#sweetandsexy
I NEED TO see Jack first. As soon as my flight lands at O’Hare, I buy him some candy and a stuffed frog from the gift shop, then I race to the luggage claim, grab my bags and locate my driver.
Eager as I am to get to Ryan—and I am very eager—I have to get in some time with Jack before that. Even though we’ve been Skyping, it’s not the same. I need to lay eyes on him. Run my hand over his soft hair. Hear his voice and reassure myself that for now, the little boy I know and love is still there.
As soon as the driver pulls up outside my brownstone, he offers to bring my bags inside. I slip him a bill, thank him, and hurry inside.
When I walk in the front door, instead of Carmen sitting on the couch, another woman is there.
“You must be Sienna,” she says, standing up and offering me a hand. “I’m Lydia, one of the home health nurses.”
“Oh, hi.” I shake her hand, my gaze wandering over to the stairway. “How is he?”
“Good.” She smiles and I immediately like her. “He’s having a few mental slips, but overall he’s doing just fine. Carmen is helping him with his bath now.”
“Thanks. I’m going to run up and say hi.”
As I climb the stairs, the sound of Jack and Carmen laughing brings tears to my eyes.
“Help me, Jack,” she says, imitating a deep male voice. “Get me out of here.”
“I’ll save you, Han.” Jack giggles.
I stop outside the door, the relief I feel making my shoulders slump forward. Right now, he’s okay. It’s a moment of joy.
“Sienna, is that you?” Jack calls.
“Yeah, I’m home. I missed you guys.”
“You can come in,” Carmen says. “Jack’s up to his elbows in bubbles.”
I round the corner and walk into the bathroom. Carmen is sitting on the edge of the tub, plastic Star Wars figurines lined up next to her.
“Look!” Jack pulls what looks like a giant ice cube out of the bubbles.
“What’s that?” I step closer and see that there’s something inside the round ice chunk.
“Han Solo! We froze him in a cup of ice. Now I have to save him.”
I smile. “Ah. Genius.”
“Will you read me a bedtime story?”
“Of course I will. How about a Pete the Cat one?”
His eyes light up. “Yeah.”
“Which one?”
He considers, his brow furrowed with confusion. “I don’t know.”
I exchange a brief look with Carmen. Jack always knows what story he wants. This is a reminder that we have a new normal now.
“How about if I surprise you?”
Jack nods enthusiastically and Carmen gives me a grateful smile. I do the quick Carmen well-being check I’ve gotten good at now. Face: tired, but not as bad as it sometimes is. Clothes: rumpled, but not stained. Hair: clean.
She’s okay. Okay as she can be, anyway.
I meet Jack in his bedroom, where I soak in the clean, soapy smell of him as he snuggles against me while I read him three books about his favorite blue cat.
“Are you leaving again?” he asks after the last book, his eyelids drooping with sleepiness.
“No. No trips for a while. I’m going to see Ryan tonight, but I’ll be here when you wake up in the morning.”
“Good.” He yawns and I tuck the covers around him. “Did you know we have nurses here now?”
“Yes. How do you like them?”
“They’re nice.”
“I’m glad.” I smooth the damp hair on his forehead aside and kiss him. “Goodnight, sweet boy. I have presents for you tomorrow.”
His eyes widen and he grins. “Presents? Did you bring me an apple?”
“No, silly. Why would I do that?”
“Because you were in the big apple.”
I laugh and reach down to hug him. There’s something to be said for treasuring every hug. Every laugh. Every good day. Most of us don’t know how long we’ll have in this life, but with Jack, we know. His whole life will be lived as a sweet, innocent little boy. I wish he could understand that loving him has changed me forever.
“Goodnight, Jack,” I whisper, smoothing the hair back from his forehead again.
“Night, Cici.”
An hour later, I’m on Ryan’s doorstep, showered and dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved black t-shirt. I decided not to toil over my outfit, since it will be on the floor shortly after I walk into Ryan’s home.
He lives in a modest, neat, nearly-new duplex. I take a deep breath and knock on the steel front door. As soon as Ryan opens it, I fly into his arms.
I barely even got a look at him, but I saw a navy t-shirt and gray shorts. What matters more in this moment is how he feels. He’s warm and solid, our chests pressed together as I bury my face in his neck and take in his faint soapy scent.
“I missed you,” he says in a low tone, his breath on my ear sending a shiver of awareness through me.
He lifts me up and gently closes the front door with his foot. My arms are wrapped around his back, and I hold on with everything I’ve got.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Yeah.” My voice is muffled against his neck.
I relax my grip and let me feet slide down to the floor. When I look up at him, his dark eyes are swirling with soft affection and hot intensity at the same time.
“I was thinking on my flight about how lucky we are to be together,” I say, reaching up to cup his scruffy cheek. “If I hadn’t done that interview, and if you hadn’t seen it . . . and if Isabella Moore hadn’t shown up in my office that day while I happened to be chatting with you . . . none of this would be happening.”
“I was haunted by what ifs for years.” Ryan gently grips my hips with his big hands. “What if you found someone and got married was the worst one.”
“Love is actually pretty terrifying, isn’t it?” My lips are so close to his I can feel the warmth of his mouth.
He groans softly and slides a hand up, cupping the back of my neck. “It’s kind of like jumping off a cliff while blindfolded.” He brushes his lips over mine. “But it’s also exhilarating.” Another soft kiss. “All-encompassing.” A long, lingering kiss that makes my heart race. “And completely worth jumping for.”
When his hand sinks into my ass in a possessive hold, I moan and slide a hand down his chest.
“I’d jump off a thousand cliffs for you, Sienna,” Ryan says, resting his forehead against mine. “You’re everything to me.”
“Show me.” I step out of his arms and pull my shirt up and off over my head, dropping it on the floor.
Ryan’s gaze darkens as it roams my body, and I feel like a goddess. I never knew it was possible to feel so punch drunk on someone’s reactions to me. As I slide out of my jeans, his eyes can’t seem to keep up. He’s looking at every inch of me, his breathing getting faster.
“In the bedroom,” he murmurs, taking my hand to lead the way.
He strips off his t-shirt and slides down his shorts as I lie back on the bed. Every nerve ending in my body is on alert, buzzing with hot awareness. When Ryan climbs on top of me, instinct takes over.
I don’t have to think anymore. I just feel, completely overwhelmed by the sensations. His stubble brushes across every inch of my skin as he delivers on his earlier promise, slowly touching every inch of me.
It’s not like it’s been with other men. With Ryan, I don’t worry about pretense. I don’t feel self-conscious. When I need to, I take one of his hands and slide it across my stomach and down between my legs, eliciting a groan from him.
There’s nothing I won’t give Ryan, and there’s nothing I won’t take. I want it all. When he finally unfastens my bra and cups my breasts in his hand, our mingled moans fill the room.
I realize with sudden clarity what people mean when they say love is a verb. We’ve spoken the words, but here in this room right now, Ryan and I are loving each other as an action. I’ve never felt more adored than I do right now, and I’ve never wanted to satisfy a man so completely.
He slips my panties off, then takes off his own boxer briefs and rolls a condom over his long, hard shaft. His eyes are on mine as he slides inside me, and I cry out from the wave of pleasure I feel.
It’s never, ever been like this before. I wrap my arms around Ryan’s waist as we move together, lost in each other. With every thrust that fills me, I’m complete. And every time he moves back, I crave that fullness like my lungs crave air.
My fingertips dig into his back and my legs hold tight to his hips as I come, whimpering his name as a tear slips out of the corner of one eye. I grind against him, riding out every wave that washes over me.
He kisses me then, a slight smile dancing on his lips. And then, he fills me again, this time with a hard intensity that makes me swear and immediately beg for more.
It’s hot and fast this time, and when he hooks a hand behind one of my legs and sinks in just a bit further, I bite down on his neck and he groans his approval.
I’ve never loved a man until now, I realize as we approach the brink together. This is that magical, all-in love I’d pretty much given up on. It’s not something I could explain to anyone, but something I feel soul-deep. Ryan is my one and only.
The muscles in his neck and shoulders stand out as he holds on to his orgasm, keeping it leashed like a beast desperate for release. When I start to come, he groans with the effort of keeping control, and then, finally, he cedes to the demand, his entire body shuddering with release.
We’re quiet for a couple minutes, just breathing hard and holding on to each other.
“Worth the wait?” I murmur against his sweaty chest.
He exhales a note of laughter. “More than worth it. I hope you know you’re stuck with me now. I can never even look at another woman after that.”
“I was kind of hoping to be stuck with you for a really long time.” I kiss his chest and lean up on an elbow, smiling down at him.
He rubs a lock of my hair between his thumb and forefinger, affection swimming in his gaze. “Forever is a long time,” he says softly. “And yet, not long enough.”
“I love you, Ryan. More than I can even say. I love you more than Starbucks.”
He gives me the playful grin that makes my pulse pound. “High praise, babe. More than Oreos?”
“So much more than Oreos. I’d give up Oreos for you.” I pretend to consider. “I mean, all but the double-stuffed ones.”
In a flash, he flips me onto my back and leans over me, his gaze hungry once again. “I’ll double stuff you, baby.”
I laugh and run my foot up the inside of his leg. “Big talk, RoughRider. I thought you were a man of action.”
With a soft groan, he arches his brows and says, “Valid point. I’ll show you. And you haven’t even seen rough yet, by the way.”
Hell. Yes.
He’s right—forever isn’t long enough. But I’ll treasure every moment I get with him, and never stop appreciating the joy we’ve found in each other.