When I had heard that fucking prick carelessly give away important information the way he had, I saw red. He had no business and should be thanking his lucky fucking stars that all I did was throw him out on his ass.
Leaving Addie’s house the way I did left my mind in a tailspin. Had I been acting reasonably, I could’ve stayed and have her explain like she begged, but in that second, I couldn’t even look at her.
How the fuck could she not tell me?
She asked me to make love to her, and she hadn’t fucking told me something that important. I punched the mattress at my sides, fuming and wondering who Addie had become. The girl I knew wouldn’t have kept something like that from me.
“FUCK!” I pulled at my hair. Was ten in the morning too early to start drinking? I pushed myself out of bed and went straight for the bathroom and yanked the medicine cabinet open, hoping just by some crazy chance a bottle of those magic pills would miraculously show up.
Why did I have to flush them all?
“A baby?” I asked the man looking back at me. “And what the fuck happened to this baby? I was supposed to be a dad.” I let out a slow deep breath, and my head fell back. Had she known she was pregnant when she left me? My pulse thrummed at the thought, and anger and guilt collided in my gut.
She had tried calling me so many times, and I never answered. I let every call go straight to voice mail. I’d deleted every message without listening or reading it. There was no way I could have talked to her back then. Not with the way she up and left me.
Shit.
I had assumed she had been calling me to apologize and beg for my forgiveness. I had been too hurt and too goddamn self-centered to even consider she had been calling for anything else.
There was no way I could have imagined she was pregnant and trying to tell me.
Still, this was my fucking fault. What the hell was I going to do now?
Without having anything to calm me, I went back to my bedroom and lay back down. I would have to get myself in check before I contacted her. I didn’t need her to see me in this kind of state. I needed to do something, but I needed to work this shit out first. I just got her back, and there was no way I was ready to let go, but how do I even begin to process this?
Why wouldn’t she just tell me?
Because it’s probably hard for her to think about, dumbass.
Shut up, dick.
I’m not the one throwing a pity party when he should be comforting his girl, idiot.
Needing to shut up my own damn thoughts, I pulled the half‑empty bottle from the bedside table and drank until I couldn’t breathe. Until I could formulate some kind of conclusion, I didn’t have the strength to be of right mind.
Tack. Tack. Tack.
Standing outside of Addie’s bedroom window with a few pebbles still in my hand, I contemplated whether she would even be willing to talk to me after the way I left the other night. I put two days of no contact between us to process every word that prick said. There was no way I would expose Addie to the likelihood of my snapping. Luckily, none of that happened, proving yet again that, with some time to think, I could control my own emotions.
Tack. Tack.
A silhouette floated behind the curtain, and I waited to see what she would do next. Addie opened her window and stood there, looking as unsure as I was a few seconds ago. There was no reason for her to feel that way.
When she didn’t say anything, I jerked my chin to the open window and smirked. “No screen.”
She worked hard to bite back the cutest smile and shook her head. “Nope. They always seem to disappear from my bedroom window. I have no idea why.” Her answer made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. The short distance between us disappeared in two long strides, and I reached for the back of her neck and brought her mouth to mine. Heaven. Her lips were soft and inviting as I kissed her. I tugged at her bottom lip, and she let a tiny giggle slip when she pulled away.
“What are you doing here?” Her eyes were playful, but her voice hinted suspicion.
“I wanted you to come out for a minute.”
Addie glanced down at her nightshirt, tilted her head to the side, and smiled. I missed this carefree side of her, and I was glad she hadn’t completely lost it.
“Or you could come in?”
“Nope.” I chuckled. “Get dressed, and meet me at my truck?” I gave her one more kiss, and then turned to walk away before she could protest. “Maybe bring some clothes for a couple days,” I called over my shoulder as I picked up my pace, expecting her to ask questions or come up with an excuse not to come with me.
“Give me a couple of minutes. I need to tell Evin I’m going out for a bit,” she said, shocking me enough to stop and turn back to her.
“Make sure you tell her you won’t be back tonight.”
It didn’t take long before Addie came strolling out her front door, looking all kinds of beautiful. She wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup, her legs were covered in stretchy pants, and she was wearing a hoodie that I thought I lost. This woman didn’t even have to try. She was a knockout.
“Hey.” She tossed her bag on the floorboard, hopped in, and pressed a kiss to my cheek just like she used to do. Damn, I had missed her.
“You good? Evin okay?”
“Yeah, she said she was probably going to head out in the morning.” Her smile faded. “She’s got a few drafts to edit, and a new author is being ridiculous, wanting a seven‑day turnaround . . . so where to?” She buckled up.
“Take a wild guess?” It took her a split second before she gave me that knowing look, and her bright smile reappeared. “All right then.” I turned the key in the ignition and started out east toward our spot on the Crenshaw property. I had so much to say, so many questions to ask, yet I couldn’t speak at all. When she came to her window, it was as if my storming out of her house never happened. I didn’t know how to react, so I went with it. Not that it was a big chore or anything. Addie was everything I had ever wanted, and being away from her was almost painful. Addie’s sweet smell filled my senses, and I concentrated on that as she tried to be slick as she snuck glances at me. It was so damn adorable. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and lifted my arm so she could lean into me, which she did.
Her body relaxed against mine, and I twirled her ponytail between my fingers. Time and time again, I had asked myself if it was really this easy with us or if I had just imagined it. The little touches or stolen side glances. How easy it was to get lost in her and forget my own damn name when we kissed.
I squeezed the side of her arm as I pulled onto the gravel road, and she shifted so she could see the view. I wanted nothing more than to freeze time right then. It was a perfect moment.
“I’m sorry I left the way I did,” I opened the conversation with a gentle apology.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Addie placed her palm over my heart. “I understand why you needed to leave. I’m just glad you came back.”
“I have so many questions, but I have no idea where to start.”
“There’s no need to rush,” she reassured me, resting her head against my shoulder and fiddling with the hem of my Henley.
“All those times you tried calling . . .” I needed to know if her calls were to tell me she was pregnant, but I had to know if the baby was mine. “Was then when you found out?”
“It was. When you wouldn’t pick up, I figured you were just still mad at me. It wasn’t as if I left in the best way, but I needed you to know.” I was such a fool, and I opened my mouth to tell her as much, but then she continued. “I drove home. Did your mom tell you?”
No, no, she fucking hadn’t. I shook my head, not trusting myself to answer without snapping.
“What happened?” With both our hands locked together, I brushed a wisp of her blonde hair behind her ear. She let out a deep breath, glancing out to the water before she answered.
“When I came back looking for you, I was ready to give everything up. All I wanted was to be your wife—for us to be a family. Nothing else mattered anymore but you and our baby.”
She lowered her voice. “You weren’t there, so I drove back to school. The night I lost the baby, I didn’t know what was happening at first. I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified in my whole life. I think that’s why I don’t remember much after Evin called the ambulance.”
It felt like my heart plummeted to the cold earth.
“I never really moved on, you know?” She moved to sit up, but I held her close. If I saw her eyes, I would never have the strength to tell her this. “I merely existed.” There was no way I would let her believe I ever broke our promise. I was the careless one. Had I acted rationally, the outcome might be different. “At the time, I thought I was doing you a favor by disappearing. I had a strong feeling you would get homesick at some point, and I didn’t want to be the reason you changed your mind—if you did.”
This time when she gently pushed against me, I let her have some space. “RJ, I’m sorry for leaving the way I did—”
“Hey, we’re passed that already. I get it. I probably would have revolved my life around yours, and I’m pretty sure you would have gotten sick of me hanging around so much.”
“No, I—”
“Yes, you would have. This was a new time in your life, new experience. I hated that I wouldn’t be there to share them with you, and it was making me crazy. I didn’t handle anything right. However, I wish I had known about the baby.” Cupping her cheek in my hand gave me a sliver of comfort. “If I had known, all bets would have been off. I would have found a way to be there for you—with you. There was no way I would have let you go through any of that all by yourself . . . I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, her forgiveness seeping out of her.
“It’ll all work out somehow. I’m so damn glad I have you here with me.”
“I hope so, but this all feels so surreal. It’s almost like we’re in our own bubble.”
“It kinda does, doesn’t it?” She nodded. “I packed blankets and a thermos of hot chocolate, what do you say we snuggle in the bed of the truck?” I leaned forward, craning to see if the stars were out. “Look,” I pointed out the windshield. “The Georgia stars are shining for you. They always do.” I chuckled, thinking about the night I chickened out on our game of Truth or Dare. Remembering the words to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Okay, meet you in bed.” Addie laughed quietly and scooted to her side of the truck so she could climb out.
“You’re gonna meet me in bed all right.” I smiled through the words as I pulled the thermos and the blankets from behind the seats.
“Looks like you planned tonight pretty well.” She grinned, pointing to the futon mattress and pillows I had put in the bed earlier before she dropped the tailgate and took a seat.
If I remembered correctly, my knees and back would ache like a son of a bitch each time we had “hung out” back here. “I did.”
“I love how you try to remind me . . .”
“Babe, I could never forget. We were so good together—we are good together.”
Then she slid her arms around my neck and kissed me. My hands found their way to the tops of her thighs, where my thumbs rubbed slow circles against the soft fabric of her leggings. For the life of me, I could not resist this girl. All the years of hurt and anger seemed to simply melt away.
The kiss was long and thorough. Our tongues tangled, and when Addie finally pulled away, swallowing her breaths, her eyes were glazed with lust, and her lips were irresistibly swollen.
“How do you do that to me?”
“I told you we’re good together.” I inched my fingers up higher on her thighs, teasing her. “Why don’t we open that up and get cozy?” Once Addie had scooted back, I hopped onto the bed of the truck and pulled her close to me.
You got her, bro. Now, take good care of her.
It wasn’t the first time I had thought I heard Ty’s voice. I knew better than to search for him, so I just smiled. It would probably freak anyone else out to hear their dead best friend talking to them, but not me. It was strangely comforting. Ty’s voice invading my thoughts left a funny feeling in my chest. In my mind, it was as if he had a hand in bringing Addie and I back together. It was impossible by rational standards, but in my heart, I knew something bigger was at play.
“Do you think”—she craned her neck to look up at me—“that maybe Ty had something to do with us getting back together?” Hearing the words come out of my mouth made me feel like an idiot. “Don’t answer that.”
“Fat chance of my not answering that.” She laughed. “The thought has passed my mind a time or two.”
“Really?”
“Yup. I’m pretty sure we both went out of our way to avoid one another after I came home. That changed after his passing. It has to mean something, right?”
“Right.”
“How about we agree to agree that he did. Even if it’s a crazy thought, it’s still a good one.”
“I’d like that.”
She completed me, and as we sat and stargazed, I wanted to tell her I loved her in the worst way. That I never stopped loving her. There was no other reasonable explanation for the feelings that imploded my heart. I knew it was too soon for her to hear the words, so I forced myself to hold them back, dropping kisses along her neck to keep my lips busy.
“Why don’t you scoot back a bit?”
She nodded and kissed my arms once more before reaching for the blankets. I grabbed the thermos, toed off my shoes, and settled onto the foam mattress with my knees pulled up in invitation. Addie smiled and sat between my legs, resting her back against my chest and covering the two of us with the thicker blanket.
I unscrewed the lid off the thermos. “Want some hot chocolate?”
“Thank you.” She took the container from my hand. “Ummm, I haven’t had hot chocolate in . . . I don’t know. This is perfect, thank you.” She handed the thermos back to me.
“You’re welcome.” I grinned like a fool, proud of myself for thinking ahead before taking sip of my own.
“You know, I feel relieved that you finally know about what happened. That was a big part of the grudge I carried around toward you . . . not that I got pregnant, but because I felt like you weren’t there when I needed you,” she admitted. “Where did you go when you left?” The question was spoken so softly, I almost could have ignored it and claimed ignorance. As much as I didn’t want to talk about it, I knew I had to. So, I closed my eyes and laid it all out for her to know.
“I took off for Virginia the day you left. It was kind of a stupid decision since right after basics, Ty got stationed back in Georgia at Moody Air Force Base.” I shook my head at my own stupidity. “Regardless, I decided to stay for a while, but a few weeks turned into six months before my brother and Dad showed up threatening me.”
“Threatening you?” She scoffed, probably trying to picture AJ yelling at me.
“I deserved more. I was fu—” I pressed my lips together for a second. “Sorry, I was screwing up, and at one point, I spent a week or two on the streets. My parents hadn’t heard from me in months. My dad cut me off, thinking that would bring me out of hiding and back home. It didn’t. So, he went to AJ and said that if he didn’t tell him where I was, he would ‘take matters into his own hands and that was something none of us wanted to see’.” After I came back, I had wondered what would have happened if we called my dad’s bluff. John Watson was a good man, but my father was not a man to be tested. “Anyway, my lack of communication had my mother sick to her stomach in a constant state of worry. She suffered a few anxiety attacks at my expense, and that alone pissed my dad off beyond measure.”
“Well, it should have.” Addie smacked my leg lightly. “You were always a mama’s boy. How could you not have thought your disappearing wouldn’t affect her the way it did?”
“I see that now. But I wasn’t thinking straight back then, and coming home didn’t change that. I was still screwing up. Eventually, my mom talked me into going to see someone—try to work through the anger and anxiety. The guy was a quack, but he helped in his own way. I was put on antidepressants and something for the panic attacks, which helped for a while. I’m off them now. ” This was the part I didn’t want to admit, but knew that if I didn’t get this off my chest, I would carry its weight for as long as I lived. “Well, it certainly wasn’t my finest couple of years—can we leave it there?”
“Of course.” Addie sat up and turned to face me, wrapping the other blanket around her shoulders.
“Are you cold?”
“A little.”
“You wanna head out?”
“No.” Her words were rushed as she shook her head.
“How about some more hot chocolate?” I grabbed the thermos from where it sat at my side, unscrewed the lid, and handed it to her.
“Thank you.” She took a sip and then another before covering the container and holding it close to her chest.
“There’s actually something else I should mention. It’s not one of my prouder moments, but I don’t want any secrets between us.”
“Okay.”
“I have a record.”
“Like a criminal record?” she asked like it was so hard to believe.
“Yes.”
“So, what happened? What did you do to get you arrested?”
“I had dated someone who was apparently dating someone else at the same time. I found out and thought ‘he could have her.’ It was my twenty‑first birthday. Ty was on leave, so we did the barhopping thing to celebrate. She was there with the other guy. I wouldn’t give her the time of day, which pissed her off.” How could I have been so reckless? “Anyway, she told her man that I attacked her out in the parking lot and almost raped her.”
Addie sucked in a large breath that looked like it blew her eyes up to the size of golf balls. “What the fuck?” She blurted, and I laughed. I laughed hard at the sound of Addie’s pretty little mouth saying such a dirty word. “What?” That warranted her smack on my chest. “Why are you laughing? That woman could have ruined you with that kind of accusation. What a bitch.”
I smirked. “That she is.”
“What happened after that?”
“The guy came over, got in my face, and started running his mouth, accusing me of complete and utter bullshit. Ty and I were already pretty drunk, so we didn’t really think before we reacted.” I stalled for good measure, watching Addie’s lips part and her eyes grew wide again. The urge to laugh at the way she held a breath made me want to laugh again, but I didn’t.
“Will you tell me already,” she scolded when she realized what I was doing.
“Okay, okay.” I gave her a quick kiss. “Turns out the guy was an off‑duty police officer, so after I took my first drunken swing, he cuffed my ass and threw me in the back of his buddy’s cruiser.”
“No,” she gasped.
“Yup, the bitch knew exactly what she was doing. I was charged with assault on a police officer and public intoxication. Thankfully, they couldn’t charge me for what she said since that was her word against mine.” Addie gasped louder this time. “I know, right.” I took a second to think about how all this made me feel. Not that I made these events topic of normal conversation. Though irritated thinking about it, I was surprised that I no longer held any kind of anger or animosity.
“I spent three days holed up in that filthy shithole they called a jail cell. My dad refused to bail me out after I called, said he needed time to cool off before he saw me, and that was the final straw.” I stopped for a second, thinking about how angry my father was and the words he didn’t say. “And believe it or not, all of that and the legal bullshit I had to go through was nothing compared to the damage I did to my family.”
“Really? Three days? Why so long?”
“My birthday was on a long weekend that year, so I had to wait until Tuesday before I could see the judge. Thankfully, the charges were dropped, but it still sucked. I never felt like such a loser. Not your leaving, not my failing my ASVAB, nothing compared to the words my father seethed through gritted teeth.” I closed my eyes. This was the one thing that could possibly take me over the edge. The hurtful words my father told me that day not only gutted me but made me realize how much I had fucked up. I inhaled slowly through my nose; I didn’t want to let on how much it bothered me. When I exhaled, I spilled the words that I never wanted to hear again—ever. “He told me that I was a disgrace. That he and my mother never raised his two sons to be such disappointments, and the path I had chosen was not only disrespectful to him and my mother, but to myself.” When I looked at Addie, it pierced my heart to watch her chin dip, trying to hide the tears sliding down the side of her slightly pink cheeks. “Hey, it’s okay. That’s all in the past. Honestly, if my dad was even half as honest as he was that day, I might not have changed my ways. Although his words cut deep, looking back I needed to hear it or I might have continued on a destructive path.”
“I wish things were different, too. Are you and your parents okay now?”
“Never better,” I answered honestly, smiling about how far my relationship with my parents has healed. Not many people knew about their decision to hand over ownership of their company to AJ and me, but that spoke volumes about how much faith they had in me. I had always figured it would be AJ they handed it over to when they were ready, but when they sat us both down and told us the news, I had never been so proud.
“Well, that explains a lot.” Addie leaned into me, resting her cheek to my shoulder.
Thankful all of this was out in the open, I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist, and like other times before, I blurted out something I probably shouldn’t have. “I love you.”
Her body didn’t tense, she didn’t move away from me, and she didn’t ramble off all the reasons why it was too soon for me to say that her.
What Addie did was worse.
Radio silence.