PORTRUSH, NORTHERN IRELAND
Sophie stood in the arrivals hall at Belfast International airport, watching the arrivals board. Flying to Belfast used to be such a tense affair, but these days, Belfast was a vibrant, bustling place. Since 9/11, Irish terrorism had been succeeded by a new, more sinister threat. Their flight landed twenty minutes ago, so they should be through soon. The butterflies in her stomach danced a little harder with every passing minute. She wasn’t entirely sure why.
Steve and Emma had flown home that morning. Sophie was staying on for a couple of extra days and had invited the girls to come for the weekend, the final part of her thirtieth birthday celebrations.
It had been such a lovely week so far. Amazingly, for almost the first time she could remember, the sun had shone every single day and they had spent their time eating, drinking and watching Steve surf the huge waves at White Rocks beach, reminding Sophie of that first magical summer when she had got together with him. The big difference this time was that they had their little Emma with them. At three years old, she was a like a tiny cloud of golden energy, always laughing, always talking and, it seemed, always on the move. She never sat still for a minute and grabbed every second of every day as if it was her last. Sophie was besotted with her.
Over dinner on her birthday, she told Steve the news she had been keeping to herself until she was sure. It was so different in every way from her pregnancy with Emma. This time she felt almost ecstatic. Seeing the blue line so clear, so bold and so positive was like a sign that she could finally put her mistakes behind her.
Steve’s lovely face crumpled with emotion as she told him. ‘What’s wrong?’ she said, a sharp cramp of fear clutching her insides, in case he wasn’t happy.
‘It’s you.’ He shook his head and drew a hand across his face. ‘The difference in you from before, with Emma…’
‘I’m sorry. I was just scared.’
‘I know. You have nothing to apologize for…’
Sophie dropped her gaze. She had so much to apologize for that if she started now, until the end of her life it wouldn’t be enough.
‘You have nothing to apologize for,’ Steve repeated. ‘I’m just relieved to see you so happy this time.’
Sophie lifted her eyes to his. ‘I am happy, Steve. And I’m relieved too. I really want this pregnancy to be different. To make it up to—’
‘—yourself,’ Steve interrupted. ‘You need to make it up to yourself. No one else.’
‘God, I love you so much.’ The tears Sophie had been holding back began to stream down her cheeks. ‘And I love Emma…’
Steve reached out and took her hand. ‘We know you do. And we love you too. Everything is going to be OK.’
Sophie sniffed and blinked quickly, as two familiar faces came into view in the arrivals area. Emily’s shiny black bob had grown out to just below her shoulders and hung in a sleek, dark sheet, in sharp contrast to Amy’s auburn mane, which was piled up on top of her head. No Melissa. Sophie’s heart dropped slightly, even though she had known she wouldn’t be here, because she hadn’t invited her. She had spoken to her a couple of times and she seemed to be getting herself back together but Sophie wanted to make sure Amy was completely comfortable before bringing her back into the fold.
Emily and Amy were deep in conversation, hauling their weekend cases behind them, and Sophie felt a sudden, deep surge of affection for them both. They had never been to Ireland to visit her before and she was touched that they had made the effort. As she watched them, they looked up and smiled in unison.
‘Welcome to the Emerald Isle,’ she said, adopting her best tourist-guide smile and giving a brief curtsey as she swept her arm expansively around the arrivals hall.
‘It looks… breathtaking!’ laughed Emily, hugging her with her free arm. ‘Oh, it’s good to see you, Soph. I can’t believe it’s been so long.’
‘I know. It’s absurd. Still, you’re here now.’ Sophie reached out to hug Amy. ‘And you have no right to look as good as you do, young lady! Where did your baby weight go?’
Amy shrugged and grinned but Sophie noticed that the laughter didn’t reach her eyes. ‘It’ll be back soon enough…’
‘Seriously?’ Sophie’s mouth dropped open in surprise. ‘You’re pregnant again? Wow! Congratulations.’
Amy sighed. ‘I’m really sorry, Soph, I don’t want to be a killjoy on your birthday weekend.’
‘I wouldn’t worry – that makes two of us who’ll be drinking water then…’ Sophie waited for the penny to drop.
‘Oh, great!’ Emily cried in mock frustration. ‘So I’ll be the only one enjoying the Guinness then, I take it?’
Sophie nodded. ‘Yup. I’m pregnant too.’
‘Oh, Sophie, I’m so happy for you!’ Amy’s eyes, which had looked so lifeless a few moments ago, now lit up with genuine delight. Sophie tried not to let her confusion show. Maybe Amy was still in shock at being pregnant again so soon after Megan was born.
‘So how did Nick take the news?’ Sophie asked, as she led them out towards the car park.
‘He’s delighted. It was him who was so desperate for another one.’ Amy sounded exhausted at the mere thought of it.
‘But you’re happy too?’
Amy hesitated. ‘Actually, I would rather have waited another year but he wouldn’t let it drop.’
Emily looked up and caught Sophie’s eye. Sophie decided to change the subject.