Six weeks later . . .
“Hello,” I answered my phone as I packed the last of my students’ assignments into my bag. It was Friday, and instead of lingering around grading papers, I was out of there.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hi.” I smiled at the sound of RJ’s voice, and he sneezed. “God bless you.”
“Thanks, babe.”
“You’re not getting sick are you?”
“Naw, it’s probably some allergies. There’s been a lot of dust and crap floating in the air. So, I was thinking that we should go out to dinner tonight.”
In the few months we had spent together, we hadn’t ventured beyond our favorite coffee corner, and I knew it would only be a matter of time. I didn’t know why I had avoided it, but it seemed silly to keep avoiding it.
“I’d love to go out to dinner.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, of course. I’m a little surprised you even thought you had to ask.” I laughed as I tucked my phone between my shoulder and cheek so I could grab my keys from my purse. “But I thought we were going to see if I could get my tattoo redone?”
“We can do both.”
“What time should I be ready?”
“I’ll pick you up as soon as AJ and I are done meeting with a new client.”
“Okay.” I turned off the lights and closed my classroom door. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
“All right, I’ll see you soon. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Halfway through the staff parking lot, my phone buzzed in my hand. I rolled my eyes when I saw Jase had sent yet another text. “When is he going to catch the hint?” I mumbled to no one.
Of course, RJ was pissed that Jase wouldn’t leave me alone, but I convinced him that he wouldn’t look good in orange and that if I just ignored Jase long enough, he would give up and move on. That didn’t seem to be working as well as I’d hoped. His texts and calls were coming more frequently, and I had taken to turning my phone on silent when I slept. For someone who was so quick to jump into bed with someone else, he was sure having a hard time moving on. I didn’t care how badly he needed to tell me anything. The world could be burning and I wouldn’t want to learn the news from him.
Jase called three more times before I reached my car, all of which I ignored. I refused to play this game with him. I was done with him the moment I walked into that bathroom. My phone rang again, but it wasn’t Jase so I answered with a huge smile on my face.
“Well, it’s nice that you remember you have a sister.”
“Addie?” The worry in his voice put me on edge.
“Yeah, Levi?”
“Is everything okay?” He cleared his throat. “Mom called me, she’s worried about you.”
“Why would Mom be worried about me? I saw her last week.”
A couple weeks ago, RJ and I decided to finally tell our respective parents that we had gotten back together. We explained everything from the two of us finding friendship, clarifying its importance so we could help each other grieve for our friend, to Jase’s cheating and our decision to become a couple again. RJ’s mother welcomed me with open arms, and his dad enveloped me in a warm hug and whispered, “Welcome home, sweetheart. We’ve missed you.” It was my family—my mother actually that was a little more leery. As much as she still loved RJ, she thought we might be rushing into things. Daddy went easy on “the kid,” knowing he suffered quite the heartbreak when I left.
“You sure? Mom told me about Jase and that you’re back with RJ. Are you sure you’re not rushing into things?”
I sighed. “Levi, I appreciate you calling me because you’re a good son and Mom asked you to, but I’m happy. Honestly, I haven’t been this happy in years. I know Mom loved him and wanted us to get married, but he cheated on me. I won’t be that kind of girl—not even to make Mom happy. RJ has always been it for me, so we are giving it another shot. It’s not as if we are rushing off to get married or anything.”
“That’s what I figured. Let Mom know I called all worried and whatever.”
“I will. Promise.” I moved to hang up, but his voice caught me.
“Oh, one more thing.”
“Shoot.”
“Tell that fucker that if he hurts you, I’m coming after his ass.” He used his best big brother voice, and I laughed.
“Oh, shut up, Levi. You know you love him like he’s your own brother.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, Addie, I do. But that’s only because he loves my sister the way she deserves to be loved.”
“Aww, aren’t you so sweet,” I teased. “You’re such a good brother.”
“Whatever, Ads.”
“So, when are we going to get together again? Holidays and birthdays just aren’t cutting it.”
“I know, I know. I’ve been lying low for a while. Got a lot going on, and these women are bat‑shit crazy.” He let out a long breath and then went silent for a beat, but it wasn’t a comfortable kind of empty air. It was the heavy and thick kind of quiet where you just knew something big was about to happen. Goose bumps rose on my arms, and I sat back in my seat, wondering what he was going to say. “Ads?”
“Yeah, Levi?”
“I don’t know if I want this life anymore,” he spoke low, and I imagined him covering the phone with his hand, almost as if he hadn’t meant to admit it aloud.
“Yo, Montgomery, get your motherfuckin’ ass in here!” A deep voice boomed from somewhere in the background.
“Hey, let me call you later, okay?” I wanted to stop him and ask what he meant, but he hung up before I could even take a breath.
“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you,” I said and dropped my phone to my lap, worry twisting slowly in my belly. Baseball was my brother’s life, it always had been. Even when we were kids, it was all he ever talked about or wanted to do. Levi Montgomery lived and breathed everything and anything to do with baseball.
I picked my phone back up, ready to call and demand an explanation, but it was already after three in the afternoon. He was getting ready for practice and wouldn’t pick up. Vowing to call him when I knew he would be free, I tucked my phone in my cup holder, started my car, and pulled out of the lot. I worried about him the entire way home, and I probably would have continued to worry about him if Jase hadn’t pulled in right after me.
I slammed my car door and stood there, watching his every move through narrowed eyes.
Why didn’t I pour that expensive bottle of whiskey in his gas tank like I had wanted to?
I set my bags on the ground and folded my arms across my chest as he cautiously stepped out of his car and closed the door.
“Addilyn.” His eyes never left mine, and my disgust for him rolled in thick.
“Jase,” I mimicked, gritting my teeth. I wanted to read him off and tell him what I really thought of him, but I figured it would be better to just find out what the hell he wanted so he could go the fuck home. “What are you doing here?”
“I have some things to say, things that could have an effect on you.” Everything in me froze. I stared at him long and hard, waiting for him to say whatever he thought was so consequential that he had to drive all the way over here.
“What is it? And make whatever it is quick, because I’m already late.” I spat the words at him, hiding that my mind was flying in a hundred different directions behind my anger.
He snorted. Mr. Pretty Boy actually snorted. I almost laughed. “Late for what? Are you headed to see that guy I saw you with? The one who fucking disappeared when you needed him? How could you do that to me?”
“Excuse me.” I was taken aback. “How could I do what to you, exactly? Move on?” I stood taller and pointed a very angry finger at him. “Fuck another man?” I pretty much screamed at him, not caring that my neighbor, who had just pulled up and was unloading groceries, was currently staring.
“You need to see a doctor, Addie,” he responded flatly, but I flinched as if a god damned bucket of ice water just hit me in the face.
“Why. Why would I need to see a doctor, Jase?” The stinging pelt of cold morphed into anger, but I stood still, waiting for him to explain.
“Jazmin‑Michelle is pregnant.”
Okay, so not what I thought. Still . . .
“You realize that doesn’t require me to go to the doctor, right?”
“That’s also how she found out she has—”
I stared as his eyes shifted from side to side, looking anywhere but directly at me. The coward.
“Has what, Jase? Be a fucking man and say whatever it is you came to say!” I already knew what he was there to tell me, but I wanted him to say the damn words. My hands started to shake. The air around me grew thick, and suddenly, it became hard to breathe. Still, I stood and waited . . . and got nothing. “You have got to be fucking kidding me right now.” I picked my bag up and turned my ramrod straight back on him.
“Ad‑Addie,” Jase stuttered. When I didn’t answer, he was smart enough to remain a safe distance away. I needed just a second. If I moved—I would attack him, which was a bad idea. Orange really was a horrible color.
“How long?” I whisper‑shouted. “How. Fucking. Long. Jase. How long were you fucking her behind my back?” I yelled, not that his answer mattered. The damage was probably already done.
Jase cleared his throat and reached for me, but I shot him a glare that very clearly told him to keep his hands off me if he wanted to keep them. “Addie, it was one time.” He pulled at his perfectly styled hair. “One fucking time I didn’t use a condom! How the fuck did this happen?” His arms flailed out in front of him.
“Don’t you dare stand there and lie to me, you son of a bitch!” I fought against fantasizing violent ways I could hurt him. “You expect me to believe it was only once? Like that makes any of this any fucking better? It should have been never!” My throat burned from the anger clawing its way out.
“Addie. Calm down.”
“Oh, fuck you, Jase. First, you fuck around on me.” I counted on one finger. “Second, you get another woman pregnant.” I counted a second finger, adding, “While you’re engaged to me, third, you show up at my house to tell me that I might have—” I pressed my palm flat against my chest, unable to continue. “You need to leave right fucking now. I mean it, Jase. I hope I never see you again.”
“See a doctor, Addie—soon.”
Disgusted, I turned and concentrated on each step I took until I knew I was safe in my own home. The deadbolt clicked, and I turned to face the living room but couldn’t find the strength to move. I thought I was going into shock. There was a hollow whoosh, whoosh, whoosh sound pounding through my ears, and I felt hot and clammy. My skin was too tight, and my lungs were too small.
“Oh, shit!” I gasped then ran to the bathroom. My heart pounded. “Please, God, no.” I prayed that I was not in the same predicament as her. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” With a little force, I yanked the bottom drawer open, searching for the box of pregnancy tests I kept hidden. My hands shook clumsily as I ripped open the package.
I fumbled with the button of my jeans, shoved my pants down my legs, and sat on the toilet, forcing my bladder and trying to do the math in my head.
“Could this be happening?” I whispered as I squeezed my eyes shut, shook my head, and chastised myself for my own stupidity and carelessness. “Please no. Please no. Please.” I unraveled some toilet paper, set it on the floor with the test on top, and finished my business.
Three minutes felt like a lifetime—an eternity actually.
I washed my hands, and when I looked to the floor, my entire world stopped.
Two pink lines.
My stomach churned, and I fell to my knees. I was going to be sick.
“No.” I shook my head, and my eyes welled with tears. I could not have a baby with Jase. There was no way. Shit. What if . . . oh my god, then it dawned on me. I had no idea who was the father of my baby. My body crumbled to the floor, gray spots clouded my vision, and my hands braced my fall. What on earth was I going to do?
“Babe?” RJ called, letting the front door slam shut.
“Oh, dear god, please do not let him find me like this,” I softly cried.
“Babe, you home?”
I couldn’t move or form words to answer him. What the hell was I going to do? I had to tell him about Jase showing up here. I had to tell him everything, but how?
I did throw up then.
I managed to flush and wipe my mouth before he reached the door.
“Babe,” RJ’s voice dangled in the space between us. “Addie, what’s the matter? Why are you on the bathroom floor?” He crouched down in front of me, grabbing my face in both his hands. I tried to answer him, to say something, anything, but I couldn’t. “Babe, please, you’re scaring me.”
The worry lines and the way his brows pinched together caused another wave of nausea. RJ sat next to me and pulled me onto his lap, gently rocking me. “Babe, please tell me what’s wrong. You’re freaking me out.”
I leaned into his chest, gripping onto the front of his T-shirt and whispered, “Jase stopped by.”
“Why the fuck was that asshole here? Does he have a death wish?”
I shook my head, afraid to continue.
“Then why . . .” His tone caused me to shiver.
Stealing a deep breath, I said a silent prayer. “I’m pregnant.”
Time stood still. Images of RJ leaving me clouded my vision, his retreating back walking away.
Taking a chance, I lifted my head from his chest to find him grinning like a fool.
“We’re going to have a baby?” he asked, hope radiating off him. “Is something wrong with our baby?”
I shook my head and scooted off his lap so I could lean against the glass shower doors, “What if it’s . . .”
A flash of fear and understanding lit up in his eyes as he put two and two together. Then he just steepled his fingers and pressed them against his face. “It can’t be. Tell me that’s not a possibility.” He shook his head frantically and stood.
“I won’t know until I know how far along I am. Jase and I . . . it’s been . . .” God, I couldn’t spit the words out. It had been over two months since the last time Jase and I had been together like that. Three weeks before my infamous spring break surprise. RJ and I had slept together that weekend.
Fuck.
“Then we’ll make an appointment.” He was pacing the small room as his hands ripped through his hair.
“There’s more—”
He stopped dead in his tracks and then held up a hand. “Don’t.” He shook his head, and another jolt of fear flashed in his eyes. “Please don’t do this to me. Addie, you cannot go back to him. You’re mine. You have always been mine.” He moved to me then and grabbed my hands so he could press my palms to his chest
“Why would you assume I would go back to him?” My heart ached that he would ever think I would leave him. He was my everything. “Do you not trust me when I say I want nothing to do with him?” Through my tears, I saw his eyes glisten.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. It’s the thought of that asshole and what he did to you.” He pulled me into his arms and apologized.
“I know. But I need to see a doctor.” I sobbed. “He told me that they both got something.”
“Motherfucker!” RJ lashed out verbally but held me closer, tighter, as if by sheer will alone he would be able to keep me from falling apart. “I swear to God if I ever catch that piece of shit son of a bitch—” his voice rumbled with a force I was not familiar with, and then his arms were gone and he grabbed my hand. “Come on. Let’s go.” He took me by the hand and led me out of the house, my feet struggling to keep up.
“Where are you taking me?”
“We’re going to take you to see the doctor right now,” he ordered, and I almost giggled. Almost. This was a part of RJ I had no experience with and had no idea how to handle. Going along with whatever he said seemed like as good of an idea as any. We were almost to the door when I felt myself break out in a cold sweat and realized I was panting, unable to catch my breath again.
“RJ, wait.” I closed my eyes, inhaled slowly and then exhaled, trying to steady myself. Everything was happening so fast, I couldn’t grasp reality. My world was hanging out there, floating in some crazy wash of what-ifs. I just kept breathing until my head stopped spinning.
When I opened my eyes again, RJ was standing close to me—the tightness around his mouth matching the tightness in my stomach. He was struggling to remain calm. As much as I wanted to continue with my breakdown and rage at what was happening, I needed to be strong. Later. I could break down later when I was alone. “RJ, we’ll get through this. We’ll figure this out . . . whatever this is.”
If we wanted an immediate idea of who the father of this child was, I would have to have an ultrasound. Once I had the expected due date, I would know.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” RJ physically relaxed as he brought my hand to his lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against my skin. “You’re pregnant, I should be more careful with you. I’m such an ass.”
I nodded and half-smiled. “It’s okay, you’re my ass.” I giggled softly, attempting to ease the tension. He pulled me closer and pressed his forehead to mine.
“I love you, Addie Mae . . . no matter what.”
“I love you, too.” I pecked his lips. “But I think we should call the doctor first.”
“Nope. We are going to show up and demand they see you.”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Well, it better start working like that. I don’t want anything happening to either of you.”
“I don’t want anything to happen, either . . .” and that was when another wave of fear hit me. Would this baby make it? Could I keep him or her safe? I pushed my thoughts aside, refusing to let my mind sink into negativity. What happened in the past was completely out of my control, the doctors assured me that it wasn’t anything I did or could have stopped. “I’m going to call the doctor’s office and make an appointment.”
“Okay, if you think you need to.”
“I do.”