chapter Thirteen
Heartbroken
Toby
Two years later…
If I would’ve known letting Kamara walk away from me that night, meant letting her walk out of my life, I would’ve run after her. I fucked up not chasing after her. There hasn’t been a day over the last two years that I haven’t regretted that decision.
I haven’t spoken to Kwäzē in almost as long as it’s been, since I’ve seen Kamara. I blame him. He says he had nothing to do with the decision, but I don’t believe him.
I’ve lost the love of my life. I don’t even know where she is. Kwäzē promised she didn’t return home to the man she’s supposed to marry, but he wouldn’t tell me where she’s gone either.
I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. All the wanting in the world, hasn’t brought Kamara back to me and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried to find her on my own, but it’s like someone is hiding her from the world.
I think what hurts the most is knowing she knows the truth. Her brother said they sat her down and told her. Apparently, when I wouldn’t tell her the truth she went to demand it of her father and brother.
I keep thinking that if I’d just told her, she’d still be with me. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. Her smile plays in my head whenever I’m still.
Even now, I can see her chocolate skin draped over mine, my hand skimming her curves. What I would give to have her in my arms. Then, there is the part of me that knows she’s safer without me.
There’s the part of me that knows us being apart is for the best. I’d rather protect her, than have her here where us being together could put her in danger. Doesn’t mean that I don’t miss the fuck out of her.
“Go home, Toby,” my father booms through the office.
I look up from my desk. All I do is work. It’s all I know to do to keep from losing my shit. If I’m home I’m left with my thoughts. I don’t need that.
What I need is to let her go. It never would’ve lasted. Kamara is destined for amazing things. There was never anything I could do about that.
“Yeah, Dad, I will in a few,” I mumble and look back down.
“Go home, now,” Dad growls.
“Dad, I just need to finish this up,” I sigh and rub my tired eyes.
“It will be here in the morning,” Dad says, walking over to my desk. “Son, you can’t keep going like this. You’re twenty-four, you’re in this office more than I am. Maybe it’s time you take a vacation.”
“I’m fine, Dad,” I protest, rubbing my eyes again.
“You look like shit,” Dad deadpans.
My mouth falls open. I blink at my dad a few times. I can’t believe he just said that to me. That is such a mom move.
I shake my head and chuckle. I probably do look like shit. I haven’t taken the time to look in a mirror lately. I go for hair cut on habit, not out of trying to keep myself up. I wash my ass because my mother would have a fit if she ever caught a whiff of one of her boys smelling like ass.
Like, literally beat the shit out of us, in front of whoever. Trust me, I know because I watched her do it. Brax took too long to shower after a game of ball and my mother tanned his hide.
I run my hand over the scuff on my face. Yeah, I’m positive I look like shit. I sigh and stretch my tired bones. Dad’s right, I’m too young for this shit.
“Listen, your mum wanted me to do this months ago. At the time, I thought you needed time. I gave you that. Nothing has changed. So, I’m going to listen to your mum,” Dad starts.
I groan. This can’t be good. When mom gets into shit and Dad has to execute her orders, your pretty much fucked. I hold my breath.
“I want you to take some time off. You’re not allowed back in this office for at least a month. In a month, we’ll see where you are. Braxton and Ry can cover for you. Heather will help out where she can,” Dad sighs.
I release the breath I’ve been holding. A month with just me and my shit. I think I’m going to be sick. I look down into my lap. I feel so lost.
“Is there somewhere you want to go?” Dad asks.
I look up at him, feeling like the little boy that used to hang on his father’s every word. Dad’s golden eyes stare back at me. I know he’s doing this for my own good. It makes my heart ache at how foolish I’ve been.
Dad pats my shoulder. “Start with the beach house. I’ll call your cousins and see if you can go spend some time with them,” Dad offers.
The mention of the beach house sparks something inside me. I haven’t been back there, since the first time Kamara and I made love there, for the first time. You would think that’s the last place I would want to go, but it’s actually what I need.
“Thanks, Dad. I think I’ll stay at the beach house for a while. I don’t want to put anyone out,” I reply.
Dad smiles. “Good, if you need anything, just talk to me, Toby. I’m here.”
I nod, too choked up to say a word. I’m suddenly looking forward to some time off. Maybe if I can clear my head, I can move on with my life.
“Go home,” Dad orders one last time.
~B~
Kamara
I didn’t know what to do after feeling so betrayed by Toby. I needed answers, but when I received them I thought I would die. I’m engage to some maniac back in Nigeria.
My husband-to-be is the sadist they murmured about in the village I grew up in. King Afafa is one of the most hated men back home. Still, my people take arranged marriages very seriously. I now understand the need for secrets and hiding.
I did not leave Toby because of my hurt. Yes, I was so angry with him, but I left for his safety. If my husband-to-be found out about him, he would send someone here to kill him.
My first thought was to leave. To do what Toby would do for me. He would cover me, keep me safe. I only did what I thought was best for him, but I miss him so much.
The last two years have been hell on earth. I can’t go back to Africa, because the man I’m to marry is on a rampage looking for me. He had Kwäzē’s betrothed murdered in hopes it would bring us out of hiding.
That is the reason Kwäzē returned home for a year. The things my family and my people have been through. I still haven’t wrapped my mind around it all. We could lose our kingdom if we are not careful, but to go back to Nigeria puts us all in danger.
Kwäzē was so brave to go back. Our people grow wary. There is much to be restored, but time is needed, as are resources.
At this point, there is nothing I can do in my country. Yet, everyday I’m tempted to go after my love here in America. My heart bleeds for Toby. I need him so much.
It hurts to know he won’t speak to Kwäzē. This was my decision. Kwäzē doesn’t even know where I am. Daddy does, I had to plead with him to come here. He couldn’t understand why I chose this place.
I figured it would be the last place anyone would look for me. It is also the one place that would keep me strong and resolve to my decision. I have some of the fondest memories of my relationship with Toby here.
It may have been a day and a half and one night, but it was amazing. Well, aside from the drama that had been going on back home. Toby made me forget about all of that. I figured being here would help me to forget again.
For two years, I’ve been living only a block away from the beach house, Toby and I spent the night at. I drive pass the house often. My private beach connects to the one the house is on. Somedays, I walk the beach to clear my head and find myself standing in front of the house. I just stare at the window, Toby and I stood in.
Like I’m doing now. Only, this time, something is different. The house has sat dormant for months. Joe Black and Cassidy Black were here about six months ago, but no one has been here since.
I see movement inside and my heart lurches. I know it is silly to believe it is Toby. It could be any of the Blacks or their friends or family that they have let use the place. It’s just something in my heart whispers Toby’s name.
“Stop being foolish,” I murmur to myself, but as a precaution, I move away from view.
I continue to stare for a little while longer, until the lights go out in the house and all becomes still. I shake off the need to find out who is inside. If it is Toby, I need to stay far away from this beach.
I turn and rush back the way I came. Nothing good will come of me standing out here tonight. Maybe it would be good to steer clear of this beach for a week or so.