Selma
Kent, UK
8 September 1991
I ran down the beach towards the collapsed cave. There was a crowd gathered around it, police and paramedics being guided by Julien and Maggie to the front. The small entrance was gone, replaced by fallen rock. I put my hand to my mouth. Idris and I had been in there just the morning before.
‘What happened?’ one of the officers asked.
‘We heard screams, then a crashing noise,’ Maggie replied, voice trembling.
‘How many are in there?’ he asked.
‘Three, maybe four,’ Julien said.
‘Is Idris in there?’ I asked, leaning down to catch my breath.
He nodded. ‘Oceane, Tom and Caden too.’
My stomach sank as I stared into the cave. What if Idris – the father of my baby – was lying in that cave injured … or worse, dead?
Suddenly, my thoughts of getting rid of our baby without telling him filled me with horror as I imagined him dying in that cave, not knowing about the child that was growing inside me.
I suddenly felt sick.
‘What’s going on?’ We turned to see Donna running down the beach, shopping bags smashing against her legs.
‘The ceiling’s collapsed,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry, Donna – Oceane and Tom are in there.’
Donna let out a gasp, her shopping falling from her hands. Jars smashed, red sauce congealed in the sand, staining it scarlet.
‘I told you and Idris how dangerous that bloody cave was,’ she screamed at me. ‘I fucking told you to talk to him!’
I opened my mouth then closed it. I’d completely forgotten to mention it to Idris.
Donna ran towards the cave but the policemen stopped her.
‘We need to call in the fire brigade and some cavers,’ one of them said. ‘If you go in, you’ll only make it worse.’
Over the next half an hour, we watched as men entered with hard hats, shovelling fallen stones out of the way. I tried to comfort Donna but she wouldn’t let me near her. I understood. If it was Becky in there, I’d be angry too. I should have mentioned her concerns to Idris, used my influence on him to tell the others not to go in.
As I thought that, Oceane limped out, her arm around a distressed-looking Tom who was hopping on one leg. I caught a glimpse of Tom’s bloody leg, a hint of bone protruding. I flinched, turning away.
Donna rushed forward with the paramedics.
‘Where’s Caden?’ Julien asked.
‘Is he not here? I thought he’d stormed out after our argument.’
Argument?
‘There’s someone coming out,’ Julien said. Idris appeared from the cave with Caden, who was holding his arm delicately.
I ran to them.
‘Idris!’ I said as I looked at his dusty shocked face. ‘Idris, are you okay?’
He peered towards Tom, who was being treated by the paramedics, crying out in pain. Then at Caden who was being led to another ambulance. Oceane walked over to Caden, trying to comfort him, but he just kept shoving her away, refusing to look at her.
What had happened in that cave before it collapsed?
Oceane looked up, catching Idris’s eye. He quickly looked away.
Panic flooded my chest.
‘What happened in there?’ I asked him. He didn’t say anything, couldn’t look me in the eye. The panic increased. ‘Idris, what the hell happened?’
‘It’s not what you think,’ he said, gaze meeting Oceane’s again.
I looked between them, humiliation darting through me.
In that moment it became clear to me that they had been sleeping together after all … and Caden had caught them in the act in the cave. The same cave where Idris and I made love.
I looked at Idris in disgust and then ran off.
I sat beyond the chalk stacks for what seemed like hours, watching the blue lights of the police cars and ambulances swirling against the white walls.
People walked past, desperate to see all the drama.
‘Knew something like this would happen,’ I overheard one woman say as she walked by.
‘Disaster waiting to happen, that bloody cult,’ her friend said.
They were right, had been right all along. The ceiling had literally come crashing down on our heads, letting light come in to highlight what Idris really was: a deceiver, a nobody. Just a man looking for some cheap thrills.
What did that make me? The very middle-aged desperate housewife I was so terrified of becoming?
A couple walked over, peering towards the drama outside the cave.
It was Julie and Greg.
Julie caught sight of me, her face filling with anger. Greg followed his wife’s gaze, his face registering surprise then fear. Julie went to walk towards me but Greg grabbed her arm, saying something to her. But she shook her head and strode towards me anyway.
What now?
I slowly stood, stomach turning at the look of anger on my old friend’s face.
‘I know about the lies you’ve been telling about Greg,’ Julie spat when she got to me, body rigid as she tried to contain her anger. ‘That yoga teacher told anyone who’d listen about the lies you told her.’
She was referring to what I’d told Anita about Greg perving over me. Great.
‘They’re not lies, Julie,’ I said softly. ‘I didn’t want you to find out this way, but honestly, I was telling the truth.’
Greg laughed bitterly as he joined his wife. ‘Oh come on, Selma. You’re a flirt, always have been. Putting yourself on display every chance you can get. And yet I come out the fucking villain, because men always do with women like you, don’t they?’
I looked at him, hardly believing my ears. He must have been so desperate to save his marriage that he was twisting the truth. And yet he’d been willing to risk his marriage with his flirtations.
‘He’s lying,’ I said to Julie, my eyes on hers.
Julie laughed. ‘That’s funny, coming from you. Did you know everyone calls you Tall Story Selma?’
I frowned, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling dwarfed by their remarks.
‘All backfired now, hasn’t it?’ Greg said, pointing towards the collapsed cave. ‘The dream’s over, Selma.’
‘You’ve torn your family apart for nothing,’ Julie added, shaking her head.
For nothing.
Had it really been for nothing? Losing my job, my marriage … losing Becky. I thought of Idris and Oceane. All lost for a pack of lies because, let’s face it, without the appeal of Idris, would I have really stayed in that cave?
I curled my hands into fists. I couldn’t let it be for nothing. I wouldn’t!
‘Accept it, Selma,’ Julie said. ‘You made a mistake – a mistake that has cost you your daughter. Even more so after the cave collapse. There will be no Children of the Current,’ she said, using her fingers for quotation marks, ‘and no cave to take Becky to any more. You can’t keep running away from your problems, Selma. You’re weak.’
‘You’re wrong,’ I said, glaring at her. ‘I’m strong. We’re all strong.’ I felt resolve build inside. ‘We can get over something like this, you’ll see. And when we do Julie, you’ll always be welcome to come join us. Especially when you see the real Greg.’
Then I walked away, determination rushing through me.
I would prove them all wrong! I wouldn’t crumble at the first sign of trouble like my mother did when she was left alone and penniless by her last husband. I’d make this work, no matter what it took.
As I walked towards the cave, movement above caught my eye. I looked up towards the hotel, noticing someone watching me.
Why was he up there?