“So, are you coming with us on the senior trip, Guppy?”
Doing what the three of us do best in sixth period—hiding out in the dark room—I respond with a sarcastic, “You mean going to Cancun to get drunk, roofied, and robbed? No thank you.”
“Dude, what the hell have you been watching?” Trent laughs. “The trip is in the Bahamas, by the way. Not Mexico.”
“Still.”
Micah shakes his head at me and smiles. “You got something better going on for spring break?”
Even though it’s a little over two months away, my first thought shoots right to spending time with Kason. Maybe that’s because it’s all I’ve wanted to do this past week. Since everything happened with his mom, things have been weird between us. Life forced our paths to cross that day, and the two of us have been wading through the murky waters of whatever we are to each other ever since.
After taking the past several days off school to be with his mom, Kason finally returned today. It’s been unnerving to say the least. The first class I share with him is the same class Micah is in, too. I wanted to go over and sit next to Kason, but I didn’t. Micah’s still pissed at him for cheating on me, and I don’t know how he would’ve reacted if I had sat in my old desk. Heck, I haven’t even told Micah that I’ve been talking with Kason this past week. He has no idea what happened with Kason’s mother, either. If Molly’s reaction to the news is any indication, then I don’t want to tell Micah at all.
“You’re coming with us,” Micah states. “Have you told your mom?”
“Yeah, I told her.”
“And she’s cool with you going?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how she would feel about having me in a room all by myself. And I don’t know what she would say if I wanted to room with you two.”
“No way, man,” Trent pipes in. “That’s bunny slamming time.”
“You are so gross! I can’t believe you just said that.”
Trent laughs with nonchalance as Micah tells him, “Dude, don’t be bringing a bunch of strays in our room.”
“Like I said, I seriously doubt my mom is going to be cool with all this.”
“What if you got Molly to come?”
Trent instantly perks up at the mention of her name. “Molly . . . yes! I miss that chick.”
“We’ll see,” I sluff off, not wanting to clue Micah in on the fact that I’m not Molly’s favorite person right now.
The final bell of the day rings, and the three of us walk back into the classroom, grab our bags, and start making our way through the halls. Micah drapes his arm around me, insisting once more, “Seriously, Guppy. You gotta be there.”
“I’ll do my best to convince her. I promise.”
As we walk past the large windows of the main office, I see Kason inside, talking to one of the secretaries. Among the sounds of metal lockers slamming shut and the excitement of the weekend finally being here, I slow my step alongside Micah, saying, “I forgot something in my locker.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, it’s fine. You go on.”
Gripping his hands on to the straps of his backpack, he asks, “You still coming over later?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on, man,” Trent says, and when they rush off, I turn to see Kason still standing at the front desk.
A few kids bump into me in their dash to get beyond these walls and outside to the freedom of the weekend. But I stand still, staring at the guy who stole my heart and has kept it with him ever since. I never felt I even truly had it back in my possession after we broke up. So, why do I feel like I can’t go up to him with ease when we’re still so connected?
The secretary hands him a sheet of paper, which he shoves into his bag as he walks out the door to where I am.
“Everything okay?”
Hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder, he says, “Yeah, I was getting all my absences excused from this week.”
The last time we spoke, there was so much devastation and an onslaught of emotions boiling over everywhere. Now, I want nothing more than to disentangle ourselves from all of it and just be okay. I have to wonder if I’m alone in these thoughts, though. Yes, he’s made it clear that he still loves me, but ever since he confided in me about this struggle he’s dealing with, he’s been acting a bit off. Not that I blame him, but it’s made me very unsure of where I stand.
“How’s everything at home?”
“It’s okay,” he says as we start walking out to the parking lot. “Mom seems back to her usual self and will be returning to work on Monday.”
“Kason?” I quicken my pace and step in front of him. With so much uncertainty hanging between us, I give up on waiting around for him to give me any sign as to where we stand. “You want to do something?”
He tugs nervously on the straps of his backpack.
“Everything’s gotten so messed up,” I tell him. “And I hate feeling like I don’t know how to talk to you anymore. I was thinking . . . maybe if we got away from all this stress and did something fun that maybe . . .”
The corner of his mouth lifts slightly, and with a nod, he says, “I have the day off work tomorrow.”
Relieved that he’s on board with my idea, I let go of a shred of worry when I exhale and smile.
“And I agree,” he adds. “I don’t like feeling this way with you.”
“So . . . tomorrow?”
“I’ll pick you up.”
And with that, my hesitance settles a little bit, and I’m able to walk away from him with a tiny piece of hope that maybe, just maybe, we don’t have to feel as if we’re strangers anymore.
The doorbell rings and when I get to the top of the stairs, my mother already has the door open and is talking to Kason with a gushing smile on her face. She has always liked Kason, and I could tell it bothered her when we broke up, even more so when I refused to tell her why.
Kason looks at me without a hint of strain in his eyes and smiles. “Get your suit on. We’re going to the beach.”
“Give me a minute.”
I rush back into my room with a lightness in my step. I can’t remember the last time I saw him look as relaxed as he appears right now. There’s been an ever-constant cloud of gloom hovering over him—over us—for too long.
Quickly, I throw on my bikini and cover-up, toss a towel and some sunblock in my beach bag, and grab my sunglasses. I swear there’s a bounce in my step as I walk down the stairs, and I welcome the return of the butterflies that long ago abandoned me.
“You ready?”
I give him a nod and then catch my mother wearing a not-so-subtle grin on her face. “You two have fun.”
I love her, but, god she can be embarrassing at times.
“What’s this?” I ask when Kason and I walk out to a Jeep with two jet skis strapped to the trailer that’s hooked onto the back.
“Brogan owed me a favor.”
“Nice!”
I jump into the Jeep, which already has all the windows unzipped and is open to the elements. Kason gets in, and with music blasting through the speakers, we leave our emotional baggage behind as we cruise over to the beach.
My hair whips wildly in the air as we drive, and when I tie it back, I look over to find Kason peering my way. Wings flap fiercely around my stomach for the duration of the drive, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel plagued by heartbreak.
Once we have the jet skis launched and we’re zipping across the glassy water, he shouts my way, “Follow me.”
With sunshine on my face and salt water on my skin, we circle each other, cat and mousing our way over to a random cove. We slow as we edge toward the shoreline and then kill the engines.
“What are we doing?”
Raising his finger to his lips in a request for silence, I settle back into my seat and wait. The only sound is that of the water lapping against the jet skis as he scans the area around us, and after a minute, Kason’s arm juts out and points behind me. I turn in time to see a dolphin fin before it dips back under the water. I stare down, trying to catch another glimpse, when out of nowhere, the dolphin pops out of the water with a gush of air right next to my jet ski. I startle with astonishment and start laughing. “Oh my god. I’ve never seen a dolphin in real life before.”
It comes to the surface again, this time, a little farther away.
“This is amazing.” I look to Kason, who’s beaming a smile my way, and ask, “How did you know there’d be dolphins here?”
“They’re all over these coves. Look on the other side of you.”
A group of three fins peek out of the water before they roll up and back under.
“They’re so pretty.”
“I want to take you somewhere.”
“Somewhere better than this?” Seeing these dolphins playing all around us is about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, so I doubt anything is going to top it.
He fires up his jet ski. “Come on.”
I follow behind him and watch in sheer delight as he cuts through the water. His golden skin glows against the crystal blue water, and when he glances back over his shoulder at me, his smile is so wide, you’d have no clue the torment he suffers.
I throttle hard, laughing loudly when I fly past him, happier than what I’ve been in a long time, and it’s because of him. Yes, what he did hurt me, but I would be crazy to deny that he’s the one person who’s able to give my heart a new rhythm to live and breathe by. There’s no denying the natural connection we’ve always had. It’s unexplainable but not so overwhelming that it’s beyond my capacity to feel every ounce of its power. We’re undefinable in a way that makes perfect sense.
“See that small island over there?” he calls out when he catches up to me.
I point over to my left. “That one?”
“Yeah. We’re going to pull onto the shore.”
The tiny piece of land is nothing but white sand and sea oats and can’t be any bigger than a half a mile in diameter. We ride up onto the sand, hop off the skis, and strip off our life jackets.
“What is this place?”
“Don’t know, but it’s been here forever. If you walk around here,” he says as we step over to the side that faces out toward the gulf, “you can usually find a ton of good shells.”
My feet sink into the powder, and as we stroll the perimeter, I see he wasn’t lying. Amazing shells wash up with each wave that comes ashore. I walk out into the water and find sand dollars beneath me.
“Can I take these?” Bending down, I pick one up.
He steps into the water next to me. “You’re not supposed to when they’re velvety like this.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re still alive.”
I run my thumb over the prickly hairs of the sand dollar before tossing it back into the water. “How do you know about this place?”
“You see that big island over there?”
Using my hand to shield my eyes against the sun, I look out and nod.
“That’s Caladesi Island. Micah and I used to kayak over there a lot. This one time, the current was so strong my arms were on fire from fighting it, so I gave up and it drifted me over here.”
He takes a few steps away from me onto dry sand and sits. I pause as his eyes lock to mine, and I hesitate briefly before I join him.
Grains of sand stick to his bare chest and arms, and I miss being able to freely reach out and touch him. I can hear his breathing pick up as we stare at each other. I swear, it feels as if my heart is thundering inside my chest. The pressure builds and builds, so much so that it radiates through my skin, and I can’t stand that he’s no longer mine. The moment I open my mouth to say something, anything, is the same moment he opens his, saying, “I hate this unease between us. And I hate how much I miss you.”
“I hate it, too.”
He then pivots his body toward me and takes my hands in his, sparking a current of electricity through my veins with his touch alone. As much as he’s hurt me, and as much as I hear Molly’s voice telling me how stupid I’m being, I know he’s who I’m meant to be with.
“Talk to me, Adaline.” His voice cracks in desperation. “Tell me I can fix this. That I didn’t completely break us.”
My head drops under the weight of emotion, and when I finally look at him, my need to have him back in my life overpowers me. “You really hurt me.” My words strain as they force their way past my lips.
“I will never forgive myself for what I did to you,” he stresses as his hand comes to cradle my cheek.
There’s no resisting when I lean into his tender touch.
“I want this,” he begs on an insistent breath. “And I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I want you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. My heart doesn’t know how to beat without you.”
His words wrap around me in a comforting embrace, and I put all my faith into him when I tell him, “I don’t want to be without you anymore.” His other hand comes to my face, and his thumbs drag beneath my teary eyes. “But I have to trust you, which means you have to trust me enough to come to me if you feel like you aren’t getting enough of anything from me.”
“You’re enough, babe. I swear.”
“You know what I mean.”
He nods with me in a silent recognition of the craving we know he’s battling.
“I’m serious, Kason. I love you, there’s no question about it, but I’m so scared of getting hurt again.”
His lips take mine, and I melt on impact. My arms slip around him, soaking in the heat from his skin, and even through the pangs of fear, I feel the safest when I’m tucked in his hold.
“Don’t be scared of me,” he breathes against me. “I swear, I’ll spend forever making this up to you.”
I lick the salt from his lips as I kiss him back, and I’m so overwhelmed that I have to fight the urge to cry. Never do I want to be without him again, because it’s with him that I’m whole.
He lays me back in the sand, and I’d spend forever baking under the sweltering sun if it meant never losing him again. With his sweat-slicked chest pressed against mine, the broken pieces of our hearts slowly mend one merciful kiss at a time. And between our profound I love yous, our hearts are able to sync together, the way they were always meant to be.