chapter Twenty-Nine
Jealousy
Toby
Two months and two weeks later….
I had to get up and walk out for a minute. I’m so excited that my brother and his wife are having a baby. I know Wyatt is going to be so stoked when he finds out.
Nellie sort of told me and Kamara a while ago. Kamara has been super excited for her. Those two have become really close. It’s good to see Kamara with friends. I was piss when I first found out that Bean knew about my family, but I’m sort of grateful now.
Kamara has been looking so much more relieved. Now, she and Nellie have something else they can bond over and they seem, to be getting tighter by the day. I’m already in my feelings because I don’t know when I’ll be able to have that with Wyatt.
You know, being able to talk to my older brother, about how amazing it is to hold your baby in your arms for the first time. How it feels to hug your daughter to your chest and promise her the world. How good it feels to hold your son and wonder if he’ll be anything like you and pray that he won’t, while also hoping that he will.
“Hey, are you okay,” Nellie’s voice comes from behind me.
I blink back the tears I’m not about to let fall. I turn to see Nellie looking up at me, with concern in her eyes. I guess our bond has gotten tighter, in the last few months, as well.
“Yeah,” I say, not hiding my emotions well.
Nellie gives me a side glance. “Yeah, right,” she presses her lips.
I blow out a breath and look up at the sky. I’ve been out here in my parents’ backyard, trying to pull my shit together. I don’t want Nellie of all people to catch on to the fact that I’m feeling a little jealous.
“I didn’t want to ruin your good news with my mood,” I mumble.
“What mood, what’s wrong?” She lowers her voice. “Is TJ okay? Do you need me to cover for you?”
I look back down at my sister-in-law and smile. She’s always more concerned about how everyone else feels. It makes me feel even more like an asshole for being in my feelings.
I shake my head. “Everyone’s fine,” I reply. “I’m just having a moment.”
Nellie’s face softens. “I get it. You want to tell them about the twins,” Nellie looks down at her hands on her new little bump. I’ve noticed it over the last few days. “That must have been hard for you.
“Seeing everyone get excited over me and Wyatt having a baby and you already have two they don’t know about,” she muses. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I place a hand on her shoulder. “You have no idea what everything you’ve been doing for me and my family means to me. I know Wyatt was starting to become more suspicious, before he left and you still held onto my secret.
“It’s all been a lot to ask, but lying to Wyatt. I had no right to ask you to do that. The fact that you have, I just don’t have words for how grateful I am. It makes me feel like a douche for being out here in my feelings,” I frown.
“You have a right to your feelings. Your family is amazing. I would want to share that with everyone as well. In time, Toby. I know things are going to work out, in time,” Nellie says reassuringly.
“I didn’t know everyone would be so excited about new additions to the family,” I give a wistful smile. “It just made me wish I could share about mine sooner. I have to figure out how to bring them out of the dark.”
I sigh, bringing my hand from Nellie’s shoulder to run it through my hair. My mind is racing. I’ve been thinking of that one crazy idea more and more.
Dad has had me looking into somethings for my cousins, Brooklyn and Logan. I know it’s time. They’re going to be making moves soon. If I’m going to go with this option, I have to make a decision soon.
Kwäzē came in for a brief visit. He brought with him news that the people are getting restless, with Afafa and the civil unrest he is causing. Nellie happened to drop by in the middle of our meeting. I was so glad I’d briefed him on the situation with her and Bean.
Kwäzē played things up perfectly. I would’ve believed the story had I not known the truth. His visit was short, but it brought a sense of urgency and reality to the situation.
“Kwäzē looked ready to help work things out,” Nellie says as of following my thoughts. If only it was as simple as Kamara’s family not liking me. “Maybe we can put our heads together and figure something out,” Nellie’s brows wrinkle, as the wheels start to turn.
“Oh, hell no. My brother is going to have my ass already. I’m not dragging you into this. And you’re pregnant. Fuck, no,” I shake my head adamantly.
“Oh, come on. I can help. I mean, you’re not putting me in any danger,” Nellie pleas.
“Yes, yes, I am. I’ve already put you in enough. Listen to me, Nellie. I may have told you half of the story. I can’t tell you everything, but trust me. Wyatt will kill my ass if I put you any further in the middle of this,” I explain.
“In the middle of what,” Ry asks, popping out of nowhere.
Nellie and I both snap our heads in his direction. My heart starts to pound. Of all my nosey brothers, Ry is the last one I need to have poking his nose in my business.
“Nothing,” Nellie waves her hand.
She is surprisingly calm about it. I have to take my hat off to her. I’m impressed. Nellie looks at her watch, then between Ry and I.
“It’s getting late. I want to get some things done before I have to head home for my call with Wyatt. I’ll see you guys in the office,” she sings and floats off, as if nothing has happened.
I smile at my sister-in-law. I’m glad I decided to confide in her. She has proven to be a good friend and sounding board when needed.
“Wyatt’s going to beat the shit out of you. Whatever you’ve dragged Nellie into, drag her back out, before he gets back home,” Ry says, with his eyes narrowed on me.
I sigh, folding my arms over my chest. I get ready to open my mouth, but Ry cuts me off. He steps into me and leans in towards me.
“Don’t even try to deny it. I left you alone when it was just you. It’s not anymore,” Ry hisses.
“Look, I haven’t gotten Nellie into anything,” I mumble.
“I’m not talking about Nellie. Youngest, not the dumbest, Bro. I know about your family. I’ve kept my mouth shut. I still can’t believe it,” Ry growls.
“How the fuck? How long have you known?” I lower my voice and hiss back.
“About a week. I could see how agitated Wyatt’s been getting with you. I also noticed that Nellie and Bean seemed to have been in on whatever it was you had going on,” Ryan shrugs.
“I saw Nellie acting strange one day and you seemed out of it too. Then, I turnaround and Bean looks all out of sorts. I followed you home that night, or at least, I thought we were heading to your home,” Ry twists his lips and looks at me hard.
“Listen, there’s a lot you don’t know or understand about all of this. I need you to keep this to yourself,” I demand.
“Bro, I already get that you have yourself in something that’s way over your head. My brother would never have an entire fucking family he’s hiding from the rest of his family. So, yeah, I’ll keep this to myself, but you better fix this shit and keep Nellie and Bean out of it,” Ry snaps, turning on his heels and storming away.
I shove both of my hands in my hair. This shit is just unraveling all around me. I suck in a deep breath. I’ve been so busy trying to conceal this. I think that is my main problem.
I can’t protect Kamara and my children if I continue to hide them, to hide it all. Right here, in the backyard of my parents’ home I make a decision. As soon as my brothers get back from their assignment, I’m going to tell everyone the truth.
It’s time.