Chapter Twelve

Rett

 

Another week and a half had gone by, but Laia still wasn't well enough to travel to Veda.

Meanwhile, it was my sixth brutal workout of the week, and it had done nothing to clear my head. Nothing to calm my blood. Nothing to close the gaping hole in my chest.

A hole caused by the resigned look in Laia’s eyes and her soft smile.

As though she was saying, Don’t worry about it, big guy.

Oddly, the only time I got a brief reprieve was when I was with Laia. Somehow, she made me forget what was hanging over her head. It helped that she’d rallied to the point where she could tag along after me when I was at the house. I was disconcerted by how quickly time passed in her company. I couldn’t seem to hold onto the minutes when I was with her, and, more than once, we’d wound up having a lunch that had lasted at least three hours.

It was kind of weird, too, because lately, I’d been all about maximizing every minute of every day. Constantly going over my schedule. Running myself ragged. But that had all changed these past few days, when I’d wound up spending too much time hanging out with her. But even though I’d had to work late into the night, I didn’t mind.

Besides, when I wasn’t with Laia, I needed something to distract me from the fact that she wasn’t well enough to travel to Veda.

Something that had hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.

I wanted to get the Veda trip over and done with before Tristan got home. The thought of the two Llary cousins meeting again under these circumstances made my stomach twist.

Hence, I was outside again, banging out pushups, lunges, and laps.

As I finished up a set of one-armed pushups, a shadow fell over me. My blood warmed as though it were a physical touch. “Oy, T-Rex, are you going to do that all day?”

Flopping over onto my back, I grinned up at Laia and said, “I could.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh boy.”

“You know, you’re welcome to hang out here,” I said, as was our recurring joke. “I do better with an audience.”

“I told you, charge admission.”

“You’re the only audience I care about.”

“And what makes you think I’d waste time watching you?”

“I don’t know—you always seem to find a reason to come out anyway,” I teased.

Laia’s eyes danced as she smirked at me. “Noticing when I come out, huh?”

“No,” I said and sat up, rubbing the back of my neck. “You wish.”

“I wish that you’d notice when I come out?” Laia asked and moved into my peripheral vision. I could see her curvy calves and pretty bare feet, with the toenails painted. I had no idea where she’d even gotten nail polish—Corinna, maybe. “I mean, yeah, it’s better than being ignored.”

I went to retort and stopped myself. In spite of all the unspoken things between us, we’d established a natural ease. Whether as a result of our personalities, or because of the welcome change from tension to cordiality, it was hard to say. In any case, Laia made it hard to keep up any kind of Command pretense with her. I could put that show on for strangers and in times of crisis, but it only seemed to amuse Laia.

However, there was always a moment in our banter when it seemed to go too far. Laia was always waltzing her way to the line, with me following like an open-mouthed ass until she said something that made me realize I'd gone too far and would have to backtrack. I didn’t want her to think I was flirting. I’m not flirting. I’m keeping up.

Not that I thought I was any better at flirting than the next guy. However, it didn’t help that I wasn’t even really sure of when I was doing it. Kal accused me of having a bad habit of it, but Kal also thought a smile was flirting. I was just good at making conversation.

“You know what I meant,” I finally got out gruffly, knowing it was once again time to backtrack. I’d already dug myself pretty far down this time.

Damn, I hoped she wouldn’t mention these exchanges to Tristan. He’d probably be pretty pissed that I was being a little too casual with his convalescent cousin.

“I don’t, actually, but I’ll let you off the hook,” Laia said with a laugh and sat down next to me. I glanced over at her, puzzled, and she fluttered her eyelashes. “Again.”

“Again, what?” I asked, my brain short-circuiting with a flare of panic. Shit, was she on to me? Maybe I could feign meatheaded cluelessness or something to get out of it. “You feelin’ okay?”

Laia closed her eyes and tipped her face up to the sun, her red hair luminescent against the green grass. She was looking so much better, the color back in her cheeks and her motions smoother. I wondered what would happen if the two of us just lay here in the grass and talked until the sun went down. God, it was tempting.

“Better than okay,” Laia said. “Sunshine, fresh air, no sleepiness. Listening to you fumble an easy pass.” Her eyes half-opened as heat rolled up my neck and into my face. “Why do you do that?”

My mind had gone blank. “I, uh…” I swallowed. “I don’t…”

“Come on, Rett, ’fess up,” Laia said and poked me. “Ew. You’re so sweaty.”

“I’m not fumbling,” I said as I fumbled even more.

“We’ll be having a nice bantering match, and you stop all of a sudden. It’s jarring.” Her eyes closed, and she tossed her head. “You’re always leaving me hanging.”

Now I was pretty sure I was close to the color of Laia’s hair. Dammit. She was on to me, and she was calling me out on it.

I hung my head and muttered, “I shouldn’t be so familiar. Sorry. I’ll stop.”

“If you can,” Laia teased, and I let out a weak chuckle. “Come on, don’t do that. Be familiar, please." My stupid face broke out into a huge grin. “Or…” She hugged her knees. “Are you not supposed to be my friend?”

“Uh…” I said, and her face fell. “No, Laia, it’s not that. Seriously, it’s not what you think.”

It wasn’t. It was just, I was pretty sure being this attracted to someone meant that friendship was off the table—that friendship wasn’t even in the same universe as the table. But I could shove that all down. Probably.

“It’s just that, you’re still recovering, and…”

You’re going through a lot, and I’m not sure my “friendship” is the best thing for you. Not to mention, I haven’t told you I had to claim you as punishment. Or about Veda.

“Is it because of the whole amnesia thing?” she asked quietly.

I started. This was the first time either of us had brought up that particular elephant. Sometimes, it was hard to pick with us. 

“You were upset about that,” Laia added and glanced away. “I felt bad, but I didn’t…”

“No, don’t apologize,” I said. “It has nothing…no, I mean, I was upset.” I stopped and raked back my hair. “We’re just in a strange place, you and I…” I sighed. “Damn, I’m botching this.”

“I’m aware of our coordinates, Bear,” Laia said. “I thought being friends might make it easier.”

Until someone gets hurt.

“Coordinates,” I muttered, and grinned. “You’re such a Llary.”

“I try.”

“Maybe I can, too,” I said and set my jaw. If she wanted to be my friend, then come hell or high water, I’d figure out a way. “I will. Let’s be friends.”

“Don’t hurt yourself, there,” she teased, and I burst out laughing.

“Ah man, Laia, you make it too easy. When I’m with you, I forget about being a Command and about the problems of Winfyre, and just, everything.” I closed my eyes. “Even though I shouldn’t.”

“Is that what it is?” Laia asked. “Bear, if you live and breathe Winfyre every hour of every day, though, you’ll burn out,” Laia said. “Believe me, I should have taken a day off here and there, and I probably wouldn’t have collapsed on you.”

“Ah, but then I wouldn’t have this great story about rescuing Tristan’s cousin,” I teased.

“Yeah,” she said absently. “You know, you help me forget stuff, too. The bad stuff.”

“That’s sweet, Laia. Thank you.” I inhaled, savoring those words and this moment: the bright landscape around me, Laia’s crooked grin, and the warm, fragrant air.

"Yeah, well, you're annoyingly likable."

A loud laugh popped out of me, and Laia looked over, her smile soft. She tucked her hair back, and when she dropped her hand to the grass, it grazed mine. A pulse discharged in the air.

I would have thought it was my imagination, except I saw Laia’s cheeks flush and heard her soft, swift intake of breath. The whole world fell away as her lashes dropped and rose back up.

In that moment, I nearly ruined our friendship after barely a minute in.

Only by a thread did I manage not to give in to the images swarming my mind. Pinning Laia down with my body, her red hair fanning out on the grass, I could almost feel her pressed between me and the earth, her hands and hips locked with mine. Could hear her laughter and promises to get me back, as I got her as sweaty as I was… Locking out Winfyre and the world. Indulging in this forgetful bubble for a little longer.

But the reality was always right there, ready to pop it.

“Rett?”

Fallon’s voice was the pin this time. As usual, my sister had the worst timing, but she got the world turning again. I made a soft sound of frustration through my teeth and dragged my eyes away from Laia’s face. Fallon wasn't in the backyard, but she was close. I looked back down and saw that Laia hadn't moved, but her expression had changed.

She was frozen, pupils dilated and lips parted.

Horror filled me. I’d forgotten all about her aversion to Alphas, and here I was—

“Shit.” I looked away and shook my head, choking out, “Laia, this is what I—” Well, she had to know now. Maybe I should ’fess up. “I didn’t mean—”

A soft hand caught the side of my face, and lips pressed against the other. My heart thundered in my chest, and I struggled to breathe, a mini explosion taking place in my head.

When Laia let me go, I didn’t move—I didn’t even look as she got to her feet. She didn’t say a word, which was good, as I didn’t think I could comprehend English at the moment.

But when I sensed her walking back to the house, I almost got up and chased her down, only my sister came around the corner. Right, Fallon. I’d forgotten my sister was here.

“Oh hey, Fallon,” Laia said as she passed her.

“Hey,” Fallon said and gave her a funny look, then shot one at me. “You guys didn’t hear me calling for you?”

“Rett said to pretend we didn’t hear you,” Laia said with a shrug.

“What?” I exclaimed and lurched to my feet. “That’s not—I didn’t…”

“God, Rett, you’re such a child. So rude,” Fallon said with an irritated roll of her eyes. "I don't have all day, you know."

“Honestly, Rett,” Laia chided with a sly smile.

My jaw opened and closed as she waltzed away and vanished into the house. An acute and sharp ache lodged itself deep in my chest at her absence. Meanwhile, the rest of reality seemed to crash around me, and I heaved a sigh.

“Why do you look like you’ve been out in the sun too long?” Fallon asked, and I blinked at her. “I think you’re going too hard in your workouts.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I muttered.

Let Fallon think it was that, so she wouldn’t laugh herself sick at the fact that I’d been undone by a friendly kiss on the cheek. Or had it been?

Electricity shot up my spine as I brushed my fingers along my cheek, wondering why Laia had done that. Then I shook my head. I should forget it. It would be better for both her and me.

But at the same time, I couldn’t suppress the anger burning low in my gut—the sense that, in one way or another, Laia might be stolen from me by the Rift. Every moment with her had the flavor of borrowed time, of living a life I didn’t get to have, no matter how badly I wanted it.