#itskindacaveman
I’M ON MY second cup of coffee before nine the next morning. My mind is supposed to be on the office renovation plans the designer is going over with me, but instead, it’s turning over my conversation with RoughRider from last night.
He said he has a sister but didn’t mention a brother. If it was Ben, why wouldn’t he mention his brother? To throw me off?
His exact words were “I have a little sister,” which doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t also have a twin brother.
“Sienna?” Gretchen nudges me from her seat next to mine at the table in my office. “What do you think of that plan, to put the new logo on the floor in the lobby in stainless tile?”
“Oh.” I look down at the designer’s mock-up for the first time. “Looks great.”
“And the text bubbles from the billboard campaign that we want to paint on the lobby walls?”
Gretchen turns to the next page in the design portfolio, and I scan the brightly colored text bubbles and the alpha messages they contain:
G’night, Gorgeous . . .
Love that sexy smile . . .
UR Mine
“Wait, no.” I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t know about the ‘UR Mine’ one. It’s kinda caveman.”
Gretchen smiles. “Yeah, but women love it.”
I sip my coffee and mull. “Okay. You’re the marketing manager, and it’s up to you.”
“Great.” She gives me a triumphant smile.
“Do you guys need me for anything else?” I look at the two designers and then at Gretchen.
“No, we’ll get out of your hair now.”
Gretchen stands and leads the designers out of my office. She’s good at reading my cues, and I was telling her I’m over looking at color swatches and paint chips. I’ll let her handle those things.
I’ve got something else on my mind. It’s an idea that came to me on my drive to the office this morning. I keep going back and forth on whether I should do it, though.
In theory, it’s solid. Alpha Mail is technology-based. I have an IT team that works around the clock keeping our communications tech running smoothly. I invested in the top-of-the-line software and equipment they needed when I started the business. They can pinpoint anything I ask for—where my employees were when they sent a message to a client, what it said, what time the client read it, and even what sort of device they read it on.
If I want to know where RoughRider’s messages are being sent from, my tech people can have an answer for me by the end of today.
And I do want to know—badly. Who is this man I’ve been chatting with every day? Is the intrigue I feel for him because of his anonymity, or is there really something there?
But what I really want is for him to tell me himself. If I find out who he is through my tech team, then what? It’s not like I can tell him I went behind his back and dug up his identity against his wishes.
Maybe I don’t want to know who he is. What if he doesn’t want me to know for good reason? He could be someone I can’t be with for whatever reason, and then the intrigue would end. The messages would stop.
My gut is telling me to wait. RoughRider and I are slowly getting to know each other, and I haven’t told him anything I’d be ashamed to have repeated. Every time I see a new message from him, I get a giddy sensation, and I don’t want to do anything to mess with that.
I start returning emails, and I’ve almost worked my way through all the new ones when an instant message pops up on the screen of my phone. And of course, I smile, pick up the phone, and let myself get lost in my mystery man.
ROUGHRIDER16: Good morning.
SIENNAM: Good morning to you too.
ROUGHRIDER16: How’s your day so far?
SIENNAM: No complaints. How about you?
ROUGHRIDER16: It’s a good day. I thought about our conversation last night when I was in the shower this morning, and you’re right. I’m giving the promotion to John.
SIENNAM: I’m glad to hear it. And you feel good about that decision, right?
ROUGHRIDER16: I do. I actually feel kind of shitty that I was going to give it to someone who doesn’t deserve it for the wrong reasons.
SIENNAM: Windshields are bigger than rearview mirrors for a reason, you know. Look forward, not back.
ROUGHRIDER16: Okay, boss.
SIENNAM: Can I ask you a question?
ROUGHRIDER16: Of course.
SIENNAM: Why do alphas say ‘You are mine?’ Like a woman needs to be constantly reminded or something? And like he owns her the same way he owns his car and his running shoes?
ROUGHRIDER16: Some guys say it because women like hearing it.
SIENNAM: Huh. Have you ever said it to a woman?
ROUGHRIDER16: No. I’m about actions rather than words, remember?
SIENNAM: So how do you show women they’re yours?
ROUGHRIDER16: By never taking them for granted. Sending flowers, holding her hand when we’re out, opening doors, remembering what’s going on with her and asking about it, making her a part of my life . . . a woman who feels taken care of never doubts whose man she is.
SIENNAM: Are you really an alpha?
ROUGHRIDER16: If you took one look at me, you’d know I am.
SIENNAM: Why? Are you big and imposing?
ROUGHRIDER16: You just know, trust me.
SIENNAM: So you never say things like, “You are mine”?
ROUGHRIDER16: I think you’re secretly one of those women who likes it.
SIENNAM: I am not.
ROUGHRIDER16: Not even in bed?
SIENNAM: Is that when you like to say it?
ROUGHRIDER 16: I don’t have a formula with women or anything. Like I said, it’s been a while since I had a relationship, and to be honest, I’ve never had a very serious one.
SIENNAM: Never?
ROUGHRIDER16: Nope.
SIENNAM: By choice?
ROUGHRIDER16: lol, yeah, by choice. It’s not that I can’t find anyone who’d want me.
SIENNAM: What do you think is the first impression women get of you? That you’re an alpha based on what they see, but what else? When they talk to you and start getting to know you?
ROUGHRIDER16: I think I come off quiet.
SIENNAM: But you aren’t actually quiet?
ROUGHRIDER16: I am sometimes.
SIENNAM: Are you quiet in bed?
ROUGHRIDER16: Well, aren’t you just full of questions today?
SIENNAM: You don’t have to answer . . .
ROUGHRIDER16: I’d love to answer, as long as you’ll reciprocate.
SIENNAM: I *always* reciprocate . . .
ROUGHRIDER16: Ugh, there you go getting me excited at work again . . .
SIENNAM: See that halo glowing above my head?
ROUGHRIDER16: Yeah, I see it all right . . . No, I’m not quiet in bed. If I’m ever guilty of being a stereotypical alpha, it’s during sex.
SIENNAM: Tell me you’re going to tell me more . . . ?!
ROUGHRIDER16: I’d never want to disappoint you . . . so more it is. I’ll never get to take you to bed, but if I could, that’s when you’d see a side of me no one else ever sees. A side that’s only for you. That’s when I’d tell you how crazy you drive me in those skirts you wear and how much it turns me on hearing you say my name. You’d see me turn from the gentleman who makes you feel cherished every second of the day into a beast ruled only by his raging desire for you. I wouldn’t leave an inch of you untouched or unsatisfied.
SIENNAM: Not gonna lie, I’m liking the sound of that a lot.
ROUGHRIDER16: Yeah? My independent, take-no-shit girl wants to be subordinate in the bedroom?
SIENNAM: Maybe . . . if it’s to you.
ROUGHRIDER16: Fuck. Bad convo to have at work.
SIENNAM: Yeah, I’m feeling flushed myself. Want me to change subjects?
ROUGHRIDER16: I’ll reluctantly say yes . . .
SIENNAM: Are you a commitment-phobe?
ROUGHRIDER16: No, I’d commit to the right woman.
SIENNAM: I think I might be a commitment-phobe.
ROUGHRIDER16: Why?
SIENNAM: The thought of a relationship unsettles me. I tried so many times, and every time, I was disappointed. It’s just really hard/impossible to find one person who does it for you in every way and have them feel the same in return. And then, things often fade in time.
ROUGHRIDER16: Not if you both work to not let it fade.
SIENNAM: I guess so. It just seems idealistic to me.
ROUGHRIDER16: When’s the last time you went on a date?
SIENNAM: It’s been a long time . . . close to a year. But I have one this weekend.
ROUGHRIDER16: Yeah? Who’s the lucky guy?
SIENNAM: Someone I met through work.
ROUGHRIDER16: Be careful.
SIENNAM: About what? It’s just a date?
ROUGHRIDER16: Just in general. Lots of guys aren’t gentlemen.
SIENNAM: Maybe you should take me out on a date, then . . .
ROUGHRIDER16: I wish I could.
SIENNAM: Why can’t you?
ROUGHRIDER16: I’m not avoiding, but I have to go. Work thing. Talk later?
SIENNAM: Okay.