#thestrongone
ISAAC HASN’T STOPPED smiling since he walked in the room almost an hour ago. He seems truly touched by the going-away party we surprised him with.
Jane had lunch and an amazing cake catered in, and I gave Isaac an Apple watch, his going-away present from the Chicago office. Lucky for us, he isn’t going completely away—he’s just transferring to the New York office. He’s keeping his client roster, so it’ll be business as usual from a new location.
After the stalking thing, Isaac decided he needed a change of scenery. He and his daughter are officially moving this weekend. I’ll be glad to have a veteran employee in the new office.
“Thanks for everything, Sienna.” He offers me a hand, but I hug him instead.
“You’ll still be seeing plenty of me.”
The party starts breaking up, and Jane begins sweeping in for cleanup duty. I help her get the conference room back in order, and then I go back to my office.
The first thing I do is look at my phone, and the second thing I do is smile when I see messages waiting on my Foxy app.
ROUGHRIDER16: Hey, gorgeous. How’s your day?
ROUGHRIDER16: Mine’s been decent, other than a near-death experience when a kid mistook the brake pedal for the gas pedal in driver’s ed this morning . . .
ROUGHRIDER16: I couldn’t even be mad at him, because he peed his pants. Not like fully soaked, but enough to cause embarrassment.
ROUGHRIDER16: But seriously, if I hadn’t gone to the bathroom before we left, I may have pissed myself too. He floored it across an intersection with a semi coming from the other direction.
I can just picture Ryan, outwardly cool and collected, but inwardly shaken by the oncoming semi. I write him back.
SIENNAM: I don’t know how you do it. I’d be yelling at those kids to get out of the car and let me drive . . .
SIENNAM: Good day here. Any day with cake is good.
SIENNAM: NY office is exceeding all projections. Couldn’t be happier about it.
SIENNAM: Also, I get to see you in two days! I miss you.
We have each other’s cell numbers, but we keep using the Foxy app for old times’ sake. I like seeing “RoughRider16” on the screen and knowing it’s Ryan on the other end.
I’ve cut back on my work schedule, taking weekends completely off and leaving the office by five every day. With Jack declining, I want to be home with him and Carmen every evening. Even though I know she can do it all on her own, I see the relief in her eyes when I walk in each night. When I’m with Jack, she feels comfortable taking a little quiet time for herself with a book or calling a friend to catch up.
Ryan’s team has an away game this week, but we’re planning to go to next week’s home game. On Friday night, Jack and I bake cookies and listen to a radio broadcast of Ryan’s team playing.
“I . . . can’t,” Jack says as he tries to grab the spoon in the bowl of dough to stir it.
“Want some help?” I offer.
He nods, looking deflated. It’s hard seeing him not be able to do things he used to have no trouble with. I help him get the spoon into his hand and stir the dough, and then we work together to shape the dough for baking.
When our cookies are done, Jack takes several and sits in my lap to nibble on them. I close my eyes and soak in his sweet, warm presence. Eventually, we both fall asleep coated in cookie crumbs.
The next day is Saturday—date night with Ryan. And even though I’m pretty sure he still won’t give in and ravage me all night long, I’m hoping to at least get in a long make-out session.
It’s fall now, so I wear black leather leggings with strappy black booties and a slinky little purple top. If Ryan won’t fuck me senseless just yet, might as well try to drive him crazy anyway.
I get a hungry once-over from him, and an approving nod, when he picks me up. Once we’re inside his truck, he puts his hand on my thigh and gives a low groan.
“Leather,” he says in a low tone. “Damn, Sienna.”
“If you think the leather feels good, wait till you feel what’s beneath it.”
Ryan inhales deeply, gathering himself, and then turns to me, cupping my cheek and drawing us together for a kiss. His mouth is warm and demanding, the scrape of his stubble against my lips making me moan softly.
He pulls back slightly. “I want you, but that’s nothing new for me. I’ve wanted you for ten fucking years, Pup. And you wanting me back feels so damn amazing. But we’re waiting until I know you’re ready for it.”
I arch a brow, amused. “Don’t I get to decide when I’m ready for it?”
“No. You have no idea what you’re in for. You think you can have a casual night of sex with a two-hundred-pound man who’s deeply in love and sexually starved? Who takes out all those frustrations in the gym? You’ll never be the same after our first time, and I won’t be either.”
Desire ripples down my spine, heating my core and leaving me breathless. Ryan Lennox has never been all talk. I feel the intensity and sincerity of his words down to my bones.
“When . . .” My voice breaks nervously, and I clear my throat. “Um . . . when do you think I might be ready, then?”
His lips curve up in a small smile. “Soon. But not tonight.”
I have a sudden longing I can’t help blurting out. “Tell me you love me, Ryan.”
He holds my gaze and says, “I love you. Always have and always will, babe.”
My stomach flutters with nervous excitement. There’s nothing like his dark chocolate eyes on me as he says the words that have come to mean everything to me.
Ryan loves me. I’m falling hard for him. And there’s no reason to rush. It’s actually kind of beautiful to savor this part.
We start our evening at Lucky Seven. I’ve spent many hours at this bar with Coop and Ryan, but that was before RoughRider rode into my life. I like how it feels to walk in with him holding my hand.
Coop is actually here tonight, and he gives our linked hands a long look before grinning and inviting us to sit down. When he hugs me, he murmurs, “He treating you okay?” in my ear, and I tell him yes.
“How’s Jack doing?” Coop asks me, his expression solemn.
“As expected. He’s having trouble with motor skills and memory. It’s heartbreaking.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Maybe come by and see him. He’d like that.”
Coop nods. “I will. I’d like that too.”
“I guess you and Carmen can work it out since you have each other’s numbers and all.” I give him a knowing look.
He looks like the cat that swallowed the canary as he says, “I guess we can.”
Ryan gives me a questioning look, and I silently tell him I’ll explain later.
“You guys want to get pizza?” Coop asks. “I’m starving.”
“Yeah.” I look at Ryan. “Yeah? Is that good with you?”
“I was planning to just grab a drink here and take you somewhere nicer for dinner, but if you’re okay with pizza, I’m good with it.”
I snuggle against his side. “I’m good with pizza. Let’s stay.”
“I see who’s running this relationship,” Coop says with a laugh.
“We’re co-running it.” I frown at him.
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.”
“Outside the bedroom, she can run anything she wants,” Ryan says.
Coop’s amused grin disappears. “Let’s not go there. That’s my sister you’re talking about.”
We order a pitcher of beer and two large pizzas, catching up as we wait for the food. It feels so good—like old times, but better. As we tell funny stories from childhood, I think about something Ryan said to me recently. No man will ever know me like he does. He’s right. And no woman could ever know him like I do. That added intimacy makes me want him—all of him—even more.
I keep my hand on Ryan’s leg beneath the table, enjoying the effect I can have on him. When I slide my palm higher, I get a sharp intake of breath and a tightening of his muscles. I can feel him relax as I move my hand lower, and then I slowly repeat the process.
Our pizzas are delivered, and we’re about to start eating when my phone rings from inside my purse. When I look at the screen and see Carmen’s name, my heart hammers nervously.
“Carmen?”
There’s a couple seconds of silence before she says, “Sienna, I need you.”
Her voice is strained with emotion. I stand up from my chair and say, “Where?”
“CMC. We’re on the way to the ER. Jack’s having a seizure.”
I grab on to Ryan’s arm for support. “I’m on my way.”
Ryan’s standing now too. “Jack?”
I nod, my breathing shallow as I process what’s happening. “I need to get to the CMC ER. Right now.”
“Let’s go.” Ryan takes my hand.
Coop throws some bills onto our table and runs after us.
It’s been the longest three hours of my life. I’m sitting in the Chicago Medical Center ER waiting area, elbows on my knees, looking at the ground. Ryan’s beside me, his arm around my shoulders. Coop is on the other side, switching between pacing nervously and sulking in his chair.
I’m not family, the receptionist said, so I’m not allowed inside. It felt like a slap in the face, because Carmen and Jack are family in my heart, and she has no one else. I’m crying slow, silent tears that drip onto the worn linoleum floor at my feet, not only for Jack, but for Carmen, who is probably out of her mind with worry and helplessness.
“I have to keep it together for her,” I murmur, turning my face just slightly toward Ryan.
“You will.” He runs his hand down to my back and pulls me against him. “You can come apart later, with me.”
I reach for his free hand and squeeze it in mine, another silent tear sliding down my cheek.
“There she is,” Coop says, bounding out of his chair.
I sit up and see Carmen approaching us, her eyes raw and swollen. I can’t get to her fast enough.
Coop beats me, folding her into his arms, where she cries harder than I’ve ever seen her cry. He closes his eyes and rests his cheek on top of her head, his expression more wrecked than I’ve ever seen it.
Finally, she pulls away, giving Coop a sad smile as she wipes her cheeks.
“He’s stable,” she says, looking from Coop to me.
Ryan’s behind me now, his hands on my shoulders.
I reach for Carmen’s hand, questions pouring out of me. “Will he be okay? Is he in pain? Can I come back there with you and see him?”
She squares her shoulders. “This is part of the progression of Batten’s. The doctors won’t know how much it affected his brain until some more testing is done. He’s not in pain. They’ve taken really good care of him. We’re staying tonight, and you can come back with me now.”
“Can I stay too?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know . . . I’ll ask. But you don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“I know.” Her eyes flood with grateful tears. “But I won’t be able to sleep at all tonight, and it’s going to catch up with me eventually. If I have to sleep, I want to know you’re with him. So can you try to sleep tonight?”
“Of course. Anything you need.”
Her tears spill over then, and I reach for her, hugging her tightly. I wish I had words that would comfort her, but I don’t. This is the ugly reality of Jack’s disease, and there’s no soothing the heart of a mother watching her child suffer.
All I can do is be here, and I will. For every brutal, crushing step of the way, I’ll be here.