“Suck it dork!”

“Sick at work…” I mumble under my breath.

“How are you so bad at Wheel of Fortune Agnes? We’ve been watching it since you were a little girl.”

“Beats me, I’ll try harder next time.” I laugh.

We’re eating our take-out and I’ve been nervous as hell to tell her my news about moving in with Grant. It’s not that I think she’ll care. It’s just a huge step and they haven’t formally met yet.

After I clear all our food and stick everything in the dishwasher, I make my way back to the living room to finish watching the show.

“Agnes, if you don’t come out and say what’s on your mind I’m going to call your delivery boy up to find out what’s going on.”

“Call Grant… what?”

“How do you think he got your information? Do you think those flowers just flew themselves to your doorstep? For crying out loud Agnes, you’re not very street smart.”

“You gave my personal information out to someone we didn’t know? Mimi!”

She shuts off the TV and faces me. Mimi never, ever shuts off the TV mid show. I’m scared.

“Has he not been playing your fiddle for the past however many weeks since you met him?”

“Um…”

“It’s okay for you to ask a complete stranger to lay with you in my prized marigold’s, but it’s not okay for me to give him your address? All he wanted it for was to give you flowers! Flowers are romantic Aggie. Your grandfather, rest his soul, got me flowers twice in our entire marriage! And one of those times he claimed the bouquet my brother sent me when he was across the country.”

“This is all making me very uncomfortable. And it’s been six months, not a couple weeks.”

“You want uncomfortable? Try finding ass prints in your mulch. Or trying to explain to your neighbor the noises in my backyard are from a family of dying raccoons that keeps shelter under my back deck on Fridays.”

“Oh god…”

“Out with it!”

“I’m moving in with Grant.”

She stares at me while keeping quiet and it’s weirding me the hell out. Mimi’s never silent when it comes to her opinion.

“It’s about time. At this point I was already married to your Grandfather and knocked up with your miserable mother. It’s about time he lit a fire under your ass.”

“Well…”

“You’ll bring him next Friday.”

She sits back on her couch and puts the TV back on.

“What if he’s busy?”

“Next Friday Aggie.”

“Yes ma’am.”

The show comes to an end and she shuts the TV off again. “Your mother called.”

That brings on a new level of suckiness. I knew it was a matter of time. Honestly, I’m surprised it took her this long to reach out to me. It hasn’t been that long since we went public. You may think it’s weird that she called my grandmother instead of me. She never calls me unless it’s of importance to her.

No, I know my mom. She was putting her feelers out. Trying to get any information she could before actually having to call me. God forbid she call her only child and it leads to a dead end.

“And…”

“I told her your boyfriends a delivery boy. But I told her not to worry about your future with him, I give him big tips.” She winks at me.

“I love you so much Mimi!”

“Love you too sweetie. Now get to stepping, I have to be up early in the morning.”

I get up and walk to the door. “Thanks for dinner. Next times on me!”

“Follow your heart sweet girl. Don’t over think things too much. Also remember… I expect him with you next week.” Mimi kisses my forehead before heading back in her house and shutting the door.

Hmm. That should be an easy task. Grant already sounds like he did some bonding with Mimi.

I can’t wait to get home to Grant. Home. I haven’t seen him much today because I decided to spend it with my Mimi while he was on conference calls.

As I’m walking down the drivewayI hear footsteps coming up behind me. Crap, someone’s about to mug me! I’ll never surrender without a fight, it’s about to go down!

In a quick decision, I twirl completely around and raise my hands in the air doing my best crouching tiger.

“Jesus Aggie, no need to end me.” He smiles as I take him in.

Grant’s wearing an apron and has takeout containers in his hand. Hmmm.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m your delivery boy.” He winks at me. “Just making my last delivery of the evening.”

“Isn’t that funny. I was going to head home to my sexy boyfriend, but he’s become a bore in bed. Think you can help me out? The only problem is… I’m looking for a delivery man.”

“Just so we’re straight, you’re in character too, right?”

I roll my eyes and pull him by the collar to our old stomping grounds.

“Feeling nostalgic, are you?” I question while pulling his shirt over his head as we crash through the gate.

“Fuck yes. I miss smelling flowers when I’m deep inside you.”

I take mental note to get flowers and keep them in our bedroom later. But right now, I’m gonna have my man where we first met.

He has me kneel on the steps of the deck, his favorite spot for us to get down and dirty. He’s just about to pull my pants down my hips when the floodlights come on causing me to shriek.

“Gladys, put your headphones on! The racoons are back!”

We hear a door and jump behind a nearby bush.

“What’s that Leslie?”

“The racoons are back! Just wanted to warn you, but don’t worry. I’m gonna try to scare them away with my broom!”

I look at Grant and burst out laughing. “Busted!”

“Take my granddaughter home young man.” Mimi says before closing the back door.

The lights go off and neither of us have moved a muscle.

“I can’t see your grandmother for a year. Maybe five.”

“You better get over that really quick because she’s requested you for dinner next Friday.”

“Fuck.” He groans.

I laugh my ass off all the way home.

Do we really sound like dying racoons?