CAMBER SANDS
They were having an Indian summer this year and although it was September, the temperature was nudging 80 degrees. Melissa turned up the air conditioning, but still she could feel the beads of sweat trickling down her forehead. Her hands shook even though she was gripping the steering wheel. She wondered if there might be anywhere to stop for a ‘pick-me-up’ but there was no sign of a service station – just the endless motorway stretching ahead of her in the shimmering heat.
She was dreading this weekend. No, that wasn’t quite right. She loved seeing the others. They were the closest thing she had to a family. Especially Sophie. But the last couple of times they had been together, she could just sense a wave of disapproval coming from them. She didn’t really know why. So she did the odd line of coke now and then. So what? A lot of people in the music industry did it. And the TV industry for that matter. She was almost certain Sophie must have done it. And Amy probably had too – well, her husband Nick anyway. She knew for a fact that he did it because she’d done it with him… although thinking about it now, she decided that perhaps it might be best not to mention that to anyone. They would probably get the hump, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if she’d forced him.
Her hands were sliding on the steering wheel now. She wiped them on her jeans but they refused to dry. Why wasn’t her air conditioning working? She wrenched at it furiously and as she did so, the car swerved across two lanes into the fast lane, narrowly avoiding the crash barrier. The radio still carried wall-to-wall coverage of the terrorist atrocities in America. Melissa tried to retune to a music station – it was all too depressing and she didn’t like to think how close she had come to being caught up in it, having only left New York the day before the planes flew into the World Trade Center. Again, the car swerved as her attention wandered. Behind her, a horn blasted angrily and Melissa instinctively flicked a middle finger up in the rear-view mirror.
She manoeuvred the car back into the slow lane, her whole body now shaking as well as sweating. She needed a coffee and a cigarette. She rummaged in her bag, which was open on the passenger seat, and retrieved her packet of cigarettes but couldn’t locate her lighter. She shook the pack, so that all the cigarettes tipped out onto the seat, and grabbed one. She pressed the cigarette lighter and drummed her fingers impatiently on the wheel as she waited for it to heat.
She had a vague, uneasy sense that Amy might be a bit pissed off with her but she couldn’t quite remember why. She often crashed at Amy and Nick’s if she was in west London. They had a self-contained flat in the basement of their lovely house in Notting Hill which Amy had generously said she could stay in for a while when she was flat-hunting. She hadn’t seen that much of Amy, probably because she was so busy with her new baby, but she seemed to see quite a lot of Nick. He would pop down for a sneaky fag or ‘to get away from the chaos’ upstairs but usually only stayed for half an hour or so.
Melissa liked Nick’s company. He was good fun and although he was rich and successful, he was still down to earth and liked a laugh. He was also as big a flirt as she was, which she enjoyed. Amy seemed very wrapped up in the baby, so he probably just wanted a bit of attention.
Nick moaned that Amy had changed since having the baby and Melissa could see his point. She was always so sunny and ditsy before but now she just seemed worn down, as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Sophie had been the same. It almost put Melissa off having kids. Almost. She would never admit it, even to herself, but every time one of the others got pregnant, she felt a stab of jealousy that was so powerful it physically hurt.
It wasn’t that she desperately wanted a baby. She didn’t. Especially not now, when she was doing so well at work and having so much fun. But the thought of having someone to whom you were the whole world… well, there was no doubt it was a powerful tug.
She thought about her own mother. After her parents split up, it was just the two of them for three blissful years. Until she met Graham. Graham was fat, funny and successful. Her mum was captivated by him and so was Melissa. He seemed to idolize them both and spoiled Melissa rotten, much to the annoyance of her own dad, who had also moved on to a new relationship with Sara.
Then, almost overnight, everything changed. Her mum had two girls in quick succession, Molly and Ruby, just fifteen months apart, and Sara had a boy, Sam. Having been the centre of the world for all these adults, suddenly Melissa felt invisible and forgotten. She loved all of her half-siblings, but they were a lot younger than her and no one seemed very interested in what she thought or felt. Things didn’t improve as they got older either. Molly and Ruby were so close that there was no room in their relationship for their older half-sister and she rarely saw her dad, Sara or Sam.
By the time she left for university, Melissa could sense the relief on her mum’s part at finally getting her off her hands. She hadn’t been an easy adolescent and she knew there would be no chance of her boomeranging back home afterwards. She was on her own. Meeting Sophie and sharing a room with her had been like finding her family for the first time since she was seven.
Melissa lit her cigarette and took a long, hard drag, the nicotine hit instantly soothing her rattled nerves. Sophie also seemed a bit pissed off with her lately, which hurt more than she liked to admit. Sophie was her rock. More of a sister than her own sisters had ever been. She decided that she would use this weekend to build a few bridges and get back to the easy, happy relationship they had had before. Right now, though, she really needed to find somewhere to stop and give herself a little boost.
The temperature was nudging an unseasonal 80 degrees as Sophie headed down the A21, watching the tail lights of the cars that snaked out in front of her, stubbornly refusing to move on the steaming asphalt. She mentally said a prayer of thanks for the invention of air conditioning.
Emma had been poorly with a raging temperature the previous month and the doctor had told Sophie and Steve to keep her cool, which proved to be impossible. In the end, Sophie had resorted to driving her around in the car all day with the air conditioning on full blast. It probably wasn’t good for Emma’s breathing but it certainly succeeded in keeping her cool.
It must have worked because Emma recovered remarkably quickly and was back to her beautiful, bouncy self within days, much to Sophie’s huge relief. She had missed Emma’s non-stop chatter in her strangely gravelly voice and the way she would convulse with laughter, throwing her head back with the complete abandon that only small children can enjoy. Instead, she had just wanted to curl up on Sophie’s lap, her tiny thumb in her mouth and all her energy and curiosity seemingly gone. The only good thing to come out of it was that it helped to further strengthen her bond with Emma, after their difficult first year.
Sophie couldn’t wait to see Amy, who had given birth to a little girl, Megan, almost six months previously. She had been to visit her in the very exclusive Portland Hospital and had been unsurprised to see her propped up on her snow-white pillows, looking like a beautiful Pre-Raphaelite painting, nursing a perfect little bundle in a white blanket. Nick had hovered beside her proudly, almost unable to tear his eyes away from his wife and new daughter.
All Sophie’s early reservations about Nick had long gone. He really did seem to be the perfect husband and now father. It wasn’t his fault that he was impossibly good-looking, rich and charming with it. She sometimes felt a cramping ache of jealousy whenever she compared Amy’s situation to her own but surely that was natural, wasn’t it? There wasn’t a person alive who wouldn’t envy Amy’s lifestyle, her beauty and the way everything always worked out perfectly for her.
‘I don’t envy her,’ Melissa replied when Sophie mentioned it the last time they spoke. Melissa had called her from New York, where she was accompanying a band on the US leg of their world tour.
‘What, not even a tiny bit?’
There was a pause, during which Sophie could hear Melissa taking a long drag on her cigarette and exhaling. She pictured her sitting in her hotel room, surrounded by God knows what kind of detritus. Strangely, the motherly instinct that had taken so long to kick in with Emma was a constant whenever she thought about Melissa. She worried about her far more than she should. ‘Well, maybe I envy the house and the money. Not the marriage, though.’
Sophie had wondered what she meant at the time but couldn’t bring herself to ask. She had enough to think about without getting into discussions about the state of other people’s relationships. She and Steve were gradually getting back on an even keel and she needed to focus on him. She owed him that. He had been so patient. So giving. Now it was her turn to give back. He had come to hate his job in HR at a bank in the City and her plan was to make enough money for him to be able to give it all up and make a go of his writing.
After Big Brother, Sophie had moved into the development department of the TV company, where she discovered that she had a talent for coming up with new ideas and formats. One day, she took a phone call from a man called Mark Bailey, who had just started to come to prominence as a judge on a new wave of reality shows, some of which Sophie had developed. He was setting up his own production company and wanted Sophie to help him run it.
Despite his reputation for being demanding and expecting those who worked with him to forget any kind of a personal life, Sophie didn’t hesitate. She could sense that Mark Bailey was going places. She wanted to be riding whatever tidal wave she suspected he might create in the years to come and if things went well, it would set her and her little family up for ever. She definitely wanted a better life. Preferably one like Amy and Nick’s.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the cars in front of her began to move and in the distance Sophie could see the blue flashing lights that signified the cause of the hold-up. As she snaked past the scene of the accident, she tried to resist the urge to look but it was impossible. A black Mini had crashed into the central reservation and its driver was standing beside it, talking to a police officer. Sophie frowned as a thought occurred to her and instinctively she braked, trying to get a glimpse of the driver. Behind her, a car horn sounded, its driver incensed at the prospect of any further delay to their journey and Sophie accelerated past.
An hour later, she drove down a sandy track leading to the house, her breath catching in her chest as the sea came into view, spread out like a carpet of glinting aquamarine jewels in front of her. Having grown up living beside the sea in Northern Ireland, the sight of it always had a profound effect on her, making her think of freedom. Of escape.
She parked the car and switched off the engine, still unable to tear her eyes away from the breathtaking scene in front of her. She climbed out and stretched, inhaling the salty tang as deeply as possible before striding across the pale powdery sand towards the shore. The beach was deserted, apart from someone sitting at the water’s edge, their back to Sophie.
As she drew closer, she could make out the dark hair billowing in the breeze and recognized the narrow shoulders. ‘Hey, Emily!’ she called gently, not wanting to alarm her.
There was a slight pause before Emily turned and waved. Sophie could sense that Emily had quickly rearranged her features, and she slowed her pace to give her time to recover from whatever mood she had been in.
She leaned down to kiss the top of Emily’s head, before sitting next to her, mirroring her position of hugging her knees to her chest.
‘Amazing house, Sophie. You’ve surpassed yourself this time!’ There was a dampness around Emily’s eyes but she was smiling as she spoke.
Sophie turned to look back at it. She had been so busy admiring the sea that she hadn’t even noticed the house itself. It was truly stunning, built of glass and steel, taking full advantage of its spectacular setting right on the shore front with huge plate-glass windows covering almost every wall. ‘Wow. It’s even better than I expected. Shall we go and explore?’
‘Sure.’ Emily elegantly stood up, showing off her toned physique, while Sophie scrambled clumsily to her feet. She always felt so big around the other girls. Ungainly. Why couldn’t at least one of them be as large as her? As they reached the house, Sophie rummaged in her bag for the keys and opened the enormous front door. Inside, the house was dazzlingly light and airy, with simple white walls and spectacular views from every window, all of which seemed to have been cleverly designed to capture the sea view.
‘This is fabulous!’ Emily’s voice echoed in the huge space and ricocheted off the walls, making them both laugh and triggering more echoes.
‘How are the others getting here?’ Emily opened the giant American-style fridge and picked out the complimentary bottle of Prosecco that had been left inside.
‘Both driving, I think.’ An image of a smashed-up black Mini flashed into Sophie’s mind. ‘By the way, did you come down the A21?’
‘Hmmm? I did, yes.’ Emily poured two glasses and gave one to Sophie. She chinked her glass against Sophie’s and took a long sip. ‘Why?’
Sophie shook her head. ‘Nothing. I hope.’
‘Well, I guess I’ll be off then.’ Amy watched Nick’s stiff, broad back, as he stared out of the window.
There was a long pause. ‘Yup.’
‘It’s only for two nights, Nick.’
Another pause. ‘So you keep saying.’
Amy frowned. Nick went away on business all the time. She couldn’t understand why he was being so offhand about her having a weekend with the girls. She’d always done it and she needed it more than ever this year. She was desperate to get some time to herself and it was the first time she had left Megan overnight in the six months since she had been born. It wasn’t even as if Nick had to look after her. Amy had arranged for their nanny, Suki, to move in for the weekend and he wouldn’t have to do a thing if he didn’t want to.
She picked up her bag. If she wavered any longer she would end up cancelling and she needed to see her friends. Well, she needed to see Sophie and Emily, anyway. She already saw plenty of Melissa, as she was always crashing in their basement flat.
She walked over to Nick and put her hand on his arm. ‘I love you,’ she said, looking up at him hopefully.
But Nick’s face was set like stone and he refused to look back at her. ‘Just go, Amy.’
Amy swallowed hard. He was being so cold. He was acting as if she was leaving for good, instead of a quick weekend catching up with her friends. For a second, she considered not going, before a little spark of long-forgotten defiance sprang up inside her. She wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She turned slowly away and began to walk towards the front door, her legs seemingly moving on autopilot.
‘Have a nice time without us!’ he shouted suddenly and she turned to see him glaring at her with a look of white-hot anger in his dark eyes.
Amy hesitated again. She hated it when he got like this and she already knew that he would sulk for days after she got back. Was it really worth the grief? For a moment she wasn’t sure. But again, that spark of defiance flared within her and she opened the front door. ‘I will,’ she said, before stepping out into the sunshine.
It was getting late and they were all hungry. ‘Where the hell is she?’ said Emily, staring out at the sea from the huge plate-glass window in the sitting room. The sky had taken on a pink hue, signalling that the sun was beginning to set.
Amy looked at her watch and tutted. ‘If we don’t eat soon, the salmon will be ruined.’
Sophie looked again at her phone, willing it to burst into life with a call from Melissa. A strange sense of uneasiness had settled around her, as the image of a smashed-up black Mini refused to budge from her brain. Was it Melissa? She wasn’t sure what car she owned at the moment. The last few times she had seen her, she had travelled by train. ‘Let’s give it another ten minutes and if she’s still not here, we’ll eat.’
She had called Melissa’s number repeatedly over the past couple of hours but each time it went straight to voicemail. Sophie’s messages, at first irritated and frustrated by her lateness, had switched to pleading for her to get in touch. But still she heard nothing.
Suddenly, her phone burst into life, causing all of them to start as the loud, jangling sound reverberated off the double-height walls.
Sophie didn’t recognize the number but snatched it up regardless. ‘Hello?’
There was a muffled sound, like someone blowing their nose. ‘Soph? It’s me.’
‘Melissa!’ Relief made Sophie’s insides swim. Amy and Emily turned as one. To an onlooker it would have seemed as though they were playing a game of musical statues, as they all froze simultaneously. ‘Where the hell are you?’
‘At the police station.’ She blew her nose again.
Shock rendered Sophie speechless for several seconds as her brain tried to compute the information. ‘Police station?’ Two sets of eyes widened in front of her as she spoke.
‘Can you come and pick me up, Soph? I need to get out of here…’ Her voice was swallowed up by a sob.
‘Oh no! I can’t… I’ve had too much to drink…’ Sophie’s eyes scanned the faces of the other two as she tried to think what to do. She hadn’t been keeping count, but surely everyone had had too much to drive?
‘I’ll go.’ Emily was already shrugging on her denim jacket and scooping up her car keys from the stainless-steel table where she had dropped them earlier. ‘Tell me where she is.’
‘Oh! Em’s coming to get you.’ Of course, Emily hardly ever drank too much. She had had a couple of sips of her Prosecco before switching to water.
‘Can you come with her?’ There was a pleading tone to Melissa’s voice.
Sophie hesitated. She knew exactly why Melissa didn’t want to be alone with Emily. She was terrified of her disapproval. At least with Sophie, she could feel that they were on even terms. Whatever Melissa did, however bad, she knew Sophie’s guilty little secrets too, which made Sophie less likely to judge her as harshly as Emily. ‘OK, give me the details and we’ll be there as soon as we can.’