CHAPTER 10

Delia

I hated how aware he made me feel. Aware of all the things I still had yet to experience in life. It was easier when I didn’t know what I was missing.

Now, I did. Thanks to what happened on the bus and the way he looked at me after he caught me. I knew what I was missing. How wonderful someone else’s lips tasted on mine. The way a man looked at you in the throes of lust. I was painfully aware of the heat he generated against my body, and I was helplessly aware of how much my body had wanted to lean into it.

Not to mention, he'd caught me calling out his name. It was painfully awkward to be around him after that.

I was here to do a job and nothing else. I was here to pave a way for my life that would sustain me after college. I wasn’t here to fall in lust with some asshole of a man who thought he was God’s gift to women. He was cocky. He was arrogant. And I wanted him.

“You done?” I asked.

I was aware of the fact that he was staring down my shirt. I could see his reflection in my computer screen. He looked like a fucking idiot, but my cheeks still flushed. Almost like it felt nice to have him staring at me

“Yep,” he said, as his eyes moved to the computer screen. “I’m done.”

I gritted my teeth and shook my head.

“Hank and I will be on the same floor as you and the band for the tour. I will be traveling behind in my truck and Hank will be on the bus with you guys.”

“Seriously? Hank’s riding on the bus?” Drake asked.

“He is.”

“And you’re sure that beat up truck can keep up with us?”

I drew in a deep breath as I closed my eyes.

“If it can’t, I’ve got the addresses for all the hotels. I’ll survive off my GPS,” I said.

“Fine. Suit yourself. But the party would be better if you were on the bus.”

“No thanks. I don’t feel like experiencing your rendition of any other picturesque fairytales.”

“Suit yourself,” he said, with a shrug.

It was easy to tell myself he was just an asshole, but when he pushed away from me and walked back toward the coffee pot, I caught the outline of the flask pressed against his pocket. He was a man that was struggling. Dancing with his demons while trying to keep his head above water. I knew he had a heart, somewhere down deep. He was once a family man. He gave a free concert to a charity that was close to his heart. After meeting his sister, I now knew why. I saw his eyes light up when he looked at her. That sister of his was his world. He was single-handedly taking care of a ranch, a music career, and an autistic sister.

Hell only knew the pressure he was under on a daily basis. Along with dealing with the loss of his wife and daughter, hell, that would drive any man to drinking.

It was hard to be mad at him when I saw the heart of him shining through. All the pain he was experiencing and all the booze he was using to cover it up, and he still had a soul he allowed out. It was hard for me to hate a man like that. Especially when I was supposed to be helping him.

I sighed and closed my eyes, resolving myself to work through the morning.

There were meetings to plan and interviews to confirm. There were hotels to talk with and concert coordinators to double-check on. Drake and his band liked things a very specific way whenever they arrived on site They each had their own pre-show rituals that needed tending to, and I found that the concert coordinators were willing to bend over backwards for them.

But the hardest thing to wrangle was the press. Four concerts in four different cities meant four different media escapades. Each wanted their own official press release from Drake Blackthorn himself, and it fell onto my shoulders to get those to them. Plus, there was figuring out how to get the tour bus cleaned down between cities and researching spots to gas up where the guys wouldn’t be bothered.

There was so much that went into just four shows. I could only imagine what it took to get an entire tour on the books and situated.

I expected Drake to go out and help Paul, but he didn’t. He bounced between rooms as I worked, not really sitting down or being of use. I had no idea what his issue was, but I was here to work.

Once I had everything confirmed, I gave him the rundown.

“Okay, I think I have everything confirmed,” I said.

Drake grunted as he stood at the window, tipping up his flask to his lips.

“Four cities, four concerts, four hotels. Four different press releases already sent out as well as backstage necessities confirmed. Gas stations have been vetted as safe spaces to fuel up the bus, cleaners in all four cities ready to clean it down, and concert times are all confirmed. I sent the itinerary to Landon and Stone, as well as all the confirmed times and addresses of places we will be. Is there anything I’m missing?”

I looked up and waited for his input, but he stayed silent as his eyes gazing out the window.

“Drake?” I asked. “Did you hear me?”

But all he did was turn his body and walk out of the kitchen.

Was he fucking kidding me? I tried not to grind my teeth as I slammed my laptop shut. Fine, I could take a hint. If he didn’t want to talk about work, then we didn’t have to talk about work. But anything that was out of place or not right when he got into the cities was on him.

I heard his boots pounding up the staircase.

I got up from the kitchen table and walked into the living room. Elsie was still sitting there, in her same position with the same book. Tammy was working on some sort of needlepoint as I came into the room, sitting on the opposite couch as I sighed.

“Don’t worry. He gets easier to work with,” Tammy said.

“Uh huh,” I said, with a huff.

“Doesn’t seem like it now, but he warms up to you.”

“Not what I’m concerned about,” I said.

I could see Elsie eyeing me carefully from her book and noticed her body beginning to tense up. I didn’t know much about adults on the spectrum, but I knew when I was making someone uncomfortable. I averted my gaze and cleared my throat, trying to loosen up my body, so I didn’t make Elsie feel stressed.

We had a good first encounter, and I didn’t want to ruin anything.

“So, Tammy. Are you a live-in caretaker?” I asked.

“I am, but Elsie and I don’t live here. Elsie’s got her own place, courtesy of her part-time job and some money set aside from her parents,” Tammy said.

“Is it far from here?”

“Just a couple of miles. It’s routine for Elsie to be here in the mornings during the week, so we come over and stay until lunch. Once in a while, we spend the night here.”

“I work on the weekends,” Elsie said.

“Do you enjoy it?” I asked.

“I do. I work in the back at a bookstore. It’s quiet, and I don’t have to deal with people.”

“That sounds like a very nice job.”

I don’t know how you’re surviving my brother,” she said, suddenly.

I bit back a giggle as a grin crossed my cheeks.

“I read these books because of him,” Elsie said.

“Oh really?” I asked. “Why is that?”

“Drake works hard. But he’s not like most people I’ve encountered. I want to understand why.”

I nodded and cast my gaze into my lap as Tammy studied my reaction.

“Tammy, do you enjoy the ranch?” I asked.

“I do. Though I haven’t let Drake rope me into doing anything around here. I’ve got my hands full with Elsie.”

“I like letting the horses out,” Elsie said.

“It’s always nice to watch them run free,” I said.

“And the sunsets here are spectacular. Whenever I can get Elsie to stay, it’s my favorite part of this place,” Tammy said.

“Well, maybe I could share it with you guys one night,” I said.

The three of us sat there talking, and I found it to be therapeutic. Between my classes and my work, I didn’t have much time to socialize. In fact, I didn’t have time to socialize at all. I studied, I worked, and I turned in schoolwork online. That was the extent of the past three and a half years of my life. It was nice, talking with them. Elsie was refreshingly honest, which I figured was probably a part of her being on the spectrum. Tammy was laid back. Someone I could see myself getting to know if I had the time. She wasn’t high strung, and I could tell she cared about Elsie.

And in Elsie’s own way, I could tell she cared about Tammy, too.

But when Drake didn’t come back from downstairs, I left to go find him. It was nice to talk with everyone, but if I was no longer needed here, then there were things I had to do. I ventured up the stairs and walked down the hallway, dipping my head into rooms to see if I could find him.

“Drake?” I asked. “You up here?”

I heard a long sigh, and I followed it through the door it came from. I walked into a room that was dark and dank, with clothes scattered about and the closet thrown open haphazardly. There were doors cracked open, revealing a private balcony at the opposite end of the room.

And there he sat.

With a beer tipped up to his lips.

Navigating my way through the bomb that had gone off in his room, I crinkled my nose and made it to the balcony, then slipped out beside him to try and talk. But his eyes were glassy, and his stare was far off.

I wondered how much alcohol he had already ingested just this morning.

It was clear that I needed to work on a plan to get him clean. If I framed his sobriety in the right light, it would be an easy task. Tell him his sister depended on his income and that Paul’s job and the life of the ranch depended on his ability to keep doing what he was doing. It was clear to me that he didn’t feel he was worth anything, despite his fame and fortune.

That was my goal for the day.

“What?” Drake asked.

“We’ve confirmed the details of your tour. Is there anything else you need from me?” I asked.

His eyes turned up toward me as his breath fluttered up my nose. I could smell the beer and bourbon on his breath. I tried to keep my personal disgust at bay as I gritted my teeth, forcing a smile across my cheeks.

Being alone with a drunk was always a vulnerable position to be in.

“Nope,” he said, as his eyes raked down my legs. “That’ll be all.”

“Then I’ll see you on Wednesday. At the record label.”

“Yep.”

“Call or email if you need me before then,” I said.

“Sure.”

“And try not to throw yourself off this balcony.”

I watched his back straighten as he got to his feet, stumbling as he caught himself against the railing.

“Go,” Drake said.

“Not until you come inside and lay down,” I said.

“Like you give a shit.”

“Come on,” I said, as I stood by the door. “In to bed with you.”

He tossed me a look before he stumbled through the door. He tripped on all the shit on his floor as I closed the balcony doors. I locked them tight as I heard him fall into bed, face planting straight into the pillow. The beer bottle tumbled from his hand, rolling across the floor as he groaned.

I pulled the hair tie out of my hair and wrapped it around the doorknobs, trying to put whatever measures I could between his drunken ass and a fall from his balcony.

“June 16th,” Drake said.

“Yes, that’s today’s date. What about it?” I asked.

“That was Ava’s birthday. Today would have been her sixth year birthday,” he said softly just before passing out.

Suddenly his strange behavior today all made sense. I felt for him. I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing a child, and the last effect of something so tragic. This man was truly imprisoned by the memories of his past.