Becky
Kungar Ice Caves, Russia
3 July 2018
Becky and Kai reach the Kungar Ice Caves at nightfall. When she’d arrived at the airport a few hours before, it had felt like she’d stepped back in time, taking in the old-fashioned adverts adorning the tops of the walls, glossy-faced women advertising makeup and perfumes. As she’d made her way towards the exit, she’d imagined Idris walking through arrivals with Solar trailing behind him, twenty years before. Maybe he’d have cut his hair to avoid whoever it was he was running from recognising him? Would Solar have looked dirty, neglected, peering around her with fearful eyes?
Now Becky is waiting to go into the cave they may have once lived in. It’s a warm evening but, despite this, Becky and Kai are both dressed in thick winter jackets, jeans and gloves, ready for the freezing temperatures inside. Under the moonlight, Becky can make out iron fences lining the foot of the mountains as they walk down a path towards the cave. Pretty benches sit in front of them, the wood painted blue, green and yellow. A blue archway announces the start of the caves. The actual entrance to the caves looks like a small concrete block structure jutting from the hills. She hasn’t really seen much of Russia, just a quick taxi ride to her hotel to freshen up, then another taxi ride in the dark.
A man in his thirties with a thick moustache and beard is waiting for them, wearing jeans and a T-shirt.
‘Clearly, he’s not coming inside,’ Becky says, eyeing his attire.
‘Nah,’ Kai says with a smile. ‘Lev’s a kind of caretaker here, keeps an eye on the place. He agreed to let us in.’
Becky matches his grin. It’s good to have Kai here. He seems to know everyone in the caving world.
Lev laughs as they approach, his blue eyes sparkling. ‘You crazy Brits,’ he says, shaking his head. ‘Visiting the caves in darkness.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’ Becky asks, suddenly alarmed.
‘Nothing,’ Kai replies. ‘Better now than when it’s teeming with tourists. Caves are so much more exciting at night anyway.’
Lev hands them both headlamps to put on, then he creaks open the large iron gates to reveal the long, murky entrance – a contrast to the pristine, modern entrance into the Slovenian caves.
‘Visitors used to have to crawl into the cave until this was built,’ Lev explains with a raised eyebrow. ‘So count yourself lucky.’
‘I’m used to doing a bit of crawling with my dogs,’ Becky replies.
The man laughs. ‘What did I say? Crazy Brits. Good luck.’
They step in and he slams the iron gates behind them, the sound rebounding off the narrow corridor. Becky draws closer to Kai, more pleased than ever that he’s here with her.
‘Where’s Hannah and Ed?’ Becky asks as they walk down the cave.
The couple had insisted on coming when Kai had told them and Becky was happy with that. The more the merrier.
‘We’re meeting them inside the first grotto,’ Kai explains.
As they walk further into the cave, the temperature drops. Becky pulls the zip of her coat up, breathing in the damp, stony smell. The corridor opens up into a huge cavern and Becky stops in her tracks, open-mouthed as she stares around her. The light from her headlamp illuminates the ice clusters, making them twinkle and shine. White stalactites drape from the ceilings, reminding her of the frozen animals she’d seen hanging in her mum’s office.
‘Beautiful, right?’ Kai says.
‘Stunning.’
‘This is just one of the grottos. The caves go on for miles. A whole group of people even got lost in here once.’
‘That’s reassuring to hear,’ Becky says, laughing nervously.
There’s the sound of talking and footsteps, and Ed and Hannah appear alongside a tall woman with white hair pulled back into a severe bun. She is standing with her feet apart, her arms crossed, surveying the cavern with narrowed eyes. Kai is enveloped by high fives and hugs as Hannah walks over to Becky and surprises her with a hug.
‘So cool to see you again,’ she says.
‘You too.’
Hannah looks around her in awe. ‘Isn’t it stunning? We were planning on coming here later in the year, but when we heard you guys were making the trip, we thought we’d come along for the ride. I hope that’s okay?’
‘Of course. I’m pleased you did,’ Becky admits.
‘Yeah, we speleologists like to travel in packs, like wolves,’ Ed says.
‘So who’s the alpha?’ Becky asks.
They all gesture towards the tall woman with them. She puts her hand out to Becky. ‘Iskar,’ she says in a Russian accent.
‘Hi Iskar, I’m Becky.’
She goes to shake Iskar’s hand but the Russian woman shakes her head. ‘Clench your fist,’ she commands.
Becky frowns.
‘Go on,’ Kai says with a smile. ‘She won’t bite. Not if you behave anyway.’ Everyone laughs.
Becky clenches her fist and Iskar clasps her hand around it, shaking it once before pulling away.
‘Our way of saying hello,’ Hannah explains. ‘You’re one of us now.’
‘A speleologist?’ Becky asks with a raised eyebrow.
‘No, just someone mad enough to visit these caves under the cover of night,’ Ed says.
‘So it really isn’t a good idea to visit this cave at night then?’ Becky asks, staring into the darkness.
‘Are you scared?’ Iskar asks her.
‘This time a month ago, I was wrestling a pit bull terrier to the ground,’ Becky says. ‘So no, not scared, just curious.’
Iskar smiles at Kai. ‘I like this one.’
‘This place is awesome,’ Ed says as he strides towards one of the walls and reaches out, touching the freezing surface.
‘Yeah, there’s something about ice caves,’ Kai says, joining him. ‘Stuck in a permanent winter.’
‘Remember to be careful,’ Iskar calls out. ‘It’s slippery in here. Unless you want to marry a prince, I’d advise you step carefully.’
‘Marry a prince? That sounds appealing,’ Hannah says.
‘You have a prince already,’ Ed says, shooting her a mock wounded face.
‘More like a frog,’ Kai jokes.
They all laugh.
‘Supposedly a German princess visited the caves in 1914,’ Iskar says as she helps Hannah onto a large rock to peer at a stalactite up close. ‘She fell and injured her knee. When she left the cave, she married a prince and became Queen of Sweden. Hence the legend.’
‘She even left a signature on a boulder here in the caves,’ Kai says. ‘In fact, it’s close to the cavern where Idris’s painting was found.’
‘Why’s that area closed to the public?’ Becky asks.
‘There’s a risk of the roof caving in,’ Kai replies. ‘Plus the routes in and out are really narrow, makes it difficult to escape when you’re in a tight spot.’
‘I’m surprised a child as young as your sister was allowed in there,’ Iskar says.
‘Me too,’ Becky says, crouching down to look at one of the larger stalagmites.
Not for the first time, she curses Idris for bringing Solar here. Why on earth take a child to a dangerous cave closed off to the world? Becky thinks of the painting, the gaping mouth. Maybe the person they were running from was reason enough?
Becky looks around her, thinking of her little sister down here, arms curled around her knees, mist coming from her mouth as she breathed out the cold air.
‘This is not a good place for a child to live,’ she murmurs to herself.
‘Live?’ Iskar says in surprise. ‘There is no way they’d have lived here. It’s too cold.’
‘Then why the painting?’
Iskar shrugs. ‘They would have visited? Who knows. Come on, we have much to explore. Remember, be careful not to slip and keep close, it’s easy to get lost here!’
They follow her out of the grotto and down a new narrow funnel. Everyone looks above them with open mouths at the large ice crystals fringing the ceiling.
‘How does it stay so cold in the summer?’ Becky asks in awe.
‘That’s what I love about this place,’ Hannah says. ‘The permanent freezing nature of the zone means it remains icy.’
Becky reaches up, skimming one with her fingertips. It’s freezing to the touch, sharp. Over the next hour, they walk through a labyrinth of grottos. As the cavers take notes and photos, Becky wanders around, trying to imagine her sister and Idris here. The temperatures plummet the deeper they get in, meaning Becky has to pull on her gloves. Iskar’s right – there’s no way they could have lived here. So why come? Maybe it was just a visit.
‘Here we are,’ Iskar says, her breath a mist in the icy air. They step into another grotto, smaller than the others, with a tiny lake in the middle. ‘This is where the wall painting is, Becky.’
Becky steps into the cave. The ice above forms like large bubbles, gleaming an eerie blue. There’s a lake running down the middle of the cave, small and narrow with stony banks around it, large enough for people to sit on. The banks slope down into the water, the walls either side just rock, not ice.
‘Where’s the painting?’ Becky asks.
‘There,’ Iskar replies, pointing across the length of the cavern.
Kai helps Becky step down onto one of the ledges and they both head to the back, towards one of the flatter walls. Becky stops dead when she sees it, the glaring face staring out at her. It’s faded with time but still there, at least six-foot high.
‘Creepy,’ Kai murmurs.
Becky frowns. It’s even worse in the flesh. Was Solar with Idris when he painted it? How terrifying for the little girl.
‘The others are going to go on to explore some of the other grottos,’ Kai says. ‘But I told them you might want to wait here? I’ll stay with you.’
She turns to him. ‘Don’t you want to see the other grottos?’
‘It’s fine, really. I promise I’ll keep out of your way.’
He retreats to the front of the cave as the others leave.
‘We’ll meet you back at the entrance!’ Iskar calls out. ‘It’s a circular route so we will be coming out another way. You’re closer to the entrance here so best to retrace your steps. And remember, no later than midnight!’
Becky sits down at the ledge, wrapping her arms around her knees as she looks at the painting. She stays like that for a while, contemplating it all as Kai walks around the cave, taking photos.
How would her mum feel, knowing her youngest daughter had been in this freezing cave? Sure, it sounds like she couldn’t have lived here, but still, Idris had dragged her to a cavern that was out of bounds and painted that awful picture. Why hadn’t her mum fought harder to find Solar, to bring her home to safety? Or maybe she had? She’d circled that photo of Idris and Solar in the National Geographic after all.
‘Shit!’ she hears Kai shout out. She turns around just in time to see him sliding down one of the ledges, his leg bending awkwardly as he lands with a thump by the lake’s side. He leans forward in agony. ‘Ow, ow, ow!’ he hisses.
Becky runs over, kneeling beside him. ‘Your ankle?’
Kai closes his eyes, clenching his teeth as he nods. ‘If the pain’s anything to go by.’
‘Let me have a look,’ she says, gently pulling his trouser leg up and his thick socks down to reveal an ankle that’s already swelling.
‘It looks bad, doesn’t it?’ he asks her.
‘You’ll live,’ she says matter-of-factly, dragging his bag over to gently elevate his foot as he bites his fist in pain. ‘But best you don’t walk on it until we get it looked at.’
He lets out a growl. ‘So so stupid!’
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. This way, you’ll get to marry a prince.’
‘I guess there’s always a silver lining,’ he says with a sigh. ‘Though I prefer the sound of a princess.’ He flinches again, squeezing his eyes shut. ‘Treating a wounded man’s no different from a wounded pit bull terrier, right?’
Becky raises an eyebrow. ‘I find humans complain more.’ She sighs. ‘Truth is, there’s nothing much more I can do here. We ideally need to get you to a hospital, which will be interesting,’ she says, peering towards the narrow passage they came in from.
‘I can try to walk on it,’ he says, attempting to get up.
She pushes him back down. ‘What did I just say about humans being more hard work than animals?’ she scolds. ‘You’ll need help getting out of here, and I might be strong but I’m not that strong.’
She looks towards where the rest of the group disappeared then peers at her watch. Twenty minutes since they left. They’d be taking photos, making notes, so maybe they’re not far?
‘Right, just stay here,’ she says to Kai, standing up.
Kai shakes his head. ‘I know what you’re thinking. You can’t go looking for them, you’ll get lost. It’s like a labyrinth in these caves! Plus there might be, I don’t know, cave monsters or something.’
‘I’m a vet, remember? Cave monsters are one of my specialities.’
She grabs her rucksack and places it under his head to make him more comfortable. As she does that, she gets a sudden flashback to placing a pillow beneath her mum’s head as she died, helping her sip water through dry, cracked lips. Grief suddenly overwhelms her. She turns away, pleased for the darkness, and gets a bottle of water out, putting it next to Kai.
‘Anyway, do you have any better ideas?’ She untangles the small pick axe hanging from Kai’s rucksack. ‘Mind if I borrow this?’
‘Blimey, what are you planning to do, burrow a hole out of here? You know that’ll take centuries, right?’
‘No actually, I was going to axe your foot off.’
He smiles as she walks to the back of the grotto where the ceiling is at its lowest point.
‘Be careful. I heard it’s a bit slippery!’ Kai calls out.
She looks over her shoulder and raises an eyebrow. He shoots her a smile then flinches with pain again. Standing on tiptoes, Becky uses the pick axe to break off some ice. Then she walks back towards Kai with it, wrapping it in her hat before pressing it against his ankle.
‘This will help with the pain,’ she says.
She leaves it there a few moments as Kai examines her face. ‘You’re so calm.’
‘I’ve seen a lot worse. Right, that’ll do for now.’ She wraps her belt around the ice pack to keep it in place. ‘Ideally, I’d make a splint but this will need to do. Just don’t move your leg, okay?’
‘Yes, sir!’ he replies, giving her a salute.
‘Miss will do. Do not move, remember?’ She jumps up, peering towards the narrow entrance where the group disappeared, trying not to show how nervous she is. The truth is, she might be able to repair broken bones, but navigational skills have never been her strong point. But what choice does she have? There is no way she can support Kai alone in getting out of here.
‘I don’t like this,’ Kai murmurs, brow creased. ‘You’re not a caver and even cavers get lost in places like this.’
‘I’ll leave a chocolate trail,’ she says, pulling out a packet of chocolate buttons. He raises a cynical eyebrow. ‘Look, this is all we’ve got. So have a little more faith, okay?’
She heads towards the exit.
‘Becky!’ Kai calls out.
She turns. ‘Yep?’
‘Just wanted to say you’re amazing.’ They hold each other’s gaze. Then Kai throws her his goofy smile. ‘You know, in case you get eaten by a cave monster or something.’
She matches his smile. ‘I think there’s more chance of you succumbing to cave monsters, what with you not being able to run and all.’
He shoots her a thumbs up. ‘Gee, thanks for that!’
As she jogs out into the narrow passage, she hears the echo of his laughter. Anyone else might make a big deal of having an injury like his, but Kai’s taking it in his stride. She likes that quality in people, no drama, no fuss. She’s been told she’s like that too, no drama. Her ex Gus told her it was her way of rebelling against her mum’s dramas. Maybe he was right?
As she drops a chocolate button on the floor, she wonders what Idris is like. Did he have a penchant for high drama too? And what did that mean for Solar as she grew up with him? Becky remembers feeling like she was at sea with her mum sometimes, calm moments mixed in with the storms.
As she thinks that, her headtorch starts flickering. She slows down and taps it, relieved when it returns to normal. Her phone is in her bag, the same bag Kai’s head is resting on, so it isn’t like she could use that for light.
She gets to a T-junction to see a dark narrow path leading to the right, a wider and lighter one to the left. The icy ceiling here is like a cracked sheet above her. She’d like to go down the lighter passage, but she remembers Iskar saying the passages leading into the grotto with the princess’s inscription were super narrow. So it makes sense they’d have gone down the narrow one. She takes a deep breath then starts jogging down it, the light from her torch bouncing up and down in front of her.
Then it starts flickering again.
She stops jogging, tapping it. But the flickering continues.
‘Damn,’ she hisses.
She pulls her helmet off to examine it but loses grip due to her thick gloves and it tumbles to the ground, the light from its torch swivelling around the passageway like a strange ice disco ball. Then the light cuts out, plunging Becky into complete darkness.
She feels panic flood her chest. ‘It’s okay,’ she whispers to herself, taking deep breaths. ‘You’ll be okay.’ She slowly crouches down, feeling around the floor for her helmet. She finds it, tapping the torch again.
No luck.
She shakes the hat. Still no luck.
‘Useless,’ she hisses, putting it back on her head anyway. At least if the ceiling falls down on top of her, that part of her will be protected.
‘What next?’ she whispers into the darkness.
She could head back to get Kai’s torch. It was reasonably light in the grotto for him. But that would mean going back to square one in complete darkness, a good ten minutes or so. She could just plough on – the rest of the group can’t be far, surely?
Becky places her hand on the cold bumpy walls and slowly puts one foot in front of the other, feeling her way carefully through the pitch black. But after ten minutes of doing that, she’s still no closer to any new turnings or grottos, and the path seems to be getting narrower and narrower, her shoulders scraping the walls either side, her hard hat bumping against the icy ceiling above every now and again, bringing freezing cold shards of ice down over her.
She starts to feel panic bubble inside again. What if she’s gone down the wrong passage, and it leads nowhere? She could be walking for hours. The cave system was huge! Kai was right, this was a stupid idea.
She stops, gulping in deep breaths.
Then she imagines her mum, right beside her, her hand on her shoulder. ‘You’ll be fine,’ she imagines her saying. ‘You’ve got this, Becks. If you can help a horse give birth to a foal in the middle of a pitch-black field in the dead of winter, you can do this.’
‘You’re right,’ Becky whispers back. ‘I can.’
She takes a deep determined breath then continues walking, both hands flat against the walls either side of her, elbows tucked to her side. Just as she’s about to give up, she hears the distant sound of voices.
It’s the rest of the group!
As she thinks that she feels something in front of her. She reaches her hand out tentatively, feeling wood.
‘This is good,’ she says to herself. ‘Surely this is good?’
She feels upwards, touching more wood. A ladder? She reaches down. Yes, more wooden steps below her too.
‘This must lead somewhere, Mum,’ she says. She stops, realising what she’s saying. Tears prick her eyelashes. Maybe her mum is here, watching her, giving her strength, doing all she couldn’t do when she lived. She’d always thought her mum was weak, selfish. But she’d gone to live in a cave, given up everything, hadn’t she? Wasn’t there some courage in that? A different kind of courage than Becky could possibly understand, but still. Becky takes in a deep breath, drawing strength from that thought.
Then she lifts her leg, placing her foot carefully on the first rung of the ladder, hand grasping the rung above. She pulls herself up slowly, carefully.
The ladder creaks then sways slightly.
Becky stills, waiting until it stops. When it does, she continues up the ladder until she feels new air on her face. She takes a breath of relief. She can see the outline of a stone boulder above her, so she grabs onto it and hauls herself up. It’s still dark, but the darkness has changed in quality and she sees why: there are large white ice crystals above.
She looks ahead into the semi-darkness. It’s a small space with wooden planks stretched across narrow caverns. She thinks of what the others said about the passages and grottos around here being unsafe. Should she risk it?
She peers behind her. She’s come all this way, hasn’t she? And there, in the distance, the sound of voices growing louder. It gives her new resolve. She shouts out, but there’s no answer. So she pulls herself up and sits on the ledge, peering down into the abyss. The wooden plank below is cracked in places and it creaks under her weight. No, there’s no way she can cross it. She’ll need to go back!
She looks up at the vast ceiling in exasperation and something catches her eye: there’s an inscription in the stone. She taps her torch again and it flickers on. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me, now you decide to work?’ she says, shaking her head.
She reads the inscription. There are some symbols she can’t make out then a date and a name in an alphabet familiar to her.
1914. Louise.
That was it – the princess’s inscription Iskar had mentioned!
Then another tiny inscription catches her eye, partially hidden by a protruding piece of rock. She holds onto the wooden pillar for support, crouching down to get a better look.
It has Idris’s name on it.