a full vampire who has better things to do than dream about blood all day. You have to choose which ‘evil’ you can live with.” She said evil with a small twist to her lip. None of us truly felt we were evil. We were just…us.
Seemingly deep in thought, Hunter stared at Alanna without even blinking. Then his face cracked in pain, and he hissed in a sharp breath. Backing away, he glared at the sunlight that was now starting to cause him pain.
“It’s time for you to go,” I told him, taking a small step forward. When he looked at me, I indicated the windows. “The light is getting to you.”
Keeping his arm up as a shield, Hunter peeked out at the countryside, then back to me. “I hate to go…it’s so beautiful.” His eyes slid down my dress as he spoke, and I wasn’t entirely sure if he meant the sunshine, or me.
Watching my grandmother warily, hoping she didn’t stop me, I stepped in front of Hunter. “Please go downstairs. I don’t like to see you in pain.” I maintained my distance from him, but extended my hand—in support, in friendship, and in love.
Face contorted in discomfort, Hunter hesitated a moment, then grabbed my hand. It made my pulse quicken to feel his icy touch again, but knowing I was being watched, I shoved aside the feeling as best I could. “Come on,” I whispered, leading him forward.
Together, we approached the secret entrance to the light-proof underground layers where the purebloods waited out the day. The bookcase that hid the entrance was already swung inward, open and waiting for Hunter’s return. Hunter darted through the opening and sank back into the darkness of the hallway with a relieved sigh. As I hovered at the edge of daylight and darkness, Hunter clenched my hand tight, not pulling me with him, but not letting me go either. The peaceful glow of his eyes radiated warmth back to me as he leaned against the wall, recovering. Hypnotic or not, I could have stared into those eyes all day.
Even surrounded in darkness, I could tell he was still in pain. Giving his hand one last squeeze, I told him, “You need to go…get some sleep. I’ll see you when you wake up.”
Exhausted, he nodded. “Thank you, Nika,” he whispered. “For caring about me, even when you shouldn’t.”
Conscious of my grandmother approaching, I shook my head and tenderly said, “No matter what happens, I’ll always care about you.” Wishing he could stay, wishing I could go, I darted into the tunnel and did something reckless—I quickly tossed my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. As before, he didn’t pull away. He kissed me with as much passion as I kissed him. With his fangs safely pulled up, the kiss was better, sweeter, softer. I wanted to kiss him forever, but I heard him whimper in pain, felt him cringing beneath my fingertips as I caressed his cheek. The scant amount of sunlight still reaching him in here was hurting him. I needed to let him hide.
Breathless, I stepped out of the tunnel, pulling the hidden door closed behind me. As I leaned against the bookcase, catching my breath, I heard Hunter let out a long, smooth exhale. “Goodnight, Nika,” his voice rumbled out to me.
Smiling to myself, I whispered back, “Goodnight.”
When I turned around to face my grandmother, she was eyeing me with a sad, compassionate expression. “I hope…” She started to say something, then she shook her head and gave me a soft smile. “Things will get better. He just needs time.”
I nodded as I longingly looked back at the bookcase separating Hunter and me. I supposed, if anything else, that was one bright spot for the two of us…we had an endless amount of time. Indicating the wide windows streaming with sunlight, Alanna soothingly said, “Let’s finish fixing your dress before everyone wakes up.”
I thought that was probably a good idea, and walked back into the natural lighting so she could finish her work. Staring at the windows kept Hunter forefront in my mind, not that he usually wasn’t there anyway. I could still feel his body against mine, still see the hollowness of his cheeks, the colorlessness of his skin. I wondered if our meeting had brought him any sort of peace, wondered if he was sleeping now, or still wide awake.
Hearing the rest of my family start to stir, I looked up at the ceiling, then back down to Alanna. “Grandma…” Her pale eyes lifted to mine. Pointing up, I shook my head, pointed to where Hunter had disappeared, then brought my finger to my lips. Alanna tilted her head, but I knew she understood—Please don’t tell my parents what happened with Hunter. I wasn’t sure what she would say, if she would keep my secret or spill the beans. I wasn’t sure if it really mattered either, but I didn’t want my dad to freak out and make us go home. I didn’t want him to forbid me from ever coming back here. And he might, if he knew just how close Hunter had come to drinking from me.
Alanna continued to stare up at me, then minutely nodded. Hearing Dad laugh with Mom, she cheerily said, “Good morning, son. Good morning, Emma.”
“Morning, Mom,” they both said, almost at the same time. Alanna smiled and went back to work while I let out a sigh of relief. Good. She wasn’t going to say anything. We wouldn’t have to leave. I’d get to see Hunter again in a few hours. I closed my eyes, and his voice echoed through my mind. Goodnight, Nika. I couldn’t wait to see him again.