Selma
Kent, UK
10 November 1991
Idris walked to his paint area and came back with some paintbrushes that had been snapped in half.
‘I woke yesterday to find them like this. I thought it was the dog at first,’ he said, peering towards Mojo.
I shook my head. ‘Can’t be – the breakages are too neat. Who’s doing this? Could it be your stepmother?’
Idris peered out towards the rainy beach. ‘Maybe. But why sneak in?’
‘Mind games.’
He took in a sharp breath. ‘Yep, she was a fan of those.’
Over the next few days, other things were destroyed. My pen. Idris’s painting apron.
‘Whoever’s doing this is walking into the cave at night, as we sleep,’ I whispered to Idris one morning, rubbing my belly. ‘Isn’t it time we thought about our security here, especially for the sake of the children?’
‘You mean a gate?’ he asked. I nodded. ‘You know how I feel about that, Selma. Maggie, Caden and Julien too; we’re all against it.’
‘You own the place!’
‘Selma, we can’t.’
I folded my arms. ‘Yes we can. In fact, if we want to protect our child, we must.’
Idris’s face flickered with concern. ‘Let me think about it.’
A few days later, I woke to the sound of drilling. I sat up as Maggie, Caden and Julien stirred, smiling as I saw Idris drilling at the entrance of the cave.
‘What’s going on?’ Caden asked me.
‘Wait and see,’ I said, wrapping my dressing gown around my growing belly and walking to the front of the cave as a large shadow spread across the ground, the sound of two men chattering nearby.
‘Oh wonderful! Idris is installing an art piece,’ Maggie said, clapping her hands.
But then two men appeared with a large black iron gate, its shadow turning the entrance dark.
Julien frowned. ‘We said we didn’t want this. It’s so dark now, so enclosed like a dungeon.’ He looked at me. ‘Are you doing this to keep people out? Or keep us in?’
I regarded him with surprise. ‘That’s a ridiculous thing to say, Julien! Idris and I had to make a tough decision to protect us all.’
‘I thought you didn’t want it either?’ Julien asked Idris.
Idris laid his drill down, saying something to the two men, who nodded. Then he walked over to Julien, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder as he sighed.
‘I didn’t want to tell you this as I was worried about scaring you all,’ he added, looking at Maggie and Caden. ‘But it looks like I’m going to have to so you understand why this gate is necessary. Selma and I have been been—’
‘Receiving death threats,’ I finished for him. Idris frowned but I ploughed on. ‘Not just aimed at us, but all of us.’ Maggie’s eyes widened. ‘It’ll probably just be kids,’ I quickly added. I didn’t want them leaving out of fear. ‘But we can’t risk it any more.’
‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ Julien asked.
‘We didn’t want to scare you,’ I said softly.
‘So letters have been delivered here, to the cave?’ Caden asked.
‘Outside the cave,’ I said. ‘Just a couple.’
‘What do they say?’ Maggie asked.
‘That we’re not welcome around here, the usual stuff,’ I said dismissively.
‘Can we see them?’ Julien asked, looking cynical.
‘I burnt them,’ Idris said, snapping out of his surprise. I nodded at him. He understood why we needed to do this.
‘Who do you think sent them?’ Maggie asked in a small voice as Julien pulled her close.
‘Any number of people,’ I replied. ‘You’ve seen the looks we get in town!’
‘But most of the people I speak to seem so nice, so fascinated with this place,’ Maggie said as Julien and Caden nodded.
‘To your face they might be,’ I said. I noticed Maggie peer outside, brow puckered. Was I laying it on too thick? ‘But you’re right – many people are fascinated by us and want to join us. In fact, maybe having this gate here will allay people’s fears about security, meaning more followers will join us?’
Maggie, Caden and Julien exchanged looks.
‘Maybe Selma’s right?’ Maggie said hesitantly.
‘Of course she’s right,’ Idris said. ‘Shall we help the men with the gate, Julien and Caden?’
Caden nodded but Julien hesitated. Then he sighed and followed them to the front of the cave, looking over his shoulder at me and frowning.
A couple of weeks later, I walked into the court, pulling my suit jacket down to hide my bump. If it weren’t for the fact my time in the cave meant I’d lost weight, I could put it down to eating too much, but now my slim arms and legs stood out against the growing curve of my stomach. How could I be sure Mike wouldn’t notice? Everyone else too? I didn’t want the authorities to know – not yet anyway.
I glanced over at Mike, who was looking straight ahead. He’d lost even more weight too, was wearing a smart suit, filling it out in all the right ways. He actually looked better, healthier. Behind me, I felt Idris and Maggie’s reassuring presences. Caden had stayed back at the cave, trying to practise on his guitar with the arm he wasn’t used to. I’d asked Julien to come. He used to be a solicitor after all, but he’d said he’d rather not. He’d been acting off with me ever since I had the gate put in.
Idris gave me a smile. I smiled back. As I turned around, I noticed Mike was watching us both, face stiff with anger.
Then his gaze dropped to my stomach.
I quickly covered it with my bag and took my seat next to my solicitor, shooting her a reassuring smile. I’d talked to her on the phone about the gate a few days ago and she’d agreed it would go down well. She’d seemed optimistic about it all and, in return, made me feel positive too. Once I got this court date out of the way, I could really start planning my life with Becky, and with my new child.
But instead of smiling back at me, my solicitor frowned. ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you,’ she whispered. ‘I even came to the cave yesterday but you weren’t there.’
‘I was with Becky all day. What’s wrong?’
‘Did you have a chance to read the report?’
‘What report?’
‘The one from social services.’
‘You sent it to me?’
‘To your PO Box, I told you we’d get the chance to read it before the hearing, remember?’ I thought back to our conversations. Maybe she had mentioned it but, with everything that had been going on, I’d clearly not taken it in.
‘I haven’t checked my PO Box for days,’ I whispered back.
She closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.
‘What did it say?’ I asked, panic fluttering inside.
The judge walked in and everyone went quiet.
‘What did it say?’ I hissed again.
The judge looked at me sharply.
‘You’ll find out in a minute,’ my solicitor said, looking ahead.
I took in a deep breath. This wasn’t looking good. I peered behind me at Idris again and he gave me a reassuring smile. Then worry flickered across his face as he noticed my expression. I turned back, trying to calm myself. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?
The judge said a few introductory words then the female social worker who’d visited the cave took to the stand. I tried to search her face for an indication of what she might say but I couldn’t tell.
‘We visited the home of Mike Rhys on the seventh of September and spent some time with Becky,’ she said, looking down at her notes. ‘Mr Rhys clearly provides a secure and loving environment for his daughter, and it was equally clear to me and my colleague that the two share an excellent father and daughter relationship. Mr Rhys has taken steps to change his hours, meaning he is able to pick his daughter up from school on the days she is with him. Becky herself seemed very well and is well cared for under her father’s care.’
She took a sip of water and I did the same, trying to control my breathing. I pulled at my suit jacket, blowing my fringe out of my eyes. I always felt so hot now I was pregnant, despite it nearly being December. And now it was even worse, nerves swirling inside at what the report might say.
‘Becky misses her mother,’ the social worker continued, ‘and clearly loves her. During our visit, she asked several times if we’d seen her mother.’ I smiled. ‘This feeling is replicated by Mrs Rhys,’ the social worker continued. ‘She clearly has great affection for her child and a desire to see her.’
My smile deepened. Maybe I had nothing to worry about?
‘However, Mrs Rhys’s actions – leaving the family home to live in a cave – suggest a lack of regard on Mrs Rhys’s part when it comes to providing a secure environment for her child.’ I put my hand to my stomach. The social worker’s eyes flickered to me then down to her notes again. ‘We also noted Mrs Rhys talked more about her writing than she did about her daughter, so we have to question her priorities.’
I leaned forward, clutching the railing in front. ‘How can you—’ My solicitor put her hand gently on my arm, shaking her head. I slumped back and took a deep breath. No wonder she’d looked so worried about the report.
The social worker looked straight ahead, avoiding my gaze. ‘We visited Mrs Rhys’s residence on the eighth of September. She was living in a large cave dwelling with seven other people at the time including a child. The cave itself is well equipped with a basic but working kitchen and adequate bathroom facilities. It was clean on our visit, and tidy. There was even a dedicated area for children at the back of the cave with books and toys. However, there were clear hazards.’
I tensed.
‘While there, we noticed fallen rock and uneven flooring. There were several areas where a child could climb rocks and hurt themselves and, of course, the sea is just a few metres away. Not to mention the damp and lack of security at the front of the cave, allowing anyone to enter whenever the tide is low and the bay isn’t cut off.’
‘We have a gate now!’ I shouted out. ‘You told them that, right?’ I asked my solicitor. She nodded.
‘Regardless,’ the social worker continued, ‘combined with the recent cave collapse nearby, the security and safety of the dwelling is a real concern for us, especially as there are six other adults living in close proximity to her, some of who have backgrounds which would cause us concern when living in close proximity to a child.’
Mike gripped the bar in front of him, leaning forward and glaring at me. I shook my head, peering behind me at Idris and Maggie. Who could they possibly mean?
‘One of these include a woman who spent time in prison for ABH against a minor,’ the social worker continued.
I put my hand to my mouth. Did she mean Donna? She said something had happened in her past.
‘If you mean Donna,’ I shouted out, ‘she doesn’t even live in the cave any more.’
The judge gave me a sharp look. ‘I must ask you to refrain from shouting out in court, Mrs Rhys, otherwise I will have no choice but to have you removed.’
I slumped against my seat, tears sliding down my cheeks. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Maggie smiling sadly at me.
‘And then we have the issue with Mrs Rhys’s inability to tell the truth,’ the social worker said with a sigh.
Maggie’s hand slipped from my shoulder.
‘Not only did Mrs Rhys tell us that she was in a secure job when she’d handed her notice in the week before,’ the social worker continued, ‘she also lied about an incident involving Mr Rhys and her daughter when she was a newborn. She told us Mr Rhys threatened violence to Becky when she was crying.’
I felt my face turn white. I looked over at Mike who was staring ahead with a satisfied smirk on his face.
‘However, Mr Rhys was away overnight when the incident she described happened. We believe, combined with other small lies, Mrs Rhys has been fabricating events to win custody of her child. Therefore, in conclusion, our advice would be that Mr Rhys gets full custody and parental responsibility for Becky with regular visits between Mrs Rhys and her daughter in a pre-agreed venue away from the cave.’
‘Oh God,’ I said, putting my head in my hands. Suddenly, the horror of it dawned on me: I was losing my child! And what about the one growing inside me? Would they be taken away too? I didn’t hear the rest of it because I’d sunk into a senseless despair. After a while, my solicitor helped me up and I stumbled over to Idris, falling into his arms as he stroked my hair, Maggie looking on with a frown on her face.
‘I don’t know why you’re crying.’ I looked up to see Mike glowering down at me. ‘You brought this on yourself, Selma. You chose your writing – chose him – over your child,’ he said, gesturing at Idris.
‘It wasn’t about the writing and Idris, for God’s sake,’ I said. ‘I left because I could see no other way of staying sane, of keeping the darkness at bay. I was being stifled. I did it for Becky. You don’t know how hard I’ve worked to build a sanctuary for her in the cave.’
Mike shook his head. ‘You never had a chance getting custody of Becky as long as you stayed in that cave. Anyone with half a brain could see that. Anyone apart from the little cult you’ve got yourself entangled with … and yourself, the person who you lie to the most. It’s amazing what you can convince yourself of, Selma. You’re just like your mother, you know, selfish and deluded. No wonder she lives alone now, rotting away in that little flat in Margate. It’ll be the same for you in years to come.’
Then he stormed off.
‘I thought your mother was dead?’ Idris said.
‘She is to me.’ I took his hand. ‘Can we please just get out of here?’