Sex hurt, but, at the same time, it felt beyond amazing. Or was it because RJ and I shared each other’s first time made it that much more special?
The words he whispered right before claiming my virginity branded themselves on my heart, and I swore I would never forget such a sweet plea—never.
After the initial awkwardness, he flowed a bit easier in and out of me. The sensations, minus the burn, were remarkable. I hadn’t known what, or if, I should have been doing, if anything, but he seemed to have had it under control. So I lay there with a death grip around his biceps and reveled in the tingling sensations that crept all over my body.
This was completely different from when we would mess around. RJ’s labored breathing, his grunting close to my ear, and the sweat beads that rubbed from his skin to mine appeased my senses. That was about the time a feeling similar to a waterfall just about ready to fall over the ledge had me wanting to meet his thrusting.
“Oh, shit,” RJ blurted out.
My thighs automatically squeezed, encasing his body with mine, and I held on to the build-up. If he kept moving the way he was, it was almost guaranteed I would have an orgasm.
My lungs struggled a little more than normal to breathe. I waited in anticipation as I dug my fingernails into RJ’s back and pushed my head against the bed of the truck, arching against him and urging him to keep doing what he was doing.
With his thrusts gaining strength, he pounded against the apex of my thighs and swelled even bigger inside me.
“Oh, fuck.” He thrust in and out, turning his head against my neck and pressing open‑mouthed kisses to my skin. “So good . . .” He took a deep breath and shuttered. “Ahh, fuck yes, Addie!”
I was still hovering somewhere between the pleasure and the pain, needed something . . . I didn’t know what, to push myself over the ledge I knew was there. Then he stilled, his whole body tensing up. My heart stopped with him. Had I done something wrong? The pleasure I had been feeling fled, and the traitorous prickling behind my eyes started again.
“Shit,” he mumbled, his face still buried in the crook of my neck. “Sorry for the language. I couldn’t help myself, it felt too good.”
Then, just like that, I let out a sigh of relief.
“Don’t even worry about it.” I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I love you, Addie Mae. I love you so damn much.”
“I love you, too.”
I was so in love.
After RJ found some napkins to clean me up, we snuggled under the thick comforter and stared up at the stars. Everything about this night was magical and perfect, even if I didn’t have an orgasm like I had hoped. Regardless, I could not contain the smile that stretched across my face. If it weren’t for the fact that I was still naked, I would have jumped up and down, shouting to the moon and stars about just how much I loved him.
“Here, put this on.” RJ held his shirt up.
I sat up, pulled his shirt over my head, and paused while I took in his scent. Deodorant and a musky smell filled my nose. I inhaled deeper as I cuddled into him. Drawing lazy circles along the length of my arm, pressing little kisses to the side of my head, he left me in a tranquil state. Fantasizing about the life we could have together, I reconsidered his offer of marriage and mentally thought up ways that we could make it work. I could honestly say, without a doubt, RJ would always own my heart. It may be naive to think, especially since we were so young, but I was willing to bet my life on it.
“Hey, you okay, babe? Did you . . . come?” His voice was tender and sweet.
“I’m good.” I turned to face him and hesitated before answering, shaking my head. “How about you? How was it for you?”
“Shit. I’m sorry, Addie. I got so caught up in how good you felt, I didn’t even think. I’m sorr—”
“Shh, don’t even apologize. It’s fine, I promise. Besides, I’ve heard that a lot of girls don’t their first time.”
He tilted his head a bit and fixed his eyes on me. “And where did you hear that?”
“The Internet.”
“Right.” He chuckled. “Because everything is true on the Internet.”
With a knowing smile and a gentle hand, he held one side of my face close to his and changed the route of our conversation. “I love you so much.” His eyes fell closed, and he kissed me sweetly before asking, “Are you sore at all?”
“Honestly?” He nodded. “I’m a little sore, but as long as you’re here to hold me, it doesn’t hurt so much.”
“Addie Mae, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He squeezed me a little tighter.
“No, babe. You didn’t hurt me. It’s just . . . new, you know? I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now. I love you so much.”
“Me, too.”
“Now that I know what this feels like, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle not having you next to me for long periods of time.” My words hit me just a second after I said them. I would be leaving in a month. Thirty days. That was it, and then I wouldn’t have a choice but to be away from him.
“Addie. Don’t.” He paused. “Please don’t ruin this, let’s just be in the moment. No yesterday, no tomorrow, just tonight.”
I nodded in agreement, but my heart had a new heaviness to it as we lay there, wrapped up in each other under the Georgia stars.